REVIEW: Ragu Supreme Pizza

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When I first stumbled upon the new Ragu Frozen Pizza at a local grocery store, my first thought was, “Oh, now why is this a thing?” A random couple standing nearby echoed my confusion. The guy said, “Honey, look— Ragu frozen pizza.” To which the lady replied, “Um, nasty. No.”

And, like, I get it. Though the idea of the world’s most popular (or second most popular? I don’t know how Ragu stacks up against Prego, sales-wise) jarred spaghetti sauce putting its pizza sauce on a frozen pizza shouldn’t be repulsive, it is a little — pardon the pun — jarring. But the thing is, this is actually a Palermo’s pizza product.

If you’re not familiar with Palermo’s Pizza, well, actually you are, I promise. You’ve probably seen — if not eaten — either a Screamin’ Sicilian, a Connie’s, an Urban Pie, a Surfer Boy (lo of the Stranger Things tie-in), or, god forbid, the recently released Cheez-It Pizza. I’ve had and enjoyed many Screamin’ Sicilian pizzas (they used to have some great specialty ones), and a couple of the Urban Pies and the Surfer Boy pies generally receive pretty favorable reviews. The point is there’s a decent track record.

But, so, what does the Ragu bring to the table in this engagement? Is whatever it adds any better (or worse) than standard frozen pizza sauce?

The new Ragu Pizzas come in four flavors — Cheese, Combination (Italian sausage and pepperoni), Pepperoni, and Supreme (Italian sausage, pepperoni, green, yellow and red peppers, onion, and black olives) — and all are served on “a flaky, pizzeria-style crust.” Weirdly enough, they make sure to call out that all use a “Ragu-inspired” sauce, and not just, you know, Ragu. Interesting distinction! For this review, I tried the Supreme.

This was one of the most boring, uninspired frozen pizzas I’ve ever had. It wasn’t bad; it wasn’t good. It was utterly unforgettable. The crust was bland, of medium thickness, and devoid of any real flavor. The cheese was the same. The toppings were standard, mid-tier frozen pizza fare; I didn’t notice any punch from the onions or peppers — they were mostly just mushy. The pepperoni and sausage chunks were salty and chewy. I think the whole thing had, like, five black olives on it. Ho-hum. But what about the star of the show, the Ragu-inspired sauce? It was… there. It tasted red. It was a little sweet, I guess, but not oppressively so. It was, in a word, generic.

And really, that’s the tale of this pie: the most generic-tasting frozen pizza I’ve had in quite some time. I wouldn’t buy one again; with 8,000 frozen pizza alternatives available — some of which are actually good — there’s no point in this one existing. Sorry, Palermo’s. Better luck next time. (PS. How about “next time” means bringing back the Screamin’ Sicilian that had jalapeños and bacon and chicken with a ranch sauce? That thing was worth buying.)

Purchased Price: $5.99
Size: 23.15 oz
Purchased at: Hy-Vee
Rating: 4 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1/5th pizza) 320 calories, 16 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 680 milligrams of sodium, 32 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 3 grams of sugar, and 12 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Ranch Lovers Pepperoni Hot Pockets

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Holy Hot Pockets! When did Hot Pockets get rid of the microwaveable crisping sleeve?

What’s going to protect my fingers from burning on the crust? What will help contain the oozing molten filling that might burn my fingers? What will I use to scrape up the filling that oozed onto the plate I used to microwave the Hot Pocket? Will I never experience susceptors again? Can I buy sleeves in bulk on Amazon from a Chinese brand name missing vowels and all in caps, like HPCKTSLVS?

It turns out Nestle removed the sleeves in June 2024, but Nestle didn’t formally announce it until September 2024. As you can guess, I haven’t had a Hot Pocket in so long that I didn’t even notice Crisping Sleeve-gate. But you know what? These Ranch Lovers Pepperoni Hot Pockets with reduced fat mozzarella cheese, Hidden Valley Ranch sauce, and a Hidden Valley Ranch seasoned crust are tasty enough that I forgive Nestle for the removal of the crisping sleeve/finger protector/filling shovel.

However, I’m not sure the sauce and the seasoned crust remind me of Hidden Valley Ranch. I’ve gone through Costco-sized bottles of the creamy dressing, so I think my taste buds have a pretty good idea of what it’s supposed to taste like, but that’s not what comes to mind when chomping on these. Perhaps the cheese and pepperoni skew the ranch’s taste into something less brand-name. But that seasoning on the crust does make it the best smelling Hot Pocket I’ve ever experienced, and the creamy sauce inside does taste like ranch, but, again, not specifically Hidden Valley Ranch. While its flavor wasn’t what I expected, Holy Hot Pockets, it’s still a tasty, savory pocket of meat, cheese, and sauce.

After eating three of the four “sandwiches” in the box, I didn’t miss the crisping sleeve. Also, none of them had their filling ooze out while being zapped with microwaves. Now that I think about it, did the sleeve really “crisp” the crust? Instead, did it heat the Hot Pocket so much that there was a 99 percent chance the filling would ooze out?

If that’s the case, HPCKTSLVS won’t get any of my money.

Purchased Price: $7.49*
Size: 4 pack
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 sandwich) 320 calories, 14 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 25 milligrams of cholesterol, 640 milligrams of sodium, 38 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 5 grams of sugar (including 2 grams of added sugar), and 9 grams of protein.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

REVIEW: Good & Gather Collabs Ann Kim Pickle Pie Pizza

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The box for this Good & Gather Collabs Ann Kim Pickle Pie Pizza says it’s a “Product of Italy.” I’m a little skeptical about that because, as a country known for its fine cuisine, I’m not sure a pickle pizza is something folks in Italy would be proud of. Sure, consume enough bottles of Sangiovese, and that pride might go out the window. However, this product has another P surprise — potato chips.

I’m not going to lie. The idea of a pickle and potato chip pizza sounds great. I did enjoy pickle-flavored ice cream, so I guess the chances of me enjoying this is not far-fetched. However, the pickles here are pretty poor. They don’t taste like the dill ones in a cheeseburger. Instead, they remind me of the pickled plum in the middle of my bento’s rice. Okay, 75 percent of you may not have experienced Japanese ume, but it’s the only way I can describe its sour flavor.

While the pickles mostly get lost in the ranch sauce, cheese, and potato chips, it’s still noticeable enough to bring down the bites with it. However, their flavor, thankfully, doesn’t get absorbed into the rest of the pizza, so simply removing them made things taste better. Without them, the combination of crust, potato chips, mozzarella cheese, and ranch sauce brings back tasty memories of dipping potato chips into French onion dip. I enjoyed the pizza at this point, and this really should’ve been the Good & Gather Collabs Ann Kim Potato Chip Pie Pizza.

While its flavor sans pickles was surprising, I was equally surprised about how pleasantly crispy the wood-fired crust’s exterior was at the ends.

However, what was 1,000,000 times more surprising than that was how crispy the potato chips were after being frozen and then heated on top of a layer of cheese and a sauce. They were like I pulled them straight out of the bag. How in food science did this happen? Is it because the instructions say to let the frozen pizza sit at room temperature for 15 minutes? Did the cheese’s oil deep fry the chips and revitalize their crispiness? Is this a “Product of Italy” because it’s the only country allowed to do this magic?

If you’re a dill pickle lover, this Good & Gather Collabs Ann Kim Pickle Pie won’t give you what your taste buds want. But if you’re willing to discard the pickles, you’ll still get a unique-tasting pizza thanks to the other P ingredient.

Purchased Price: $9.99
Size: 17.1 oz
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1/4 pizza) 290 calories, 13 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 15 milligrams of cholesterol, 690 milligrams of sodium, 30 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and 11 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Trolli Gummi Pop

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Being a fan of all things sour, I’m certainly no stranger to the Trolli brand… I also really love popsicles, so I figured I had a good idea of what I was getting into. Well, dear Impulsive Buyer, I’m here to tell you that I was 100% wrong.

These are, in a word, weird. In two words, they’re very weird. That’s not to say that they’re bad, not exactly, or that you shouldn’t try them. I’m just hoping that some of you will be better informed than I was before jumping into this big old pop of strange.

The flavor is great. Very reminiscent of a good Sour Brite Crawler but kicked up a notch, although not in sourness. I actually found these to be even less sour than the aforementioned Sour Brite Crawlers themselves. My Walmart, unfortunately, only had the Cherry Lemon variety, but I like both of those flavors, and that turned out to be important, as they are strong despite their frozen state. They never reach cloying or unpleasant levels at all, but both the lemon and the cherry are most assuredly there, and they announce their presence with gusto!

Next, we have no choice but to talk about the texture. It’s not gummy at all, like I’d been expecting, but nor is it exactly a popsicle either. Rather, it exists in some unique, third state…maybe even a different state of matter entirely, somewhere between Jell-O and an Italian Ice. The only thing I’ve ever tasted that even comes close to this texture was a “Not Melting Popsicle” from Kanazawa Ice I had while on a trip to Japan. It’s wholly unique, but not terrible, at least not once you get used to it.

Trolli Gummi Pop Cherry Lemon 4.

Did I hate these popsicles? No. Did I enjoy them? Also, no, but not as strong of a “no,” if that makes sense. I liked them enough to finish the box, and I’d probably buy the blue variety if I happened to see them (even if just to try that texture on my favorite flavor).

Purchased Price: $4.97
Size: 10 pops
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 pop) 70 calories, 0 grams of total fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 gram of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 0 milligrams of sodium, 18 grams of total carbs, 0 gram of dietary fiber, 15 grams of total sugar, and less than 1 gram of protein.

REVIEW: DiGiorno Thanksgiving Pizza

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It seems to me that in recent years, more food companies have been embracing Thanksgiving dinner as a collective meal to put in other foods. Sandwich shops have been offering turkey, stuffing, and cranberry sandwiches for a while. And this year, DiGiorno has pizza-fied the classic November meal!

DiGiorno’s version omits the stuffing, however, and combines turkey with the ingredients of a green bean casserole. The pizza features roast turkey, green beans, crispy onions, dried cranberries, and gravy. The non-Thanksgiving elements are mozzarella and cheddar cheese, all topped on a Detroit-style crust. Just bake for 23 minutes, and you have a warm meal ready.

Let’s start with the star of the show: the turkey. I was worried the turkey would be gristly or rubbery. But nope, it has a pleasant chew and flavor. It’s not quite what you pull out of the oven on Thanksgiving, but it’s close.

The green beans are fine. They’re slightly crispier than canned green beans. If you don’t like green beans, you will wish they weren’t there. For me, I could take them or leave them.

I don’t really notice the onion’s crispiness, but I can taste their presence. The savory flavor I associate with green bean casserole permeates the pie.

The dried cranberries impart a bit of sweetness to the otherwise ultra-umami dish. I’m glad cranberries got represented. But if you don’t like pineapple on pizza, maybe they’ll be too much for you. At least they’re tarter than pineapple.

The gravy has a nice texture, but there’s something about the seasonings in it that tastes a little odd to me. Not bad, just weird. Maybe my palate is just too unsophisticated. The oddness might also come from the crispy onions.

I’m picky about cheese, so I’m glad they opted for the tamer options of cheddar and mozzarella. That way, it can keep the feel and definition of pizza, even though it’s Thanksgiving, without being too tangy. And the crust might be the best part: soft, slightly chewy, just a little sweet.

I love to eat leftover pizza cold, and I’m happy to report that DiGiorno Thanksgiving Pizza is at least as good cold as it is heated.

I’m really happy this pizza exists. Your family will be mad if you serve it instead of an actual Thanksgiving meal (and it would break the bank to serve a crowd), but it’s a fun product to eat on a random cozy November night or bring to a Friendsgiving. It’s only available at Kroger-affiliated stores, but I hope it will expand to other retailers in the future.

Purchased Price: $9.99
Size: 20.6 oz box
Purchased at: Smith’s Marketplace
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1/4 pizza) 400 calories, 21 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 25 milligrams of cholesterol, 480 milligrams of sodium, 40 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of dietary fiber, 5 grams of total sugars including 3 grams of added sugars, and 12 grams of protein.

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