Mitchum Fresh Wave Clear Gel

If your only real fear is commitment, you’re a Mitchum Man.

Nope…Women fear committing to me and I fear snakes, women with large Adam’s Apples, and shopping malls with free boy band concerts.

If you’ve ever eaten tortilla chip crumbs off your shirt, you’re a Mitchum Man.

No, I usually dust those onto the floor and then suck them up with my vacuum. However, on several occasions I’ve licked up nacho cheese from my shirt so it wouldn’t stain. Also, I’ve always wanted to eat sushi off of a naked woman.

If you never forget your protection, you’re a Mitchum Man.

I’ve forgotten my protection a few times. Thank goodness I shoot blanks and no child has ever walked up to me and called me “daddy.”

If they look real enough to you, you’re a Mitchum Man.

Um… Real. Fake. Flat. Perky. Saggy. One nipple pointing towards the sky and the other one pointing to the ground. I’ll take them however I can.

If you didn’t have anything to do with planning your wedding, you’re a Mitchum Man.

No, I will plan everything for my wedding. I want my wedding ceremony to be on top of a grassy hill, with only close relatives and friends. We will all be lifted there by helicopter. My bride and I will write each other beautiful sonnets (or haiku, if I’m lazy) expressing our love and dedication. Then we will release a hundred white doves into the sky, which will probably take over the native bird population and cause larger bird poop splats on cars.

If you ever fantasized about a hotel maid, you’re a Mitchum Man.

Um, I don’t know what hotels you go to, but from all the hotels I’ve been to, I have yet to see ONE hot hotel maid or one under the age of 50.

If Menage a Trois is the only french term you know, you’re a Mitchum Man.

I not only know Menage a Trois, I can also count to ten in French, and say “Dans mon pays on utilise le vagin en premier,” which translates to, “In my country it’s customary to try the vagina first.”

Hmm…Well I guess I don’t qualify as a Mitchum Man, but then again I should’ve known, because according to the Village People, I also don’t qualify to be a macho macho man.

Despite not being a Mitchum Man, I’ve been using the Mitchum Fresh Wave Clear Gel Anti-Perspirant & Deodorant for the past few weeks. I don’t usually use anti-perspirants because I like it when my body perspires, because it’s the body’s way of cooling down and the glistening sweat makes me feel like a Chippendale dancer, except without the six-pack abs, bowtie, tight spandex pants, bulging biceps, slick hair, the ability to make women scream, a large package, and choreographed dance moves.

The first thing I noticed about the Fresh Wave Clear Gel was its scent. It has a nice clean and fresh scent, which smells kind of like a cologne. Because it’s a clear gel, Mitchum claims that it will not leave any traces on your clothing. So far, I have yet to see any residue, but then again, the Degree deodorant I used previously also didn’t leave any traces.

Mitchum also claims that because the Fresh Wave Clear Gel is alcohol-free, it won’t sting or irritate my skin. Fortunately, it didn’t sting, but I don’t know of any deodorant that does, except Crabs Deodorant. Unfortunately, it did irritate my skin after a few days of use, causing me to scratch my armpits once in awhile and then smelling them after I was done scratching.

Another problem I had was running out of the product too quickly. Most deodorants last me two or three months, but with the Mitchum Clear Gel, I’m on track to use it all up within a month. Although, I have to admit that might have been my fault since I put on deodorant in the morning and right before I go to bed.

Why do I need to put on deodorant right before I go to sleep? Well, just in case I forget to put some on in the morning or if I meet a hot chick in my dreams.

Item: Mitchum Fresh Wave Clear Gel
Purchase Price: $2.68
Rating: 2.5 out of 5
Pros: Has a nice fresh scent. Didn’t leave residue on clothes. Alcohol-free. I’m not a Mitchum Man. My wedding sonnet (or haiku).
Cons: Product ran out too quickly. Caused armpit irritation. I’m not a macho macho man. My limited French.

24 thoughts to “Mitchum Fresh Wave Clear Gel”

  1. Molly Shannon’s SNL character Mary Katherine Gallagher used to smell her her armpits too but only after being nervous. Her pits didn’t itch!

  2. i tried a gel deodorant once, too, and it didn’t last long either compared to a solid one.
    ‘sides who wants to be a mitchell man? squishy like marvo is more likeable in the long run. 😉

  3. Given all those qualifications, I don’t know if I’d want to meet a “Mitchum Man”. Kinda sounds like a nicer way of saying “Egotistical Bastard”. Maybe that’s just me though. Irritation means you’re doing something (or someone) your body disagrees with, I’d pay attention.

  4. i bet you smell just fine without mitchum fresh wave clear gel. if you really want to attract some ladies rub some peanut butter under your that’s sexy.

  5. But if it did leave residue, then everyone could tell you are a Mitchum Man. Otherwise, you could be any other type of man, any kind you want. Aah, so many choices.

  6. When I was in junior high I started using my dad’s Mitchum roll-on. I broke out in these enormous itching rashes in my armpits. AAAHHH! THE ITCHING! This was a precursor to the rest of my life experiences.

    I use Mitchum now and go all weekend without putting any more on. It makes me feel like a hippie, and, the kids stay away from me for two whole days.

  7. I don’t know how a wave can be “fresh”…its usually too salty and contains entirely too much oceany waste products…

  8. Hey, I put on deodorant all the time before I go to bed. But that’s because I take a bath at night. That’s right, I take farking baths instead of showers, laugh it up. Well, truthfully I put on the deodorant because sometimes you can sweat a whole lot during the night here in SoCal… and i suspect maybe hawaii can be even worse cause it’s so humid? I put it on in the morning too…small wonder the stick lasts only a month and a half usually.

  9. Chuck – No, I sweat like a pig and I think I might be useful as a salt lick.

    Sasha_Kitty – SUPERSTAR!!!

    wyn – I’m squishy? ::pokes gut:: I guess I am.

    dramastically – I never know who I’ll meet in my dreams and I want to smell Fresh Wave fresh.

    Lucy – Honestly, sometimes in the morning, I forget to put it on. Since I put it on the night before, I’ve got a better chance of me not smelling like a subway car.

    Webmiztris – Yeah, what if a beautiful woman knocks at my door at three in the morning? I want to smell my best in case she’s there to seduce me or kill me.

    Mir – Actually, I stopped because I finally bought a new deodorant. There were so many choices that I couldn’t decide which one to buy. It was like an orgy of deodorants.

    Alex – But at least my fingers smell Fresh Wave fresh.

  10. Genny from the Burbs – Don’t worry, I stopped doing my deodorant.

    mandy – Maybe this is just me, but I believe that peanut butter isn’t very sexy. Fun when you feed it to dogs. But definitely not sexy.

    Karen – I’ve never used deodorant on my toe or my rod.

    klew – I think I’d like to just be a man. I haven’t reached that level, but someday I will.

    Perkins – As I learned in high school, never share deodorants, even with relatives.

    probsteh – Waves to me smell like coconut butter suntan lotion.

    Bryan – Baths? Calgon take me away! 😉

  11. Damn, it’s not worth armpit irritation! (But what is? I say LADIES REVOLT! Don’t shave your pits!! It causes armpit irritation!!) And don’t use Mitchum…it’s for GUYS!! (sorry, I don’t know what came over me)

  12. I used to use the Ladies’ Mitchum, but it never really smelled that great. I switched to Secret because it’s strong enough for a man, but pH balanced for me.

    I’ve also used the gel antiperspirant/deodorants because I used to stain my shirts with the white stuff. It’s a pain to wash off, especially on dark colored clothes.

    BTW, my dad once told me that using antiperspirant is bad because it blocks your pores so you can’t sweat. That can’t be true, can it?

  13. nat – That’s okay. We all need to vent once in awhile.

    Rae – I read something similar about colognes and perfumes, but I don’t think it said to put it on the night before.

    Toni – It probably does block pores since it’s an anitperspirant. But what I really want to know is, if the sweat doesn’t come out of my pits, where does it come out of?

  14. After staying in well over 250 DIFFERENT hotels/locations across the country the last 16 months, I have only seen one hot housekeeper. Not even hot, but attractive, and under 40. Other than that, forget it. Female desk clerks however…

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