REVIEW: Glaceau Vitamin Water

Vitamin Water

I didn’t realize it until recently, but water is apparently making a comeback. Even if it’s been here for years. In bottles and on tap it appears. Making tears and when it rain, it makes mud. Listen to your throat go chug. Dehydration, overpowering. Jump into the bathroom, I’m showering.

Okay, okay, enough with the LL Cool J lyrics. I know, I know, I was stretching it a bit with the “overpowering/showering” rhyme.

Anyway, it seems like everyone is coming out with their own water or selling water. McDonald’s gives us the option of having bottled water with our Big Mac and fries. The Macy’s stores here on this rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean even sell their own brand of bottled water.

With the amounts of bottled water being sold, I’m surprised Lil Jon hasn’t come up with his own brand of water called, Crunk Water.

Not only are there tons of bottled water to choose from, there’s also tons of flavored water to choose from, like lemon-flavored bottled water, berry-flavored bottle water, and orange-flavored water.

One particular brand of water I’ve been interested in is the Glacéau Vitamin Water, which comes in thirteen different flavors, each flavor contains a variety of vitamins and minerals, and each flavor has a different smart-ass label.

Now I was going to try all thirteen flavors, but unfortunately, I couldn’t find all thirteen flavors and I have a fear of the number thirteen. Although, it’s not like the fear/creepiness I had with the number sixteen, after seeing Lindsay Lohan’s picture for the first time, saying she was totally hot, finding out she was only sixteen years old, and waiting for someone to arrest me for saying an underaged girl was hot.

Anyway, I ended up getting just nine flavors, and I’m going to individually talk about each one.

Flavor: Essential
Main Vitamins & Minerals: Vitamin C and Calcium
Taste: Orangy, like a very weak orange soda without the carbonation.
Perfect For: People who want to get some Vitamin C, but hate the feeling they get from drinking orange juice right after brushing their teeth.

Flavor: Rescue
Main Vitamins & Minerals: B Vitamins and Chamomile
Taste: It’s like I’m drinking tea leaves or flowers. Blech!
Perfect For: People wearing leis and want breath to match.

Flavor: Multi-V
Main Vitamins & Minerals: The name says it all.
Taste: Lemonade-ish. Pretty damn good.
Perfect For: People who don’t want to pay 25 cents for a small cup of crappy lemonade from some kid with a stand on the side of the road.

Flavor: Revive
Main Vitamins & Minerals: B Vitamins and Potassium
Taste: Like fruit punch, although significantly less fruity than Tom Cruise.
Perfect For: Anyone appearing on the reality show, Hit Me Baby One More Time.

Flavor: Stress-B
Main Vitamins & Minerals: Vitamins B3, B5, B6, and B12
Taste: Like a watered-down lemon-lime soda, except without the carbonation.
Perfect For: “Runaway Bride” Jennifer Wilbanks before her next wedding.

Flavor: Balance
Main Vitamins & Minerals: Vitamin C and Glucosamine
Taste: Cranberry and grapefruit-ish. Definitely not my favorite.
Perfect For: People who want to make sure they walk in a straight line after being pulled over by a police officer.

Flavor: Focus
Main Vitamins & Minerals: Vitamin A and Ginkgo
Taste: Kiwi-strawberry mix. Pretty good.
Perfect For: People who have to sit through a timeshare presentation and don’t want to get caught spacing out. Or people on weed.

Flavor: Power-C
Main Vitamins & Minerals: Vitamin C and Taurine
Taste: What the heck is dragonfruit and why does it taste weird?
Perfect For: Those who hate oranges, lemons, and limes, but don’t want to get scurvy.

Flavor: Endurance
Main Vitamins & Minerals: Vitamin E and Ribose
Taste: Nice peach-mango taste.
Perfect For: Long distance runners, workaholics, and Sting, before one of his marathon Tantric sex sessions.

Item: Glacéau Vitamin Water
Purchase Price: $1.79 each
Rating: 3.5 out of 5
Pros: Smart-ass labels. Wide variety of flavors. Good way to get vitamins and minerals. Better than water from a garden hose, unless the garden hose is attached to a slip ‘n slide.
Cons: Pricey. Some flavors weren’t very good. Couldn’t find all the flavors.

37 thoughts to “REVIEW: Glaceau Vitamin Water”

  1. It’s always hard to find things at Costco.
    About the jellybeans, I’ve seen them in the cafe at Borders. They probably have them at specialty candy shops like Carousel Candyland. Not sure about Longs…

  2. about the jellybeans I took a kid of a friend of mine to a movie and he picked out a pack of this candy there. We had a few, believe me eating these in a darken room with flavors such as dirt, cut grass, sardine, and vomit that is not a great idea. However for a little fun( I know you like to torture your taste buds) you can not look at the flavor key and try to guess what flavor is in your mouth. These will definitely put the ew in product review

  3. The jelly beans are from Jelly Belly, so anyplace that carries that -brand- of jelly bean should have them for you. Or go to this link: to buy them directly from the company.

    I must say that the vomit flavour ones are just as authentic as the sardine, the dirt, and the grass flavours. And best of all is the look on coworkers’ faces when they steal beans from the jar you put on your desk…. (a)

  4. Kent – Oh, how I love to torture my taste buds.

    Hapless Hubby – I called a place here that sells Jelly Belly and they have them in stock, so tomorrow I’ll be picking some up. Yum. I can’t wait.

  5. You accepted my challenge B.O.B. Your blog is tits. I also got sucked into the void of VH1 top 100 child stars, but only to see if my here Corey Feldman made it into the top 10. He actually made top 5, hell yes. Anyway your blog rocks and I think I’m pretty safe in saying, Congrats in advance.

  6. i don’t believe in bottled water. i think it’s a scam and i can just picture tons of Crystal Geyser workers just filling up bottles with a water hose.

    My favorite flavor of this so-called “water” (it’s really not water, come on people! it’s like juice but has that funky medicine-y burst right at the end) is the multi-v one, which kinda reminds me of….

  7. I say the Scientology. Katie Holmes is pretty normal. Well she was pretty normal. I think he made her a weirdo Scientology person also.

  8. Becky – Well I don’t expect the Tom and Katie thing to last, the Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas lighting doesn’t strike twice.

  9. I’m addicted to this stuff, it’s very popular here in the city but also expensive. I blogged about how I got peer-pressured into drinking them a few months ago.

  10. Tara – HOLY CRAP!!! 3 for $9.99!!! Suddenly, my $2.49 Taco Bell Crunchwrap doesn’t sound so expensive.

  11. Lucy – The vomit beans are very realistic. I had a snot one and said, “This doesn’t taste like snot,” because it was sweet yet salty, but mainly sweet. This prompted the guy who was selling me the beans to ask, “How do you know what snot tastes like to compare it to?”

    This would make for an interesting review, though.

  12. theinfamousj – Just bought a few boxes of these jelly beans today. Tried the sardine. I regret trying the sardine.

  13. Blasphemy. Rescue (the green tea one) is my favourite. Lemon ice too. (Muti-V?) The one I don’t like tastes like cough syrup, and watered down cough syrup at that. I think it was some sort of cherry flavour, spelled almost like areola.

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