I once watched this movie… I don’t remember the exact name, but it was about a ring.

These two small dudes and a schizophrenic frog-man were climbing a mountain, and then they had to throw their wedding ring into a volcano or else some fire wizard would blow up New Zealand or something? I think it was a true story.

Anyway, until today, I thought THAT ring was the worst, most evil ring to ever exist. Then… I tried Snyder’s new Oktoberfest Rings infused with Beer Flavor, and now I’m not so sure.

I reviewed Snyder’s Beer Cheese Pieces in the past and loved them, so while I assumed these cheese-less pretzels wouldn’t stack up, I was still shocked how much I disliked these.

First of all, they’re barely pretzels. These are glorified bread sticks curved into a circle.

They went light on the salt crystals here, and I can only imagine it was in an attempt to let the beer flavor shine, but that “beer” flavor is as dull as dull can be. I’ll give them a tiny bit of credit because I did taste the essence of a sweet lager, or more likely an Oktoberfest-appropriate Marzin-style beer, but it quickly changes as you munch down on the pretzel.

All I could taste after that was, and this is oddly specific, black olive. These taste like someone soaked a breadstick in the water from a can of black olives and then let the breadstick air dry and crisp back up for a few hours. They’re not stale, but the flavor just has an air of staleness to it, like old bread.

I once had “healthy” pretzel twists. They were whole wheat, low sodium, and gluten free, and were one of the biggest buzzkill snacks I’ve ever had. I thought of them immediately while eating these.

I’ll be fair and say that while I sound like a hater, I did eat about 20 in one sitting. I craved something crunchy, but I never shook that weird hint of black olive. I kept thinking the next one would taste better, and it never did. I also never found the crunch all that satisfying.

Look, I love olives, and come to think of it, I’d probably really enjoy a full-blown olive-flavored crunchy snack, but this beer-infused flavor just really didn’t do it for me.

I might as well say I think rings might be the worst pretzel shape while I’m at it. Just give me the classic pretzel knot. I didn’t like a single aspect of these other than the bag with that classic blue Oktoberfest checkerboard pattern.

I wouldn’t even serve these to a frog-man. The shape of the pretzel almost represented my score. You’d be hard-pressed to find a worse bag of pretzels in the aisle. Snyder’s has rows of amazing pretzels, so just get one of them instead. This was a slip-up for the company, but I guess it tried.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m hitting up Google Maps to find the nearest volcano in my area.

Prost!

Purchased Price: $3.99
Size: 10 oz.
Purchased at: Shop Rite
Rating: 2 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1oz – 10 pretzels) 110 calories, 2 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 250 milligrams of sodium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, less than 1 gram of sugar, and 3 grams of protein.