REVIEW: Starbucks Witch’s Brew Frappuccino

Starbucks Witch's Brew Frappuccino

“What’s that? [Bat]’s wart, mmm! And [toad]’s breath? Nothing’s more suspicious than [toad]’s breath! Until you taste it, I won’t follow a spoonful.”

So apparently the folks over at Starbucks weren’t quite creative enough to come up with their own ingredients for the Witch’s Brew Frappuccino, so they had to take worm’s wart and frog’s breath from Sally’s soup on The Nightmare before Christmas, and they replaced the animals to avoid copyright infringement. I’m surprised they didn’t add deadly lampshade in place of deadly nightshade.

According to various official descriptions, this purple concoction also has swamp fog, goblin regret (whatever that is), and lizard scales.

I’ve got to hand it to Starbucks: this is a visually stunning drink. The orange-flavored purple base, the green-colored chia seeds, and the green sugar on top of whipped cream. Purple and green will never overthrow orange and black as the ultimate Halloween colors, but this is a fittingly spooky treat.

Will this brew gain the approval of Samantha Stephens, Winifred Sanderson, Sabrina Spellman, and Minerva McGonagall? Ehh.

While I was waiting for my drink, I overheard the barista talking disparagingly about it with a man who I assume was his boss. I didn’t dislike it like they did, but it wasn’t amazing.

The purple base tastes like generic orange Creamsicle. It was a nice enough flavor, but halfway through my Tall drink, I couldn’t really taste it. I don’t know whether I had sucked all the flavor out (like with a Slurpee), or if I had gotten numb to it. Regardless, the second half wasn’t as tasty as the first.

Starbucks Witch's Brew Frappuccino 3

The slimy, green chia seeds (bat warts, I assume) were disappointing. They had no flavor, and they seemed out of place in this drink. It’s nice to break up the monotony in a drink like this, but the chia seeds weren’t the best way to do it. At least you’re getting a minuscule amount of nutrients from their presence, right?

Starbucks Witch's Brew Frappuccino 4

Oddly enough, my favorite part might have been the green-colored sugar (lizard scales?) resting on the whipped cream. I don’t think it’s supposed to taste like anything, but it seemed better than regular sugar. But I doubt you’re supposed to consume it separately.

Starbucks Witch's Brew Frappuccino 5

If you want to try Starbucks’ Witch’s Brew Frappuccino for the seasonal novelty of it, then go for it. It’s not terrible. I love these holiday gimmicks; also, I don’t drink coffee, so I was glad to have another alternative at Starbucks. It’s a fun offering.

If, however, you’re hoping for a delicious drink, there are better ways to spend five dollars.

Purchased Price: $4.95
Size: Tall
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (Tall) 270 calories, 100 calories from fat, 11 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 35 milligrams of cholesterol, 170 milligrams of sodium, 39 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 35 grams of sugar, 4 grams of protein, and 0 milligrams of caffeine.

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