REVIEW: Pillsbury Mozzarella & Pepperoni Savorings

I’m no party planning expert, but I do know a fancy toothpick though a Vienna sausage does not make it a classy hors d’oeuvre you can serve your hoity-toity friends. The bite-sized Pillsbury Mozzarella & Pepperoni Savorings may have the light, elegant croissant exterior that would appeal to your pretentious pals, but when stuffed with pepperoni, mozzarella cheese and tomato sauce the flaky crust instantly becomes this product’s fancy toothpick. Actually, I don’t think any flavor that you can also find in a Hot Pocket can be stuffed into a croissant without causing a French pastry chef somewhere to weep in disgust.

The outside of each Mozzarella & Pepperoni Savorings was flakier than a crack addict responsible for turning in the rent check. It was delicious and its taste reminded Totino’s pepperoni party pizzas, which after some research shouldn’t have been surprising since Totino’s is a Pillsbury product. I also found out during my investigation that Totino’s also has cheap pepperoni Pizza Rolls, which probably tastes like these Savorings. So basically this product tries to be sophisticated, but despite the flaky pastry exterior it’s just a simple pizza roll. It’s just like the contestants on Rock of Love: Charm School; as hard as they try to be refined, deep down they’re still strippers and whores.

The only characteristic that makes the Pillsbury Mozzarella & Pepperoni Savorings seem fancy it its price, which is much more than its lowbrow cousin, Totino’s Pizza Rolls. With a high price tag, it was even more disappointing that the box contained only 12 measly pieces. Not only are these Savorings pricey, they’re also a pain in the ass to make because, according to the box, they can’t be microwaved. Instead I was forced to kick it old school by doing some preheating and baking them in an oven or toaster oven for 17-22 minutes. I would understand doing this for a meal, but not for a snack.

The Pillsbury Mozzarella & Pepperoni Savorings may be small, but they’re big in saturated fat and sodium. Eat four of them and you’ll get 35 percent of your daily recommended allowance of saturated fat and 20 percent of your daily recommended allowance of sodium, which is somewhat salty, but not as salty as your hoity-toity friends.

(Nutrition Facts – 4 pastry bites – 250 calories, 16 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 450 milligrams of sodium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 2 grams of sugar, 6 grams of protein, 10% Vitamin A, 4% Calcium, and 8% Iron.)

Item: Pillsbury Mozzarella & Pepperoni Savorings
Price: $4.99 (on sale)
Size: 12 count
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Delicious. Nice crunchy, flaky exterior. Reminds me of Totino’s Pepperoni Pizza. A product of Canada and not China.
Cons: Damn expensive. Can’t microwave. Number of pieces seem low for something so expensive. For something so small, it’s high in saturated fat. Flaky crumbs. Giving the rent check with your crack addict roommate. Your hoity-toity friends. Making French pastry chefs cry.

7 thoughts to “REVIEW: Pillsbury Mozzarella & Pepperoni Savorings”

  1. I used to know someone at my last job that seemed to live on pizza rolls. Yet he was quite skinny. These look OK for a party but too pricey to get enough for said party.

  2. The spinach ones are AMAZING! Holy price inflation on your rock – I can get them for $2.99 not on sale!

  3. @yawnie – It’s the greatest plate in the world.

    @Chuck – I guess he was like the Big Mac dude on Super Size Me who ate two Big Macs every day and was skinny and had a cholesterol under 200.

    @Phil – I probably would like those Bags of Gold. Since they’re a store brand, they’re probably cheaper too.

    LoyalLurker – Yup, it’s the price for living on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

  4. Hey, Rock of Love: Charm School contestants can turn a new leaf too, no matter how they were brought up. You gotta’ have faith!

    Still, I don’t think there’s a darned thing anyone can do to make (make that save) a Vienna Sausage worthy of the hoity-toity culture. lol

    Safeway is arguably one of the most overpriced supermarkets here in the islands on things that aren’t on sale. Their buy one, get one free deals are usually pretty good though.

    Nothing can top the mark-up at the Kahala Whole Foods though. Good Lord, talk about sticker shock! Organic energy bars, $1.50-$2.00 each. 6 oz. cups of Organic Yogurts, $2 each. A gallon of Viva regular (not organic) milk, $10! Deli food entrees, $10-$14/pound!

  5. @Pomai – I have yet to buy anything from Whole Foods, but my brother got me a $50 gift card from there, which definitely won’t buy me much.

Comments are closed.