Tag: Frozen Food

REVIEW: DiGiorno Deadpool & Wolverine Spicy Wolvie Pie Pizza

Karen 11 Comments

As a lifelong X-Men fan, I have a bone (claw?) to pick with DiGiorno. Over his fifty-some-odd-year publication history, Wolverine has been many things, but “spicy” isn’t one of them. Now, if they were to release a Spicy Gambit Pie with Cajun seasoning, that would be thematically appropriate and fairly innovative for a frozen pizza. Why not opt to do this? The concept was right there!

“But Karen,” you say, “The movie being promoted is called Deadpool & Wolverine. Gambit is probably not even in it.” Oh, you think you’re so smart. Did you know that Gambit was in Wolverine: Origins back in the day with both Wolverine AND Deadpool? Did we get any pizzas for that movie? I think, after sitting through that, a Gambit-themed pizza is the least Marvel can do for me.

Nevertheless, the Wolvie Pie is the one we were given, thus the one I will review. If you’re interested in these Deadpool & Wolverine DiGiorno tie-ins, there are actually four to choose from: The Wade Special (pineapple and black olives), Gimmi Chimi (spicy cumin sauce, beef topping, jalapeno and cheddar and mozzarella), Maximum Pep (lots of sliced and diced pepperoni), and the Spicy Wolvie Pie (pepperoni, chorizo and bacon.) The idea behind the Wolvie pizza is that Wolverine likes eating meat, so you should too. Clearly, Wolverine also likes sodium.

All varieties come with a Deadpool mask except the Spicy Wolvie. Why wasn’t a Wolverine mask included? That’s just lazy.

I was a little confused about the toppings. It’s obvious what the pepperoni is, of course, but which of the tiny little bits of meat were the bacon and which were the chorizo? The taste of the chorizo was dominant, so if you’d told me all the little bits were chorizo, I would have believed you. Not a lot of bacon flavor here.

The chorizo gave the pizza a nice level of heat. It was more than a “subtle” level, but definitely not as spicy as something like Wendy’s Spicy Nuggets. I kept trying to decide whether or not this pie was spicy enough; sure, there’s some spice there, but “Spicy” is literally in the title. I think it should have been pushed a little further.

That said, it’s still an enjoyable meal. If you’ve had any DiGiorno pizza before, you’ll know exactly what to expect here, but the funny branding adds a little bit of joy to the proceedings. If you find you enjoy role-playing Wolvie and mirroring his eating habits is not enough, you could always go out and hit on a few redheads, although I doubt DiGiorno would take responsibility for that.

Hey, that makes me think about what a Jean Grey pizza would be like. Maybe a strawberry dessert pizza to honor her color scheme? Or a much more spicy Ghost Pepper pie to allude to the universe-scorching heat of the Phoenix Force? DiGiorno, when the MCU finally starts churning out X-Men movies by the dozens, you really have no excuse not to go down this road. Just get on making that Spicy Gambit pizza, and maybe I’ll give you my ideas for the perfect pizza incarnations of all twelve million X-Men characters.

Purchased Price: $6.49
Purchased at: Shop Rite
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1/4 pizza) 350 calories, 17 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 35 milligrams of cholesterol, 810 milligrams of sodium, 34 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of sugar, 2 grams of fiber, and 16 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Hot Ones Hot Pockets

Brandon 7 Comments

These new spicy Hot Pockets are way more complicated than you were expecting. Not in taste though. That’s straightforward. What’s complicated is everything else. Allow me to explain.

First, like a music festival or an early 2000s Southern rap album, these Hot Pockets are presented by someone other than Nestle alone. These are all branded as “First We Feast presents: Hot Ones,” then the name of the type of Hot Pocket. And then, if that wasn’t enough, each one is “made with” some sort of non-Hot Pocket sauce. The Hot Habanero Pepperoni & Sausage is made with “Los Calientes Rojo,” the Smoky Green Chili Cheesesteak is made with “Los Calientes Verde,” and the Spicy Garlic Chicken & Bacon is made with “The Classic Garlic Fresno.”

I know, I’m sorry. It’s a lot.

In case you’re like me and wildly disconnected from most modern media, allow me to explain. (By copy/pasting from Google.) “First We Feast is an online food-culture magazine and YouTube channel. The site co-produces the YouTube series Hot Ones with Complex Media, its parent company.”

Okay, so in retrospect, I’ve heard of this. Hot Ones is the thing where celebrities eat really hot wings and, I don’t know… it’s funny? It’s touching? Whatever it is, it’s a lucrative enterprise. Because here we are, with branded Hot Pockets.

The Hot Habanero Pepperoni & Sausage

This thing OOZED sauce — cloyingly sweet sauce. I think my entire Hot Pocket had two small shards of pepperoni and three, maybe four sausage chunks. The pepperoni and sausage are the same meats used in all other Hot Pockets, so if you’ve had any of those, you know the drill. Salty, chewy, nothing to write home about. But really, this sauce. Oof. And how was the hotness? I mean, that’s really the whole point, right? It was… noticeable but not overly aggressive. The box suggested that the heat level was a 5 out of 10 — the same as the Smoky Green Chili Cheesesteak — and I don’t feel like the heat matched at ALL. It was much milder. So, if you had this one and found it tolerable from a heat perspective, please don’t assume the cheesesteak one will be the same. It’s not.

Smoky Green Chili Cheesesteak

This one BURNED. The heat kicked in fast and was prevalent throughout. What I found interesting, though, was how quickly the heat subsided. It didn’t last more than 20 or 30 seconds after each bite. The steak was the same nib-like meat they use in the delightful Jalapeño Steak & Cheese variety, which I sadly cannot find anywhere around here anymore. In fact, this was reminiscent of that, though it’s missing the cheese sauce, which is a shame. And there didn’t seem to be as much steak. And this had a green chili that mostly just blended in. So, okay, I guess it’s not much like the Jalapeño Steak & Cheese at all. Nor is it good.

Spicy Garlic Chicken & Bacon

At least this one tried something different? Although I didn’t really get much heat from this — it was a 2 out of 10 on their arbitrary Hot Ones scale — it had the most nuance, mostly due to a mild smoky component, though I don’t know if this came from the chicken, the bacon, or the garlic sauce. (For what it’s worth, there were no discernible pieces of bacon, and the chicken’s prevalence was about as impressive as the sausage and pepperoni inclusion on that version.) This was the winner of the bunch — not that that’s saying much.

Purchased Price: $2.98 each
Purchased at: Hy-Vee
Rating: 3 out of 10 (Pepperoni and Sausage), 4 out of 10 (Green Chili Cheesesteak), 5 out of 10 (Garlic Chicken and Bacon)
Nutrition Facts: Pepperoni & Sausage – 290 calories, 13 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 790 milligrams of sodium, 37 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 4 grams of sugar, and 9 grams of protein. Green Chili Cheesesteak – 280 calories, 11 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 15 milligrams of cholesterol, 700 milligrams of sodium, 38 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 4 grams of sugar, and 8 grams of protein. Garlic Chicken & Bacon – 280 calories, 10 grams of fat, 4.5 grams of saturated fat, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 760 milligrams of sodium, 38 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 4 grams of sugar, 10 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Lunchables Crispy Grilled Cheesies

Julie 11 Comments

As a former child and current adult who requires a snack plate to feel truly at peace, I know a thing or two about Lunchables. In fact, most of my culinary preferences revolve around variety, portability, and the ability to arrange different foods in a cute little segmented container.

Now the Lunchables brand has extended its offerings well past cheese and crackers — and, for the first time, into the frozen food aisle. Lunchables Crispy Grilled Cheesies delivers frozen, microwavable grilled cheese sandwiches in two varieties: Original and Pepperoni Pizza.

I tested the Pepperoni Pizza flavor because why wouldn’t I? The package contained two full sandwiches, individually nestled in microwavable crisping sleeves and wrapped in plastic. The preparation was easy: remove the plastic, nuke the sandwich in its crisping sleeve for one minute, and then let it cool for another minute. The hardest part of the process was using the word “cheesie” as a noun.

The result smelled and tasted deliciously buttery, as though the cheesie (no, still weird) had just emerged from a sizzling pan. The crisping sleeve clearly did its job to encourage toasty texture on every surface of the bread, while still retaining some absorbed butter. Although crispy, the bread seemed to get chewier as time elapsed. The crusts were just plain tough.

The filling consisted of a slice of creamy, well-melted processed cheese, one to two tablespoons of marinara sauce, and three slices of pepperoni. Everything together made for a warm and comforting bite, and the pepperoni and marinara were just enough to ensure that the flavor wasn’t boring. The cheese would appeal to kid and adult tastes alike, but another slice — preferably added to the plain slice of bread — would have amped up the cheese flavor and helped the sandwich to adhere together as a whole.

Depending on one’s appetite, Lunchables Crispy Grilled Cheesies would make a fast, convenient (although hard to chew) snack or meal component at a low price point. Older kids could easily prepare a cheesie independently at home, but keep in mind that sending frozen foods to school can be tricky. If your child is prepared to negotiate a lunch box filled with ice packs and locate a kindly lunch-lady or lunch-lord to help them use the school microwave, then they have more fortitude than I do and deserve all the grilled cheesies in the world.

If that is too many cheesies (okay, I’m getting used to it), start with two for the Lunchables fan in your life. Although the product isn’t perfect, it delivers the comfort and convenience that so many have come to love from the brand.

Purchased Price: $4.79
Size: 6.2 oz box (2 pack)
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (per sandwich): 300 calories, 18 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 660 milligrams of sodium, 25 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 2 grams of sugar, and 10 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Red Baron Fully Loaded Hand Tossed Ultimate Pepperoni Pizza

Brandon 5 Comments

Though factual evidence isn’t as plentiful as I’d like it to be (which, okay, maybe means my supposition is NOT true), it feels like nowhere are food cost increases more jarring than in the frozen pizza aisle. At most of my local grocery stores, a middle-of-the-road pizza like Tombstone or Red Baron, when not on sale, is somewhere between $6 and $7. A Totino’s — and I know, I know, it’s hardly a “pizza” (but it serves its own sort of purpose, like a McDonald’s hamburger) — is $2. And while I don’t want to be “old man yells at cloud” about it, I remember a time not all that long ago when these things were just a smidge over $1.

And then you get to the “top shelf” frozen pizza. At my closest grocery store, the DiGiorno Fully Stuffed Crust Ultimate Three Meat Pizza is $15.79. Take a moment and let that sink in. (I’ll also remind you that I live in Kansas City, not on a coast, and not on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.) The Screamin’ Sicilian Stuffed Crust Pepperoni is on sale… for $10.49. It’s hard to imagine anyone paying these prices, but I guess someone is. But when you can get a carryout two-topping from Dominos for slightly less than this, your frozen pie had really better bring it, right?

So is the Red Baron Fully Loaded Hand Tossed Ultimate Pepperoni Pizza worth the sticker shock? Look, I cannot in good conscience ever recommend that someone pay almost $10 for a frozen pizza. I just can’t. However, I can say that, compared to other pizzas at the same price point, this pizza is pretty great.

Though the “hand tossed” crust is pedestrian in terms of taste, it supports the heavy pizza well. There are three types of pepperoni present, regular circular, what seems to be a thicker cut triangle variety, and cubed. Accordingly, each bite is packed full of salty little bits of deliciousness. It’s worth noting that, for frozen pizza pepperoni, these things carry a bit of spice; not enough to make someone with an aversion to heat avoid it, I don’t think, but something that might surprise you if you’re not expecting it. The cheese isn’t snappy, but it stretches a bit, which isn’t ideal if, like me, you go at it too fast and end up with a napalmed chin. It appears to be a blend of mozzarella and cheddar, and there’s some parmesan sprinkled on the top, too, if I’m not mistaken. The sauce tastes like a canned generic pizza sauce, but it works.

Here’s what really struck me about this pizza — the sauce, coupled with the parmesan, really evoked the flavor of a Chef Boyardee home pizza kit. You know the kind. It comes in a box with the dough mix and the canned sauce. (And, in olden times, a packet of grated parmesan and Romano cheese.) If you’ve had that, you’ll have a good sense of how this pizza tastes. It tickled something nostalgic in me and momentarily made me forget that I was an adult paying exorbitant prices for any and everything, including frozen pizza. For that reason — and the fact that the pizza was damn tasty — I’ll buy it again. Provided, of course, that I find it on sale.

Purchased Price: $8.99 ($9.99 regular price)
Size: 28.75 oz
Purchased at: Hy-Vee
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1/6th pizza) 370 calories, 19 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 50 mg of cholesterol, 950 milligrams of sodium, 34 grams of total carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 5 grams of sugar, and 17 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Kellogg’s Eggo Chocolatey Chip Banana Waffles

Julie 3 Comments

What are they?

In a riff on its classic frozen toaster waffle, Kellogg’s brings banana flavor and mini chocolate chips to the breakfast table.

How are they?

Let me address this question with the help of a fun banana fact: a bunch of bananas is called a “hand,” and one banana from that bunch is referred to as a “finger.” Knowing this, I’d liken the amount of banana flavor in each Chocolatey Chip Banana Waffle to a “hangnail.” That is to say, it is very small.

Upon opening the package, the frozen waffles have a wonderful, natural banana smell. (Per the list of ingredients, banana powder is used to achieve the product’s flavor.) Somehow, toasting the product loses this essence. The prepared waffle has the buttery quality of the Homestyle flavor, with satisfyingly crispy ridges and a softer center. However, the banana taste is very mild, appearing once every few chews, and seems to be the most concentrated around the perimeter. This reminded me a little of eating the crust of over-baked banana bread: you know there is banana hidden in the crispiness, but it is a shadow of what it once was.

The package recommends adding maple syrup or chocolate sauce for an extra treat. I added a touch of the former, resisting the primal urge to fill each square neatly and evenly with syrup. Alas, even a small amount of syrup drowned out the already-minimal banana flavor.

The chocolate chips scattered throughout the waffle are small but effective in adding flavor without overwhelming sweetness. Still, the product tastes bland overall, given its promise. I wonder if the banana flavor would have been better executed as part of Eggo’s Thick and Fluffy variety.

Anything else you need to know?

At first, I thought “Chocolatey Chip” was a typo for “Chocolate Chip.” Chocolatey is a fun word to say, but it feels awkward in print. I wondered if the word choice implied the use of a substance that cannot be classified as chocolate and sounded more appealing than chocolate-esque, chocolate-ish, or chocolate-like. The ingredients list includes simply “chocolate,” so consider my rhetoric-driven suspicions unfounded.

Conclusion:

Although the convenience, price, and nostalgia factor of the Eggo line can’t be beat, Chocolatey Chip Banana Waffles lack promised flavor, making them easy to l’eggo.

Purchased Price: $3.49
Size: 12.3 oz package – 10 waffles
Purchased at: Giant Eagle
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (per 2 waffles) 200 calories, 7 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 320 milligrams of sodium, 32 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 8 grams of sugar, and 3 grams of protein.