REVIEW: Breyers Gelato Indulgences Raspberry Cheesecake

Breyers Gelato Indulgences Raspberry Cheesecake

“Gelato.” It’s a fun word to say. Go ahead, say it out loud. I don’t care if you’re at work. Everyone already thinks you’re a weirdo. Yep, that’s right, your paranoia is not unfounded. You know the way everyone stops talking when you enter the break room? That’s because they’re talking about you.

“Gelato” also sounds super fancy, like maybe I should put some pants on before I start eating this Breyers Gelato Indulgences Raspberry Cheesecake. In reality, though, gelato is just the Italian word for ice cream. It’s generally softer than your normal ice cream and, according to Wikipedia, “contains a relatively small amount of air. By statute, gelato in Italy must have at least 3.5% butterfat, with no upper limit established.”

No upper limit established, eh? I’m pretty sure 99 percent butterfat gelato wouldn’t go over so well with the general population, even in Italy. In fact, I’m grossing myself out just thinking about it, so let’s move on.

The lineup of Breyers new Gelato Indulgences includes Triple Chocolate, Vanilla Caramel and Tiramasu as well as my choice, Raspberry Cheesecake. I’m fond of all of these flavors, but there’s a special place in my heart for cheesecake, and an extra special place in my heart for cheesecake drizzled with berry-flavored syrup.

Given this, at least I didn’t have to stand in the frozen treats aisle for ten minutes trying to decide which flavor I wanted, which happens far more often than it should for the normal human being.

Breyers describes this flavor as “Cheesecake gelato with luscious raspberry sauce & gourmet graham crumble.” You do know how to make ice cream sound sexy, Breyers.

Breyers Gelato Indulgences Raspberry Cheesecake Closeup

I love that Breyers went through the trouble of making Raspberry Cheesecake look like an Indulgence even when I took the lid off. I’ve never seen an ice cream make an effort to look fancy when you take the lid off, as opposed to just the container. Just look at those swirls and crumbles. Beautiful.

Appearances can be deceiving, however. Fortunately, that was not the case here. The gelato was super smooth straight out of the freezer, which I love. I hate when I have to chip away at ice cream until it melts enough to get half a spoonful out, which has sometimes resulted in my spoon acting as a lever that flings a bit of ice cream halfway across the room.

The gelato also captured an authentic cheesecake flavor. It would have felt like something was missing without the raspberry swirls, though. The swirls of sauce were evenly spaced and ran right down to the bottom of the carton. The thick sauce had a delicious, rich raspberry taste that complimented the gelato perfectly. It reminded me of Knott’s Berry Farm syrup.

The one part where this Raspberry Cheesecake Gelato failed was in the graham cracker crumbles. They were rather definitively not gourmet. Unlike a good cheesecake, the crumbles were soggy, which makes sense given that they’d been sitting on top of ice cream, but still took away from the authentic cheesecake experience.

Furthermore, the crumbles you see are the crumbles you get – they look nice on top, but that’s the only place they are, so you’re not going to wind up with some in every bite. While they had a so-so graham cracker crust taste, they didn’t add much flavor or texture.

For Breyers Gelato Indulgences Raspberry Cheesecake, the real stars are the cheesecake gelato and the raspberry sauce swirls, which, frankly are the most important parts. The smooth texture of the gelato and the rich sauce that was there in every bite without being overwhelming complimented each other perfectly.

I can forgive the way the graham cracker crumbles pretty much disappeared, but the $5.49 retail price seems a bit steep to me. If I see it on sale in the future, however, I’ll definitely be picking this up again.

(Nutrition Facts – 1/2 cup – 170 calories, 45 calories from fat, 5 grams of total fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 15 milligrams of cholesterol, 80 milligrams of sodium, 28 grams of total carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 22 grams of sugar, 3 grams of protein, 6% vitamin A, and 8% calcium.)

Item: Breyers Gelato Indulgences Raspberry Cheesecake
Purchased Price: $4.49 (on sale)
Size: 28.5 oz. carton
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: Gelato has smooth texture right out of the freezer. Saying the word “gelato.” Raspberry swirls are rich and in every spoonful. Breyers took the time to make it look nice in the carton.
Cons: Graham cracker crumbles are soggy and only on top. Being right about your co-workers talking about you behind your back. Price is a little steep. Thinking about 99 percent butterfat gelato.

QUICK REVIEW: Kellogg’s Eggo Cinnamon French Toast Bites

Kellogg's Eggo Cinnamon French Toast Bites

Purchased Price: $3.50 (on sale)
Size: 4 pouches
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: Pieces are soft and easy to tear apart. Smells pleasant when being microwaved. Comes in microwaveable pouch. Ready in about 70 seconds. Fortified with vitamins and minerals. Wittle French toast look so adowable that I want to eat them up…Oh wait, I did.
Cons: Doesn’t taste like French toast. Have some cinnamon handy (or syrup) because the light cinnamon flavor will have some of you reaching for it. Pleasant aroma disappears once it’s out of the microwave. No toaster instructions. Why do they make my fingers greasy? Part of an unsatisfying breakfast.

Kellogg's Eggo Cinnamon French Toast Bites Closeup

Nutrition Facts: 1 pouch – 180 calories, 45 calories from fat, 5 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 270 milligrams of sodium, 55 milligrams of potassium, 29 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 9 grams of sugar, 4 grams of protein, and a bunch of vitamins and minerals.

QUICK REVIEW: Lean Cuisine Salad Additions Greek-Style Chicken

Lean Cuisine Salad Additions Greek-Style Chicken

Purchased Price: $2.99
Size: 7 1/4 oz.
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Holy chickpeas! There are a lot of chickpeas! I possibly could make hummus with that many chickpeas. The entire salad has a nice mild dill aroma. Tasty cucumber dill dressing makes me want to eat my vegetables. It’s surprising the croutons didn’t get soggy from being frozen. Good amount of chicken. Enough dressing to coat everything, if you don’t add too much lettuce. This might be my favorite Lean Cuisine Salad Additions variety. Chickpeas and garbanzo beans are fun words to say.
Cons: Not a lot of red peppers, but even fewer olives. I’m never sure how much lettuce to add. Chickpeas didn’t have any flavor, they just seems to bring the fiber. The more lettuce added, the lighter the dressing’s flavor becomes. Placing frozen dressing in room temperature water doesn’t do a good job of thawing it out before the other ingredients are done in the microwave. Bringing a container of lettuce with you to work and then having everyone wonder if you’re on a rabbit’s diet.

Lean Cuisine Salad Additions Greek-Style Chicken Closeup

Nutrition Facts: 250 calories, 80 calories from fat, 9 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 3 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 4 grams of monounsaturated fat, 35 milligrams of cholesterol, 690 milligrams of sodium, 450 milligrams of potassium, 25 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of fiber, 5 grams of sugar, 17 grams of protein, 20% vitamin A, 6% calcium, 60% vitamin C, and 10% iron.

QUICK REVIEW: Burger King Spicy Chicken Sandwich

Burger King Spicy Chicken Sandwich

Purchased Price: $5.69*
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: Same size as Burger King’s Original Chicken Sandwich. Tastes fine and pretty much tastes like Burger King’s Original Chicken Sandwich with a teeny wittle spiciness. If you’re gradually trying to get used to spicy foods by taking baby steps, this would make a great first step. Can be purchased with the 2 for $5 Burger King promotion, which is probably the only time when it’s worth it.
Cons: Spicy specialists, heat heads, and burn bums will be disappointed with the level of heat the sandwich has. Cayenne and black pepper do not make a spicy chicken. Ugh…The promotional pics show green leafy lettuce, but we get pale iceberg lettuce. Should’ve used a spicy sauce instead of cooling mayo (they’ve got the Angry Whopper’s Angry sauce, so why not use it?). Way overpriced at $5.69. Overpriced at $4.69. Slightly overpriced at $3.99.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

Burger King Spicy Chicken Sandwich Closeup

Nutrition Facts: 640 calories, 38 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 55 milligrams of cholesterol, 1310 milligrams of sodium, 57 grams of carbohydrates, 7 grams of sugar, 23 grams of protein.

QUICK REVIEW: Starbucks Caramel Flan Frappuccino

Starbucks Caramel Flan Frappuccino

Purchased Price: FREE (Starbucks Card offer)
Size: Tall (12 oz.)
Purchased at: Starbucks
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Wonderful buttery caramel flavor. A delicious way to make your body extra cold during these cold winter months. Caramel-infused whipped cream is tasty and I’d shoot some in my mouth if Starbucks sold it in a can. Creamy. 65 milligrams of sweet, sweet caffeine. Barista correctly spelled my name.
Cons: Caramel is overwhelming because the flan flavor isn’t noticeable. Coffee flavor is nonexistent. I think I may have gotten a cavity after drinking it. Some might consider it to be too sweet, but alas, such is the Frappuccino. Drinking it too fast gave me brain freeze.

Nutrition Facts: 12 ounces (whole milk) – 280 calories, 90 calories from fat, 11 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 35 milligrams of cholesterol, 160 milligrams of sodium, 45 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 44 grams of sugar, 3 grams of protein, 8% vitamin A, 10% calcium.