REVIEW: Mountain Dew Pitch Black 2

Pitch Black II

Over the years, there have been many movies that have been as entertaining as a monkey juggling its own poop while peddling a tricycle through hoops of fire.

But the sequels to those movies have burned me and my wallet, because they were as entertaining as watching water boil, watching grass grow, or listening to Madonna speak about a noble cause.

For example, there’s Caddyshack and Caddyshack 2. Caddyshack is probably the greatest movie about golf ever, while Caddyshack 2 is probably the worst movie about golf ever.

Then there was Speed and Speed 2: Cruise Control.

How bad was Speed 2?

Let me put it this way, Speed 2 was so bad that I actually uttered the eleven words that I never thought would come out of my mouth, “I think Keanu Reeves’ crappy acting would’ve made this movie better.”

Finally, there’s Sweatin’ To The Oldies and Sweatin’ To The Oldies 2.

What was so bad about Sweatin’ To The Oldies 2?

Well, besides more songs that were made waaay before I was born, I think Richard Simmons’ shorts in the sequel were shorter than usual, and if you know how short they usually are, then you know that if they got any shorter, it wouldn’t be a pretty sight.

Because I can only take so much glittery and shimmery manliness.

So with all of these crappy experiences with sequels, I was hesitant to try the new limited edition Mountain Dew Pitch Black 2, which is the sequel to last year’s original Mountain Dew Pitch Black.

If you aren’t familiar with the original Mountain Dew Pitch Black, you can read the Impulsive Buy’s review of it here or if your carpal tunnel is acting up and isn’t allowing you to click anything, I’ll just tell you that it has the same caffeine goodness as regular Mountain Dew, except with a blast of grape flavor.

Also it’s not really pitch black, it’s more like goth purple.

The only difference between Pitch Black 2 and the original Pitch Black is the sour bite, which the original lacked. Personally, I kind of like it better without the bite, but Pitch Black 2 is still good.

However, just like all Mountain Dew variations, Pitch Black 2 doesn’t make me want to do anything extreme, like jump out of a plane, do a backflip on a motorcycle, or jump over the Great Wall of China with a skateboard.

Also, just like last year, Mountain Dew Pitch Black 2 will only be around for a limited time. But thank goodness it will be around longer than the number of days Baby Geniuses 2 spent in theaters.

Item: Mountain Dew Pitch Black 2
Purchase Price: $1.39 (20-ounce)
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Good grape taste. Same amount of caffeine as regular Mountain Dew. A monkey juggling its own poop while peddling a tricycle through hoops of fire.
Cons: Limited Edition. I prefer the original version, without the sour bite. Caddyshack 2, Speed 2, Baby Geniuses 2, and both Sweatin’ To The Oldies. Listening to Madonna speak about a noble cause.

36 thoughts to “REVIEW: Mountain Dew Pitch Black 2”

  1. I hate your supposed #1 fan, i hope she dies. I AM your #1 fan, i just have carpal tunnel so i can’t write you as much. (unless she is your mom or something, then that would be ok) and why does she have to announce it to everyone one? like we care.

  2. sorry about that last post, i think was a side effect of pitch black II. all apologies (except to #1 fan)


  4. Megan – Or a strawberry daiquiri with a paper umbrella.

    Lucy – Well I don’t drink MD for the taste or look. I do it for the sweet, sweet caffeine. Precious caffeine.

    Brandon – Yup, I’m disappointed too. I liked the original Pitch Black. Man, only if I were influential.

    missy – You know, I don’t want to say this, but I have to say that I am my own #1 fan and no one else can be, because I’m really vain like that. 🙂

    Lucy – Maybe you could be “Lucy: President of the Marvo Fan Club.” See, I am vain. 😉

    Muneer – Actually, my first day was on Friday.

    darkcoal – I wish they change it back to original Pitch Black and then make it a regular Mountain Dew.

    missy – That’s okay, I’m never watching the Vin Diesel movie “Pitch Black” ever again.

  5. now your talking. I could be treasurer of the Marvo Fan Club. Lucy can be pres cause i’m not a good leader. but i like money

  6. Fuck all of u i actually loved mountain dew pitch black and now thats theres a sour version i love it more u guys dont have taste buds. PS fuck your couch

  7. FUCK you all i love pitch black it reminds me of a big black cock, bc i cant wait till it hits my tounge

  8. likis – Why would I need to fuck my couch when I’m already fucking your mamma?

    Marvo – I thought I was the only Marvo with bad grammar, but yours sucks even more. But it doesn’t suck as much as your mamma.

  9. Here I thought you was gonna go ripping on Vin Diesel, or however you spell his name, and his pitch black movie…

    Though I can understand if you got that genre covered with keanu…


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