Author: Marvo

ANNOUNCEMENT: Ben & Jerry’s Prize Pack Winner

Marvo 2 Comments

Here’s the winner of last month’s Ben & Jerry’s giveaway:

NED

Congratulations, NED!

Thanks to everyone for participating. And a special thank you goes out to Ben & Jerry’s for providing the prize pack.

And now here’s a list of all the Ben & Jerry’s flavors mentioned in the comments and the number of times they were mentioned.

Black & Tan 2
Blueberry Cheesecake 1
Boston Creme Pie 4
Bovinity Divinity 5
Brownie Batter 1
Brownie Nut Fudge 1
Cake Batter 1
Cheesecake Brownie 3
Cherry Garcia 31
Chocolate 1
Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough 10
Chocolate Fudge Brownie 4
Chocolate Nougat Crunch 1
Chocolate Peanut Butter Cookie Dough 1
Chocolate Therapy 4
Chubby Hubby 23
Chunky Monkey 22
Cinnamon Buns 14
Coconut Cream Pie 1
Coconut Seven Layer Bar 2
Coffee Caramel Buzz/Bonaroo Buzz 1
Coffee Coffee Buzz Buzz Buzz 2
Coffee Heath Bar Crunch 16
Creme Brulee 3
Dublin Mudslide 9
Entangled Mints 1
Everything but the… 2
Fair Goodness Cake 2
Festivus 7
Fossil Fuel 1
Goodbye Yellow Brickle Road 1
Half Baked 26
Hannah Teter’s Maple Blondie 1
Holy Cannoli 2
Honey I’m Home 3
Imagine Whirled Peace 4
Jerry’s Jubilee 1
Karamel Sutra 6
Key Lime Pie 1
Late Night Snack 10
Magic Brownies 3
Marsha Marsha Marshmallow 1
Milk & Cookies 7
Mint Chocolate Chunk 1
Mint Chocolate Cookie 4
Mission to Marzipan 2
Mud Pie 2
New York Super Fudge Chunk 8
Oatmeal Cookie Chunk 14
Peanut Brittle 1
Peanut Butter Cookie Dough 1
Peanut Butter Cup 3
Peanut Butter & Jelly 3
Peanut Butter Me Up 1
Peanut Butter World 4
Phish Food 34
Pina Colada 1
Pistachio Pistachio 4
Primary Berry Graham 1
Pumpkin Cheesecake 1
Rainforest Crunch 1
Red Velvet Cake 9
Rocky Road-ish 4
Schweddy Balls 2
S’mores 1
S.N.A.F.U. 1
Stephen Colbert’s Americone Dream 19
Strawberry Cheesecake 10
Vanilla Heath Bar Crunch 6
Volun-Tiramisu 2
Wavy Gravy 1
What A Cluster/Clusterfluff 8
White Russian 1
Willy Nelson’s Peach Cobbler 2
FroYo Half Baked 1
Greek Yogurt Banana Peanut Butter 6
Greek Yogurt Blueberry Vanilla Graham 7
Greek Yogurt Strawberry Shortcake 3
Greek Yogurt Raspberry Fudge 1
Sorbet Berry Berry Extraordinary 1
Sorbet Cranberry-Orange 1

REVIEW: Taco Bell Cantina Menu (Steak Cantina Burrito & Chicken Cantina Bowl)

Marvo 14 Comments

Taco Bell Cantina Burrito

First off, I have no idea who Lorena Garcia is because her face isn’t shown ad nauseam on the Food Network.

Secondly, I also have no idea who Lorena Garcia is because she doesn’t have a Wikipedia page. But she shouldn’t feel bad because I also don’t have one and you probably don’t have one, so she’s in good company.

Thirdly, I wonder if she would slap Guy Fieri in the face for me if I gave her metal gloves to protect her hands from his spiky hair?

Finally, she’s making Taco Bell all fancy and shit, and I don’t like it. For years, it’s been the late night place for those under the influence who order menu items with funny names that sound even funnier to them when they say it over and over again. CHALUPA! GORDITA! CHALUPA! GORDITA! CHALUPA! GORDITA!

They also sound like the noise drunk people make when they throw up. The new Cantina Bowl and Cantina Burrito Ms. Garcia helped develop for Taco Bell don’t have funny names or sound like someone puking. Although, every time I hear or say the word “cantina,” the music from the Mos Eisley Cantina scene in Star Wars, when Han Solo is introduced, plays in my head.

These ingredients she’s using sound too classy for the usual Taco Bell clientele. Citrus-herb marinated chicken, cilantro rice, and cilantro dressing? Taco Bell regulars aren’t used to eating their herbs, they’re used to smoking their herbs. Although, they’re going to laugh at the fact she’s using Hass avocados.

But those under the influence will be impressed with the size of Taco Bell’s Cantina Burrito. They’ll be like, “It’s the size of my arm, man. It’s like I’m eating my forearm.” Although, it’s not even close to being Chipotle-thick.

Taco Bell Cantina Burrito Closeup

The Steak Cantina Burrito I bought was stuffed with grilled and marinated steak, cilantro rice, black beans, guacamole made from the aforementioned and funny Hass avocados, pico de gallo, roasted corn & pepper salsa, Romaine lettuce, and a creamy cilantro dressing. Despite all those ingredients, I have to say the Steak Cantina Burrito’s flavor was extremely disappointing. It was as boring as a lecture about world economics of the 1800s. As I was eating through it, and there’s a lot to eat, I thought to myself, “I’m getting no pleasure out of this. I think I could get more flavor from stamp licking.”

I know there was a lot cilantro dressing in it because it dripped out of the bottom of my burrito. The guacamole also oozed out, but it didn’t provide much flavor. The steak was tender and didn’t taste any different than the stuff inside Taco Bell’s Triple Steak Stack. As for the rice and beans, they made for an awesome burrito filler and fiber giver.

The only explanation I could come up with for its blandness is that the flour tortilla dampens the ingredients in the burrito, because the Chicken Cantina Bowl, which contains the same parts as the burrito minus the steak and tortilla, was delicious.

Taco Bell Cantina Bowl

Taco Bell’s Chicken Cantina Bowl was hearty, brought back memories of my beloved Taco Bell Zesty Chicken Border Bowl, and made me rethink my objections to Lorena Garcia turning Taco Bell “all fancy and shit.” The vegetable-filled picture above makes the Cantina Bowl look more like a Cantina Salad, but I assure you, there’s rice, chicken, and beans under dem greens.

Without a flour tortilla restricting flavors like a culinary straitjacket, I thought the flavors would do a culinary run around naked with their arms flailing and screaming obscenities, but it wasn’t like that. The marinated chicken was better tasting than the usual chicken Taco Bell uses, but the guacamole lacked a strong avocado flavor and the cilantro dressing was light, along with the pico de gallo and roasted corn & pepper salsa. However, everything as a whole was damn satisfying. I enjoyed it several times more than the Steak Cantina Burrito.

Taco Bell Cantina Bowl Closeup

The Chicken Cantina Bowl doesn’t have a bold flavor. Instead, it has a wonderful mild flavor that should appeal more to mature taste buds, and not drunk/high college kids who, thanks to the weed and/or alcohol they purchased, only have a few bucks to spend on Gorditas and Chalupas, which they may throw up later.

(Nutrition Facts – Steak Cantina Burrito – 750 calories, 28 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 45 milligrams of cholesterol, 2040 milligrams of sodium, 96 grams of carbohydrates, 12 grams of fiber, 7 grams of sugar, and 28 grams of protein. Chicken Cantina Bowl – 560 calories, 22 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 60 milligrams of cholesterol, 1520 milligrams of sodium, 64 grams of carbohydrates, 12 grams of fiber, 4 grams of sugar, and 26 grams of protein.)

Item: Taco Bell Cantina Menu (Cantina Burrito & Cantina Bowl)
Purchased Price: $6.19* (Cantina Burrito)
Purchased Price: $6.49* (Cantina Bowl)
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Taco Bell
Rating: 5 out of 10 (Steak Cantina Burrito)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Chicken Cantina Bowl)
Pros: Cantina Bowl was hearty and had a wonderful mild flavor. Cantina Burrito was the size of my forearm. Citrus-herb marinated chicken was better than Taco Bell’s usual chicken. Awesome source of fiber.
Cons: Pricey for those who just spent a whole bunch of money on booze or weed. Steak Cantina Burrito lacks flavor. Flour tortilla holds back flavor like a culinary straitjacket. Lorena Garcia lacking a Wikipedia page. Awesome source of sodium.

*here on this rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, we pay a bit more for our Taco Bell.

NEWS: Getcha Getcha Getcha Getcha Getcha Greek On With Healthy Choice Greek Frozen Yogurt

Marvo 8 Comments

Healthy Choice Greek Closeup

Welcome to the Greek frozen yogurt party, Healthy Choice!

Although, I have to say they’re a bit late. Ben & Jerry’s came to the party months ago. There are even a few store brand Greek frozen yogurt who arrived on the scene. Well, I guess it’s better late than never.

The low-fat Healthy Choice Greek Frozen Yogurt comes in four flavors: Vanilla Bean, Strawberry, Blueberry, and Raspberry. However, they don’t come in pint-sized containers, like Ben & Jerry’s. Instead, they’re sold in box of three 4-ounce snack cups.

Damn you, portion control!

All flavors have 100 calories, 2 grams or less of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 45 milligrams or less of sodium, 19 grams or less of carbohydrates, 1 gram or less of fiber, 13 grams or less of sugar, 4 grams of protein, and a sad 10% calcium.

If you’ve tried them, let us know what you think in the comments below.

NEWS: Start Your Morning With A Marie Callender’s Sausage, Gravy & Egg Meat Pie

Marvo

I think the 22 grams of saturated fat Marie Callender’s new Sausage, Gravy & Egg Meat Pie contains is a good thing.

My doctor says I need to eat more vegetables and if I eat this meat pie and the 110 percent of my daily value of saturated fat it provides for breakfast, it’ll scare me into eating nothing but salads without dressing for the rest of the day…and maybe the rest of the week.

It might also force me to exercise…so BONUS!

The flaky, buttery crust of the microwaved meat pie is not only stuffed with scrambled eggs, sausage, and gravy, it also has potatoes.

The frozen food feast known as the Marie Callender’s Sausage, Gravy & Egg Meat Pie is a great of source of fiber, providing 5 grams. It also provides 810 calories, 54 grams of fat, 105 milligrams of cholesterol, 920 milligrams of sodium, 350 milligrams of potassium, 66 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of sugar, and 14 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Morningstar Farms Veggie Dogs

Marvo 24 Comments

Morningstar Farms Veggie Dogs

To ensure you don’t think of me as a devout carnivore, who shuns meatless products, I’m going to preface this review by saying I regularly buy Morningstar Farms products.

Whenever they go on sale, I buy their Meal Starter Grillers Recipe Crumbles to replace ground beef; I usually have a box of their BBQ Riblets in my freezer for those times when I’m too lazy to cook; and I regularly purchase the Costco-sized box of their Original Sausage Patties.

I’ve tried many Morningstar Farms products and they’re all decent or better. Oh, except for their veggie bacon, which is quite disgusting and haunts my taste buds every day.

So would Morningstar Farms’ new Veggie Dogs be a new favorite or something that will torment my taste buds for years?

Oh, should point out it seems weird the Morningstar Farms Veggie Dogs box proclaims, in large sans serif letters, these veggie dogs are new, because they’re not. Morningstar Farms Veggie Dogs were around for years and then disappeared from shelves for a long time, much to the dismay of many people.

But now they’re back, baby!

I know I tasted the original Morningstar Farms Veggie Dogs, but I don’t remember what they taste like. Maybe because they were so horrible that my brain has hidden the traumatic experience deep within my mind. Or maybe I forgot because my knowledge of 1990s hip-hop lyrics wrote over the memory. But after tasting these dogs, I think it’s definitely the latter because these veggie dogs don’t make me want to spit them out.

Morningstar Farms Veggie Dogs Closeup

I guess the nicest word I could use to describe these veggie dogs is tolerable. I mean, what should I expect for something that has just 0.5 grams of fat. They look like hot dogs and have a meat-like flavor, but it’s a fraction of the flavor with regular hot dogs. However, with enough ketchup, mustard, and onions on it, with my eyes closed, and me repeatedly saying “yummy” with my mouth full, I think I could trick my mind into thinking it’s a decent hot dog.

However, they’re skinny and don’t have the same feel as a hot dog. A hot dog’s exterior coating doesn’t give as easily as these Morningstar Farms Veggie Dogs. Putting my fork through one of these dogs feels like putting a fork through unprepared SPAM. It’s a little off-putting, along with them looking like they have some kind of skin disorder.

Also, I would’ve been nice if they came in a pack of eight, like hot dog buns, but instead they came in an inconvenient pack of six.

I’ve had the misfortune of tasting two or three other brands of veggie dogs over the years. I don’t remember the brands, but just thinking of those veggie dogs make me a little nauseous because they were quite horrible. These Morningstar Farms Veggie Dogs are definitely better. But as someone who occasionally enjoys a Costco hot dog after buying a Costco-sized box of Morningstar Farms sausage patties, I can’t say they’re nearly as enjoyable as a regular hot dogs.

However, if you’re a vegetarian, you’ll probably enjoy them a lot more.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 link – 50 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 430 milligrams of sodium, 15 milligrams of potassium, 4 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 2 grams of sugar, and 7 grams of protein.)

Item: Morningstar Farms Veggie Dogs
Purchased Price: $4.99 (on sale)
Size: 6 veggie dogs
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Best veggie dog I’ve had. Tolerable, especially if you pile on the ketchup, mustard, and onions. Didn’t want to spit them out. Only 0.5 grams of fat. 7 grams of protein. My ability to lip-sync with 90s hip-hop.
Cons: Skinny dogs. Box contains six veggie dogs, so if you buy a pack of hot dogs buns, you’ll have two extra. Don’t have the same feel as a hot dog. They look like they have a skin disorder. Morningstar Farms Veggie Bacon.