NEWS: Cheerios Family One Step Closer To Having Their Own TLC Reality Show With New Cinnamon Burst Cheerios

Marvo 2 Comments

Diddy once said, “I thought I told you that we won’t stop. I thought I told you that we won’t stop. I thought I told you that we won’t stop. I thought I told you that we won’t stop.” He could’ve been talking about himself and his late partner, the Notorious B.I.G., but he also could’ve been talking about himself and Cheerios, because with the new Cinnamon Burst Cheerios, it looks like Cheerios won’t stop producing new flavors.

Cinnamon Burst Cheerios is flavored with real cinnamon, although it doesn’t seem like a lot of it since it’s listed between salt and guar gum in the middle of the ingredients list. If you’re a big fan of fiber, and who isn’t, you’ll be happy to hear this particular Cheerios contains five grams of dietary fiber, which is more than regular Cheerios and Honey Nut Cheerios.

A cup of Cinnamon Burst Cheerios has 110 calories, 2 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 125 milligrams of sodium, 27 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of fiber, 9 grams of sugar, 13 grams of other carbohydrates and 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Kellogg’s Eggo Thick & Fluffy Waffles (Original & Cinnamon Brown Sugar)

Stephanie 20 Comments

Kellogg's Eggo Thick & Fluffy Original Waffles

Borrowing things from overseas to sell on our shores is a tricky business. As with any translation, we run the risk of not getting it quite right. Like turning the infinitely-watchable E4 series Skins into a show that no one (save for The Parents Television Council who wants to kill it with fire) cares to watch… or transforming the delicioso Mexican corn-cake-style gordita into the well-known and often-devoured Taco Bell Gordita that is basically a taco made with pita bread. How they made the leap to the Middle East by way of Mexico, I have no idea. I guess, to them, foreign food is foreign food. We’re lucky they didn’t try to stuff haggis in there.

The process of repackaging these things for consumption in the United States is clearly an attempt to make them more palatable for Americans, however unrecognizable they become. But it doesn’t explain why Kellogg’s would revise the Belgian waffle for their Eggo brand by making them toaster-sized instead of plate-sized and octagonal instead of round (or square) and calling them “Thick & Fluffy ” waffles. Did they think consumers wouldn’t understand these waffles if they used the word “Belgian”? They’ve been around for 50 years. I think we get it. Semantics aside, what it really comes down to is whether the waffles have deep pockets and taste good. For the most part, they do.

Eggo Thick & Fluffy waffles come in two flavor varieties: Cinnamon Brown Sugar and Original Recipe. The name “Original Recipe” conjures up visions of crispy, golden fried chicken offered by string-tied Southern gentlemen with dubious military origins, yet as a Roscoe’s devotee, I can attest to the fact that fried chicken does pair well with waffles. Maybe this title wasn’t unintentional.

The Original Recipe waffle was exceptional. It has a certain extra something (probably sodium) that makes the waffle taste extra malty. I scoured the ingredients list and didn’t see anything about malt, though, so I could just be imagining it. Maybe my previous experiences with other Belgian fluffy and thick waffles created an expectation for malt flavor.

Kellogg's Eggo Thick & Fluffy Cinnamon Brown Sugar Waffles

On the flip side, I was all ready to love the Cinnamon Brown Sugar waffle, being the brown sugar & cinnamon addict that I am, but it was just OK. The flavor just doesn’t “pop.” It’s not super sweet, but it’s also not very cinnamon-y. Blah Sugar. Cinna-Zzzzz. The experience is underwhelming. Way to not be an enabler, Kellogg’s. I’m one step closer to recovery.

Despite the fact that it’s a toaster waffle, I was expecting preparation to be a breeze. Logistically, it is pretty easy. Place in toaster… Toast… The End. But the toasting instructions specify that you may need to use two toasting cycles in order to evenly heat the waffle. That’s far too long for a toaster-based convenience breakfast. I hate double-toasting. It ruins the feeling of relief you experience once the toaster pops up because as soon as it does, you just have to push it back down again and start all over. It’s totally defeating. Bad way to start the day.

Kellogg's Eggo Thick & Fluffy Cinnamon Brown Sugar Waffle Naked

Another negative is that even though these are Thicker & Fluffier, they don’t make you feel any fuller — just the opposite. The extra carbs and sugar you ingest in the thicker waffle make you crash faster… and if you double-up on the serving size (eating two waffles instead of one), it just makes things worse.

That’s another thing. The serving size is just one waffle, but the box shows two. WHY MUST YOU TOY WITH MY EMOTIONS, EGGO??? Sorry, that’s the cinnamon brown sugar withdrawal talking.

I appreciate Eggo’s take on Belgian waffles, though the Original Recipe flavor makes a tastier breakfast than the Cinnamon Brown Sugar one. They should try making crépes next… though they’ll probably call them “Eggo Thin & Flat Pancakes.” How gauche.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 waffle/55 grams – Original Recipe – 160 calories, 70 calories from fat, 7 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 3.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 300 milligrams of sodium, 50 milligrams of potassium, 20 grams of carbohydrates, >1 gram of fiber, 3 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein. Cinnamon Brown Sugar – 170 calories, 60 calories from fat, 7 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 3 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 270 milligrams of sodium, 50 milligrams of potassium, 24 grams of carbohydrates, >1 gram of fiber, 9 grams of sugar and 3 grams of protein.)

Item: Kellogg’s Eggo Thick & Fluffy Waffles (Original & Cinnamon Brown Sugar)
Price: $2.00 (on sale)
Size: 11.6 oz
Purchased at: Vons
Rating: 10 out of 10 (Original Recipe)
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Cinnamon Brown Sugar)
Pros: Corn cakes. Southern gentlemen. Invisible malt. Octagons.
Cons: Witch hunts. Haggis. Understanding waffles. Boring me with cinnamon. The long toast. Small serving size.

NEWS: Häagen-Dazs Confuses Your Fork and Spoon with New Limited Edition Caramel Apple Pie Ice Cream

Kelley

Have I entered some Bizarro world where, instead of ice cream on top of my pie, there’s pie in my ice cream?! What craziness is this? Should I use a fork or a spoon? I’m so confused! Wait, I just had an idea. It’s so wacky, it just might work. May I present for your consideration: the spork.

Okay, so it’s really not that crazy, and you’ll probably be safe with just a spoon. Häagen Dazs has stuck desserts into their ice cream before, like banana split. This seems to be their first foray into pie territory, however. Caramel Apple Pie is a limited edition flavor, although there’s no indication on Häagen Dazs’ website of how long it will be around, so you better hurry up and get some because it could be gone TOMORROW. (It will probably not be gone tomorrow.)

Häagen-Dazs describes caramel apple pie as such: “A classic à la mode dessert blended together to create an all-in-one indulgence. Smooth apple ice cream with a hint of cinnamon is delicately swirled with diced fresh apples, flakey pie crust, and rich caramel.”

Yep, that sounds like a pie in an ice cream, all right. Single ladies, rejoice – the next time you get dumped by a guy who was obviously a jerk and all wrong for you anyway, all you need is a spoon and a pint of Häagen Dazs Caramel Apple Pie. No more messing with plates, pie cutters and ice cream scoops.

Caramel Apple Pie contains real sugar, real apples and no trans fat, so you can pretend you’re eating something not completely unhealthy as sit on your couch crying and watching You’ve Got Mail for the 7,000 time.

A half cup of the Häagen-Dazs Caramel Apple Pie ice cream has 250 calories, 14 grams of fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 65 milligrams of cholesterol, 110 milligrams of sodium, 28 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 24 grams of sugar, 3 grams of protein, 10% vitamin A and 8% calcium.

REVIEW: Starbucks Artisan Bacon, Egg & Gouda Breakfast Sandwich

Drew 6 Comments

Starbucks Artisan Bacon, Egg & Gouda Breakfast Sandwich

As a non-coffee drinker, I’ve never had a particularly close relationship with Starbucks.  I know many of you reading this have connected with them in a deep, meaningful way I’ll never truly understand, like the bond between a man and his dog, or occasionally his wife.  I admire that, but there’s no reason for me to pay three dollars for a small hot chocolate when Swiss Miss is free at work.  (With OR without marshmallows!)  That being said, I don’t have anything against Starbucks, beyond the vaguely sinister-looking logo.  Their willingness to keep charging high prices in the midst of a massive recession was ballsy to the point of being almost endearing, and they really know how to tie a Barnes & Noble together.

So when they recently began offering Artisan breakfast sandwiches, I seized on it as a way to join the java junkies and really get the full Starbucks experience.  There are currently two varieties of sandwiches — I chose Bacon, Egg & Gouda because the soul is what makes it taste good, but those who claim dominion over plants but not yummy, yummy animals have their own option with Veggie, Egg, & Monterey Jack.  Vegans, sorry to say, are S.O.L.; apparently that’s a demographic Starbucks feels they can do without, at least until they roll out their Lentils, Gravel & Soy sandwich next quarter.  What makes it “Artisan” is the use of fresh ciabatta bread, which has the dual quality of being fun to say and automatically adding a dollar to the price.

All kidding aside, the bread IS good.  I would’ve been fine with just a biscuit because that’s the kind of low-brow guy I am, but it smells delicious and manages to be crispy but not hard on the outside and soft on the inside.  You may rest assured your barista isn’t just slapping some stale wonder bread left over from her kid’s lunch on your plate.  (Well, maybe yours is.  Perhaps you should consider tipping more than a buck every third visit, hmm?)  It’s also offset well by the bacon, which isn’t spilling out every side but still manages to seem pretty plentiful.  That’s key, because a common lament of food that aspires toward being more gourmet (even just a little) is that they tend to bolster the quality of the ingredients at the expense of quantity, with meat often being the first casualty.  You’re not going to feel like you’re eating a whole pig, but he’ll know you were there, by God.

Starbucks Artisan Bacon, Egg & Gouda Breakfast Sandwich Half

The cheese also comes through in a big way, partnering with the bacon to make your mouth salivate even as somewhere the Grim Reaper knocks another three pegs off your “Days ’till first heart attack” tally.  If any element is underrepresented, it would have to be the egg.  There’s nothing wrong with it, it just doesn’t pack nearly the smell or the taste of its more aggressive sandwich-mates.  And you can’t really blame this on Starbucks (okay, maybe the barista), but when I broke it in half, all of the bacon and most of the egg ended up on one side, which is kind of like having a rollicking threesome with Scarlett Johansson and Cloris Leachman — yes, technically it’s still a threesome, but you’re really better off just splitting the difference.

A final word of caution — the pictures make it hard to judge scale, but these are not massive sandwiches.  The bread is roughly five by five inches, so think of it more as a tasty mini-meal to help you power through a morning of inane coworker babble, rather than something that’s going to enable you to skip lunch.  (That’s what the schnapps in your lower left desk drawer is for.  Don’t worry, your boss doesn’t know.  Yet.)  If it were a little larger and a little cheaper I’d be able to recommend it even more highly, but as is, it’s still delicious.  Anyone used to paying Starbucks prices already probably won’t mind, but if you’re strictly a Dunkin’ Donuts kind of person, this is not the largest quantity of food you could get for your money.  Though from what I understand, pairing it with a 12-ounce coffee will net you a pretty good discount on both, so… yep, hosed again.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 sandwich – 350 calories, 18 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 170 milligrams of cholesterol, 840 milligrams of sodium, 30 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 1 gram of sugar and 17 grams of protein.)

Item: Starbucks Artisan Bacon, Egg & Gouda Breakfast Sandwich
Price: $3.45 ($3.95 w/ 12 oz. coffee)
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Starbucks
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Non-coffee drinkers have a reason to visit Starbucks.  Enhancing Barnes & Nobles.  Sandwich options for both conscienceless murderers and hippie wimps.  Smells as good as it tastes.  Does not skimp on bacon.  Hiding booze at work.
Cons: Illuminati logo.  Vegans shafted again.  Damn well better be gourmet for what you’re paying.  Gross threesomes.  Only a full breakfast if you weigh 110 pounds.

REVIEW: Trident Vitality Vigorate Gum

Marvo 7 Comments

Trident Vitality Vigorate Gum

One piece of Trident Vitality Vigorate gum has ten percent of our daily recommended intake of vitamin C.

What!?! Where was this during the 17th and 18th centuries?

If only I could travel back in time to when the East India Trading Company existed so that I could be a crew member aboard one of their East Indiaman merchant ships that were used to deliver cotton, silk, spices, tea, and opium to England. With this Trident Vitality Vigorate gum in hand, I would be prepared to prevent scurvy, while probably high on opium and wrapped in a silk Indian sari. And I could laugh like Nelson Muntz at my fellow shipmates as their teeth fall out and pus-filled wounds form on their skin.

Haw-Haw!

Although, at only ten percent vitamin C per piece, it’s not a great source of vitamin C, but what can I expect from a piece of gum. Of course, if you or I were to go through a pack as quickly as a chain smoker goes through a pack of Marlboro Lights or Charlie Sheen goes through a pack of prostitutes, the nine pieces in each pack would easily give us almost a full day’s worth of vitamin C.

Trident Vitality Vigorate Gum 2

The Trident Vitality Vigorate gum has “a burst of citrus and strawberry” which comes in the form of a naturally and artificially flavored liquid center in each piece. While it says “a burst of citrus and strawberry”, I think a more accurate description would be a burst of orange and a smidgeon of strawberry. Or if you want the Food Network version of the description, it would be a BAM! of orange and a pinch of strawberry.

After about a minute of chewing, the gum provides a slight cooling sensation and the intensity of the gum’s flavor starts to significantly drop after the three minute mark. After that, you’re left to experience a light fruity flavor until your jaw can’t take it anymore or until you chew the orangy bejesus out of the gum.

Overall, I like the flavor of the Trident Vitality Vigorate gum, but I don’t see myself buying it again. I think its gimmick of having ten percent of my daily recommended intake of vitamin C doesn’t work because there are many tastier, and more effective, ways to get enough vitamin C to make me scurvy-proof.

For example, eating a large McDonald’s fries with five packets of ketchup will give me 30 percent of my recommended vitamin C. Snacking on a pack of Skittles will provide almost a full day’s worth of vitamin C. Drinking almost any VitaminWater flavor will give me 100 percent vitamin C per cup. Or if an orange accidentally fell into my shopping cart because I ran into the orange stand at the grocery store while being a rubberneck as I stared at the bacon, I could just eat that.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 piece – less than 5 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of sodium, 2 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, 2 grams of sugar alcohol, 0 grams of protein, and 10% vitamin C.)

Item: Trident Vitality Vigorate Gum
Price: $1.19
Size: 9 pieces
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Pleasant orange flavor with a hint of strawberry. It has ten percent of my daily recommend intake of vitamin C. I like the box. Maintains its flavor for a decent amount of time. Skittles contains vitamin C.
Cons: Strawberry flavor could’ve been stronger. It has ONLY ten percent of my daily recommended intake of vitamin C. Made with a bunch of sweeteners (acesulfame potassium, maltitol, sorbitol, aspartame, and sucralose). Scurvy. Grocery store accidents. Being in a hotel room with Charlie Sheen.