NEWS: Ziploc Is One Step Closer To Its Goal of Sticking The Earth In One Of Its Bags

Are you having trouble keeping the skeletons in your closet neatly arranged? If so, the Ziploc Flexible Totes might just be for you. A couple years ago, Ziploc introduced their Big Bags in three sizes, the largest of which was about 2 feet wide and 3 feet tall. They were big enough to hold closet skeletons, but they couldn’t stack on top of each other very well. That changes with these cube-shaped bags that can hold closet skeletons in all shapes and sizes. Affairs, illegitimate children, that night of drunken experimentation, those years in the porn industry, that time you spent in prison, and so much more can fit in these Ziploc Flexible Totes. The flexible, heavy-duty plastic and easy-close zippers ensure that your skeletons stay where they’re supposed to. They come in two sizes: a 10-gallon XL bag and for you extreme sinners a 22-gallon XXL bag.

12 thoughts to “NEWS: Ziploc Is One Step Closer To Its Goal of Sticking The Earth In One Of Its Bags”

  1. There was a guy here in upstate NY who when his mother died he tossed her into a small chest freezer. He collected her social sec. check for 2 years before he was caught.
    This lazy BUM just sat around and smoked pot when his poor mom was ice cold.At least he could have used the 22 gallon size for his mama…….sad story.

  2. Well, you could fill them with bags of those Kettle Chips, since they might not be a regular in the chip lineup…Big flexible tote filled with bags of scabs…


  3. @Bryan – Yes, I would fill it with 22 gallons of porn.

    @cybele – Let me tell you…quantifying helps. There have been many things I wanted to do, but knowing how full my closet was, I didn’t do it. Although, it would’ve been a rush to shoplift that iPod.

    @Tanya – It looks like it’s see-through, so only the really insane people would use it.

    @Chuck – I don’t think you need some special bag for that. You’re paying extra for the “convenience” when any old Hefty bag will do.

    @Neil – Sad story, indeed.

    @angry bob – Shhhh!

    @cjwsbg – When I was a little kid, I used to pick on my scabs and eat them. That sentence will haunt me someday.

  4. Marvo! I didn’t even read this at first because I thought it was some ad (as in, a banner ad).

    Can we use these totes to pack massive amounts of food in and store them in the freezer instead??

  5. @Heidi – I don’t think you can use them for that. I think it’s for stuff like blankets, sheets, sweaters, and possibly girlie magazines.

  6. My dear, what I have to store away cannot be concealed in a flimsy plastic sack. It must be locked in a chest – the kind your uncle (or in your case, great-uncle) brought home from his Navy days, with metal clasps that nip at your fingers and leather straps that hint at the secrets within – so an inquisitive child cannot pry it open and come running into the living room swinging something studded and shiny round its little head, singing in a loud, clear voice, “Aunt Fanta, what’s THIS for?” Because as sure as you invite your favorite client and her adorable ubertyke for tea, it will happen. Thanks, Ziploc. Thanks for nuthin’!

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