REVIEW: Brach’s Tailgate Candy Corn

Brach s Tailgate Candy Corn

You know storm chasers, those people who deliberately seek out horrifying and dangerous phenomena for the thrill of it? That’s exactly the kind of relationship I have with disgusting novelty snacks, so when I heard about Brach’s Tailgate Candy Corn, I got as excited as my dad at an actual tailgate.

I happened to have relatives visiting from overseas while I was reviewing this candy, and because I’m a bad person, I convinced them that these would be a great taste of American culture. After stomaching a single corn, one cousin begged me to include the phrase “offense to the senses” in my review (thanks, mate!), and spoiler alert, things will only get more scathing.

Brach s Tailgate Candy Corn No Description

There’s such a wide range of experiences in this bag (specifically, that range goes from “probably won’t make you puke” to, well, the opposite) that I had to give every flavor its own rating. I also had to take some liberties figuring out which flavor was which — Brach’s, perhaps rightfully ashamed of what they’ve wrought, doesn’t indicate this anywhere on the bag.

Brach s Tailgate Candy Corn Vanilla Ice Cream

White top, yellowy bottom: vanilla ice cream. In addition to being the only flavor whose two-toned color scheme really makes sense, this is the least offensive by far. It’s overwhelming sweet with a weird caramel undertone. Maybe that’s supposed to represent the malty taste of a cone, but probably it’s just to justify calling this something other than “pure sugar.” Still, it’s impressively bearable. 5 out of 10.

Brach s Tailgate Candy Corn Fruit Punch

Reddish top, pale pink bottom: fruit punch. As overly sweet as the vanilla ice cream, this is probably the flavor that tastes the most like how it’s supposed to — and yet this time, the weird undertone is the taste of chemicals. It reminded me of Hawaiian Punch, if Hawaiian Punch was worse. 4 out of 10.

Brach s Tailgate Candy Corn Popcorn

White top, pale yellow bottom: popcorn. Or, to be more accurate, flavor-that-tastes-nothing-like-popcorn. I was (naively) expecting something rich like Jelly Belly’s exemplary Buttered Popcorn bean. Instead, I got something that tastes how nail polish smells. It’s reminiscent of burnt garbage, just slightly saccharine. 3 out of 10.

Brach s Tailgate Candy Corn Hamburger

Pinky-red bottom, yellowy top: is it hamburger? Is it hot dog? Is it fit for human consumption? The best way to describe this is to tell you that when trying my usual “take one bite for a first impression, then a second to understand the taste well enough to write about it” strategy, the prospect of having to choke down one more morsel made me genuinely distraught. More succinctly, this flavor is spicy, and that’s disturbing. I’m going to go ahead and associate that with hamburger, but — I hate to say it — more than anything, it tastes like vomit. 0 out of 10.

Brach s Tailgate Candy Corn Hot Dog

Pale pink top, yellowy bottom: hot dog, by process of elimination. And thank goodness for the process of elimination because there’s no way to tell what this is supposed to be just by eating it. It’s sort of smokey, but with an underlying — you guessed it! — sweetness that stresses me out. I’m sure there are situations where smokey and sweet flavors work well together, but this fluorescent party foul cannot be one of them. 1 out of 10.

I wanted to arrive at a total rating by taking the average of the scores for the individual flavors, but that would be a 2-rating, and that felt too high. This bag is worse than the sum of its parts; somehow, the fact that nearly half of the flavors are nearly edible just makes it even more demoralizing. The only thing it has in common with a real tailgate is the fact that both make me want to drink heavily.

Purchased Price: $3.49
Size: 11 oz bag
Purchased at: Walgreens
Rating: 1 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (15 pieces) 110 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 65 milligrams of sodium, 29 grams of carbohydrates, 22 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

10 thoughts to “REVIEW: Brach’s Tailgate Candy Corn”

  1. Great review! Thank you for including the “offense to the senses” line, because it made me laugh and wonder about your cousin’s take on other American foods. I’m sorry that you experienced such disgust for this product, but am glad that it has resulted in entertainment for us readers. I tried the Taco Truck ones awhile back, and some of the flavors were surprisingly good (salsa) and some were horrific (beef taco).

  2. THIS is the content I read this blog for :). Seriously, I’m usually willing to try to “out there” flavors, but I am eternally grateful for your review that will allow me to skip this one with no fear of missing anything. Except maybe an upset stomach, which I’m ok missing.

  3. Thanks for the review! I’ve been on the lookout for these because I share your problem with needing to try snacks that probably shouldn’t exist. Now I can’t decide if you’ve saved me the trouble of getting them or if they’re so bad I need to experience it for myself. I know a lot of people hate regular candy corn, I can only imagine how horrified those people would be if you handed them a hamburger flavored one.

  4. I give Brachs a lot of credit for sticking with these wacky flavor mixes. Just like Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans, the Brachs mixes are irresistible in their weirdness. They’re a lot of fun, and candy should be fun!

  5. Look forward to your reviews ans the funny insights youexplore while tasting sometimes “ offenses fo the senses” ??? I thought Halloween traditional candy corn are bad so these new flavors were EPIC in their assault to good taste !!! Great review !!!!!!! Xoxox GCVL

  6. They need to make something akin to beanboozled, that’s the only way these could actually be successful. Otherwise I really can’t comprehend how these made it to market. Maybe all their taste testers got COVID and still can’t smell or taste!

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