REVIEW: McDonald’s McCafé Frappé Chocolate Chip

Marvo 43 Comments

McDonald's McCafe? Frappe? Chocolate Chip

For these armpit sweat staining months, McDonald’s has introduced their blended McCafe Frappé Chocolate Chip, which is pretty much a McDonald’s Frappé Caramel combined with a McDonald’s Frappé Mocha and chocolate chips.

Oh, I didn’t break it down enough for you?

Well then, here you go: The Frappé Chocolate Chip is made up of ice, a caramel coffee frappé base, a mocha coffee frappé base, and chocolate chips that’s topped with whipped cream and caramel and chocolate drizzles.

Oh, you want it broken down even more, food nerd?

Well, swallow this long list of ingredients in no particular order: Ice, sugar, milk, high fructose corn syrup, natural (botanical source) and artificial flavors, mono- and diglycerides, guar gum, potassium citrate, disodium phosphate, carrageenan, carob bean gum, cocoa (processed with alkali), red 40, yellow 5, blue 1, nonfat milk, corn syrup, polysorbate 80, beta carotene, natural (dairy and vegetable source) and artificial flavor, mixed tocopherols, coffee extract, whipping propellant (nitrous oxide), semi-sweet chocolate, sweetened condensed milk, butter, salt, pectin, artificial flavor (vanillin, ethyl vanillin), caramel color (with sulfites), potassium sorbate (preservative), dextrose, water, glycerin, hydrogenated coconut oil, food starch-modified, cream, natural (plant source) and artificial flavor, gellan gum, potassium sorbate (preservative).

Happy now?

Although I’m as much of a fan of McDonald’s original Mocha and Caramel Frappés as I am of filling co-workers cubicles with balloons while they’re on vacation, I can’t say the same about the chocolate chip version.

Look, the Frappé Chocolate Chip is well-blended, sweet, and refreshing, if you find yourself in temperatures higher than 85 degrees Fahrenheit, but the chocolate chips do two things that make this Frappé less appealing to me. One, they don’t help give the blended beverage a strong chocolate flavor to go along with the caramel flavor. The sweet caramel definitely wears the pants in the relationship. Two, they give the Frappé a weird texture.

If you’re one of those people who likes to crush the fine granules of ice between their molars, even though admitting so to your dentist would get you a proper verbal lashing about teeth enamel, sadly, the blended chocolate chips dampens the ice crushing, making it less satisfying for those of us who like to weaken our tooth enamel and pay for it later with dentists sticking drills into our mouths and filling the holes they made with metal or resin. But most of you probably don’t have the strange oral fixation of crushing ice with your teeth, so this issue won’t bother you.

Oh, but I do have good news if you’re one of those people who hates the taste of coffee, but wants a coffee drink. If that describes you, this Frappé is for you. Much like coffee being hard to find in the long paragraph of ingredients above, the coffee flavor in this Frappé is hard to taste. The chocolate, caramel, sugar, and cream hides the coffee as if it’s a flavor burka.

The McDonald’s McCafé Frappé Chocolate Chip isn’t anything to get too excited about, unless you’ve just walked through 100 degree temperatures and are looking for anything to help cool you down.

(Nutrition Facts – Small Size/12 ounces – 530 calories, 220 calories from fat, 24 grams of fat, 15 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 55 milligrams of cholesterol, 140 milligrams of sodium, 74 grams of carbohydrates, 66 grams of sugar, 1 gram of fiber, and 7 grams of protein.)

Other McDonald’s McCafé Frappé Chocolate Chip reviews:
Brand Eating

Item: McDonald’s McCafé Frappé Chocolate Chip
Purchased Price: $2.99
Size: Small/12 ounces
Purchased at: McDonald’s
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: If you love coffee drinks, but hate the flavor of coffee, this is for you. Awesome if you love drizzles. Cool. Refreshing. Well blended.
Cons: Caramel wears the pants in this relationship. Will be sweet to some. Chocolate chips get in the way for us ice chewers. Summer heat. Weakened tooth enamel.

NEWS: Pizza Hut’s Garlic Bread Pizza Looks Like Gigantic Bagel Bites

Marvo 6 Comments

Pizza Hut, Fernandina Beach, FL (Amelia Island)

Update: Click here to read our Pizza Hut Garlic Bread Pizza review

Wow. The test kitchens at Pizza Hut are quickly churning out new and interesting ways to deliver meat, cheese, and bread to our gullets. Last month, it was the P’Zolo and this month it’s their new G’rlic Bre’d pizza… I mean, Garlic Bread Pizza.

Pizza Hut takes thick slices of buttery garlic bread and tops it with cheese and your choice of pizza toppings. Top it with pepperoni, ham, pork, beef, Italian sausage, or bacon pieces. Not into meat? Well, you can get veggies as well. You can get nine slices with your choice of one topping for $8.99.

These sound nice, but I’m waiting for Pizza Hut to introduce French bread pizza, just like my momma used to make in the toaster oven.

Image via flickr user Tadson / CC BY ND 2.0

REVIEW: McDonald’s S’mores Pie

Jeff 8 Comments

McDonald's S'mores Pie

Something tells me Ronald McDonald and his bakers are getting bored. Like a child in trouble, flinging every excuse to see what sticks to the wall, this seems to be McDonald’s course of action in regards to its pies. I would kill for some of their international savory flavors such as tuna. And I love taro puffs when I rock out with dim sum (I’m channeling my inner Guy Fieri)…so a taro pie sounds right up my alley but those are not available in Florida. Until then, I will have to settle for S’mores.

You know that old saying, don’t judge a book by its cover? S’mores Pie is a limited edition re-release from McDonald’s and is a primary example of that very line. The pie is unsettling to look at because the visible chocolate from the open cut in the dough looks like a shiny poopie. It resembles the offspring from one of those delectable black & white cookies and a Pop-Tart.

I’m a sucker for McDonald’s pies and the flavors seem logical enough. Who doesn’t enjoy a S’more? It’s chocolate and toasted marshmallow. I always felt the graham cracker was the star of this campfire snack. With its slight (to me anyhow) hint of salt and cinnamon tones, those graham crackers were one of my earliest introductions to complex tastes.

I remember eating them out of the box watching reruns of Zoobilee Zoo, trying to figure out why I liked these so much and if it was weird I had a crush on that pink kangaroo lady. With McDonald’s offering a pie with a graham cracker crust, that was enough of a pitch for me. As stated before, the appearance was a bit disturbing and instinctively off-putting, so I glanced at it with a cautionary eye and hoped for the best.

However, the aroma emanating from the bag evoked memories of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies from the kitchen oven (or in my case, it reminded me of walking past The Great American Cookie as I entered the mall’s food court because Mom only baked sadness brownies and displaced anger cakes). The pleasant rich scent enveloped me and it only intensified in the car as the windows were up.

The pie was indeed warm which is just as important as the tangible ingredients making up this creation. I pulled into an empty space in the parking lot because I was afraid that I could not fully appreciate what Ronald offered me if it cooled off. I shimmied my blazer off and loosened my stock Van Heusen tie.

Buttery, dense and mercifully not too sweet, the chocolate fell closer to a dark one than a milk-chocolate which was good. I was surprised by the thickness of the marshmallow filling. It was not as light or fluffy as I thought it would be and creamier than I assumed. It was nice and I think there were some vanilla flavors from the marshmallow. It reminded me of scooping out a spoonful of Fluff from the jar. Combined, the chocolate and marshmallow almost had the sweet and savory team-up we all love so much.

Sadly, the appearance was not the only detractor. The graham cracker crust provided another negative point (not as bad as the humiliation tarts my Mom would bake). The dough was a bit too thick for my preference and worst, it was like a boring brown sugar cookie rather than a graham cracker. None of the characteristics unique to a graham cracker were present.

Pies are akin to a good marriage. At the risk of sounding something of a Lifetime Channel movie plot, both people need to cooperate and work to make that relationship successful. The same is with a pie’s filling and crust. They need to be in perfect harmony or it falls apart and unfortunately, the dough did me in. That’s too bad, really.

The pie is worth a one-time try for the delicious synthesis of its dense chocolate and marshmallow insides. As I sheepishly wiped the crumbs off my seat, I just felt the crust was awful enough to bring the entire thing down. The crust didn’t enhance the flavors and, even worse, it made me pine for one of those feelings of inadequacy cookies my Mom would force us to eat.

(Nutritional Facts – 290 calories, 12 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 210 milligrams of sodium, 41 grams of carbohydrates, 19 grams of sugars, 2 grams of dietary fiber, and 3 grams of protein.)

Item: McDonald’s S’mores Pie
Purchased Price: 75 cents
Size: N/A
Purchased: McDonald’s
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: The chocolate is rich and dense. The chocolate and marshmallow combined is tasty. Memories of fresh baked goods. A warm pie, what’s not to love? Zoobilee Zoo.
Cons: The crust is thick and sad. Memories of fresh baked goods that originate from the food court in the mall. Not being able to buy a McDonald’s tuna pie here. Ben Vereen in Zoobilee Zoo always appeared annoyed.

REVIEW: Apple Cinnamon Chex

Adam 6 Comments

Apple Cinnamon Chex

Long before Chex exploded in popularity thanks to mascotless boxes appealing to the Gluten Free eaters of America, jokes regarding the long litany of cereal variants in a particular brand were limited to Cheerios. Original, Honey Nut, Multigrain, Team, Berry Burst, Frosted, Chocolate…the list went on and on, and flavors came and went, as new, supposedly better and more tasty improvements were developed.

Unbeknownst to Cheerios, a cabal was brewing to take the goodness of whole oats to the insipid base of rice. Like spies prowling the nighttime streets of Los Alamos, raiders from Chex came and stole the secrets to Cheerios’ success, giving way to Chex’s own creation of weapons of unspeakable flavor potential.

It may have begun with Honey Nut and the now defunct Frosted, but it did not end there, and out of this treason within the think-tank of General Mills’ laboratories, a new paradigm of cereal proliferation had begun.

Not one to fall behind the rapidly expanding flavors offered by Cheerios, Mini-Wheats, Cap’n Crunch, Fiber One, Honey Bunches of Oats, and yes, just about every cereal variety ever conceived, Chex has added a new flavor with a familiar profile: Apple Cinnamon.

Apple Cinnamon Chex Ingredients

Not to be confused with regular old Cinnamon Chex, Apple Cinnamon Chex makes the claim to having the distinct and all natural flavor of apples with the warm, sweet taste of cinnamon. Of course, the ingredients also feature allspice and ginger, but I’m guessing they ran out of room on the box to name it “Apple Cinnamon Allspice Ginger Chex.”

Whatever the case, I tasted all the spices in my initial handfuls, and received — for a brief moment — an almost Cinnamon Toast Crunch intensity of flavor. Its short lived, though, and overpowered by an odd tartness of the apple powder. The flavor, as well as the aroma, comes across as too intense. Like those dry bits in a sugar free apple cinnamon oatmeal mix, the powder is concentrated and even off-putting, while the spices make for a slightly unpleasant aftertaste with the rice base.

Speaking of the rice base, Apple Cinnamon Chex unfortunately suffers from what I like to call “Chocolate Chex” syndrome. Meaning, among other things, that the pieces not coated in the flavor base taste like absolutely nothing. And by absolutely nothing, I’m talking as close to uncooked white rice as you can imagine.

Apple Cinnamon Chex Closeup

Fortunately, like Chocolate Chex, Apple Cinnamon Chex sucks a great deal less when eaten with milk. As the spices disseminate throughout the milk, they yield to a more balanced, less astringent chew that combines the best of slowly cooked oatmeal with none of the mushiness or oppressive heat. Likewise, I hardly notice the insipid bite of the plain pieces, and find myself chugging the end-milk like it was Coke Zero. Dare I say, these ‘warming spices’ even become somewhat refreshing.

As the kind of person who prefers cereal as a snack and enjoys the none-too-complicated fake apple but not-really-apple taste of Apple Jacks, I struggle with Apple Cinnamon Chex. While it’s certainly saved by a shower of ice cold skim milk (or, as Tony Perkins likes to say, ‘success’) it strikes me as reaching too far in its flavor aims, combining a natural tartness and warming spice flavor that’s so natural its positively unnatural in the realm of dry cereal.

A complete waste of espionage resources on the part of Chex? Perhaps not, but until they’re willing to rediscover the secrets of Frosted Cheerios, I’ll be passing on America’s favorite gluten free cereal brand.

(Nutrition Facts — 3/4 cup (31 grams) — 130 calories, 20 calories from fat, 2 grams of total fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 190 milligrams of sodium, 40 milligrams of potassium, 26 grams of total carbohydrates, Less than 1 gram of dietary fiber, 8 grams of sugars, and 1 grams of protein.)

Item: Apple Cinnamon Chex
Purchased Price: $2.49
Size: 13.75 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Surprisingly refreshing in milk. Tart green apple taste. Brief seizure by ethereal Cinnamon Toast Crunch flavor. Terrific end-milk. Cereal company espionage. Hope for a return of Frosted Chex.
Cons: Smells artificial. Spices taste too prominent. ‘Chocolate Chex syndrome’. Apple taste is too astringent for snacking purposes. Apple-Cinnamon blend falls to the bottom of the box. No back-of-the-box fun and games.

REVIEW: Tony’s Original Crust Macaroni & Cheese Pizza

Drew 21 Comments

Tony's Original Crust Macaroni & Cheese Pizza

You know how some items seem to be around for no reason except someone thought up a good commercial, then realized the product didn’t technically exist, so they had to quickly create it? It sort of feels like Tony’s Original Crust Macaroni & Cheese Pizza is one of those products.

I picture a smarmy ad executive (yes, he looks exactly like Don Draper), leaning contemplatively in his chair. He finishes his cigarette, stubs it out, steals a glance at Christina Hendricks’ cleavage. Satisfied, he stands and reaches for his hat… and stops. Stares straight ahead for a full 30 seconds, then grabs a sheet of paper and begins scribbling excitedly. When he finishes, he’s looking at a storyboard of a brother and sister standing face to face, scowling.

The girl yells “But I want macaroni and cheeeeese!” The boy retorts, “Too bad, Mom said we could have pizza!” Then the mother steps into frame, boasting a smile only achievable through extensive surgical work or pounds of medical-grade marijuana. “Kids, kids!” she says, laughing gently, “Who says we can’t have both?” Reaching behind her to retrieve the box she must have strapped to her back, she brings it out and shows us the label as the kids’ eyes light up: Macaroni & cheese pizza. And life makes sense once again.

Actually, jokes notwithstanding, I was eager to try this product. I’ve had baked ziti pizza from Italian restaurants before, when I’m in a particularly “Screw it, we’ve all gotta go sometime” mood. But I’ve never had mac n’ cheese pizza before, and frankly I wondered if Tony’s could get even close to the gooey, artery-hardening deliciosity that is freshly-made baked ziti pizza. (These are the things I think about since our favorite local pizza place closed for repairs after the neighboring deli suspiciously burned down. True story.)

Obviously you don’t expect it to be as thick as an actual pizzeria pie, but it must be said that this is a mighty thin pizza, even with the layer of mac n’ cheese. And that’s probably attributable to the fact that there’s no marinara sauce to be found. I probably should have surmised that from the box, but it came as an unpleasant surprise that didn’t fill me with confidence. It still looks pretty good, but it definitely feels more like you’re eating macaroni off of flatbread, rather than as a topping on pizza.

Tony's Original Crust Macaroni & Cheese Pizza Baked

You’ll note there are two cheeses visible in the photo — obviously mozzarella is the primary base, but there’s a reasonable, though not overly generous, helping of cheddar scattered throughout. They proudly advertise that the new square shape fills the box, which I think is meant to imply you’re getting more pizza for the same price. That’s probably true, although cutting it into quarters makes the slices a bitch to eat without smearing grease all over your face. Or maybe that’s just me and my refusal to eat the crust until every other bite is gone. Yeah, probably just me. Anyway, I appreciate the extra surface area.

But ultimately quantity is irrelevant if the taste isn’t up to par, so what’s the verdict? Well… serviceable. It’s not bad — the crust is crunchy but not hard, the two kinds of cheeses are distinct, and the macaroni has a soft but not slimy texture. Plus it’s pizza and beer on a Friday night, it’s impossible to completely screw that up.

That said, it also tastes like exactly what it is: artificial mac n’ cheese on a frozen pizza. There’s nothing bold or fresh about the flavor, no interesting spices you didn’t expect. It’s relatively pleasing in the moment and then immediately forgotten afterward, like a date with me. When all’s said and done, this is a decent option if you’re trying to save money or the best Italian restaurant in your town is Sbarro’s. But if you live anywhere near a decent pizza joint, it’s worth the trek for the real thing.

(Nutrition Facts — 1/4 pizza — 280 calories, 80 calories from fat, 9 grams of total fat, 4.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 500 milligrams of sodium, 100 milligrams of potassium, 40 grams of total carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 8 grams of sugars, and 10 grams of protein.)

Item: Tony’s Original Crust Macaroni & Cheese Pizza
Purchased Price: $2.49
Size: 17.00 oz
Purchased at: Wegman’s
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Square to fill the entire box. Satisfies two demographics. Visually appealing. For what it is, not ridiculously unhealthy. Pretty good taste. Which came first, the ad or the product?
Cons: Nothing remotely surprising. No marinara sauce. Thin. A little more cheddar would’ve been nice. Suspicious fires that take out your favorite pizza place as collateral damage.