REVIEW: Kettle Chips Death Valley Chipotle Potato Chips

Oh my God! The Kettle Chips Death Valley Chipotle feels like someone is pouring liquid chlamydia into my mouth! It burns! It burns! It burns!

Okay, it’s not really that hot to me, but others might feel that way.

The winner of last year’s Kettle Peoples’ Choice contest is quite possibly the spiciest potato chip I’ve ever had, although I might’ve in the past had a potato chip that was so spicy that it traumatized me and caused me to lose any memory of it. Eating something so disturbing and losing my memory of it has happened before.

The Kettle Chips Death Valley Chipotle contains the Five Peppers of the Hotpocalypse: chili, chipotle, cayenne, habanero, and jalapeno. Thanks to those spices, each chip looks like it’s burnt rather than golden brown and they also look like scabs. The heat from the Five Peppers of the Hotpocalypse does not instantly hit you, like walking out of a Las Vegas casino on a hot summer day after 24 hours straight of debauchery, instead it’s a slow burn that builds up to a medium heat that sticks with you for a while.

While it may contain a spectrum of hot spices, the chipotle is the pepper that stands out the most and also provides a nice smoky flavor, which fortunately isn’t overwhelmed by the heat of the other peppers. Its smokiness combined with its spiciness makes for one delicious chip, although its heat will probably agitate some peoples’ palates. I’m not surprised I enjoyed them because I like spicy and I also believe Kettle Chips makes some of the best tasting potato chips on the planet.

So if you like spicy, I’d definitely recommend the crunchy Kettle Chips Death Valley Chipotle potato chips. But if you don’t like spicy, I’d definitely recommend staying away from these chips because it really will feel like someone is pouring liquid chlamydia into your mouth.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 ounce – 150 calories, 9 grams of fat, 1 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1 gram of polyunsaturated fat, 7 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 170 milligrams of sodium, 410 milligrams of potassium, 16 grams of carbs, 2 grams of fiber, 0 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein, 2% Vitamin A, 20% Vitamin C, and 4% Iron.)

(Editor’s Note: More reviews via Slashfood and The Cook’s Kitchen.)

Item: Kettle Chips Death Valley Chipotle Potato Chips
Price: $3.29
Size: 5 ounces
Purchased at: Foodland
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Nice smoky, spicy flavor. Crunchy. Lots of spices. No trans fat. Spices don’t overwhelm the chip’s flavor. Me likey the spicy. Winner of the last year’s Kettle Peoples’ Choice contest
Cons: Its dark color makes them look like scabs. If you don’t like spicy, it will feel like someone is pouring liquid chlamydia into your mouth. Might not be a permanent addition to Kettle Chips lineup. Eating something so traumatic that you forgot you ate it.

20 thoughts to “REVIEW: Kettle Chips Death Valley Chipotle Potato Chips”

  1. These sound pretty good, but it also sounds like they wimped out on the heat. I want to find the potato chip equivalent of Art’s habanero jerky. Or have you find it for me.

  2. “instead it’s a slow burn that builds up to a medium heat that sticks with you for a while”. where is the metaphor for this part of the sentence?

    sounds like it is worth getting a bag

  3. “instead it’s a slow burn that builds up to a medium heat that sticks with you for a while”. where is the analogy for this part of the sentence?

    sounds like it is worth getting a bag

  4. You should eat these chips with that Angry Whopper — the combination will probably make the spiciness balance out.

  5. “Hotpocalypse”. Good one!

    Nah, not a spicy chip fan myself.

    I must say though, Kettle Brand’s Krinkle Cut Salt & Fresh Ground Pepper flavor is perhaps one of the best potato chips I’ve ever tried. It almost tastes “meaty” if you will. Can’t beat that krispy kettle krunch too! Unfortunately our local Costco doesn’t bring them in anymore.

  6. The true test of whether or not something is really spicy is if it burns and hurts when you poop it out.

  7. I freakin love kettle chips but had to give them up so I didn’t turn into a fat ass. I wish they’d stop coming out with new flavors. It’s not fair. For my ass.

    xxoo-http://gimmeyummy.wordpress.com/

  8. I bought a bag of these a few days ago. All I could taste was the smoke. They didn’t have any heat whatsoever. I’ll have to try them again, but from the first taste I didn’t like them very much.

  9. I want these so bad (no, not the chlamydia).

    As for Molly’s test, there are some habanero rings here in Japan which pass that one. They are so good going in, but not so good going out.

  10. i’m with ricab on this one- death rain chips are the most burninating forces of culinary hell i’ve ever come across, but damned if they weren’t delicious once there was enough ice to calm my mouth down. these do sound delicious though.

  11. I want a bag of chips so hot that I piss thunder and shit lightning. I want chips so hot that my toilet paper catches fire. I want my chips so hot that my balls bang each other like a fire alarm……now thats hot !!!!!

  12. I dunno about these…I will have to pick some up. I hope I don’t gag on the whole scab/burned chip/smokey smell description that will flood my head when I open the bag.

    However, get me a bag of Kettle Spicy Thai…I could eat (and have on numerous, numerous occasions) those babies till my tongue was raw.

  13. @zorbs – Just because I think these are medium spicy and I’m wearing a dress right now doesn’t make me a pansy. If I was wearing my training bra, then I would be a pansy.

    @Red Icculus – Yes, I am because I can’t come up with any way to make fun of her username. It doesn’t rhyme with anything good.

    @Chuck – I could try every spicy chip on the planet, but I don’t think my rectum would appreciate that.

    @Jon – The orange bag is hard to miss.

    @Heidi – As much as I liked the Angry Whopper, I don’t think my blood pressure can take eating another one.

    @Pomai – I’ve bought a few of the Kettle Krinkle chips from Costco over the past year. I think one bag is the equivalent of the amount of potato chips I should eat in a year.

    @RicaB – Anything in a black bag and has the words “Death Rain” on it is something to avoid, until my curiosity eats away at my will power and I eventually buy it.

  14. @Molly – It did a little. It was a medium burn.

    @JamieSusan – Those Kettle Chip bags are kind of small so it’s easy to eat the whole thing in one sitting.

    @megan – Your comment has proven that I have the wussiest taste buds ever.

    @Orchid64 – I’d like you to review them. Please.

    @betsy – Ugh. Your use of “the most burninating forces of culinary hell” intrigues me more. Must have will power to not review. Must have will power to not review.

    @Neil – I don’t think I would want to piss thunder. Fart thunder. Yes. That would so attract the ladies.

    @cjwsbg – Oh, you’re talking about potato chips and not the massage parlor. My bad.

    @Zach – They’re good, but not my favorite. I’m liking the yogurt and onion…or something like that.

    @D – If liquid chlamydia did exists, we would be milking Paris Hilton for it.

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