Today, you turned four years old. Pretty soon you won’t be wetting your bed on a regular basis, your teeth will start falling out, and I’ll take you out for trick-or-treating, dressing you up in a ridiculous costume for Halloween that you’ll be embarrassed about when you’re significantly older. I’ll probably turn you into Yoda, a koala, or put you in a mini Hot Dog on a Stick uniform. Thankfully, you’re not big enough to kick my ass, because I would if our roles were reversed.
You’ve grown well over the past four years, but I wish I could say the same for myself. Raising you has been a rewarding, but demanding process that I wish didn’t involve so much consumption of fast food and energy drinks. However, it’s what you want and as your guardian I need to provide it to you because if I don’t, you’re going to whine as loud as an air raid siren. But I just want you to remember that you can’t get everything in life by just whining, because eventually the only thing that your whining will get you is a hard spank on your rear end.
So what does the future hold? Well I’m hoping to give you a brother or a sister to play with, but I’m not sure when that’s going to happen. Dealing with two of you would be a big responsibility and I don’t know if I’m ready for it yet, but when I do decide I’ll let you know.
We’re going to celebrate your birthday the same way we’ve celebrated your past birthdays by holding a prize drawing. For your fourth birthday, we’re going to give away four (4) mystery boxes, filled with items that we’ve reviewed over the past four years. The contents of each mystery box will be different.
To enter the drawing, TIB readers will have to leave a comment for this post with the words, “Happy Birthday TIB” and whatever else they would like to say. They should fill out the email field, because Iâ€™ll be emailing the winners for their mailing address.
We will start accepting entries for the drawing on Saturday, August 9, 2008 and stop accepting entries on Saturday, August 16, 2008 (11:59 Hawaii Standard Time). Only one entry allowed per person. The drawing is open to EVERYONE (Thank goodness for USPS Flat Rate boxes).
The winners will be determined in a way that has not been decided. It will probably be lame.
Fine Print: The Impulsive Buy promises your email address will not be used to send you spam about getting a free iPhone. The Impulsive Buy also promises your mailing address will not be used to send you information about how you can apply for a Disney credit card with your favorite character on it. Bribes will not be accepted. The Impulsive Buy will not be responsible for lost mail, the results of the upcoming US presidential election, or your iPhone freezing.
Anyhoo, TIB, you’re the best thing that’s happened in my life…okay, I’m lying about that, but you’re probably in the top 5…okay, definitely in the top 10.