Reviews

REVIEW: Duncan Hines Funtastic Color Changing Vanilla Cake Mix

Tiffany / April 12, 2018 / Reviews / 1 Comment

My inner kid could not resist when I learned Duncan Hines launched a Perfect Size for 1 Funtastic (yes, this is actually on the packaging) Color Changing Cake!

I particularly love products that I can sarcastically hashtag #Adulting and #PeakAdulthood. This cake is the perfect instance of such because I can eat two for dinner without anyone judging me. Yes, I am completely aware this was probably created for small humans and their fun after-school snack/activity with Dad, Mom, or sitter. But, hey I’m living my best life over here.

Unfortunately, I read the instructions after I left the grocery store, so I didn’t read the part about needing three tablespoons of apple juice. Ugh. I could see apple juice easily being a staple item for a household with a small human, but there are none in mine! I was also irked by the thought of having to buy an entire bottle for three tablespoons. However, I was pleased to find a much more manageable 10-ounce bottle at Kroger.

I pulled out one of the individual pouches and was surprised by the robustness of the packaging. I was thinking it would be paper, like a hot chocolate pouch, but I guess they’re serious about protecting the color changing magic. When I opened it, the contents looked and smelled like an unassuming vanilla powder.

As soon as I dropped in the first tablespoon of apple juice, I was delighted to see the white powder change to pink! Cue the Toy Story Aliens’ “OOOOOO.” Nowhere online or on-pack indicated when the Funtastic was going to happen, so I didn’t expect it so early!

But after some more mixing, the batter started to look like an unappetizing Pepto-Bismol pink. To compare, I also started a second mug with water instead of apple juice. The water version was also pink, but slightly less Pepto-like. It was also easier to mix. The powder seemed to congeal better versus sticking all over the sides of the mug.

Duncan Hines Funtastic Color Changing Vanilla Cake Mix

Apple juice (rear) Water (front)

Out of the microwave, the cakes looked like pink Play-Doh. It was so convincingly Play-Doh-like because of the slight sheen from the steam that I almost thought I could smell that signature musk. But, it was just my mind playing tricks; it still smelled like vanilla!

Duncan Hines Funtastic Color Changing Vanilla Cake Mix Apple Juice Cooked

With apple juice

Duncan Hines Funtastic Color Changing Vanilla Cake Mix Water Cooked

With water

It was also like eating a classic vanilla cake. It had a wonderful fluffy texture, wasn’t too sweet, and didn’t have a weird aftertaste. The water version was a bit fluffier and slightly less sweet than the apple juice version, which I preferred. So, if you don’t have apple juice handy, water will work fine!

Duncan Hines Funtastic Color Changing Vanilla Cake Mix Water L Apple Juice Right

Water (left) Apple juice (right)

I am impressed with Duncan Hines. They’ve institutionalized mug cakes and have made them foolproof. If you’re looking for any easy snack, meal, or dessert for yourself (or your booger monsters), this Funtastic color changing cake should make your short list!

(Nutrition Facts – 1 pouch – 250 calories, 50 calories from fat, 6 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 40 milligrams of cholesterol, 360 milligrams of sodium, 46 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of dietary fiber, 24 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $2.99
Size: 4-pack
Purchased at: Kroger
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Mug cake done right! Peak adulting. So fluffy! Works well with water also.
Cons: Definitely not pretty – Pepto and Play-Doh pink.

Duncan Hines

REVIEW: McDonald’s Signature Crafted Garlic White Cheddar Burger

Adam / April 11, 2018 / Reviews / 5 Comments

Less than a football field away from the closest McDonald’s to my apartment is a Wendy’s. Said Wendy’s has a sign touting fresher is better. Said sign corresponds to a commercial Wendy’s runs about their fresh never frozen beef. Said frozen beef is a reference to the McDonald’s 90 yards away.

Correction: Was.

In case you haven’t heard, McDonald’s is making the great leap forward. And, apparently, that leap to fresh beef starts with the rollout of the Signature Crafted Garlic White Cheddar Burger.

Which is convenient because if the moon is made out of cheese, and the cow jumps over the moon, it really is one small leap for mookind. But I digress.

Say what you will about fast food burgers in general, but McDonald’s burgers have (had?) a specific taste and texture that some people happened to like in a kind of lowbrow comfort fast food sort of way.

The new patties are definitely a step away from that. With visible surface browning and what appeared to be sea salt on the patty, the beef looked like something I could have made at home. And the taste is altogether beefy —- more nuanced, rounded, and meaty than I remember. But the patty, aside from tasting drier than the average Quarter Pounder I’ve had in the past, didn’t taste well-seasoned or particularly succulent. As someone who grills a lot of burgers myself, I’d compare it to ground sirloin. Beefier, yes, but noticeably leaner and less flavorful.

The good news is the burger construction is engineered for what my friend calls the executive bight. Carefully placed lettuce and tomato, as well as the slightly sweet bun, do wonders to round out the taste. Meanwhile, the garlic chips and aioli leave a distinct and savory garlic flavor that brings together all the flavors and makes your breath smell like the equivalent of three roasted heads of garlic.

While I wanted to love (and I mean LOVE) the sharp white cheddar cheese, its flavor on the burger is less impressive than its flavor on its own. Unlike past McDonald’s “cheddar” cheeses, the slice actually has a bit of funk, but within the burger it gets lost amidst the beef and the garlic aioli and chips. It’s not a bad thing, but it’s sort of a waste of an otherwise perfectly good slice of cheese.

There was a time when I might have said $5.19 is too much for a burger. Well, that time was in college and considering I’m about to be 30 and no longer use “adult” as a verb, I’m willing to pay $5.19 for a good fast food burger. And make no mistake about it, the Signature Crafted Garlic White Cheddar Burger is a good burger by fast food standards.

Just be prepared to eat a Tic-Tac afterwards.

(Nutrition Facts – 620 calories, 300 calories from fat, 33 grams of total fat, 12 grams of saturated fat, 1.5 grams of trans fat, 95 milligrams of cholesterol, 95 milligrams of sodium, 49 grams of total carbohydrates, 3 grams of dietary fiber, 12 grams of sugars, and 31 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $5.19
Size: N/A
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Beefier fresh beef patty than traditional McDonald’s burgers. Excellent double whammy of garlic taste. High quality ingredients make $5.19 price tag a bargain.
Cons: Leaner-tasting patty lacks juiciness and richness. Quality of cheese is lost against garlic flavor.

Fast Food McDonald's

QUICK REVIEW: Dunkin’ Donuts Caramel Chocoholic Donut

Marvo / April 10, 2018 / Reviews / 2 Comments

What is it?

A choco-heavy donut that features a classic chocolate donut frosted with caramel icing, sprinkled with semi-sweet chocolate curls, and topped with a drizzle of caramel icing.

How is it?

It’s not as sweet as I thought it would be. I mean, come on. Look at it. It screams “cloying.” Unless my taste buds are experiencing Stockholm syndrome and they’re sympathetic to sugar since I eat so much of it.

The caramel icing doesn’t taste like straight-up caramel. It’s got the sticky consistency, but there’s no butteriness to it. Its flavor reminds me of generic pancake syrup — part fake maple and part fake caramel. The chocolate curls somewhat help hide the artificialness of the icing and give the treat a different texture.

Of course, it wouldn’t be a chocoholic donut without a chocolate donut base. Its very mild flavor is what I imagine (along with the use of semi-sweet chocolate) helps prevent it from being bombastic sweet.

Is there anything else I need to know?

Maybe it’s just me, but I can’t help but look at it and think of the sarlacc on Tatooine. The chocolate curls are its sharp teeth and the hole is the entrance to where one would spend several thousand years being digested. But, despite that unappetizing image I just described, I also think the ~~sharp teeth~~ chocolate curls and the gooey caramel icing make it look scrumptious. Also, those curls are really what Ben & Jerry’s fudge flakes should be.

Conclusion:

Sure, Dunkin’ Donuts’ Caramel Chocoholic Donut reminds me of a sarlacc, but it wasn’t saccharine. It’s a fine donut and I enjoyed it, but I don’t think of it as a must-have donut.

Purchased Price: $1.29
Size: N/A
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 400 calories, 22 grams of fat, 11 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 430 milligrams of sodium, 47 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 25 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Taco Bell Triple Melt Burrito and Triple Melt Nachos

Louis / April 10, 2018 / Reviews / 6 Comments

“Caseus et magis in melius.”

Mother, if you are reading this, please have this newly-minted personal creed inscribed on my tombstone along with a picture of Taco Bell’s Triple Melt Nachos, if only for future generations to know that we are currently living in the cheesiest point of recorded history.

And while all this cheese comes at a sacrifice — Nacho Fries are gone, long live Nacho Fries — if value-based creations such as the Taco Bell Triple Melt Burrito and, even more so, the Triple Melt Nachos, are a glistening yellow beacon to what we can achieve in the realm of queso and queso-related foodstuffs, then it’s the culinary petard that I will defiantly hoist my husky frame upon.

The aforementioned dynamic duo of Triple Melt meals from Taco Bell are seemingly a long time coming and hopefully a new standard bearer on not only the value meal menu but anything in the future that they dare to proclaim as “cheese-filled.”

By combining the Bell’s patented nacho cheese goodness with a shredded three-cheese blend of mozzarella, cheddar, and pepper jack, these new mixtures and additions hit closer and closer to what we should rightfully expect from years of Tex-Mex fast food promises.

And while not as super-gooey as you’d think — the combined cheeses settle very fast into their own blessed mass of congealment — these very different cheeses and their fully distinct flavors make the Triple Melt Burrito a definite triple-crown entry as far as taste goes in this never-ending value menu race to the top. Along with the always welcomed ground beef and perfectly blended sauce, it makes for a burrito well worth your dollar.

That being said, the main drawback here is the continued unimaginative use of Taco Bell’s typically bland rice as a wholly unnecessary filler that might as well be sawdust the way it soaks up all that important cheesy flavor. (I mean, let’s be honest: is there really anyone out there who truly likes Taco Bell’s rice? A mea culpa to you and yours if so, but I doubt it.)

This minor act of edible malfeasance is absolutely rectified, for the most part, by the award-worthy Triple Melt Nachos. Featuring those beloved chips and aforementioned ground beef professionally imbued with all these different cheeses, like a calcium-rich daydream of innocent fools come to fruition, it’s a hearty combination that makes this a Dollar Menu item beyond reproach.

The warm queso blankets the top while the corresponding layers underneath are shielded by the melting shredded cheese that soaks down to the bottom, making sure that every bite is loaded with some semblance of flavor like a sternly protective father, a true rarity especially when it comes to these dollar nachos and their moderately-sized portions and partitions.

And, to be fair, if you want to complain about the size of these nachos, it’s only a buck hoss…man up and order two or three or whatever it takes to satisfy those curdled urges deep inside. Lord knows I have. ¡Cómpralo ya!

(Nutrition Facts – Triple Melt Burrito – 410 calories, 16 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 1030 milligrams of sodium, 50 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of fiber, and 15 grams of protein. Triple Melt Nachos – 260 calories, 16 grams of fat, 4.5 grams of saturated fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 550 milligrams of sodium, 19 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, and 10 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $1.00
Size: N/A
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Burrito)
Rating: 10 out of 10 (Nachos)
Pros: So very, very cheesy. The mixture of cheese flavors works. Great value even for value menu items.
Cons: Limited-time only. The rice on the burrito is total filler. Nachos congeal fast.

Fast Food Taco Bell