REVIEW: Axe Dark Temptation Shower Gel

I’m pretty sure that despite what Axe shows in their commercials, no guy has ever gotten laid because of an Axe body spray, deodorant, or shower gel. Some guy might say it was, but I’m positive that he got laid for other reasons, like alcohol, the woman’s need for a green card, desperation or pity. Not even the Axe Dark Temptation Shower Gel with its chocolatey scent could get a guy laid, despite the love women have for chocolate.

I think the only lovin’ a guy could get with a chocolate shower gel is from a dog, because if there’s one thing I’ve learned from my subscription to Dog Fancy Magazine, besides picking the best sweater for your pooch, it’s that dogs love chocolate — even though it could kill them.

Axe scents, to me, are like Nickelback and Daughtry songs — I can’t tell them apart. I was hoping the Axe Dark Temptation Shower Gel would have the same smell, look and consistency as chocolate pudding, but instead it looked like clover honey. Its spicy and slightly sweet scent was decent, but reminded me of other Axe shower gels I’ve used in the past. It’s not really chocolatey, which would’ve made it stand out among the other Axe scents and get me some serious tail. Dog tail, that is.

Overall, I’m disappointed by how un-chocolatey the Axe Dark Temptation Shower Gel is because cosmetic company Philosophy has their own chocolate body washes which look and smell like chocolate. They’re so delicious that if there wasn’t the warning on the bottle that says in bold and lowercase letters, “caution: not for internal use,” I would probably eat them.

Not everything about the Axe Dark Temptation Shower Gel is disappointing. It lathered up nicely, thanks to the sodium laureth sulfate, and it did what it was supposed to do — get my body clean. It may not have made me smell like chocolate, but that’s okay.

If I want to smell like chocolate, I’ll do it the old-fashioned way — using melted chocolate as hair gel. You can’t rest your head on anything with it on and you must stay away from the Humane Society and pet stores, but it’s got some crazy hold.

Item: Axe Dark Temptation Shower Gel
Price: $4.99
Size: 12 ounces
Purchased at:
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Decent smelling. It gets me clean. Lathers nicely. Grippy bottle. Using melted chocolate as hair gel to smell like chocolate.
Cons: Doesn’t smell chocolatey. Smells like all the other Axe body washes. Will not get you laid. Nickelback and Daughtry songs. Being attacked by dogs due to using melted chocolate as hair gel. Having a subscription to Dog Fancy Magazine and not owning a dog.

17 thoughts to “REVIEW: Axe Dark Temptation Shower Gel”

  1. Ah, but do you own a subscription to Chocolate Fancy magazine also?

    I think it’s a law of physics that all Axe products must suck to some degree.

  2. My brother got this bottle for Christmas (except it’s called Lynx here). I didn’t even realise it was chocolate until after I had used it, to me it just smells like boy armpits. :\

  3. If you had said this was decently chocolate-y and Rachel hadn’t said these things smell like boy armpits, I might have tried it out just as a novelty. Now I see why this website is called Impulsive Buy — it keeps me from buying on an impulse when you tell me how awful products are (after you’d purchased them on an impulse)!

  4. I wish there were an easy way I could get the following points across to desperate males everywhere:

    1. Wearing Axe will not automatically get you laid.
    2. Wearing A TON of Axe will definitely not get you laid.
    3. Axe smells like the cheap cologne worn by toupeed hipsters everywhere. And you know how often they get laid.

  5. oh, axe. ew. get the hell out of my nostrils, seriously. i say this as a woman who totally loves a guy with (classy, well-applied) scent: axe doth not a guaranteed lay make. not even a little bit remotely at all forever and ever etc. the end.

    though this makes me wish that bath and body works hadn’t discontinued their chocolate amber flavor they had a few years ago. now that was delicious and proof that chocolate can be part of a complex and rather lovely scent. ah well.

  6. My friend’s 15 year old brother uses Axe body wash and the covers himself in the body spray too. You can smell him from a mile away..and since he’s a 15 year old boy that’s related to one of my best friends, I hope he’s not getting laid because of it..or getting laid period. Gross.

  7. Oh, man! When I saw the commercial for this stuff, I’d walk to the CVS down the street (Despite the freezing temperatures here and lack of volcano tacos at the goddamn Taco Bell in that shopping center that advertised them, TAUNTING ME, and then proceeded to go “WE NO SERVE THEM” and laugh at me as I left. Bastards. ANYWAYS…) to see if they had it in.
    This took a few weeks, so thank god I don’t work on a daily basis. I was SEVERELY disappointed in the fact that it smells, if anything, SLIGHTLY sweeter than normal Axe. I was actually kind of angry at the lack of its ability to turn me into a chocolate man and get all the ladies.

  8. I think the smell is more appealing to teenagers. A few of my friends were discussing how one of their biggest turn ons in guys is them smelling like Axe, or Lynx.

  9. axe is super gay. i’m not even sorry if yr offended, ’cause i’m telling the truth: gay men love axe. i don’t like the smell of axe, i dunno if it is the actual smell of axe or ’cause i associate axe with gay man smell.

    once, i was changing in the gym and a nude man sprayed axe all over his body for nearly five minutes – not a consistent spray, but a lot of spray. anyway, the named man cavalierly knocked his balls around while talking on his cell phone about an IT conference – yes, he kept spraying axe on his body while talking on the phone and glaring at me every few seconds.

    in 2005, i had written an article on bathhouses and had to visit several bathhouses – sometimes acknowledged as a writer, other times incognito – and bathhouses reek of axe.

  10. @Chuck – I don’t subscribe to Chocolate Fancy because there isn’t a centerfold.

    @Rachel – Boy armpits? Chris Hansen needs to get this to help him catch a predator.

    @Heidi – You’re welcome!

    @Neil – Not everything we review is food.

    @Jenny – Laughing at guys who are testing the scents at the store.

    @betsy – I’m sure Bath and Body Works will come out with another chocolate scent. Mathematically they eventually should.

    @Natalie – Body wash + body spray = increased distance away from him

    @Shannon – But does he have women trying to climb him?

    @Michelle – The only way you can become a chocolate man is by putting on a suit of unwrapped Hershey’s chocolate bars.

    @Bridgette – I guess mathematically someone has to like the smell of it. 🙂

    @yr momz – Okay.

  11. the author here is kind of unfair. i use both the deo,spray and the shower dark temptation gel and u know what? girls almost break their necks when i pass by them…i smell nt exactly like choco bt the same is somehow unique diffrentiate othr prdcts

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