Greetings and salutations fellow lovers of all foods with questionable nutritional value. I’m the kind of person (some would say a “special” kind of person) who upon seeing a commercial at 2:15 a.m. introducing a new fast food concoction will immediately put on my slippers — and probably some type of pants — and hop into my car to sample said new product.
While I like to think my knowledge of fast food vittles is pretty solid, my knowledge of fast food restaurant operating hours is sometimes lacking. On more than one occasion, these late night trips have ended in cruel disappointment when I arrive to find a darkened drive-thru.
Then, when I return home empty-handed at 2:30 a.m., I must explain to my just-awoken wife why I left the house barely dressed in the middle of the night. Thankfully, she has seen my fast food obsession all too often during daylight hours and generally accepts my explanation while shaking her head and falling back asleep as she questions some of her life choices.
As a teenager, I got to experience the wonderful world of fast food as a somewhat-dedicated employee of Taco Bell. Mind you, this was many years ago when The Bell had those hideous polyester uniforms that were mostly brown with subtle accents of white, orange, and yellow, as if the company was trying to match those equally hideous San Diego Padres uniforms of the time.
The upside to working there was that an absent and disinterested management team allowed me and my esteemed colleagues to experiment with different Taco Bell ingredient combinations, and thus, a love for all that is new and unique in the world of fast (and junk) food was born.
After attending college for a period of time that fell short of those pesky graduation requirements, I got a regular job (not at Taco Bell). Sadly, this job does not afford many opportunities to indulge in my fast/junk food fetish, which is why being a contributor to The Impulsive Buy is a dream come true. Truth be told, that dream is not exactly at the top of my list, but it certainly seemed more achievable than most others, as I’ve been informed many times that no matter how much I wish or hope I can never become a dinosaur.