Burt’s Bees Milk & Shea Butter Body Wash

The Burt’s Bees Milk & Shea Butter Body Wash is 98.50 percent all natural. I too am 98.50 percent all natural when I walk around my apartment. What is the non-natural 1.5 percent when I’m strut my stuff in my apartment?

It is a sheer polyester g-string with gold sequins…and I work it.

Burt’s Bees personal care products are known for being made with natural ingredients and the company engages in environmentally friendly business practices. Once the secret of hippies everywhere, it has been available to all the smug Toyota Prius drivers out there for several years. I’ve known about Burt’s Bees products for almost a decade, but avoided them at first because they were too pricey for my dried ramen-eating, college-aged ass. But now that I’m an employed 30-something, I guess it’s about time for me to lose my virginity and experience the hippie wonder that is Burt’s Bees products.

The idea of bathing with milk and shea butter may sound unappealing, but when compared to bathing with a cow in the middle of Shea Stadium, it is not so bad. According to the bottle, milk, along with coconut and sunflower oils, create a gentle and richly foaming cleanser. Also according to the bottle, the shea butter, which is rich in vitamins A, E, & F, deeply penetrates skin to nourish, soften, and replenish essential moisture. This combination is supposed to leave skin soft, smooth, and beautiful.

After taking several showers with the Burt’s Bees Milk & Shea Butter Body Wash, I have to say that it isn’t my favorite shower buddy. Honestly, in the bottle, it smells like a warm swimming pool filled with sunscreen-smothered swimmers and enough chlorine to bleach my pubic hairs. On my skin, it smells kind of like clay, which would make sense since I do have a body that should be memorialized in the form of a statue…and then pooped on by pigeons.

Compared with most body washes I’ve used, its consistency was watery, which caused me to squeeze out more product than I wanted to use. While using it, the body wash didn’t lather as much as most of the products I’ve used. This was due to the lack of sodium lauryl/laureth sulfate, which makes a mean lather, but can cause skin irritation to some. Rinsing it off was easy and it didn’t leave a slippery residue that many moisturizing body washes do.

The Burt’s Bees Milk & Shea Butter Body Wash did make my skin soft, but I don’t think it made it beautiful. But then again, the only thing that can make my skin beautiful are the tears of orphan Asian babies.

(Editor’s Note: Thanks to Impulsive Buy reader Cinby for suggestion a Burt’s Bees review.)

Item: Burt’s Bees Milk & Shea Butter Body Wash
Price: $7.99 (12-ounces)
Purchased at: Longs Drugs
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Made me clean. Made my skin soft. 98.50% natural. Sodium lauryl/laureth sulfate free. Rinses off easily. Not tested on animals. Losing my Burt’s Bees virginity. My sheer polyester g-string with gold sequins.
Cons: Disappointing scent. Watery consistency. Doesn’t lather as much as other body washes. Bathing with a cow in the middle of Shea Stadium.

24 thoughts to “Burt’s Bees Milk & Shea Butter Body Wash”

  1. “Susu – Sustainable resources are good. If only I could reuse my waxed chest hair for a coat or something.”

    I am thinking it would make some make-up artist very happy. Could be used to create a werewolf or something furry.

  2. Brie – Oh, the number of people I’ve blinded that with.

    Susu – Maybe it can be used for making Ewoks.

    Aimee – People keep raving about their lip balms, maybe I should’ve review one of those instead.

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