REVIEW: Pineapple Mango Green Tea V8 V-Fusion + Tea

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Pineapple Mango Green Tea V8 V-Fusion + Tea

The Mango Pineapple Green Tea V8 V-Fusion + Tea combines pineapple, apple and orange fruit juices, mango puree, vegetable juice and green tea.

What? Are those the only liquids V8 could fit into this beverage hybrid?

That’s disappointing to see from the company that’s able to merge the juices from tomatoes and seven other vegetables that I didn’t know could be juiced — beets, celery, carrots, lettuce, parsley, watercress and spinach — to create their original V8 juice.

We live in a world where it’s possible to stuff a chicken into a duck and then stuff those two into a turkey, so, I’m sorry, color me initially unimpressed when it comes to the Mango Pineapple Green Tea V8 V-Fusion + Tea.

V8 could definitely learn a thing or two from witches or those college kids who mix every cheap clear alcohol possible with several fruit juices to make a potent jungle juice that will probably cause several people to end up with Sharpie pen writings on their faces, produce a few gallons of vomit, and result in one, maybe two, pregnancies.

The V8 V-Fusion + Tea is the latest variation from V8’s V-Fusion line, which combines 100 percent fruit and vegetable juices to give people the opportunity to consume 1/2 cup of vegetables and 1/2 cup of fruit in a state of matter that’s usually suited for babies and those who just had their wisdom teeth removed.

Pineapple Mango Green Tea V8 V-Fusion + Tea in a glass

The USDA recommends a daily intake of 2 1/2 cups of vegetables and 2 cups of fruit, and the V8 V-Fusion + Tea line does help drinkers get there, but only 1/4 of a cup at a time since it’s made with only 50 percent juice.

However, because it’s made with only 50 percent juice, it has significantly less sugar and calories than the original V-Fusion line and its consistency isn’t as thick.

The Mango Pineapple Green Tea V8 V-Fusion + Tea has more of a mango flavor than pineapple, and it has a sweet vegetable aftertaste. “Sweet vegetable aftertaste” may sound bad, especially as a potential band name, but with this beverage, it’s all right. While the green tea doesn’t provide much flavor, it does make the beverage lighter tasting than the regular V8 V-Fusion.

While I feel the Mango Pineapple Green Tea V8 V-Fusion + Tea is a weak ass compilation of liquids, I do think it’s a tasty and refreshing beverage.

(Nutrition Facts – 8 ounces – 50 calories, 0 grams of fat, 60 milligrams of sodium, 200 milligrams of potassium, 13 grams of carbohydrates, 10 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein, 10% vitamin A, 2% calcium, 10% vitamin E, 100% vitamin C and 2% iron.)

Item: Pineapple Mango Green Tea V8 V-Fusion + Tea
Price: $5.69 (regular price)
Size: 46 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Tasty and refreshing. Strong mango flavor. Turducken. Provides 100% vitamin C per serving. Easy to drink. Less sugar and calories than regular V8 V-Fusion. Jungle juice.
Cons: Weak ass compilation of liquids. Made up of 50 percent juice. Light green tea flavor. Provides 1/10th of your daily recommended intake of vegetables. Sweet Vegetable Aftertaste would make a horrible band name. Jungle juice.

REVIEW: Kellogg’s Limited Edition Gingerbread Printed Fun Pop-Tarts

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Kellogg's Limited Edition Gingerbread Printed Fun Pop-Tarts

The Limited Edition Gingerbread Printed Fun Pop-Tarts are a seasonal flavor that’s been around for a few years, but I never picked them up because the images printed on them freak me out.

The images include a gingerbread house with a working chimney and gingerbread men ice skating, snowboarding and being an ice hockey goalie. Seriously, they look like the hallucinations one would have if they decided to huff a spray snow can or wear a homemade Santa beard made with cotton balls and rubber cement.

Gingerbread men don’t snowboard or ice skate. They just lie there on their backs with their arms stretched out and legs spread open, like a prostitute letting time pass by, waiting for their pay, while their client does their thing on top of them, occasionally letting out an unenthusiastic moan or “You feel so good.”

Instead, Kellogg’s should’ve printed realistic holiday images on these Limited Edition Gingerbread Printed Fun Pop-Tarts, and I’m not talking about Santa or Christmas trees.

I’m talking about images of people camping out the day before Black Friday at a Best Buy, hoping to score a dirt cheap laptop or HDTV from a brand they’ve never heard of. I’m talking about images of two adults fighting over a toy in the middle of a Walmart. I’m talking about images of children finding out that Santa doesn’t exist when they see their parents stuffing their stockings on Christmas Eve. I’m talking about images of Jewish people having to explain to non-Jewish people what Hanukkah is and how to spell it.

Kellogg's Limited Edition Gingerbread Printed Fun Pop-Tarts Top

Kellogg’s decided to go bareback with these Pop-Tarts and not make them frosted. I don’t think the Pop-Tarts’ brown crust makes a good canvas for the machine that stamps on the images because the combination of the crust and Federal Food Drug & Cosmetic Act-approved food coloring makes it looks like the Jersey Shore’s Snooki is snowboarding, ice skating and playing goalie for the New Jersey Devils on these Pop-Tarts.

Although they’re not frosted, there are sugar crystals sprinkled on top, which seems unnecessary because sprinkling sugar on an already sugary Pop-Tart is like pooping on poop. What really gives these Pop-Tarts their sugary, teeth-rotting goodness is the white filling inside them, which has a strong vanilla flavor with a bit of gingerbread. The filling combined with the mild gingerbread flavor of the pastry, creates a pleasant Pop-Tarts flavor, which makes me regret not overcoming the freaky images on these Pop-Tarts earlier.

Overall, I enjoyed the Limited Edition Gingerbread Printed Fun Pop-Tarts, especially when toasted and flipped over so I didn’t have to stare at an image of Snooki skiing while eating it.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 pastry/50 grams – 200 calories, 45 calories from fat, 5 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 220 milligrams of sodium, 35 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 16 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein and a bunch of vitamins and minerals.)

Item: Kellogg’s Limited Edition Gingerbread Printed Fun Pop-Tarts
Price: $3.99
Size: 12 pastries
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Pleasant gingerbread flavor. Best when toasted and flipped over. Vanilla filling also had a little gingerbread flavor. Sniffing rubber cement. Contains seven vitamins and minerals.
Cons: Not frosted. Images freak me out. Gingerbread images remind me of Snooki. Limited edition. Missing Thanksgiving dinner to wait in line at Best Buy for a cheap laptop.

NEWS: To Maybe Make Up For The Big Macs They’ve Sold Over The Years, McDonald’s Will Soon Sell Oatmeal

/ / Fast Food News / 7 Comments

McDonald's

If your New Year’s resolution is to eat healthier, McDonald’s is the last place you’ll want to go. However, if you want to break that resolution, McDonald’s might be the first place you’ll go. But starting January 3rd, you might be able to walk into a McDonald’s and walk out with your New Year’s resolution intact, thanks to their new Fruit & Maple Oatmeal.

The oatmeal contains half a cup of fruit, which consists red and green apples, dried cranberries, and golden and regular raisins. All that wholesomeness will give you five grams of dietary fiber and two-thirds of your daily recommended intake of whole grain.

You’ll be able to get the Fruit & Maple Oatmeal with or without brown sugar. With sugar, the serving of oatmeal will contain 290 calories, and 260 without it. It will be available all day long for $1.99.

(via Grub Grade)

Image via flickr user girlwparasol / CC BY 2.0

NEWS: New NyQuil Flavor Gives Cold Sufferers Another Option Besides Blech and Double Blech

/ / Spotted on Shelves / 8 Comments

I personally don’t like taking NyQuil in LiquiCap form. It’s easier to take, but I don’t get the alcoholic warmth that slowly coats my digestive system when I take a shot of it in liquid form. It’s soothing and it feels like my mommy is rubbing my chest from the inside.

The only problem I’ve had with Liquid NyQuil was the fact that there were only two flavors: red and green. Yes, I don’t remember what the flavors actually are because they both taste horrible. But, I think, if I use their colors as a clue, they might be cherry and car air freshener. But now there’s a new flavor I can use to get nighttime relief from coughing, sore throats, headaches, minor aches and pains, fevers, runny noses and sneezing, and for helping me fall asleep whenever I run out of sleeping pills.

Vicks NyQuil Vanilla Cherry Swirl sounds like liquid candy, but it’s got the same levels of acetaminophen, dextromethorphan, doxylamine succinate and alcohol that are found in the original red and green flavors.

It’s available in 10-ounce bottles.

NEWS: Chocolate Covered Jelly Belly Jelly Beans Make It More Difficult To Figure Out Which Flavor You’re Eating

/ / Spotted on Shelves / 2 Comments

Sometimes I like to go to a candy store that allows me to make my own Jelly Belly Jelly Bean bag and make one that has every flavor they have available. Then when I go home, slip into something more comfortable, light some scented candles, play some Marvin Gaye, blindfold myself with a silk scarf so I don’t know what jelly bean I pick, then pull a jelly bean out of the bag, then stick it in my mouth, chew it, swallow it, allow it to digest for a few hours, poop it out and then watch it disappear from my toilet.

Jelly Belly’s new Jelly Bean Chocolate Dips allow me to get rid of the silk scarf because each jelly bean is hidden in a coating of dark chocolate. It could be raspberry, very cherry, orange, strawberry or coconut. But I hope it’s not coconut because I don’t like coconut.

Jelly Belly’s Jelly Bean Chocolate Dips will be available December 6th via the Jelly Belly website in a variety of sizes.

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