McDonald’s Frappé is a photocopy of Starbucks’ Frappuccino. So Burger King’s Frappé is a photocopy of a photocopy. Although, if I were to include Cinnabon’s Mochalatta and Dunkin’ Donuts’ Coolatta, then Burger King’s Frappé is a photocopy of a photocopy of a photocopy of a photocopy.
Do you know what happens when you photocopy a photocopy, then photocopy that photocopy, and photocopy that?
Let me explain using the following example. Let’s say I were to walk into a Kinko’s at two in the morning, go up to one of their copy machines, pull my pants down, jump up onto the copy machines, gently sit down on the glass plate, and take an awesome photocopy of my butt with its crack going perfectly down the middle of the 8 1/2 x 11 sheet of paper.
Then let’s say I further waste the machine’s toner by photocopying that perfect butt photocopy, taking the result of that, placing it into the feeding tray, photocopying it, and then wash, rinse, and repeat several times. Eventually, that perfect photocopy of my butt won’t be so perfect. My butt crack that went straight down the middle will, instead, drift to the left or right. You can still tell it’s my butt, but it isn’t quite like the original.
So, basically, the Burger King Frappé looks like a Starbucks Frappuccino, but is inferior to the original.
Like McDonald’s, BK’s Frappés come in two flavors, Caramel and Mocha, and are topped with whipped cream and drizzled with mocha or caramel syrup. Wait. Did I say drizzled? I meant splooged, like it was shot out of a fast food mayo gun. The whipped cream dollop on top of the blended coffee beverage, surprisingly, stayed perky after the 10 minute car drive in my air conditioner-less car, which is something I can’t say about the whipped cream on top of the McDonald’s Frappé.
The Burger King website says each Frappé is “made with a hint of coffee.” To be honest, I wish they were made with a KAPOW or BLAMMO of coffee because I thought the BK Frappés had less coffee flavor than the McDonald’s version. Between the two flavors, the Burger King Caramel Frappé is more guilty of hiding the coffee flavor. As someone who likes his iced coffee with lots of cream and sugar, I never thought I’d miss the bitterness of coffee.
Now with all of that said, the Burger King Frappés are like BK’s fries, they’re decent, but I prefer the McDonald’s version. They have a pleasant smoothie consistency and, if you look at the table above, they’re slightly better for you than McDonald’s Frappés. But I really think Burger King should’ve given them a stronger coffee base and I’m disappointed they didn’t take advantage of their partnership with Seattle’s Best Coffee.
To sum up what I think of Burger King’s Frappé, I’ve created a simple formula.
Starbucks Frappuccino > McDonald’s Frappé > Burger King Frappé
And while I’m getting comparisons off my chest…
Broccoli > Carrots > Cauliflower
Pandas > Penguins > Koalas
(Nutrition Facts – 12 ounces/small – 410 calories, 170 calories from fat, 19 grams of fat, 11 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 230 milligrams of sodium, 58 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 39 grams of sugar, and 3 grams of protein.)
Item: Burger King Frappé (Caramel and Mocha)
Size: Small/12 ounces
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Caramel)
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Mocha)
Pros: Decent. Less calories and sugar than McDonald’s Frappé. Perky whipped cream topping. Nice smoothie consistency. Broccoli. Pandas.
Cons: Weak coffee flavor. Not as good as McDonald’s version. Having an over-photocopied photocopy. Having to put an accent mark in frappé. Cauliflower. Koalas.