Month: May 2011

REVIEW: Nabisco Oreo Brownies

Marvo 4 Comments

The Nabisco Oreo Brownies sound like the most awesome combination of sweets that has ever been conceived.

The melding of Oreo cookies with chewy brownies sounds so awesome that I believe by just touching it it’ll bring a smile to my face, cause rainbows to form on a sunny day, and make birds sing to me instead of pooping on my car.

However, Oreo Brownies aren’t as awesome as they sound or as awesome as what I typed to overly hype them in the previous paragraph. You see, Oreo Brownies aren’t really brownies and those birds are going to poop on your car, especially if you feed them these Oreo Brownies.

If you look though the annals of the internet, you’ll discover there used to be Nabisco Oreo Brownies which were brownies with Oreo pieces baked in, but these Nabisco Oreo Brownies are different. Although they’re not completely unfamiliar.

Do you enjoy stuffing your cakehole with Oreo Cakesters? Then you’ll enjoy stuffing your browniehole with Oreo Brownies because they both taste exactly alike. However, while the Oreo Cakesters have an airiness to them, like cake, these Oreo Brownies are a little more dense, like, you guess it, brownies.

Nabisco Oreo Brownies Naked

If you’ve never had the pleasure of eating Oreo Cakesters, they taste like chocolate Hostess CupCakes. And if you’ve never had the pleasure of eating chocolate Hostess CupCakes, you’re probably skinny and have never had chocolate cake get stuck under your fingernails.

Since Oreo Cakesters and Oreo Brownies taste the same, deciding which product to pick up depends on what you prefer: something that looks like an Oreo on steroids or something that looks like an Oreo Cakester on better steroids that was shot by one of Spider-Man’s web-shooters. Or if you’re a stickler for metrics, do you go with two Oreo Cakesters, which are 14 grams heavier than an Oreo Brownie, but have more calories, saturated fat, and sugar? Or if you’re a stickler for value, do you go with a box of Oreo Cakesters that has seven packs of two cookies or a box of Oreo Brownies that comes with ten brownies?

Because I’m a fan of Oreo Cakesters, it’s easy for me to like these Oreo Brownies, but at the same time they disappoint me because they taste like Oreo Cakesters and not some Oreo/brownie hybrid that makes rainbows appear and deters birds from pooping on my car.

If you do decide to pick up a box of Nabisco Oreo Brownies, I’d recommend sticking them in the fridge for a little while because they end up a little chewier and a little awesomer.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 brownie – 190 calories, 9 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 2 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 3 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 150 milligrams of sodium, 65 milligrams of potassium, 26 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram fiber, 15 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein, 20% calcium and 10% iron.)

Item: Nabisco Oreo Brownies
Price: $4.99
Size: 10 brownies
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Tastes like an Oreo Cakester. Tastes like Hostess CupCakes. Better when chilled. Contains poly- and monounsaturated fats.
Cons: Tastes like an Oreo Cakester. Thinner than I thought they’d be. Not actual brownies, just shaped like brownies. Doesn’t cause rainbows to form on a sunny day. Birds pooping on my car.

NEWS: Cold Stone Hits The Herb Garden For Their Latest Ice Cream Flavors

Marvo 2 Comments

Lemon Poppy Seed Muffins

This summer, look for Cold Stone Creamery to get a little freaky with their ingredients.

This month, as part of their Gold Cone Collection, the super-premium ice cream maker introduced their Lemon Poppy Seed Cake Ice Cream, which is made up of lemon ice cream sprinkled with real poppy seeds. The combination is supposed to imitate the flavor of a lemon poppy seed muffin.

Oh, but the unusual ingredients don’t stop there. In July, Cold Stone will offer Strawberry Basil ice cream. And, in August, they’ll serve up a non-alcoholic Mojito Sorbet.

But what about June? Meh, it’s just some boring Chocolate Hazelnut. Personally, it would’ve been better if it was Chocolate Hazelwort.

A small (or “Like It”) serving of Lemon Poppy Seed Cake Ice Cream has 340 calories 18 grams of fat, 12 grams of saturated fat, 160 milligrams of sodium, 42 grams of carbohydrates, 36 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein. A small Strawberry Basil Ice cream has 320 calories 18 grams of fat, 12 grams of saturated fat, 80 milligrams of sodium, 38 grams of carbohydrates, 33 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein. Finally, a Like It serving of Mojito Sorbet has 190 calories, 2 grams of fat, 1 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of sodium, 46 grams of carbohydrates, 44 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

All Gold Cone Collection flavors are available for a limited time at Cold Store Creamery locations nationwide.

REVIEW: Ben & Jerry’s Peanut Butter World and Ben & Jerry’s Volun-Tiramisu

Drew 6 Comments

Ben & Jerry's Volun-Tiramisu and Ben & Jerry's Peanut Butter World

Ah, spring — that magical time of year when a young man’s fancy turns to thoughts of ice cream.  And love, I guess, but my wife just gave birth a couple of months ago after a difficult pregnancy, so I’ve been strongly advised to just stick with the ice cream.  Fair enough.

As they’re wont to do, Ben & Jerry have put down their bong and unleashed some new flavors on us.  This time it’s with a valuable social message, encouraging everyone to volunteer in their communities, complete with a website link on the carton to find volunteering opportunities near you.  But not so fast, Walmart shoppers… these are Target exclusive.  Each carton even includes a “Together for Volunteerism” sticker with one of B&J’s cows (also known as “a cow”) posing next to the Target dog, which always looks to me like Spuds MacKenzie passed out and his friends drew a bullseye on his face.  (If you’re too young to know who Spuds MacKenzie is, I hate you.)  Said exclusivity wasn’t any problem for me, but if you live in a Footloose-esque rural community too small or remote to play host to a Tar-jay, you’re out of luck.  Please accept my sympathy, as I try to recall which of the three nearby Targets I bought these from.

Speaking of which, apparently by purchasing this ice cream I’m reaping the benefits of Fair Trade Certified cocoa and coffee.  I’m not at all politically minded and lack the time to watch The Daily Show anymore, so I’m not sure if that means I’m tacitly supporting equitable trade practices.  From what I know of Ben and Jerry, presumably it’s some hippie thing, but as long as I don’t have to give up meat or start wearing Birkenstocks, I’m fine with it.  Of course, the other thing Ben and Jerry are known for is inserting puns into their ice cream names, and these are no exception.  Volun-Tiramisu is almost a little TOO on the nose, but it works.  On the other hand, “Peanut Butter World” confuses me.  After some thought, I decided maybe the implication is that volunteerism will lead to a better world, and “butter” sounds kind of like “better,” so… yeah?  If that’s the case, I have to say they’re really reaching.  Of course, it’s possible all of you got it immediately and can’t imagine how it wasn’t obvious to me from the beginning.  Like how I didn’t realize those “Every kiss begins with Kay” commercials are making a pun about the actual letter “k” until I heard it on a radio show’s “things you just figured out” segment.  It’s embarrassing to find yourself in the same company as people who only just realized why it’s called a QWERTY keyboard.

Ben & Jerry's Peanut Butter World

I was slightly leery of the Peanut Butter World before digging in because peanut butter and I have an understanding: if it brings its friend chocolate, they’re both welcome in my mouth, but I’ve never been willing to buy seats for PB’s solo act.  Turns out I needn’t have worried, as this flavor is composed of really creamy, decadent chocolate with peanut butter swirls in it, along with some chocolate cookie bits.  It’s kind of like eating a cold, liquidy Reese’s peanut butter cup that someone has coated with crumbled Oreos, only way more rich than any Reese’s could ever be.  It is also insanely unhealthy — after a half dozen spoonfuls, I felt suddenly motivated to name my heirs and divvy up my worldly possessions — but that’s the price you pay for supporting a good cause.  At least that’s what I’m telling myself, and you should too.  In any event, it’s worth it, because this is some seriously good ice cream.  There’s just enough peanut butter to remind you it’s there without being overpowering, while the chocolate is definitely dominant.

Ben & Jerry's Volun-Tiramisu

If I was nervous about the Peanut Butter World, I had no idea what to expect from the Volun-Tiramisu.  Tiramisu is such a unique flavor, and I’ve never been the world’s biggest coffee drinker.  But like the peanut butter above, the coffee was noticeable but subdued, enough to make you aware of its presence without taking over.  And I wouldn’t have been able to spell “mascarpone” before buying this ice cream, let alone tell you what it tasted like, but it turns out it’s good, very light and lingering in contrast to the heaviness of the Peanut Butter World.  The carton also proclaims that it has a cocoa dusting, but I wasn’t able to detect any traces of it.  I also don’t think there’s any actual rum in it, although since I was drinking a beer at the same time, I can’t be sure of that.  However, while it was definitely good, a little went a long way.  I’d had my fill after a few spoonfuls, whereas if it weren’t for self-control and shame, I could have easily polished off a pint of Peanut Butter World in one sitting.  That might actually be a plus for Volun-Tiramisu in the sense of aiding your portion control, since while it’s not as bad for you as its partner, it’s not exactly making you thinner with every bite either.

All in all I was pleased with Ben & Jerry’s latest, exclusive offerings.  They’re both tasty, I’m pretty sure Target is slightly less evil than some of the other big box stores, and of course I’m all for encouraging volunteerism.  In a way, anyone who reads this review and decides to buy a pint is supporting volunteerism because of something I did, so hey — you’re welcome, B&J.  I’ll expect the check in the mail.

(Nutrition Facts – 1/2 cup – Peanut Butter World – 330 calories, 22 grams of total fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 35 milligrams of cholesterol, 140 milligrams of sodium, 28 grams of total carbohydrates, 21 grams of sugar, 7 grams of protein. Volun-Tiramisu – 230 calories, 12 grams of total fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 65 milligrams of cholesterol, 60 milligrams of sodium, 28 grams of total carbohydrates, 23 grams of sugar, 4 grams of protein.)

Other Ben & Jerry’s Peanut Butter World and Ben & Jerry’s Volun-Tiramisu reviews:
On Second Scoop – Volun-Tiramisu & Peanut Butter World

Item: Ben & Jerry’s Peanut Butter World and Ben & Jerry’s Volun-Tiramisu
Price: $3.49 each
Size: 1 pint
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 9 out of 10 (Peanut Butter World)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Volun-Tiramisu)
Pros: Saving the world, one fat ass at a time.  Mascot synergy.  Your peanut butter in my chocolate.  Mascarpone.  Heavy chocolate, light tiramisu.  Ice cream that portion controls itself.  Pimping volunteerism.
Cons: Inscrutable puns.  Carton makes me feel guilty for not volunteering lately.  Failing to comprehend simple ad campaigns.  Need to be doing strenuous volunteer work to burn off all the calories.  Possibly bankrolling Trump 2012.

NEWS: Kellogg’s Releases Two Non-Ice Cream Related Pop-Tarts Flavors

Marvo 2 Comments

If Kellogg’s ever stops releasing new Pop-Tarts, I will be upset. I will get down on my knees, raise my hands towards the sky, let tears fall from my cheeks, and ask a higher power — the manager at my local supermarket — “Why!?!” It would upset me because Pop-Tarts, and my desire to forget about an ex-girlfriend, inspired me to start up this blog that clogs the arteries of the internet with reviews of foods you should always eat in moderation.

But, it looks like the Kellogg’s Pop-Tarts train is still rolling with their new Limited Edition Frosted Cherry Turnover Pop-Tarts and Wildlicious Frosted Wild! Strawberry Pop-Tarts.

Oh, in case you were wondering, Kellogg’s owns the Wildlicious trademark, so I would suggest not using it as a stripper name.

According to the Kellogg’s website, the Cherry Turnover Pop-Tarts consists of “golden, buttery crust surrounding cherry turnover flavored filling with a drizzle of white icing on top.” While the Wildlicious Frosted Wild! Strawberry Pop-Tarts are made with Pop-Tarts’ classic crust, filled with a strawberry filling with a tangy twist, and topped with bright pink icing, light pink icing drizzle, and green sprinkles.

One Limited Edition Frosted Cherry Turnover Pop-Tart has 190 calories, 3.5 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1 gram of polyunsaturated fat, 0.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 220 milligrams of sodium, 37 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 16 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

A Wildlicious Frosted Wild! Strawberry Pop-Tart has 200 caloires, 5 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 2 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 170 milligrams of sodium, 36 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 15 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

Both flavors are fortified with nine vitamins and minerals and available in boxes of eight.

REVIEW: Colgate Effervescent Mint MaxClean SmartFoam with Whitening

Jasper 11 Comments

Colgate Effervescent Mint MaxClean SmartFoam with Whitening

Whoa, a toothpaste review! I know what questions are swirling in your head. “Is it bacon flavored? Did I accidentally visit theresponsiblebuy.com? What’s next, advice on my 401(k)?” No, no, and you can’t go wrong with index funds. Occasionally, TIB likes to offer reviews for products that can cleanse your bodies of all the sweets and fats we usually recommend. And since all of our Taco Bell posts already double as laxative reviews and I refuse to try out the Shake Weight until after a third date, I figured a toothpaste review best fits the bill.

According to the Colgate website, the new MaxClean with SmartFoam can clean hard to reach places because it has 30 percent more penetrating foam than regular toothpaste. For the purposes of this review, I guess we’ll just assume that more foam actually is better for cleaning your teeth, even though a quick Google search provides unsatisfactory evidence. I’ll also assume that Colgate decided to use this specific combination of capitalization and spacing in the product title because it somehow makes the toothpaste better at cleaning your teeth, and NOT because they wanted to make me incredibly angry by randomly mangling basic rules of English. A quick Google search on this question also provides unsatisfactory evidence, so I’ll let you decide which of these assumptions is a bigger stretch.

Colgate Effervescent Mint MaxClean SmartFoam with Whitening Naked

MaxClean with SmartFoam had a classically pleasant electric blue color, and the intensity of its mint flavor was pretty standard toothpaste fare. But within 20 seconds of brushing, I could notice a significant difference in foaminess. “30% extra foam” may have been a serious underestimation, as I had a really hard time not letting the foam dribble out of my mouth. After I was done brushing, my mouth felt much cleaner and tingly-er than it normally does. I suppose the toothpaste actually could have cleaned more hard to reach places than my regular toothpaste does; more likely, the overflow of foam just reached a greater surface area around my face and left my mouth feeling zestier more on the outside than within. Even if it’s the second explanation, I think that’s a big positive – in addition to cleaning my teeth, I want my toothpaste to make me feel refreshed after I use it.

On the negative side, the overflow of foam means I probably left dried toothpaste spots all around the sink and annoyed my roommate. Sorry about that, David. Oh, and thanks for buying toilet paper last week. If I wrote for theresponsiblebuy.com I would probably remember to buy basic household necessities at the supermarket instead of walking around the snack aisles asking the store associates if they know whether the next shipment of Twinkies will include the Strawberry Crème ones. (They never know.)

Anyway, if you’re like me and want your toothpaste to help you feel awake and refreshed in the morning, definitely buy the Colgate MaxClean SmartFoam. If you’re skeptical about the assumption that more foam is actually better for your teeth, find a good scientific answer and let us know. And if you’d prefer for me to go back to reviewing greasy and ridiculous foods, come back in two weeks and I promise I’ll revert to form. Who knows, maybe those Strawberry Crème Twinkies will finally have arrived!

Item: Colgate Effervescent Mint MaxClean SmartFoam with Whitening
Price: $2.50
Size: 6 ounces
Purchased at: Kmart
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Produces a lot of extra foam. Leaves your mouth feeling cleaner (even if it’s not really any cleaner). Theresponsiblebuy.com. Index funds for your 401(k). Shake Weight commercials. My roommate buying toilet paper last week.
Cons: Unclear if more foam is better for your teeth. Capitalization and spacing of the product title makes me angry. Leaving dried toothpaste spots everywhere. Creeping out the supermarket store associates.