Month: May 2011

NEWS: Taco Bell Releases The (Insert Here Menu Item That Taco Bell Claims Is New But Doesn’t Seem New)

Marvo 8 Comments

#076 Taco Bell Cheesy Beefy Melt

This week, Taco Bell introduced the (Insert Here Menu Item That Taco Bell Claims Is New But Doesn’t Seem New).

The (Insert Here Menu Item That Taco Bell Claims Is New But Doesn’t Seem New) is made with (Insert Here The First Five Taco Bell Ingredients That Pop Into Your Head. Don’t Worry, I Guarantee You’ll Get At Least Three Out Of The Five Right. And, If You Don’t Get All Five, Congratulations, You Might’ve Invented A Future Menu Item That Taco Bell Will Claim Is New But Won’t Seem New).

So, basically, the (Insert Here Menu Item That Taco Bell Claims Is New But Doesn’t Seem New) is a (Insert Here Older Taco Bell Limited Time Offer That Also Didn’t Seem New When It Was Introduced) with (or without) (Insert Here Random Taco Bell Ingredient Selected By Using a Ouiji Board That’s Being Manipulated By The Spirit of the Taco Bell Chihuahua).

The (Insert Here Menu Item That Taco Bell Claims Is New But Doesn’t Seem New) weighs 206 grams and has 470 calories, 20 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 50 milligrams of cholesterol, 1120 milligrams of sodium, 52 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of fiber, and 19 grams of protein.

The (Insert Here Menu Item That Taco Bell Claims Is New But Doesn’t Seem New) will be available for a limited time and retail for (Insert Here Special Price That’s Under $1) at participating restaurants.

REVIEW: Chips Ahoy! American Summer

Marvo 12 Comments

Chips Ahoy American Summer

When I bought the Chips Ahoy! American Summer cookies, I thought I was about to get my America on. But, my raging patriotism turned into dismay when I found out the cookies were made in Mexico.

Mexico? Really?

If your name has America in it, you better be made in America, just like Los Angeles-born actress America Ferrera. If these cookies wanted to truly be American, they should’ve been made in the good ol’ U-S-of-A…or where many American products are made — in China. Now some of you might be preparing blog comments in your head that include the words, “Mexico is in North AMERICA,” but that’s not the America I’m talking about, I’m talking about the good ol’ Red, White, and Blue, and not the good ol’…whatever colors make up the Mexican flag.

And…I just lost the four TIB readers that live in Mexico. You’re next, the two readers in South Korea.

On the Chips Ahoy! American Summer packaging, it says it’s “Crammed with Joy,” but it’s really chocolate chips; red, white, and blue candy coated fudge pieces; and disappointment crammed into a cookie that’s the same size as the regular version.

Chips Ahoy American Summer Naked

My displeasure with these cookies stem from the fact that they don’t taste any different from regular non-patriotic Chips Ahoy!

(See Nabisco. The previous sentence is why you shouldn’t use an exclamation point in your product’s name. People will see that exclamation point and think I’m really mad about Chips Ahoy! American Summer tasting like the regular version, but I only feel a little gypped.)

If you were to blindfold me with an American flag or blind me with the light from 50 stars, then tie my arms together using 13 stripes, and then have the ghost of Betsy Ross feed me Chips Ahoy! American Summer and regular Chips Ahoy! cookies using her sewing needles, the only way I could tell which is which is by the crunch of the candy coated fudge pieces, which is different from the crunch of the cookie. But, those two crunches combined with the rudeness of chewing with my mouth open, makes my maw sound like there are Fourth of July fireworks going on in there.

Yeah, that last sentence was a bit of a stretch, but I’m trying to make these cookies sound more American than they truly are. Because if you think about it, the red, white, and blue candy pieces could easily confuse people into thinking these cookies are Chips Ahoy! French Summer, Chips Ahoy! North Korea Summer, Chips Ahoy! Serbia and Montenegro Summer, or Chips Ahoy! Faroe Islands Summer.

Again, with these Chips Ahoy! American Summer cookies, you’re just eating something that tastes like regular Chips Ahoy! chocolate chip cookies. There really isn’t anything really spectacular about them. But, if you’re having a huge Fourth of July barbeque with excessive red, white, blue themed items, like napkins, plates, cups, balloons, types of tortilla chips, and inflatable outdoor playground bouncers, then Chips Ahoy! American Summer is perfect for you.

(Nutrition Facts – 3 cookies – 160 calories, 60 calories from fat, 7 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat*, 2.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 110 milligrams of sodium, 40 milligrams of potassium, 23 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 11 grams of sugar, 1 gram of protein, and 6% iron.)

*uses partially hydrogenated oils

Item: Chips Ahoy! American Summer
Price: $3.99 (on sale)
Size: 12.2 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Resealable packaging. Contains poly- and monounsaturated fats. Fourth of July barbeques. Outdoor playground bouncers.
Cons: Tastes like regular Chips Ahoy! Nothing spectacular about them. Could easily be confused as Chips Ahoy! Serbia and Montenegro Summer cookies. Chips Ahoy! having an exclamation point in its name.

NEWS: Farts To Be Released At 2011 Sweets & Snacks Expo

Marvo 1 Comment

Every year, the National Confectioners Association holds their Sweets & Snacks Expo in Chicago at the McCormick Place convention center. This year, the event will run from May 24th to the 26th. Candyblog.net has been giving sneak peeks at some of the candies that will be introduced at the event. However, there’s one particular candy being emitted that I’m pretty sure will get a lot of attention — Farts Candy from Leaf Brands.

According to a post on Candy.com, Farts Candy “are tiny, fruit-flavored nuggets” and “a better version of Nerds.” However, Farts won’t be a crunchy candy, it will have a chewy exterior. The post goes on to say that there will be 126 Farts flavors, but Leaf Brands plans to hold back some of their Farts and let the public vote via social media on which Farts they should release next.

Leaf Brands will be passing these gastronomical treats in 2.17-ounce packs and they will be available in four varieties: Fruiti, Sour, Single Flavors, and Small Farts.

NEWS: IHOP at HOME Lets Me Enjoy IHOP Without Having To Put On Pants

Marvo 9 Comments

IHOP

One of my dreams in life is to invite one person from every ethnicity I can find to a party at IHOP. Because if I’m able to make my dream come true, it will be the only time an IHOP restaurant would truly be considered international. But if I’m not able to make that happen because of IHOP being upset at the previous sentence, then I guess I’m going to have to settle for inviting one person from every ethnicity, preparing a bunch of the new IHOP at HOME frozen breakfast meals, and serving them to my melting pot of guests outside of an IHOP restaurant.

According to the press release I received, IHOP is the first national restaurant brand to bring breakfast items to the freezer shelves. So suck it, Denny!

The new IHOP at HOME line are now available at more than 3,000 Walmart locations throughout the United States. So suck it, Canada!

IHOP at HOME frozen dishes won’t be available at IHOP restaurants. So suck it, IHOP restaurants!

They can be prepared either in the microwave or conventional ovens. So suck it, barbeque grills and stove tops!

The IHOP at HOME lineup consists of:

Omelet Crispers: scrambled eggs, potatoes and a choice of cheddar cheese, cheddar cheese and sausage, or cheddar cheese and bacon in a crispy coating. They come in boxes of four and have anywhere from 210-240 calories, 12-14 grams of fat, 4-4.5 grams of saturated fat, 560-930 milligrams of sodium, and 8-11 grams of protein.

French Toast Stuffed Pastries: French toast pastries filled with either strawberry, sweet cream cheese, apple and cinnamon, or strawberry cream cheese filling. They are packaged in boxes of six and have anywhere from 170-210 calories, 6-9 grams of fat, 1-3.5 grams of saturated fat, 240-270 milligrams of sodium, and 3-4 grams of protein.

Griddle n’ Sausage Wrap: a breakfast sausage covered in buttermilk pancake batter with a hint of maple syrup. Comes in boxes of eight and have 160 calories, 11 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 220 milligrams of sodium, and 4 grams of protein.

NEWS: T.G.I. Friday’s Makes Dishes Using What Many People Go To T.G.I. Friday’s For

Marvo 9 Comments

Cedar Point - T.G.I. Friday's on the Beach

This week, Chili’s… I mean, Applebee’s… I mean, T.G.I. Friday’s added several new dishes to their menu that are inspired by everyone’s favorite beverage made with barley, hops, and water. The introduction of these meals made with beer coincides with the restaurant chain’s move to start offering craft beers at every location. The craft beers vary from state to state, but some of the craft beer companies include Fat Tire, Harpoon, Shipyard, Goose Island, Magic Hat, Dirrty Rabbit, and Angry Hag.

Okay, those last two were totally made up.

The new dishes include:

Black Angus Brew House Steak: An 8-ounce flat-iron steak is marinated in a brine of beer and citrus and is then grilled and served with a craft beer sauce, potato salad and buttered summer green beans.

Parmesan-Crusted Crab Flounder: Pan-seared fish fillets are flavored with beer, then topped with deviled crabmeat and Parmesan breadcrumbs and served with sides of jasmine rice pilaf and buttered summer green beans.

Ale House Baby Back Ribs: Baby back pork ribs are grilled with beer, glazed with a Jack Daniels barbecue sauce and served with sides of potato salad and buttered summer green beans.

Dijon-Crusted Beer Chicken: Chicken fillets are marinated in craft beer and lightly breaded with seasoned breadcrumbs. The dish is served with a tossed salad of mixed greens and grape tomatoes drizzled with a Caesar vinaigrette.

Ale House Shrimp and Chips appetizer: Beer-battered broccoli, sliced red peppers and Cajun- spiced shrimp are served on home-style potato chips with cucumber-wasabi ranch dip and a stout-beer remoulade sauce.

Guinness Stout: A Guinness Stout beer is blended with chocolate syrup and vanilla ice cream and topped with whipped cream, for adults.

Mandarin Dreamsicle: Orange liqueur is added to an orange sherbet and vanilla ice cream shake that’s topped with mandarin oranges and whipped cream, for adults.