Recently, Impulsive Buy reader Janet emailed me to find out what I thought of Terra potato chips. Unfortunately, Iâ€™ve never had them before.
So I decided that my new goal in life was to try Terra potato chips. Of course, I started on that goal after I was done watching a one-hour block of Rachael Ray shows and blew out the candles to my Rachael Ray shrine.
When I went to go look for them, I couldnâ€™t find them in any of the usual places I shop, like the national grocery store chain, the locally-owned grocery store chain, the national convenience store chain down the street, the international superstore behemoth, the other locally-owned grocery store chain that losing business to the international superstore behemoth, and the convenience store at the corner that sells tobacco, alcohol, and Playboy to minors.
Since I was disappointed I couldnâ€™t find any Terra chips, I decided to drink away another one of my failures with a Slurpee. Little did I know that my Slurpee run would lead me to discover the answer to my problem.
As I walked out of the convenience store, sucking on a Mountain Dew Slurpee, I looked up and stared at the natural foods store across the street.
Suddenly, a lightbulb turned on in my head and I realized the natural foods store would probably carry Terra potato chips. After all, there arenâ€™t many words that sound more natural than â€œTerra.â€
However, the bright lightbulb suddenly shattered as I realized I had to actually go into a natural foods store. This bothered me because Iâ€™m scared of the people who shop and work at natural food stores.
Why? Iâ€™ll give you a couple of examples.
I usually have to pass the natural foods store whenever I want to go to my favorite Chinese restaurant. When I do, I notice that some of the people who go into the store are people who like EVERYTHING all-natural, including body odor, which doesnâ€™t smell good in areas with 80 percent humidity.
Another example involved my friend, when she was checking out at another natural foods store. When my friend pulled out her leather Coach wallet to pay for her natural groceries, she was suddenly interrogated by the cashier.
â€œIs that leather?â€ the cashier asked in a holier-than-thou tone.
â€œYes, it is,â€ my friend replied.
â€œReally…â€ the cashier said and then followed that with a rant about how inhumane cows are treated and why my friend should have a hemp wallet instead.
My friend was so traumatized by the experience that she hasnâ€™t stepped into a natural foods store or eaten tofu since.
Oh crap, this review is getting long. Okay, long story short.
Went into the natural foods store, passed by a smelly â€œall-naturalâ€ person, noticed the store had Terra chips, picked up a bag of Terra Potpourri, waited in line behind previously mentioned â€œall-naturalâ€ smelly person, held my breath, paid for Terra chips, walked out of natural foods store, and then took many deep breaths of fresh, clean air.
When I got home, I opened the bag and saw the most beautiful potato chips I had ever seen. It was a radiant potpourri of orange sweet potato chips, yellow Yukon Gold potato chips, Terra Blues potato chips, Huckleberry Red and Red Thumb potato chips.
They were not only beautiful and colorful, they were also damn tasty. They were probably the best potato chips Iâ€™ve ever had and if youâ€™ve seen my gut, youâ€™d know Iâ€™ve eaten a lot of potato chips in my lifetime.
If the Terra Potpourri potato chips were cheaper than the $3.39 for a small five-ounce bag, I would brave the smelly folks at the natural foods store every other day to buy more.
Item: Terra Potpourri Potato Chips
Purchase Price: $3.39
Rating: 4 out of 5
Pros: Damn tasty! Addictive. Thick potato chips. Colorful and beautiful, like rolling fields of tulips and roses below clear blue sky on a breezy Spring day.
Cons: Bag is kind of small. Pricey for small bag. Really shiny bags. Might face â€œall-naturalâ€ folks at natural foods store.