Jeff, Author at The Impulsive Buy

REVIEW: Burger King Big King (2013)

November 19, 2013September 4, 2023 Jeff 15 Comments

For every Diablo II, there is a Titan Quest. For every Bruce Lee, you get a Bruce Li (or a Bruce Leung if you’re really unfortunate). And for every Volcano, you are tortured by a Dante’s Peak. Is it me or am I the only who laughed when that old lady was screaming in that boiling lake? The melting legs in Volcano were funny too, but at least it had Anne Heche when she was “librarian-hot.”

They say people believe that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. (Run-on sentence warning.) I say people who say that are secretly wishing to bury a pickaxe into the skull of the imitation rather than spew some bullshit silver lining sayings.

Burger King’s Big King isn’t so much an imitation as it is more of a dare to size up a corporate “Who’s penis is bigger?” argument. The name itself, Big King, is a figurative flaming arrow shot Rambo-way at a certain clown who hawks a particular legendary two all-beef patties sandwich.

But if you plan on taking down a legend, you need to bring more than just empty talk.

You see, I envision this as a bonus stage in Mortal Kombat II, complete with a pixelated voice shouting “Round One, FIGHT!” and the secret blood code unlocked. It’s Big King versus Big Mac! (Cue the underrated Utah Saints’ remix of Mortal Kombat theme song.)

Then I picture the sap playing as Big King watching in silence as he is being barraged by multiple point punches. Soon, computerized shouts of “Toasty!” and “Flawless” pepper the air as the digitalized lettuce and pickles start flying around. Of course, the player smashes the Playstation controller onto the cold tile and walks out.

I believe Big King was introduced in the 90’s, the decade that brought such embarrassments like the soul patch, nipples on Batman’s suit or The Spin Doctors. However, not everything in the 90’s was bad, but Big King will make you think otherwise.

As you can imagine, Big King is two savory fire-grilled beef patties, special sweet thousand island sauce, lettuce, melted American cheese, crunchy pickles, crispy onions in a sesame seed bun. Don’t try to hum that tune while saying that because it won’t work. If you don’t detect the difference, your taste buds will certainly alert you to it.

The burger, to say at the very least, made me contemplate suicide after I poisoned all my goldfish by dropping an Alka-Seltzer in the bowl while listening to Interpol. Dramatic I know, but this burger was a complete Hindenburg disaster.

Upon examination, there was so much sauce. It was dripping off the sides like a glazed donut. The burger patties were dry and thin, like those cheap chocolate chip cookies you get from a subpar travel lodge. True to form in my experience, the cheese was not melted and limp. Yet, the lettuce and onions were abundant and crisp, and those pickles crunched like a sonata. Maybe those passive-aggressive people are right, there is a damned silver lining in everything!

When I took my first bite, I wanted to throw it away angrily or 80’s-style wrestler stomp it on the ground. All I could taste was the tangy thousand-island dressing that had too much mayonnaise, the intense briny edge of the pickles and flavorless (but crispy) iceberg lettuce. If the sesame bun was toasted, I had no clue because it was soggy and disgusting. It was like eating a sweet mayonnaise and lettuce sandwich. The onions didn’t even add much, except depression.

The sauce drowned out everything. It doesn’t help the beef patties were wafer-thin as if it were pretending to be carpaccio and the flavorless lettuce only emphasized the sole flavor of sweet and tangy globs of mayonnaise.

I was so angry, the onion rings couldn’t even make me happy. Instead I smashed it with my fists and Frisbee’d the offensive sandwich into my neighbor’s lawn.

Burger King’s promise that “Taste is King” on its bags is akin to the corner escort who says “I love you long time.” I’m all for an alternative, but sometimes the old adage rings true…the original is sometimes better. Unless you’re talking about 2008’s Rambo, which I hate to admit, it kicks First Blood out of the jungle.

(Nutrition Facts – 510 calories, 29 grams of fat, 10 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 65 milligrams of cholesterol, 780 milligrams of sodium, 38 grams of carbohydrates, 8 grams of sugar, 18 grams of protein.)

Item: Burger King Big King
Purchased Price: $3.49
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 2 out of 10
Pros: The lettuce and pickles were crunchy. Jet Li. You will be find comfort being assured that McDonald’s still trumps in all other special sauce sandwiches. Unlocking the blood code and stomping things 80’s wrestler style.
Cons: Too much sauce. Cheese not melted. Bruce Li. Thin and dry patties. The onion rings won’t save you. Smashing your controller in a fit of rage as an adult.

REVIEW: Dunkin’ Donuts Angus Steak Big N’ Toasted Sandwich

September 23, 2013August 25, 2023 Jeff 9 Comments

Every few months or so, some poor “high-end” food product makes the jump from pretentious to a diluted all-audience nature. It gets filtered through a wood chipper and then a toilet so in the end it no longer resembles the actual item. All this for the sake of mass consumption. Therefore, not only does it lose its pompous aura (which is fine by me), but its unique characteristics as well (which is not okay at all).

Remember Wendy’s bragging about its fries being sprinkled with sea salt? Give me a break if you’re expecting it to be the actual harvested finishing salts chefs preen about.

Kobe beef, with its already dubious nature in what can actually be called Kobe, is another victim. Kobe hot dogs? Kobe hamburgers? My eyes rolled so much that you would swear I had two lazy eyes or was the inspiration for the guy that graces each Mad Libs cover.

Another example is Kobe beef’s less-complicated, but just as maligned, American cousin, the Angus. This poor bastard is being passed around faster than a cotton towel at an orgy. I’m guessing the “certification” for Angus beef is low enough that even Stephen Hawking can jump over it. Okay, that’s a tasteless cheap shot that’s just as tasteless as the Dunkin’ Donuts Angus Steak Big N’ Toasted.

I commend Dunkin’ Donuts for attempting to separate itself from the pack by using Texas Toast for its sandwiches. The thick bread borders on overindulgence, but is perfect for capturing runny eggs and butter. Some people prefer wheat or pumpernickel, I lust after Texas Toast.

I mean c’mon!!! It’s Texas Toast, steak, eggs and cheese. You know what’s better than sliced bread? Sliced bread with beef, cheese and egg in between it. So what can go wrong? Apparently, if you make a living primarily selling donuts, then a hell of a lot.

Look, I’m a big fan of their Texas Toast Grilled Cheese. Its buttery and flaky toast and melted cheese makes me act like those monkeys in the beginning of 2001: A Space Odyssey.

But stupid me because I was expecting the same from this new sandwich. I opened it immediately to look at this “Angus” steak and it had the natural color of a cadaver stuffed under a house because he didn’t pay his bets on time. It was charmingly grayish and resembled an unsauced Salisbury meatloaf concoction served at all the finest detention centers.

The steak also had an overwhelming artificial smokey taste. The texture itself was flaccid and rubbery, two things I don’t want my meat to feel like. The worst part? The beef was chewy. Not Mentos candy-chewy, but chewy like the bits resting on the bottom of a beef jerky pouch.

The toast had the dampness of a basement, but it was sufficiently buttered. The two eggs only helped in taking your hopes, smashing them, and then pissing on the remains. The eggs were laughably fake looking, like a Fisher Price plastic fried egg toy. Another thing, it had an unnatural powdery texture and lacked any of the richness an egg normally has. It was also mealy and it disintegrated in my mouth into a sandy mush.

Most things can be saved by melted cheese since it provides an extra boost of flavor and texture, which was sorely missing in this sandwich. Unfortunately, there was so little cheese, all I could taste was fake smoke and a bland egg that broke apart into grainy beads in my mouth. It was like a bad French kiss between bread.

I’ve eaten the McDonald’s Angus burgers, so I know fast food “Angus” can be achieved with some success. But it’s as if Dunkin’ Donuts is the fat kid in gym class looking at the rope their meathead teacher is telling them to climb.

Finally, what really kicked me in the balls was the price — $4.29. I haven’t felt this ripped off since I was conned into buying Viagra from Mexico.

(Nutrition Facts – 620 calories, 34 grams of fat, 14 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 180 milligrams of cholesterol, 1290 milligrams of sodium, 43 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 4 grams of sugar, and 34 grams of protein)

Item: Dunkin’ Donuts Angus Steak Big N’ Toasted Sandwich
Purchased Price: $4.29
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Dunkin’ Donuts
Rating: 3 out of 10
Pros: Texas Toast. Having the option to buy a donut instead. 2001: A Space Odyssey. Sufficiently buttered toast. Soft drinks from Mexico.
Cons: Texas Toast. Artificial smoke flavor. Rubbery grey beef. 2010: The Year We Make Contact. The powdery egg that looks fake. Small amount of cheese. Pharmaceuticals from Mexico.

REVIEW: McDonald’s Mighty Wings

September 11, 2013September 4, 2023 Jeff 31 Comments

I’m not a big fan of eating messy foods, like ribs, because my OCD starts whispering in my head, “Hey! You have sauce on your fingers…grease too. Also, those napkins are getting sticky. You can wipe your face and hands with a wet-nap but it’s still there. Keep wiping. You’ll never get rid of the smell.”

Agggggh, shut the hell up!!!

However, it’s a different story with breaded chicken wings. I dislike naked wings because I love how the breading soaks up whatever sauce it’s engulfed in, but maintains a little crispy give that satiates that “bite-down” rush. Greasy, fried chicken-smelling fingers be damned! I’ll tear into drumsticks and wings like any of the undead in the now over-exposed zombie genre. It’s a guilty pleasure and I prefer to eat them in the privacy of my home and away from company…even my wife.

So when I heard McDonald’s was going to sell (for a limited time) chicken wings under the idiotic name, Mighty Wing, I was skeptical. The name reminds me of The Mighty Ducks or Mighty Joe Young. Anything named “mighty” is sure to disappoint, right? (Except Mighty Mouse.)

Oh, how wrong I was. McDonald’s plan sounds shaky at first; they sell burgers, not chicken wings. Yet, I also thought about the midnight fast food binges most of us have experienced, and sometimes you just want damn hot wings. Besides, how many burritos or Krystal burgers can you eat after midnight before it becomes boring? And haven’t you always wanted McDonald’s fries with some hot wings? It can’t just be me.

McDonald’s touts on their box, “It’s Time for Bone-In Chicken.” That’s weird and sounds pseudosexual in an awful way. However, the box also sternly warns, “Spicy. Bold. Delicious.”

McDonald’s delivered on its triple threat.

I opted for the 5-piece because an order of ten only tips the guilty pleasure/gluttony scale. As for the order of 3-pieces, that is a blatant lie to yourself and everyone you love.

Due to my wife’s wheat allergy, I knew the fries were deep fried in its own vat. This is great because fried foods that smell and taste alike are a pet peeve of mine. Don’t believe me? Next time order fish and chips at some seedy place and note how smell and taste almost the same. I was happy, but not surprised, that only the scent of fried chicken wafted out of the bag.

It was a long ten minute drive back to the house and the box was still hot. I don’t think McDonald’s is given enough recognition for their packaging. Seldom, except for the fries, do I get anything from McDonald’s that is not warm when I get home. This box of poultry extremities is a testament.

On my first bite, the chicken’s coating was satisfyingly crispy which then gave way to a moistness in the meat that can only be achieved through a deep fryer with perfectly scalding, clean oil or magic farts from a dragon. I’m going with magical farts because I cannot stress how perfectly fried these wings were and I do not believe any human could have done these.

The other thing noticeable on the first bite was the spicy heat that sauntered in smoothly (but that may also be from magic dragon farts too). I could tell the grease from the wings were sufficiently drained because there was little oily residue on my fingers. The breading was in the “Goldilocks” zone, where it was thick enough to give your canines that pleasurable and violent passion of tearing into it. Too many times breaded wings are so over coated: I just taste fried, floury breading, which sucks.

I could also taste the characteristics of black pepper from the paprika. However, unlike black pepper that mildly fades away like the credibility of those late night ads that promise to make your dong super large, the paprika’s heat confidently hangs on with each bite. The hints of onion and garlic lend a slightly sweet taste, but it’s quickly punched in the face by the intoxicating salty and spicy concerto that barrages your mouth.

Like a bookend, the last thing I tasted was the previously mentioned spiciness. I was impressed the peppery heat stayed well after I devoured the wings. While I normally eat hot wings that make you poop lava, and these Mighty Wings don’t get near that level, I was surprised by their heat.

One gripe I had was the wing-to-drumstick ratio. In a perfect world where magic dragon farts and penis enlarging pills exist, it would be all drumsticks but I got only two drums and three wings. Another gripe was not being asked for any a choice of sauce and given two Tangy Barbecue containers like they were default prizes. Maybe it was just this particular McDonald’s, but a cold creamy ranch would’ve make this perfect.

This last gripe isn’t really an issue for me, but it may be one for you. Paying $4.99 for five wings is a tad steep when you compare it with Buffalo Wild Wings or any other places that makes its name on wings and beer. I’ll pay for the convenience of ordering it through a drive-thru speaker because I’m that damned lazy. So you’ll have to wage for yourself if it’s worth paying for. I’ll be honest, if I was eating this inside a McDonald’s, I’m not sure I would drop five dollars for them. However, they are so good, I just may.

Although chicken wings are common, it’s rare that wings are done so well. More often than not, they are overfried until they are dry like the scabs on your knee you are told not to pick. Worse, some are drowned in thick and viscous sauces. McDonald’s does a great job with their Mighty Wings and delivers on the spicy, the bold, and the delicious.

(Nutrition Facts – 5 pieces – 480 calories, 31 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 145 milligrams of cholesterol, 1450 milligrams of sodium, 20 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, and 30 grams of protein.)

Item: McDonald’s Mighty Wings
Purchased Price: $4.99 (5-piece)
Size: 5 pieces
Purchased at: McDonald’s
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: Perfectly breaded. The spice packs a punch. The chicken was moist. You can now have wings with a Quarter Pounder and fries. The heat stays around. Magic Dragon farts.
Cons: It’s only a limited affair. When your OCD is mind-effing you. Zombie genre is more over-exposed than twerking. Kinda pricey. Wing to drum ratio is a tad disappointing. The term “bone-in” is stupid.

REVIEW: Nabisco Rice Thins (Original and Sea Salt & Pepper)

August 29, 2013December 24, 2020 Jeff 11 Comments

My wife has celiac and although it sounds exotic and scary, simply put, she’s allergic to wheat. Basically, she’s on an involuntary gluten-free diet. Although gluten free became a new fad diet for a time with celebrities extolling the virtues of no wheat, there was a positive effect in that it raised the awareness of those with gluten intolerance. So many manufacturers, if not expressly making gluten-free alternatives of their best selling products, are at least listing “contains wheat” on their packaging.

Eating out while having this allergy ranges from amusing to borderline murderous. McDonald’s is pretty understanding, no weird looks when we order a Quarter Pounder without a bun. Maggiano’s Little Italy and Bonefish Grill are really good about it. Having celiac means no Chinese food because most soy sauce has wheat but P.F. Chang’s has a whole separate gluten-free menu. In fact, most chains will have a gluten-free menu if you request it, just like most Chinese restaurants have a “real” menu if you ask for it.

The worst experience was during our anniversary, we ate at a Daddy Warbucks kinda place. The type of restaurant where there’s a mixologist and artesian waters are served. We were excited and I was ready to tear into their small batch whiskeys and ryes. My wife wanted something as simple as to not be poisoned at dinner.

After explaining in detail to the server and being assured gluten would not be an issue. This jackass assured us a second time that the crackers were gluten free. Halfway through eating their artisan crackers with small farm cheeses, the server tells us the crackers were actually only half-gluten so we should be fine. I’ll spare you with what my wife endured for a few days. And I’ll spare you with what immediately happened after the server stopped talking, but I will tell you it involved some hazmat suits, an axe, and a ditch.

I remember the days when we would have to shop at treehuggery supermarkets (I’m looking at you Whole Foods) that smelled like an Asian grandma (I’m looking at you Grandma), filled with skinny leathery old women wearing either mom pleated pants or Juicy Couture (I’m looking at 80 percent of old ladies here in the area I live and used to live in). We would have to shove through Birkenstock wearing jerkbags to grab Kinnikinnick Oreo-like cookies or Glutino’s Tastelikeassbutwe’llcallitMexicanBeanSurprise frozen dinners.

Remembering when my wife was first diagnosed, I had to pretend the tapioca bread tasted just as good as Wonder bread when in reality it had the flavor of blue construction paper. Now there’s Udi’s that makes bread as close to the real thing. Even our supermarket chain, Publix, has been placing the GF labels on its aisles and has a list of their own foodstuffs to let you know “It ain’t got no wheats, homies!”

I normally seethe at whatever pop culture embraces but I’m okay with the gluten-free “craze” because my wife, and others with celiac or lesser forms of gluten allergies, need as many choices available.

Amongst the goodies we take for granted, Wheat Thins is one of them. My wife was ecstatic when she ran across Nabisco’s Gluten Free Rice Thins. I was more interested in the Brach’s candies in those plastic bins like an old timey candy shoppe, if they had plastic bins. Who doesn’t love those boxy nougat candies filled with gummy fruit jellies?

The first thing we opened was the Rice Thins Sea Salt and Pepper made of brown rice. The crackers were light but not airy as I’m used to with ordinary rice crackers. The black pepper was faint but the peppery-ness lingered long after you ate one, which was nice. The saltiness was perfectly balanced and there was a slight mild toasted flavor. Maybe it’s the brown rice but there was a good amount of flavor.

My wife thought there should be more of a prevalent black pepper taste like in a steak au poivre. I agree, however she enjoyed the pepper flavor that would linger like a guest who should go home soon. She also felt that of all the gluten-free crackers available, this had the crunchiest texture. It was also missing the normally gross “earthy-soil” taste most g-free crackers have. Surprisingly, there was a hint of sweetness we both could taste. Maybe it was the thin coating on the crackers, but that was a pleasant touch.

We both also felt that this cracker would go extremely well with a mild cheese like a Jarlsburg (essentially it’s Gouda but awesomer) or a cream cheese based dip. She expressed that she would buy these again. I too, found these to be damn tasty and while I eat pizzas and sandwiches in front of her, I can be persuaded to actually eat these “outta” the box.

On the other hand, the Original Rice Thins was everything you think gluten free would taste like. Dull. Flavorless. Depressing. Instills an urge for you to choke those people who are a bit too damned chipper in the morning. Maybe urinate on your neighbor’s car just because you can.

The strongest characteristic this cracker had was a whisper of bitter burnt toast. It’s like inhaling the wafts from a just used toaster. The cracker had no weight like a rice cake and it was mealy. Every time you eat one, I’m sure a Native American turns to the camera with a tear rolling down his cheek.

My wife’s face expressed disgust when she ate one. She felt they were as bland as me getting it on. She expressed it had a repulsive texture as well. To her, they were boring and awful, like the “Under the Dome” series. She further felt they were similar to the other easily accessible and just as flavorless gluten-free crackers, Blue Diamond Nut-Thins (which really suck on a scale that paper cuts would rank as orgasmic).

There’s also a White Cheddar flavor but we passed because my wife hates Cheez-Its and cheese baked crackers.

Although these are no Wheat Thins, the sea salt and pepper is as close as there is for those with a gluten intolerance. And by close, I mean if I threw a ball to the moon and it landed on my roof instead.

As for the Original Rice Thins, they fail on such a spectacular level, it has convinced a certain someone to still eat pizza and Italian submarines in front of a certain wife (looking at me looking at you that’s also looking at me looking at you, that’s now looking at me… wait it’s like two mirrors facing each other!).

(Nutritional Facts – Sea Salt & Pepper – 13 crackers – 120 calories, 2 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 115 milligrams of sodium, 60 milligrams of potassium, 25 milligrams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of dietary fiber, less than 1 gram of sugars, and 2 grams of protein. Original – 18 crackers – 1.5 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 85 milligrams of sodium, 45 milligrams of potassium, 26 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, o grams of sugars, and 2 grams of protein).

Other Nabisco Rice Thins reviews:
Junk Food Guy

Item: Nabisco Rice Thins (Original and Sea Salt & Pepper)
Purchased Price: $2.50 (on sale)
Size: 3.5 oz box
Purchased at: Publix
Rating: 3 out of 10 (Original)
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Sea Salt & Pepper)
Pros: The Sea Salt and Pepper’s texture and flavor are excellent. The fact that there are now more choices for gluten-free items. Using made up words like awesomer. The salt and pepper are perfectly balanced. Nabisco entering the gluten-free market. My wife.
Cons: The Original Rice Thins are depressingly bland. The Sea Salt and Pepper is not as close to a Wheat Thins flavor yet. Old, leathery wrinkly dinkly ladies. The Original Rice Thins are mealy. My wife’s celiac.

REVIEW: Taco Bell Smothered Burrito

August 27, 2013August 30, 2023 Jeff 22 Comments

Certain words repulse me and “smothered” is one of them. There’s pork chops smothered with onions; a mother smothering her child with kisses before she heads to school; a needy boyfriend who smothers his girlfriend; John smothers his father with a pillow so he can inherit the business…and now, Taco Bell’s Smothered Burrito. I don’t care how you use the word “smothered”, I hate the word.

Why couldn’t the product developers use Taco Bell-speak and call it a Mega-drencharrito or Hurricanarito complete with a limited edition Storm Surge High Pressure Front (or whatever they are calling it now) Mountain Dew? Ah but what do I know? I’m just a jerk who can scrawl a few words together.

I feel sorry for Taco Bell. With fast food being caught in the pretzel roll rage, what can they do to make their mark? And no, I doubt anyone is clamoring for a pretzel shell taco. Taco Bell’s solution is to take a burrito and drown it in delicious condiments as if it were on trial during the Salem witch hunts. Mmmmm….Salem witch hunts.

The burrito looks like a normal sized burrito which is relative depending who in the back makes it. I’ve had large ones, small ones and some that look like a malformed tumor. For arguments sake, let’s pretend it was a normal burrito we all picture in our minds.

Also, you get a choice of shredded chicken, seasoned beef or marinated thick cut steak. For whatever reason, the official website is really pushing the shredded chicken. I chose the seasoned beef because chicken is blandly ubiquitous and their steak makes me want to cry and punch golden retriever puppies in the face (not really but you get the point). You also get a plastic fork and napkins because you’re going to need them.

Initially, I was a bit queasy when I opened the lid because the scent combination of warm dairy from the sour cream and the vinegar’s acidic notes have the faint essence of vomit. It gets better, trust me. Way better.

The appearance reminded me of those 1970’s suburban mom casseroles that scream “It’s Mexican Night!!!” for dinner. A generous amount of cheese is dumped (not sprinkled) all over. Then to add a dash of faux-fancy, low fat sour cream is zig-zagged on top.

Secret: I’ll always love you Taco Bell but you’ll never be fancy to me. That’s why I love you.

Finally, the burrito sits in a well of the trademark tangy Taco Bell red sauce like a victim in a Brian De Palma movie.

The wet burrito (Wet-rrito) tastes so much better than it smells. Don’t worry, when you first cut into those layers of the burrito, the smell dissipates because that beef just overtakes it and whispers, “This is gonna be delicious.” It’s like bourbon, you just have to power through the oaky and woodsy notes some find unpleasant.

The first thing to hit my taste buds was the vinegary red sauce but it gives way to the rich beef and the smokiness of the creamy chipotle sauce. In addition, the Latin rice and beans add an earthy tone that’s needed to ground the deep flavors (Flavo-rrito!).

I don’t know what makes the rice Latin, but I’m not sure what any item in Taco Bell makes it Latin either. Who cares because the sauce the burrito is washed in tastes so good, it just lingers in the back of your throat well after you swallowed each bite. The burrito is complex in flavors, hefty, and has a dense texture.

But lest I forget, the melted cheese and the colder (not cold) creamy trails of sour cream really bring it all together. The cheese was actually stringy and had weight we are not normally accustomed to with Taco Bell’s melted cheeses (Melta-rrito!).

I’m aware it’s Taco Bell, but this burrito reminded me of honest home cooking. I was really shocked by how good it was. You know when you have to pee so badly and when you finally do, there’s that tingle that hits your tailbone? What I experienced with this burrito was the gastronomic equivalent sensation.

The only negative I can think of, besides the initial smell, is the strong vinegar lick of the red sauce. I loved it, but I’m the type that would drink Tabasco straight. Yet, I’m aware that the average person doesn’t have a strong penchant for it like I do. Oh, and if you’re health conscious (and why are you eating at Taco bell?), you may be floored that the sodium level is a gigantic 2,260 milligrams (Sodium-rrito!)

In the end, all we want is something that tastes good regardless of what it’s called. Taco Bell has achieved this. As much as I cannot stomach the word “smothered,” I’ll eat the hell out of a Taco Bell Smothered Burrito again.

(Nutritional facts – 710 calories, 35 grams of fat, 13 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 75 mg of cholesterol, 2260 mg of sodium, 70 grams of carbohydrates, 10 grams of dietary fiber, 4 grams of sugars, and 28 grams of protein.)

Other Taco Bell Smothered Burrito reviews:
Grub Grade
Brand Eating
Man Reviews Food

Item: Taco Bell Smothered Burrito
Purchased Price: $3.19
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Taco Bell
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: The red sauce, the melted cheese was stringy, the rich beef and the red sauce again. The texture of the burrito. The feeling when you finally go pee. The zig zags of sour cream. The earthy heady beans. Brian De Palma’s Mission: Impossible.
Cons: The initial smell of the burrito when you open the lid. Salem Witch Hunts. The red sauce may be too vinegary for some. The word “smothered.” Colossal sodium amount. Brian De Palma’s Mission to Mars.