REVIEW: Sonic Signature Slingers

Sonic Signature Slingers

We, as a society, move one minute closer to the somewhat dystopic culinary midnight of a full-on meat replacement with the commercial-creation and mass-consumption of the Sonic Signature Slingers, a new limited-time cheeseburger with a “100-percent pure beef” patty that is apparently “blended with savory mushrooms and seasonings” which, according to the good folks at Sonic, is something that is “almost too good to be true.”

They said the same thing about Soylent Green.

Futuristic nutritional values and dietary requirements aside, however, Sonic’s big selling point of their Signature Slinger (a cooler way to say slider, I guess?) is that their “Classic” option is a better burger for you and your health, “starting at under 350 calories.” What you do with the rest of it is up to you and your dietician, I guess, especially when considering that a much heftier (and financially comparable) Jr. Deluxe Burger is only 380 calories.

At first glance, the Classic Slinger is a bit of a greasy mess, with the “bakery-quality” brioche bun simply glistening with grease as errant mayo and cheese glooped and glopped about with no remorse. The patty itself was yawningly flat and offered nothing noticeable to the naked eye to distinguish it from any other ol’ beef patty they serve, especially when desperately aided with pickles, onions, and tomatoes. (The promised lettuce, however, was nowhere in sight, at least not here.)

Sonic Signature Slingers 2

Taste-wise, the mushrooms and any expected earthiness thereof was just not there, not in any apparent shape or form. Not only that, but the patty was actually kind of dry and the requisite dowsing of mayo and cheese was a real Godsend in this case, adding much needed texture and flavor to the proceedings, aided with many sips of a Rt. 44 Diet Dr. Pepper, of course.

To be honest, the Classic Sonic Signature Slinger is really nothing special; it’s a fine little cheeseburger to be sure, but one that is just as comparable in most ways to any other sandwich on the value menu. This goes double for the mostly redundant Bacon Melt Signature Slingers, which is more of the same except for, you guessed it, bacon.

Sonic Signature Slingers 3

Served on the same “bakery-quality” brioche bun, those smoky strips of greasy pork add nothing but extra calories and fat to a cheeseburger whose sole purpose was to be better than that. There’s very little charm to the whole thing, the same dry patty in need of extra cheese and mayo, leaving the customer wondering what far more substantial alternatives on the menu they should’ve ordered instead.

After trying both varieties, it’s mostly left me wondering who, exactly, are these are for? They’re obviously not for vegetarians, they’re not all that better for you, health-wise, and, worst of all, they add no sort of new and spectacular flavor sensations to the palate to set them apart from the rest of the all-beef pack. I guess, out of natural curiosity, they’re worth a try or two, but, in the long run, they’re just kind of…there.

That being said, I do look forward to the next scientific development in the Sonic test kitchens, presumably that of the all-mushroom beef-flavored patty in the next few frightening years. Charlton Heston would be proud. ¡Cómpralo ya!

(Nutrition Facts – Classic – 340 calories. The other nutrition facts aren’t available on the Sonic website.)

Purchased Price: $1.99
Size: N/A
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: Supposedly under 350 calories. The novelty of a mushroom beef-patty. Charlton Heston screaming in the streets.
Cons: Dry and in need of plenty of calorie-inducing condiments. No mushroom “flavor.” Kind of pointless.

8 thoughts to “REVIEW: Sonic Signature Slingers”

  1. Opening pic might be one of the least appetizing pics ever on this site…and that’s saying something

  2. I found the meat to be rather flavorless. I was expecting more when I heard there were mushrooms in it, but you would never know it. The best I can say about this particular burger is that it’s blah.

  3. It’s for people like me, who want a hamburger with fewer calories. I don’t expect or want mushroom flavor. I want it to taste exactly like a hamburger, which in my experience it does. The kids hamburger is 440 cals.

  4. When they call it a slider… they’re not joking. It’s the size of a hockey puck. The double cheeseburger is a much better deal. I got it because I was curious about it. It didn’t break apart easily, like I had to use more force to rip each bite out. The bun was also hard. Don’t know if I got an old bun, but they made me wait as they cooked it up, so I know the patty was freshly cooked. Wasn’t a pleasant experience and I wouldn’t get it again.

  5. The future looks very grim to you I guess, as its no new news that it is not sustainable to feed the current population on a meat based die. Maybe get used to it now so it isn’t so hard when fresh meat is scarce picking.

  6. First time we got them the meat was almost raw. Second time we were stupid enough to try again, the bun was burnt, greazy, tasteless. No more sonic for me.

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