Month: February 2005

(Editor’s Note: It’s Request Week here at the Impulsive Buy. Over the past month or so, several readers have asked us to review certain products. Being the friendly quasi-product review blog that we are, we were happy to oblige. So this week we will be reviewing products that you, our readers, have suggested.

To start off Request Week, we will be reviewing a new mint called AquaDrops, which was suggested by poor graduate student lightpinksheep. Enjoy.)

In honor of the duet by Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez of the Spanish-language song “Escapemonos” they performed at the Grammy Awards, I’ve decided to do a very small part of this review in Spanish, which I have no experience with, except for what I’ve learned by reading the menu at Taco Bell and watching Sesame Street as a child.

Wait, now that I think about it, all I remember from the Taco Bell menu are taco, burrito, and Chalupa. Actually, I don’t think “Chalupa” is a real word. Also, the only Spanish lessons I can remember from Sesame Street are how to say open (abierto) and closed (cerrado) and how to count to ten (uno, dos, tres…um…).

Actually, I only remember how to count to three because U2 lead singer, Bono, has messed me up, thanks to the song “Vertigo.” At the beginning of the song, he count “uno, dos, tres” and then he jumps to thirteen or something. Ever since hearing that song, I can’t remember how to say numbers in Spanish after three.

Damn you, Bono!

Donde esta el aqua?

Holy crap! Where the hell did that come from?

Wait, that does say “Where is the water?” in Spanish, right?

Wow, I guess listening to Menudo records, not only puts me to sleep, I also apparently can learn some Spanish through osmosis.

Anyway, the question ”Donde esta el aqua?” was directed towards these new AquaDrops Hydrating “Mints.”

Oh, the “Mints” are in quotations marks because there’s not much of a minty thing going on with these. The one I bought was melon-flavored and basically that’s all you really taste.

It’s definitely not like one of those powerful sinus-clearing mints, like Altoids. Although, after I sucked on an AquaDrop for awhile, there was a little tingling sensation in my mouth, which I assumed was the minty part. If it wasn’t, I may need to see a doctor.

Despite being called AquaDrops, I didn’t notice a drop of aqua in them. I even smashed one with a hammer, but there wasn’t any liquid at all.

Anyway, these melon-flavored AquaDrops were pretty good, even though they were sugar-free and had no aqua in them.

OH, WAIT! I feel some liquid!

Oh, never mind. It’s just my saliva.

My bad.

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Item: Sugar Free Melon AquaDrops
Purchase Price: 99 cents
Rating: 3 out of 5
Pros: Melon-flavor is pretty good. Like eating melon candy. Sugar free. Thank goodness my English isn’t as bad as my Spanish.
Cons: Not a drop of aqua. Not really minty. Packaging says excessive consumption may have a laxative effect. Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez duet.

There’s a container on my shelf that I specifically use for loose change and the occasional button. Recently, that container became full and I needed to figure out a way to get rid of the loose change.

I could’ve taken them to a bank and have the teller who helped me dream of shoving an adding machine down my throat. Or I could’ve given them to the panhandlers that hang outside of the convenience store down the street and watch them drown out their problems with alcohol. Or I could’ve stuck them in between my couch’s cushions, so that I can finally say I found loose change in between a couch’s cushions.

I eventually decided to cash them in using a Coinstar machine, which can count my coins for me. Sorry, drunk-ass panhandlers.

First, I had to find a Coinstar machine, which I did by visiting their website. There, I just inputted my zip code and the site told me where the nearest Coinstar machine was.

The nearest machine was at the locally-owned grocery store down the street that I hardly step into because their prices are slightly more expensive than the national grocery store chain I usually shop at.

I grabbed my container of coins and walked to the store. Unfortunately, this was a bad idea, because I had to pass the convenience store, and guess who were hanging out there. Yes, the panhandlers.

Now, when they’ve ask me for loose change in the past, I’ve told them that I didn’t have any. This time, I couldn’t say that with ten pounds of loose change in a container that was impossible to hide.

I really hoped they were too drunk to notice the Fort Knox of loose change I held in my hands. Fortunately, they were.

When I got to the store, there already was a guy unloading a small cooler of pennies into the Coinstar machine. I waited for 15 minutes as he dump over 5000 pennies into the machine.

After waiting and being amazed that 5000 pennies could fit into a small cooler, I began to dump my coins into the machine, which accepts pennies, nickels, dimes, quarters, half-dollar coins, and dollar coins.

One cool thing I read about the Coinstar machine is that it can detect if you’ve accidently slipped in buttons, Japanese Yen, Canadian coins, other foreign coins, or those stupid penny souvenirs that are worth less than a penny. If you happen to stick in non-American money or crappy penny souvenirs, it will drop it into the slot labeled “Coin Return,” which seems kind of ironic to be called that.

When the machine was done counting my coins, it spit out a receipt that showed me how much money I put into it. My gross total was $50.06, but the machine subtracted an 8.9 percent processing fee. So my net total was $45.60.

After I got my receipt, I headed to the cashier with the shortest line to cash-in the receipt. For me, the shortest line was the four-items-or-less line, which also had the prettiest cashier. When I got to the pretty cashier, I handed her my receipt and she opened her register to get the money.

While counting the money, she asked me, “What are you going to with the money?”

Internally, I said, “Well, how about you and I spend it on dinner at a nice restaurant?”

Externally, I said, “Uh, I dunno,” and then walked away.

(I’m such a pussy.)

As I walked out of the store, I began asking myself questions to figure out how to spend the money.

“How many products can I review with this money?”

“Could I really feed an entire village in Ethiopia for just 25 cents a day?”

“Could I use an iPod Shuffle?”

“How many tricks can I get with this scratch?”

I eventually decided to use the money to help with the purchase of an iPod Shuffle.

Thanks, Coinstar.

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Item: Coinstar
Purchase Price: FREE to use (8.9 percent fee for every dollar of coins counted)
Rating: 4 out of 5
Pros: Easy to use. Convenient. No need to roll coins. Takes all types of coins, except those stupid penny souvenirs. Can turn your loose change into an iPod Shuffle.
Cons: Noisy. Drunk panhandlers. I am a pussy.