REVIEW: Taco Bell Nacho Fries

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Let’s not beat around the Bell with each other here, alright Hoss?

If you’re a regular reader of a website called The Impulsive Buy, more than once after picking up a bagful of Chalupas and Meximelts from the nearest Taco Bell drive-thru, chances are you’ve probably then driven across the street to the McDonald’s (or whatever burger joint is closest) for an order or two of those famous large fries, hot out the fryer and ready to dip in that quintessential Taco Bell cheese sauce.

I know I have. Like yesterday.

But it’s alright, baby. In the world of fast food, there ain’t no shame in this game. Let’s face it: French fries go great with just about everything, from the finest cuts of aged Wagyu beef to the lowliest no-name prison-approved Nutraloaf. It’s an American classic (yeah, I said it!) and finally, the culinary geniuses at our fave faux-Mex eatery, Taco Bell have come to their senses and are now offering them as part of their beloved dollar menu.

While at first I was mostly excited about all the gas money I’ll be saving, now I know I’ll probably use the aforementioned cash to buy more of these Taco Bell Nacho Fries, because, amigos, its take on papa fritas is the bomb.

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Cut thicker than most other fast food chains’ and absolutely coated with dangerously covetous Mexican seasonings (exactly what seasonings and from where in Mexico, we’re never told), these deep-fried darlings are perfectly crispy, surprisingly dense, and have a thick “twice-fried” feel to them that few places know how to get right and if they do, you gotta by a terrible roast beef sandwich to pair with them. I’m looking at you, Arby’s.

Sadly, the serving size is quite small, even for a dollar menu offering, but, truth be told, these fries do manage to pack a lot of flavor in such a singular container, with or without the nacho cheese dipping sauce. So order two servings and everyone’s happy. Additionally, ketchup is available, but — hello Mild, my old friend – that good ol’ reliable T.B. hot sauce works even better as a potato condiment, complementing the mysterious Mexican spices with just enough heat to provide a smooth finish and pleasant enough aftertaste.

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In a surprising twist of fate, besides the one buck incarnation of these Nacho Fries, the Bell is also offering them in Supreme ($2.49) and Bell Grande ($3.49) variations. Both use said fries as a bed for nacho cheese, ground beef, tomatoes and sour cream, with the Bell Grande doubling everything for a dollar more. While it’s a completely unnecessary gesture — seriously dudes, the Nacho Fries were good enough — it’s not wholly unwelcomed either. Just don’t look for it to replace the Nachos Bell Grande anytime soon, unless you order both and mix ‘em together, trough style.

That being said, Taco Bell’s Nacho Fries have definitely moved to the top of the “must order” list and deserves to be part of the regular menu, if there is truly any justice in this cold, heartless world. The only problem with that, however, is now when I go to McDonald’s, I’ve gotta go across the street to get my preferred fries from the Bell. What a deliciously wonderful problem that is to have. ¡Cómpralo ya!

(Nutrition Facts – Nacho Fries only – 320 calories, 160 calories from fat, 18 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, less than 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 620 milligrams of sodium, 35 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of fiber, 2 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $1.00
Size: N/A
Rating: 10 out of 10
Pros: Crunchy, perfectly seasoned, and affordable.
Cons: Small serving size. Might be addictive. Limited time on menu?

REVIEW: Taco Bell Stacker

Taco Bell Stacker

As a mostly professional writer who often works well into the wee hours of the morning, Taco Bell is oftentimes my culinary night light, that shining burrito in the 3 a.m. fog, ready to protect and serve my faux-Mex wiles without judgment.

The only downside to this is that, more than a few times, I have fallen asleep after only a few bites of a rigidly plump chili cheese burrito, which, when drowsily set on a keyboard makes a wholly insufficient meat and cheese pillow, squirting the contents like a tube of toothpaste across my desk as my head defiantly slumbers deep into said Fourth Meal, waking up to a nocturnal mess not seen since puberty.

There’s got to be a better way!

Enter the new Taco Bell $1 Stacker.

Comprised of the Bell’s beloved spicy ground beef, that stand-by three-cheese blend and a healthy dollop of nacho cheese folded numerous times inside a comically large tortilla and pressed completely flat, the Stacker enters the pantheon of TB’s famed flush foodstuffs like the Quesadilla, the Crunchwrap Supreme, and, if you wanna get extra nasty, the Mexican Pizza. The main difference here is the price point of only a buck and, truth be told, for your hundred pennies you sure do get a lot of food, as well as a comforting headrest.

Taco Bell Stacker 2

I was pleasantly surprised to see just how much the meaty and cheesy filling was willing to be compacted and compressed in the Stacker, making it perhaps the best deal on the current incarnation of the Dollar Menu.

Additionally, living up to its moniker perfectly, it was filling and fun to place three or four of these babies on top of one another, creating a mega Stacker of Voltron-esque proportions that without a doubt will be the most filling meal (or in my case, Fourth Meal) of the day.

Taco Bell Stacker 3

And best of all, while I was burning the Bell at both ends last night, the Stacker, with its pillow-like comfort and memory-foam demeanor, made for the perfect resting place between my head and the keyboard, all with no fuss or no muss and, if that weren’t enough, I have a warm breakfast waiting for me when I came to. You’ve done it again, Taco Bell. ¡Cómpralo ya!

(And, on that note, day-sleepers might want to pick up the A.M. Stacker wherein the staid ground beef is replaced with a generous portion of fluffy egg, presumably as part of a healthy, balanced breakfast. Also notable is the limited edition $5 Stacker Box, which includes the aforementioned Stacker, a crunchy taco, a Nacho Cheese Doritos Taco Loco, chips and nacho cheese sauce, and a medium drink.)

(Nutrition Facts – 390 calories, 170 calories from fat, 18 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 40 milligrams of cholesterol, 1050 milligrams of sodium, 39 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of fiber, 3 grams of sugar, and 18 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $1.00
Size: N/A
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Flat, compact, stackable. Surprisingly packed with meat and cheese. Literal comfort food.
Cons: Too much tortilla. Unimaginative use of tortilla, meat, and cheese.

ANNOUNCEMENT: Hello, My Name is Louis Fowler. I’m Your New Impulsive Buy Reviewer

As far back as I can remember, I’ve always enjoyed eating food. From my time as a helpless baby to now as a less-helpless man, eating has always been an important daily goal of mine, aiming for at least three meals a day not only for the taste, mind you, but for the fact that it provides things like nutrients and whatnot that help to keep me alive which, at the current moment, is kind of important.

Over the past few years I have been able to parlay this necessitous hobby into a moneymaking scheme minor career as a food critic for various newspapers and magazines including most recently The Hungover Gourmet, Red Dirt Report, and The Lost Ogle, almost completely against doctor’s orders mind you. From tales of culinary nostalgia to reviews of places where even the hungriest angels fear to tread, I have earned my fair share of death threats from angry hipsters who have on more than one occasion referred to my palate as a “garbage can.”

I can’t argue with this because, yes, there have been various points in my life I have eaten from a garbage can. And I liked it.

If you’re ever in Oklahoma City, chances are you can find me hanging out on the Southside, downing milanesa tortas from El Chavo Supertorta, menudo from Berta’s or imbibing on virgin chuviduvis from Croodoolandia. If you’re paying, I’d be more than happy to take you on a fully guided edible diversion the tourists don’t often get to see unless they take a wrong turn.

If I’m paying, however, we’re doing the Taco Bell Dollar Menu, holmes. Thanks for reading. ¡Cómpralo ya!