I live life by a few simple principles gleaned from Hollywood.

For example:

• Don’t eat vegetables after midnight… or before midnight… pretty much just don’t eat vegetables.
• Always wear your anti-sea rhinoceros undergarments.
• Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line.

Baskin-Robbins wants to add another rule involving Sicily to the list with its February Flavor of the Month, Cannoli Be With You Ice Cream. With mascarpone ice cream, cannoli shell pieces, chocolate chips and pistachios, having this cannoli on hand sounds like a great addition.

The mascarpone cheese base might be the best and creamiest ice cream I’ve sampled at Baskin-Robbins. With a light touch of sweetness, it is rich, buttery and smooth; the perfect backdrop for the accompanying flavors. Things improve with the milk chocolate chips that are neither too sweet, nor too bitter but just right — no anti-sea bear circle required.

If this were simply a mascarpone ice cream with chocolate chips, it would earn high marks for its simple but delicious execution. Dismayingly, both the cannoli shell and the pistachio pieces took the wrong lesson about hiding from a nuke in a fridge. The cannoli pieces’ texture is that of soggy corn flakes with about as impactful a flavor. The pistachios are rare, though large and overpowering, and hold no roasted notes I can detect. Crushed pistachios would create more consistency and balance bringing it closer to the genuine article.

With a fantastic first impression made by the mascarpone and chocolate chips, I’m disappointed in this flavor given its potential. A cannoli is a balance of distinct flavors that create a cohesive treat which is not the case here.

New rule for Baskin-Robbins: Never go in against a Sicilian when a cannoli is on the line.

Purchased Price: $2.39
Size: Small scoop (2.5 oz.)
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (Small Scoop) 180 calories, 11 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams trans fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 55 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, 12 grams of sugar, 1 gram of dietary fiber and 3 grams of protein.

Girl Scout Cookies come around each year just as some people are finally getting the hang of whatever diet they’ve decided to try out or just as they have given up on said diet.

Girl Scout Cookies are not permitted on most trendy diets, but Yoplait takes advantage of its “health food” reputation to offer a product to appease those who want to eat them on the 27th day of their diet.

Well, that’s what I tell myself because Yoplait surely can’t believe that someone would choose to eat a Girl Scout Cookie-flavored yogurt instead of a Girl Scout Cookie. Right? But, hey, maybe these flavors will prove themselves a good substitute for when you want some only to find that you’ve missed all the cookie sales.

For the purpose of this review, I procured some Thin Mints and Caramel Delites from a neighborhood Scout for comparison.

Yoplait Original Caramel Coconut

The latter are my favorite Girl Scout cookie so I decided to start with Yoplait Original Caramel Coconut flavored yogurt. Ahhhh, the first Caramel Delite of the cookie season…dry toasted coconut bits, crisp shortbread cookie, light milk chocolate flavor, chewy burnt caramel coating. Yum. I start to eat another and remind myself that I’m reviewing the yogurt, not the cookies.

I wasn’t sure what Yoplait’s rendition of Caramel Coconut would look like, but I was surprised to see that it was so boring. The yogurt was a pale caramel color and peppered with salt-sized coconut bits. The taste was more disappointing than the appearance. I imagine this is what “caramel color” tastes like in its pure form, astringent and chemical-forward.

There was a tinge of coconut, but it was off-putting and overpowered by the caramel notes. Nary a hint of chocolate was detected, despite the chocolate stripes depicted on the cookie on the label. This knockoff flavor will leave you wanting to eat multiple Caramel Delites to cover up the cloying flavor that lingers long after the last spoonful of deception.

Yoplait Whips! Thin Mints

Next up, Yoplait Whips! Thin Mints. I spotted some chocolate ingredients on the label of this yogurt, so I had high hopes. It had a dark chocolate color and the usual spongy Whips! appearance. The chocolate flavor was quite strong and authentic. The mint flavor was good but more pronounced (and more artificial tasting) than in real Thin Mints.

It’s hard for me to get past the texture of the Whips!, though. This probiotic-laced sugar bomb is not a bad choice if you’re in the mood for chocolate mint yogurt, but it’s not nearly as satisfying as a serving of Thin Mint cookies, if that’s what you’re hoping for.

Yoplait Whips! Peanut Butter Chocolate

Finally, I wish I could say that the Yoplait Whips! Peanut Butter Chocolate was more remarkable that its Thin Mints cousin, but it wasn’t. The chocolate flavor was milder and the peanut butter flavor was reminiscent of a scratch-and-sniff sticker and not of actual peanut butter. At least the mint in the Thin Mints one tasted like mint.

The Tagalongs that were the inspiration for this flavor feature a dime-sized nugget of peanut butter, so I was expecting this to be nuttier than it was. Another disappointment.

Bottom line: Eat these if you’re eager to try a new Yoplait flavor and you prefer some yogurt cultures with your 20+ grams of sugar. Otherwise, just eat the Girl Scout cookie you’re craving (or 2 or 4) and be happier.

(Nutrition Facts – Caramel Coconut – 160 calories, 3 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 110 milligrams of sodium, 27 grams of carbohydrates, 20 grams of sugars, and 6 grams of protein. Thin Mints – 160 calories, 4 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 15 milligrams of cholesterol, 100 milligrams of sodium, 26 grams of carbohydrates, 22 grams of sugars, and 5 grams of protein. Peanut Butter Chocolate – 160 calories, 4 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 15 milligrams of cholesterol, 100 milligrams of sodium, 26 grams of carbohydrates, 22 grams of sugars, and 5 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: 60 cents each
Size: 4 oz.
Purchased at: Food Lion and Walmart
Rating: 2 out of 10 (Caramel Coconut)
Rating: 4 out of 10 (Thin Mints)
Rating: 3 out of 10 (Peanut Butter Chocolate)
Pros: Probiotic yogurt cultures. Gluten-free if you’re into that.
Cons: Cloying flavors. 20+ grams of sugar per serving (twice as much as a serving either Girl Scout cookie). Lactic acid esters of mono and diglycerides, whatever the heck those are!