Let’s just get it outta the way – I don’t know why it wasn’t called “Peepsi” either, but I’m sure Pepsi has a rule against altering its iconic name no matter the reason.

That being said, it wouldn’t shock me if this bizarre collaboration was borne out of one “hip” PepsiCo executive saying, “Peepsi would make bank, no cap.” To which his colleagues would’ve probably replied, “Greg, we’ve gone over this, we don’t change our name, and please stop saying that, caps are essential to our product.”

I’ve tried to avoid Peeps Pepsi discourse because I imagine it’s absolutely dripping with hyperbole. People who don’t like Peeps DESPISE Peeps. I’m just imagining everyone acting like this soda is an affront to everything holy. I just know that’s how it is… but I probably shouldn’t try to create a straw man, I should just go and grab a straw, man.

This review is already an affront to everything holy.

Alright, here’s what I’ll say about Peeps Pepsi – it’s almost ok.

I like the scent. I wouldn’t exactly say it screams Peeps, but it makes for a nice unique twist on the usual cola smell. Once that smell translates into taste, it starts to get weird.

If this was a mystery flavor, I think a decent chunk of guessers would land on “marshmallow,” but not necessarily “Marshmallow Peeps.” Maybe as a total shot in the dark guess at some kind of snack brand synergy we’re used to at this point. You can twist my arm and get me to admit it kinda reminds me of Peeps, but I expected more of a match.

It’s obviously super sweet, but I don’t think it’s a pleasant sweetness. This soda is loaded with sugar, but it still tastes like it’s made with an artificial sugar substitute. The marshmallow flavor comes across as a really cheap attempt at a mutant vanilla cola.

There are stages of flavor in every sip that I’ll try my best to explain because I rode the same emotional roller coaster as that woman in the famous kombucha meme.

There’s a moment in the mouthfeel process – let’s just pause for a second and cringe at the fact I just wrote, “mouthfeel process.” – where it seems undrinkable. For a second, it tastes like the smell of an artificial “cake” scented candle or something.

There’s basically a film that materializes after the effervescent bubbles burn off and before the lingering “vanilla icing” aftertaste bursts in. It’s as if you momentarily ingested a buttery lotion. I felt like I was drinking a lesser brand’s attempt to clone a Pepsi Vanilla or something. I never really got to “Peeps,” even after literally comparing it to an actual Peep.

Ultimately, it’s pure novelty and Peeps-adjacent at best. Without the weirdness I attempted to articulate, I might even tell you to go for it. It’s not nearly as vile as I imagine some people will tell you it is, but it’s not even close to being really good either. Both of these products work better on their own.

I like Pepsi and I like (stale) Peeps, so I’m not mad I tried it. Seriously though, I like my Peeps marshmal dente. I want them to taste like a hard memory foam pillow covered in sand. That’s how I like my Peeps, but I definitely don’t need to have them in soda form ever again.

Purchased Price: $2.28
Size: 20 oz
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 4 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 Bottle) 260 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 55 milligrams of sodium, 69 grams of carbohydrates, 69 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.