REVIEW: Hormel Chili ‘n Spuds Chili Meals

When the apocalypse happens and survivors are fighting over food, the Hormel Chili ‘n Spuds Chili Meal is probably one of the products they will be brawling over, along with cans of SpaghettO’s and creamed corn.

It’ll be more valuable than gold, silver and platinum combined, because during the apocalypse, they will all lose their value since they’re not edible and the Cash4Gold building was destroyed. The Chili ‘n Spuds Meal will be valuable because it doesn’t need to be refrigerated and has a decent shelf life.

It’s a microwaveable meal that takes 90 seconds to heat up, but since electricity will probably be non-existent in a post-apocalyptic world, there will be no way to power a microwave, unless someone jerry-rigs a way to create electricity from despair.

Fortunately, the sealed meal can also be prepared by boiling it water…or urine, if water is hard to come by because the only source of it is being hoarded by a group of survivors with more guns than you do. Of course, once you get your water (or urine), you’ll need to obtain fire, which will be extremely easy thanks to the never ending supply of burning carnage around you.

The Hormel Chili ‘n Spuds Chili Meal is not pretty looking, but it’s definitely better than your other options, which will probably be creamed corn or the cooked flesh of your fellow humans. It tastes a lot like a canned chili I’ve had in the past. The sauce has a smidgen of spice, but it’s kind of bland and lacks any tomato flavor. But still, it’s better than a can of creamed corn.

The meat chunks are tender and so are the potato cubes, but the starch doesn’t add much flavor. Instead they just provide a different texture and some carbohydrates, which will give you the necessary energy to help you run away from whatever zombified creature that finds you. It’s also bean-less chili, so you’ll less likely to produce the gastronomical leaks that make it easy for the zombified to locate you.

If I was living in a post-apocalyptic world, I would totally kill someone with a can of creamed corn for the Hormel Chili ‘n Spuds Chili Meal. But since I don’t, I wouldn’t kill anyone for it, nor would I send my gold chains to Cash4Gold so that I can have the three dollars necessary to buy another tray of this shelf stable chili.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 tray – 250 calories, 7 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 760 milligrams of sodium, 33 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of fiber, 3 grams of sugar, 14 grams of protein, 15% vitamin A, 4% calcium, 2% vitamin C and 10% iron.)

Item: Hormel Chili ‘n Spuds Chili Meals
Price: $3.00 (on sale)
Size: 10 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Tastes like canned chili, if you like canned chili. Has a little spice. Meat and potatoes are tender. Can be either microwaved or boiled. Bean-less chili. Spuds provide the carbohydrates necessary to help you run away from zombies. Fire.
Cons: Tastes like canned chili, if you despise canned chili. Kind of pricey for what you get. Chili sauce was kind of bland. Contains MSG. High in sodium. Being forced to eat human flesh. Living in a post-apocalyptic world with zombies.

17 thoughts to “REVIEW: Hormel Chili ‘n Spuds Chili Meals”

  1. Man, dat is ugly. I prefer my chilli with beans so I’d probably rather nuke a potato, then nuke some chili with beans, and dump it on top of the potato and then add cheese, etc. I think I could get the potato and a can of chili for less than $3. But, it wouldn’t be quite as convenient either. The advantage would be, a can of chili can be used to throw at zombies and cause damage, while this dinner would just ricochet off harmlessly.

  2. Ew……. i would rather do what @amanda does. That way i know that everything i like is in it.

  3. Um… this review (and product) where both slightly horrifying! Still, I suppose canned chili does have it’s place, mabey I should start getting a stash of these ready for 2012

  4. Three dollars?! And I love how it explicitly says “NO BEANS” on the packaging. Good job by you, Hormel.

    And let’s not forget Twinkies and Spam will be around in 2013. So there is some upside to the apocalypse.

  5. I actually think these are pretty okay, my only beef with them is that they aren’t very filling. Still I think I might do well to prepare for the zombie apocalypse by not buying so many shotgun shells and baseball bats and buying a few more of these guys.

  6. Eh? The apocalypse hasn’t happened yet? Why was angry bob eating the flesh of his fellow humans then? Oh, right. They were annoying.

  7. That looks good, but when you mentioned that the alternative was roasting human flesh, well, plain old chili n spuds kinda lost its appeal.

    Isn’t anybody else curious about how humans would taste?

  8. Marvo, this is great. I just had this discussion about foods of the apocalypse with a friend of mine. Hilarious.

    The water part is a great point. Costco sells an emergency ration that needs to be boiled in water, which of course doesn’t make a lot of sense in times of an emergency. I’m sure I’d rather drink clean water than boil crappy dehydrated food. The straight up canned Hormel chili would work a lot better.

  9. I bet you could eat these without cooking them at all.

    Hey, would you review the Burger King Cupcake Sundae Shake? I can not imagine that it has few enough calories or fat or whatnot for a regular person to consume it in less than a three day span without damaging their health, but I know you are always up for new things.

  10. @amanda: Even easier way? Go to Wendy’s, buy a chili and baked potato and pour chili on top of baked potato. I’m really lazy.

    @Chuck: I think if you feed it to the zombies, it might do some damage. Wait, do zombies fart?

    @Lex: I prefer the Wendy’s way.

    @Ms. spanks: Nah, it’s going to happen sooner.

    @Ken; I prefer beans in my chili because it’s the only way I get fiber.

    @The Crisper: All you need is one aluminum baseball bat. Don’t get wood, since they can crack.

    @angry bob: Oh, I hope you ate a daytime talk show host.

    @J.J.: I don’t think it can be labeled as a pro or con, unless the urine adds flavor.

    @Marvo Luvr: One word: Hufu. Google it.

    @Jesse: Or stock up on MREs.

    @Nadia: When my blood pressure comes down, I just might try it. Thanks for the suggestion. Unless I die from it. 😉

    @theskinnyplate: Some? I ate the whole thing. I was THAT hungry.

    @felix tis: I dunno. I didn’t think it was gross enough for your tastes.

    @Molly: It’s always been one. There’s a lot of crap here at TIB.

    @Poop Chef: I guess one person’s caviar is another person’s hotel leftovers.

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