A wise man once said, “It’s dangerous to go alone.” Well, I presume it was a wise man. After all, how could an enigmatic cave hermit thrusting a deadly weapon into the hands of a child be anything other than a fount of wisdom? I believe the historical ranking of the wizened sages goes:
- Nameless, child endangering cave hermit
I however, offer something much more valuable than a mere warning and a trinket. I offer knowledge and foresight into the world of Dairy Queen Blizzards. I shall bear the enviable burden of sampling every new Blizzard Treat of the Month, along with returning offerings, and sharing my thoughts with you, my friend. I will be your guide in addition to arming you with the red plastic spoon plucked from the frozen sheath of your inverted delight.
To that end, let me tell you a little about myself. Because I transition with the grace of a rancor in a pottery shop, I was sired in an Illinoisan shire before spending many years aboard a Navy destroyer on a quest to cast the Onion Ring into the depths of Davy John’s Locker.
Hmmm, maybe I need to read those books again…
I leveled up upon returning home by earning a business degree and entering a career in the thrill-a-minute world of costing and pricing analysis . Much like actual hobbits, I spend many hours in the kitchen to indulge my sweet tooth and many more hours in the gym because of it. Eye roll-inducing puns put an impish grin on my face, and I love all things chocolate, peanut butter, and ketchup. The eagle-eyed amongst you may note that one of those things is not like the other, but that’s okay as it will have nothing to do with Blizzards…probably.
Enough about me though as I’m really here for you, dear reader. I hope that my tales will be illuminating or at the very least entertaining. I look forward to learning more about you as I share my exploits into a very cold and tasty world. Blizzards are coming, and the drive-thru is long and full of terrors.