REVIEW: Heinz Sriracha Tomato Ketchup

Heinz Sriracha Tomato Ketchup

If you love sriracha, there’s a very good chance you have a bottle of it in your kitchen right now.

And there’s a much greater chance you have a bottle of ketchup in your kitchen or, at least, several ketchup packets you’ve accumulated from generous fast food drive-thru workers who dumped an uncounted amount of ketchup packets into your bag after you said “yes” to the question, “Would you like ketchup?”

If the idea of sriracha ketchup excites you, and you have bottles of sriracha and ketchup in your kitchen, you’re better off combining the two instead of purchasing Heinz’s Sriracha Ketchup.

When I first heard about Heinz’s Sriracha Ketchup, I was excited because I love sriracha. But when I started thinking harder than anyone should over a condiment, I realized if I want a sriracha-flavored condiment for burgers, fries, hot dogs, and limp Kid Cuisine chicken nuggets, wouldn’t it be better to use sriracha over a sriracha-flavored ketchup?

Also, while thinking harder than anyone should over a condiment, I might’ve realized why Heinz decided to make a sriracha ketchup. The difference between ketchup and sriracha is as small as the difference between humans and chimpanzees. Because both condiments have salt, sugar, vinegar, garlic and/or onion, if I was somehow able to remove the tomatoes in ketchup and replace it with chili peppers, I’d have something that tastes similar to sriracha. And if I were to remove the chili peppers from sriracha and replace it with tomatoes, I’d have ketchup.

You’d think combining sriracha with ketchup would create a new Asian condiment. Well, it doesn’t. But it does taste like a old Mexican condiment — taco sauce.

Yeah, not what I was expecting.

After doing more research than anyone should on condiments, I learned it makes sense Heinz’s Sriracha Ketchup tastes like taco sauce, because the combination of ingredients IS taco sauce. Here are the ingredients found in Ortego Taco Sauce: Tomato Puree, Water, Corn Syrup, Distilled Vinegar, Salt, Modified Corn Starch, Spices, Paprika, Citric Acid, Green Chile Powder, and Onion Powder.

Heinz Sriracha Tomato Ketchup Closeup
Regular ketchup (top) Heinz Sriracha Ketchup (bottom).

The back of the Heinz Sriracha Ketchup bottle says it has a “hint of garlic,” but when I ate them with fries, I couldn’t detect it. Garlic isn’t listed in the ingredients list, but I imagine it’s included with “Natural Flavorings” on the list. While I didn’t taste any garlic, I did notice the ketchup had some heat to it. Its spiciness was slightly less than the rooster sauce I have in my kitchen.

Speaking of the sriracha in my kitchen, since I have some and a bunch ketchup packets, I decided to combine the two and compare it with the Heinz Sriracha Ketchup. The condiment mixture, which had more ketchup than sriracha, had a better flavor. I could taste the garlic and it wasn’t similar to taco sauce.

Overall, if you’re a fan of sriracha, I can’t recommend Heinz Sriracha Ketchup. But if you’re a fan of taco sauce, I can recommend this.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 Tbsp – 20 calories, 0 calories from fat, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 160 milligrams of sodium, 5 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 4 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.)

Item: Heinz Sriracha Tomato Ketchup
Purchased Price: $5.19
Size: 14 oz. bottle
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Not horrible. Pleasant spiciness. Having sriracha in the kitchen. Having ketchup in the kitchen. Fast food drive-thru employees who make it rain ketchup packets.
Cons: Tastes like taco sauce. Lacks garlic flavor. Garlic isn’t listed in the ingredients list. Limp Kid Cuisine chicken nuggets. Thinking harder than anyone should over condiments. Mixing rooster sauce and ketchup tastes better.

Vegemite

(Editor’s Note: In honor of Steve Irwin “The Crocodile Hunter,” The Impulsive Buy will review an Australian favorite, Vegemite. Irwin was a crazy mofo, but my kind of crazy mofo. He will be sorely missed, even the crikey. Rest in peace, Crocodile Hunter.)

There are things in life that we all must experience. Love and heartache. Happiness and sadness. Taxes and death. Jury duty and public urination. Liking a band and 10 years later realizing how lame they were, like WHAM!

Along with these experiences, we each have our own list of individual things we want to accomplish in our lifetime. My list is long because it contains things like, becoming a millionaire, being on the Today Show, and touching a woman’s boobie, none of which I have accomplished.

Recently my list became a little shorter when I tried Vegemite for the first time. It’s been something I’ve wanted to try ever since hearing the 1982 Men at Work song “Down Under.”

For those of you that aren’t familiar with Vegemite, it’s a Concentrated Autolyzed Yeast Extract, which forms the acronym C.A.Y.E., which ironically spells out the sound that came out of my mouth while running and gagging to the nearest sink after trying Vegemite on Ritz cracker.

Hmm, how can I describe the taste of Vegemite without causing an international incident or losing any Australian or New Zealand Impulsive Buy readers?

It looks like chocolate, spreads like peanut butter, smells like beef bouillon, and tastes like what I imagine tossing someone’s salad would taste like. I guess the salad tossing taste would explain the “vege” part in Vegemite.

Vegemite is definitely one of those things that will put some hair on your chest, and if you already have hair on your chest, it will put the hair someplace else. Since I already have hair on my chest, I believe the hair will probably grow on my palms, but I won’t know if it’s the Vegemite or my excessive masturbation that causes it.

I’m probably wrong about this, but I believe that Vegemite was created to disgust foreigners from anywhere outside the Australia/New Zealand area. Perhaps it’s payback for all the horrible things that we Americans have exported to Australia and New Zealand, like Rob Schneider movies.

If that’s the case, I’d like to call a truce.

Item: Vegemite
Price: $2.99 (4-ounces)
Purchased at: World Market
Rating: 1 out of 5
Pros: Puts hair on your chest and if you already have hair on your chest, it will put hair someplace else. Looks like chocolate. Low fat. Wonderful source of riboflavin and gagging.
Cons: Almost made me puke. Salty. Does not go well with Ritz crackers and probably won’t go well with any other cracker. Smells like beef bouillon and tastes like I just tossed someone’s salad. Steve Irwin’s passing.