Trevor, Author at The Impulsive Buy

REVIEW: Ben & Jerry’s Limited Batch Candy Bar Pie Ice Cream

September 5, 2014August 14, 2023 Trevor 11 Comments

I’m not much of a crier. Aside from a few moments scattered throughout the TV series Lost and Tom Hanks losing Wilson to the ocean in Castaway, I pretty much have a heart of stone. But a little bit of that stone was chiseled away when I ate Ben & Jerry’s latest pint, Candy Bar Pie, and the tears came in waterfall fashion.

If you’re wondering why I was crying, it’s for two reasons. The first being the ice cream was just so damn perfect. Rich peanut butter ice cream loaded with nougat, chocolate flakes, and perhaps the greatest ice cream filler ever, pretzel swirls.

Yes, pretzel swirls are real, and they’re fantastic. More salty-sweet goodness than even the most experienced veteran could wrap their taste buds around. Those with lesser developed taste buds should only take small bites of the pretzel swirls at first, as it will be a lot for your buds to handle, and if you take too much too fast your head will most likely explode.

The nougat is pretty much like a Swiss chocolate sauce, which is just chocolate syrup and marshmallow sauce mixed together. When it blends with the peanut butter ice cream it tastes almost like a fluffernutter sandwich. Then you throw the pretzel swirl into the mix and you get even more great taste combos. This ice cream is much like a Take 5 candy bar; it has everything you could want and it tastes even better than it sounds.

I’ve been indulging on Ben & Jerry’s for three-quarters of my life, and honestly, I’m torn between this and the original Chubby Hubby (the one that had chocolate covered peanut butter-filled pretzels, where the one today is just has chocolate covered pretzels) for my favorite Ben & Jerry’s flavor. I ate three pints of Candy Bar Pie in one week. I just couldn’t get enough. I was in love! Maybe there is still hope for my heart of stone?

No, there isn’t hope, because my love will be leaving me eventually, departing from her pint form and going back exclusively to Scoop Shops. See, it’s a limited batch, which means it will one day leave grocery stores, and subsequently my hopes and dreams will leave me.

I know it is originally a Scoop Shop flavor but can’t they keep it in a pint in stores? Ben & Jerry’s Scoop Shops aren’t all that common. Take Rochester, where I grew up. There is one Ben & Jerry’s Scoop Shop in the city. It isn’t at some centrally located spot either, so chances are you have a decent drive to it. I haven’t been to every major city but the ones I’ve been to have the same deal. And what about the rural areas? There are no Scoop Shops in the rural Midwest, I can tell you that with confidence.

There is usually good grocery store access in most places though. Whether it’s Wegmans, Piggly Wiggly, Hy-Vee, Publix or Stater Bros., it doesn’t matter. There’s usually something near you no matter your region. If Candy bar Pie stays in pints, it could potentially save people from a long drive to a Scoop Shop, and save people in rural areas who don’t have access to a Scoop Shop from losing access to the tasty treat altogether.

I mean, imagine if seasons of Lost and every good Tom Hanks movie were just taken off shelves a month after they were released. You’d be sad, angry, or most likely both when you went to go DVD shopping and the titles you wanted were gone forever. It wouldn’t just be a bummer… It would be a SUPER bummer. The worst kind!

Much awareness has been brought to ALS through these ice bucket challenges (which, let’s be honest, unless you’re the Wicked Witch of the West or the Human Torch, really isn’t much of a challenge), so I propose a Candy Bar Pie pint challenge.

The way it works is simple: You film yourself eating a full pint of Candy Bar Pie in one sitting, and then you challenge your friends to do the same thing. They have 24 hours to respond, and if they fail to do so they owe you 100 bucks. Once the oligarchic board of decision makers at Ben & Jerry’s sees how much everybody loves the flavor, they will sprout a collective conscience and make it a permanent pint. So get your pints, spoons and cameras ready, everyone. We’ve got work to do.

(Nutrition Facts – 1/2 cup – 300 calories, 160 calories from fat, 18 grams total fat, 8 grams saturated fat, 55 milligrams cholesterol, 210 milligrams sodium, 31 grams total carbohydrate, 1 gram dietary fiber, 22 grams sugar, and 5 grams protein.)

Item: Ben & Jerry’s Limited Batch Candy Bar Pie Ice Cream
Purchased Price: $2.99
Size: 1 pint
Purchased at: Wegmans
Rating: 10 out of 10
Pros: One of the best tasting Ben & Jerry’s concoctions ever. Pretzel swirls will make you believe in unicorns again. Raising Candy Bar Pie awareness. Saving yourself a few minutes of driving.
Cons: Limited batch oh why God why!? Evil oligarchies having control of flavor decisions. Having a heart of stone. Wilson being lost to the ocean.

REVIEW: Pizza Hut Ultimate Hershey’s Chocolate Chip Cookie

August 26, 2014August 14, 2023 Trevor 4 Comments

Since I received the news that my fantasy baseball team was mathematically eliminated from the playoffs, I’ve been beating myself up a little bit. I mean, me, a three-time champion in the seven-year existence of The Super Best Friend’s League, missing the playoffs? That’s something that sad losers do, not Trevor. I honestly think it may be one of the first signs of the apocalypse. Now maybe, just maybe it isn’t end of the world-related, but just to be safe I’d keep an eye out for rivers running red with blood, swarms of locusts, The Four Horsemen, and seven angels with trumpets.

With the recent hardship and possible apocalypse looming, I was in need of a pick-me-up. I sought it in the form of Pizza Hut’s Ultimate Hershey’s Chocolate Chip Cookie.

Now being in the ultimate state of depression I was in, my dumbass forgot to buy milk before ordering the cookie. When I got it back to my apartment, I didn’t want to lose out on the just-from-the-oven taste of the cookie, so I settled for no milk. This joins drafting Tampa Bay Rays Outfielders Wil Myers and Desmond Jennings on my recent list of regrets.

The first thing I notice about the Ultimate Cookie when I open the box is that it’s just a cookie cake without frosting. I’m not sure why I was expecting it to be a giant cookie. Pizza Hut should really put “cake” at the end of the title to avoid confusion. I was really hoping for a giant cookie, the kind that Paul Bunyan would eat. But alas, it was cut into eight pieces, thus becoming a cake and not one cookie.

The best part about this dish is the heavy amount of Hershey’s chocolate. It’s made with semi-sweet chocolate chips and they were melty and delicious, kind of like Hershey’s chocolate in a s’more.

The cookie was good, but I wanted a lot more. My mother makes my brother and I cookie cakes for our birthdays every year, so my standards are a bit inflated, but I was still a bit disappointed. It didn’t have enough of that salty-sweet that I look for in a cookie cake. But I guess that’s why it’s not called a cookie cake.

It’s a tasty cookie, but it will dry out your mouth. You won’t die if you order the cookie and don’t have any milk on hand but at the same time you will miss out on a lot of the experience.

I ate four of the eight slices while it was still fresh and after a full day had passed I went back to see how it held up to the test of time. I had put it in plastic wrap and in the cupboard and it really was not worth keeping. The cookie’s flavor is dependent on it being warm. It’s not like when you make a batch of your favorite chocolate chip cookies and they will still be good for a few days. It makes you realize how average the cookie part is and that without melty chocolate chips, it’s really nothing special.

I really wish there was a frosting on it. It’s just a cookie cake somebody forgot to finish decorating. It’s like they got three-quarters of the way there and said, “Ah, good enough.” It’s not essential for the taste or anything, though it would be better, but it’s really confusing looking at a frosting-less cookie cake.

This giant cookie is decent, but like your friend who only wears jeans and a t-shirt whenever you go out, it needs something more to reach it’s true potential.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 slice – 180 calories, 80 calories from fat, 9 grams of total fat, 4.5 grams of saturated fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 110 milligrams of sodium, 24 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 16 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Item: Pizza Hut Ultimate Hershey’s Chocolate Chip Cookie
Purchased Price: $5.99
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Pizza Hut
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Loads of chocolatey goodness. Winning three fantasy baseball championships in first seven years of your league’s existence.
Cons: Cookie is a tad dry. Doesn’t taste great the next day. Forgetting to buy milk before eating a giant cookie. Having a bad fantasy baseball season and unintentionally setting the wheels of the apocalypse in motion.

REVIEW: Chex Mix Xtreme Habanero Lime Snack Mix

August 4, 2014July 19, 2023 Trevor 6 Comments

I like to think of myself as being an extreme type of person.

For example, when I’m getting tattooed, it never hurts enough, so I pay someone to punch me in the face while the artist is making their skin doodles. I also like to skateboard… down a mountain, while simultaneously juggling a tiger and a bear, which are fighting to the death. When I go to the bar and order a beer, I take the bottle from the bartender, chug the beer, and break the bottle on the head of the guy next to me, usually resulting in a giant Roadhouse-esque bar brawl. When I put my clothes in the dryer, I don’t use dryer sheets.

Okay, so none of those are true. They are just things I say to try and impress girls on Tinder (they don’t work very well, either). I’m only extreme in what I eat. So naturally I was drawn to Chex Mix Xtreme Habanero Lime.

Why do companies always use “Xtreme” rather than just the correctly spelled “extreme”? They may as well just spell everything else wrong, too. Checks Myx Xtreme Abbaniro Lym. Ugh, I care too much sometimes.

So the mix is a pretty typical one, containing corn Chex, wheat Chex, circle and square pretzels, bagel chips (at least that’s what I believe them to be) and these god-awful, crunchy Cheetos-shaped disasters. I guess they can just be called corn puffs?

Though the mix is Habanero Lime flavored, there is actually other peppers at play here, as jalapeño and red bell pepper flavors are present along with the habanero. Then there’s a lime flavor to throw in, and the resulting taste is like Cool Ranch Doritos dipped in hot sauce. Every ingredient except the pretzels has the spice on them.

It starts off spicy, and once you bite into it you really get the lime taste, and it sort of cools things down a bit. You’ll still have a bit of spiciness lingering in your mouth after you have a few handfuls but you’ll never be left needing water or anything. And by the way, you really shouldn’t drink water if you are trying to get the spicy taste out of your mouth. Instead, go for a cucumber, or a banana.

The mix is great, but really it is great only without the corn puffs.

The crunchy Cheetos-shaped abominations are the least spicy of everything, probably because they don’t retain much of the seasoning, and they are also the most disgusting. I cannot describe how much I hate those awful things. They are very dry and crunchy, but don’t provide much else. It’s like if you stripped the cheese off Cheetos and they were just corn puffs. But why would anybody want to do that? You get a tiny bit of flavor out of the seasoning, but it is not enough to make up for the fact that… well, to make up for the fact that they are useless and should not be in the bag in the first place.

I have eaten many varieties of Chex Mix, but these corn puffs are the single most out-of-place item I have found in any mix. I wish they had kept the mini breadsticks in the mix and not put in the corn puffs. It would have been exceptional, as opposed to just being pretty good.

If I was stranded on an island and the only thing I had to eat was the corn puffs, I would just make a swim for it. Okay, so I wouldn’t really swim for it because I’m not extreme enough and have an overwhelming fear of sharks and jellyfish, but I still would not eat them!

Looking past the annoying spelling of “extreme” and the corn puffs, this Chex Mix is a really nice addition to the ever-growing group.

(Nutrition Facts – 2/3 cup – 140 calories, 40 calories from fat, 4.5 grams of total fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 230 milligrams of sodium, 24 grams of carbohydrate, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 3 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Item: Chex Mix Xtreme Habanero Lime Snack Mix
Purchased Price: $2.69
Size: 8 oz. bag
Purchased at: Hy-Vee
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Seasoning is just the right amount of spicy. Skateboarding down a mountain while juggling a fighting tiger and bear. Roadhouse.
Cons: Corn puffs are gross. Fear of jellyfish. Realizing that you are, in fact, not extreme at all.

REVIEW: Sonic Cheesy Bread Dog (Ultimate Cheese & Bacon and Garlic Parmesan)

July 21, 2014August 14, 2023 Trevor 6 Comments

Is there any sight that makes you want to scream “America!” more than a hot dog? Well, I guess the American flag. Oh, and a bald eagle. A soldier in uniform. Eating loaded cheese fries a monster truck show. Rappers sipping on purple drank in music videos. Playing video games on the toilet. The government spying on us. Going to other countries and asking, “Don’t you speak English?” Hulk Hogan.

Okay, so there are plenty of other things that say America more than a hot dog, but the fact is the beef treat still says America, and in a different voice depending on what city you are in, as places like New York and Chicago are famous for the toppings they use. There’s also pretzel buns, which totally changes the game of a dog.

Now, Sonic is changing the game again with the new Cheesy Bread Dogs.

The last time I was excited by a hot dog to the level the Cheesy Bread ones brought me to was my first and only time at Wrigley Field in 2010, when I ordered a famed Chicago Dog.

A Sonic Drive-In obviously isn’t as scenic and majestic as Wrigley but if I imagined really hard the concrete turned to grass, my car seat to a seat in the bleachers, and my Sonic car server person (their official title, I’m assuming) morphed into Cubs shortstop Starlin Castro. Usually in my dreams I’m the one delivering hot dogs to Starlin! I mean… that’s never happened.

I did go into a slight panic when the Sonic worker brought the food to my car, as I had never eaten at the drive-in before and was not sure if these people get tipped or not. He dropped a “well, have a nice day,” and then hesitated before leaving, so I’m assuming I was supposed to tip him. Great, like I need more bad karma!

I ordered both varieties, Garlic Parmesan and Ultimate Cheese & Bacon, but what you want to know about is the cheesy bread, right? I hope so; otherwise I look like a damn fool.

The first thing you’ll notice before you even taste the bun is how greasy it is. I use a lot of napkins to begin with but I really went over board on these. You can just poke it gently and your finger would be glistening like you just wiped your sweaty brow, which maybe you got from playing pickup basketball, or walking your dog on an exceptionally sweltering afternoon.

This minor inconvenience is quickly dismissed once you taste the bread though. It’s very doughy, and kind of reminded me a stuffed crust pizza because of the cheese flavor, which was a pleasant cheddar. It is a thick bun, too, and I’d be careful ordering two as you may come to regret it later. I know I did. But that’s one for the vault.

The better of the two was easily the Ultimate Cheese & Bacon. Why? AMERICA! It’s the same thing as the Cheesy Bacon Pretzel Dog Sonic offers, but when you replace the pretzel bun with cheesy bread you really get one ultimate cheese and bacon experience, hence the name of the hot dog. It’s a hot mess of cheese, bacon and grease, and I’m using hot mess in a good way. The salty bacon, mild cheddar on the bun, and creamy, sharp cheddar cheese sauce blend together in an explosion of tasty, salty goodness.

The only knock is it’s a bit salty. I happen to enjoy salt so it was fine by me but if you’re not in love with a salty taste I would look to the Garlic Parmesan Cheesy Bread Dog.

It has a creamy garlic parmesan sauce and onions. I was a bit confused by this one, as I wasn’t really sure how I felt about the sauce, and the onions seemed out of place to me. I think the onions could easily be lost and the dog would be just fine. The sauce seemed out of balance to me, as it was unlike other garlic parmesan sauce I have tasted. I suspect too much or too little of one of garlic or parmesan. Still tasty but could have been better.

Again, the cheesy bread makes these dogs quite filling (especially the Ultimate Cheese & Bacon) so unless you want to see how both taste, just order one. Maybe complement it with a nice slushie? Don’t complement it with tip confusion though. Seeing that Sonic worker do a sad Charlie Brown walk after not receiving a tip has been in my nightmares ever since!

(Nutrition Facts – Ultimate Cheese & Bacon – 550 calories, 290 calories from fat, 32 grams total fat, 14 grams saturated fat, 60 milligrams cholesterol, 1580 mg sodium, 47 grams total carbohydrates, 2 grams dietary fiber, 3 grams sugar, and 21 grams protein. Garlic Parmesan – Not available on website.)

Item: Sonic Cheesy Bread Dog (Ultimate Cheese & Bacon and Garlic Parmesan)
Purchased Price: $2.89 each
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Sonic Drive-In
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Ultimate Cheese & Bacon)
Rating: 5 out of 10 (Garlic Parmesan)
Pros: Bun is cheesy, doughy, and delicious. Ultimate Cheese & Bacon ingredients blend perfectly. America! Hulk Hogan. The power of imagination.
Cons: Bun is annoyingly greasy. Unbalanced garlic to parmesan ratio in sauce. Purple drank. Spying government.

REVIEW: Nabisco Birthday Frosting Filled Chewy Chips Ahoy Cookies

June 13, 2014August 14, 2023 Trevor 10 Comments

To me, Kevin Hart and Chewy Chips Ahoy of are one in the same. Allow me to explain.

Every time I turn on the TV lately it seems as if Kevin Hart has a new movie. Whether he’s the star or in a supporting role, he’s always there. Now he’s breaking into commercials as well with his latest Vitaminwater spot. It drives me nuts!

I don’t find him particularly funny and it’s not like he’s some fantastic actor either. He’s kind of like that one person in your circle of friends that is only inside of it because he is slightly acquainted with each person in the group. No one really hates him but no one really likes him at the same time.

Friend 1: Should we invite Kevin?

Friend 2: Oh yeah, Kevin! I mean… sure, he’s an OK guy I guess. Right?

When it comes to the Chewy Chips Ahoy, every recent trip to the grocery store seems to mark a discovery of a new flavor.

While the Kevin Hart Hollywood (and if he keeps up his current pace, world) takeover causes me much anxiety, the Chips Ahoy one just makes my sweet tooth an eager beaver.

When I set my gazes upon Birthday Frosting Filled Chewy Chips Ahoy, the festive sight instantly conjured up images of birthdays from yesteryear. My friends wearing party hats, a tabletop covered with presents, Laser Tag, the dagger of ritual, a lamb fresh for sacrificing, Satan… Wait. What the fuck was going on at my birthday parties!?

Good thing I have my shrink on speed dial. Guess we can set aside that harrowing fifth grade milk spilling incident. Well, at least for a little while.

Deep-seated childhood memories behind us, let’s discuss some frosting filled cookies.

The outside of the cookie is pretty much what you’d expect from a Chewy Chips Ahoy. It’s essentially the basic chocolate chip cookie, except there are colored nonpareils beside the chocolate chips. They just scream “party!” They may seem gimmicky but they actually compliment the chocolate chips nicely.

Inside of the cookie is where things get real interesting. It seemed like these cookies were going to be too sweet because of the birthday frosting, but the cookie to frosting ratio was perfect. The frosting isn’t packed to the point where you’re going to get a sugar rush, and it’s not meager where you’re left wanting more.

As for the taste of the frosting, it’s actually surprisingly good for what it is. If you’re expecting some fancy-ass buttercream frosting then go ask your local baker to recreate the cookies, or do it yourself if you have the adequate baking skills. The frosting is more of the confetti variety, pretty much the same kind you would find on those Funfetti cupcakes. (and really, who doesn’t like Funfetti?).

The best part about the frosting being inside the cookie is it does not harden up at all and stays really fresh. I guess getting entombed in a cookie has that effect on things. Maybe I’ll just request to be baked inside a giant cookie when I die. Then maybe if there’s some crazy guy who can make a serum like Herbert West in Re-Animator my complexion will still be halfway decent when I’m brought back to life. Okay, I think I have more issues than satanic birthday parties and milk spilling. Yikes! Anyways…

The whole cookie is pretty sweet, with the chocolate chips and nonpareils and frosting, but it is not overpoweringly so. Well, to a point. I personally would not want to eat more than three at a time. They’re the type of cookie that’s good in moderation. I suppose we are supposed to eat all cookies in moderation, but I don’t subscribe to that logic most of the time.

I kept thinking about cookie cake the whole time I was eating these. They are definitely a worthy birthday cake substitute should your family forget your birthday or if you’re for some reason running from the law on your birthday and don’t have time to sit down for a real cake. Whatever your cake deprivation reasons may be, these cookies have you covered.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 cookies – 150 calories, 60 calories from fat, 7 grams of fat, 4 grams of saturated fat, 115 milligrams of sodium, 40 milligrams of potassium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, 13 grams of sugar, less than 1 gram of protein.)

Item: Nabisco Birthday Frosting Filled Chewy Chips Ahoy Cookies
Purchased Price: $1.89
Size: 9.6 oz.
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Confetti frosting is good and fun for all! Not overpoweringly sweet. Having shrink on speed dial.
Cons: Too much Kevin Hart. Satanic-themed birthday parties. Crying over spilled milk for many years.

Author: Trevor

REVIEW: Ben & Jerry’s Limited Batch Candy Bar Pie Ice Cream

REVIEW: Pizza Hut Ultimate Hershey’s Chocolate Chip Cookie

REVIEW: Chex Mix Xtreme Habanero Lime Snack Mix

REVIEW: Sonic Cheesy Bread Dog (Ultimate Cheese & Bacon and Garlic Parmesan)

REVIEW: Nabisco Birthday Frosting Filled Chewy Chips Ahoy Cookies

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