REVIEW: Popeyes Freddy Fazbear Deluxe Box

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Popeyes Freddy Fazbear Deluxe Box

I feel super uncool about not knowing what the heck Five Nights at Freddy’s is. And I feel even worse that this Popeyes Freddy Fazbear Deluxe Box promotes Five Nights at Freddy’s 2.

TWO! I didn’t even know there was a ONE!

So absolutely no Five Nights at Freddy’s references in this review. Wait? Is this a movie, YouTube thing, TikTok thing, video game, or a sequel to that Tom Green movie? See, that’s how lame I am. I didn’t even look it up beforehand to make myself look cool and knowledgeable. I’m being totally transparent about my ineptitude with popular culture. Heck, I’m being so lame that I called it “popular culture” instead of “pop culture.”

Before I admit to worse things about myself, let’s discuss this fast food box. The meal comes with three pieces of signature chicken tenders topped with a savory garlic parmesan rub, warm Garlic Cheesy Bites with a marinara sauce, a Cupcake Cup, and a drink of your choice. There’s also a non-deluxe version of the box that comes with only the chicken tenders and Cheesy Bites.

Despite all the garlic that’s promised in this treasure chest of golden fried foods, I can’t say I taste a lot of it.

Popeyes Freddy Fazbear Deluxe Box chicken tenders

The chicken tenders had a weak garlic parmesan flavor. I really had to really focus to notice it. But for the most part, it tastes like plain Popeyes chicken tenders with the Cajun seasoning. Maybe not enough garlic parmesan rub? As for the “garlic crusted” Cheesy Bites, they tasted like standard mozzarella sticks to me. There’s a hint of garlic, but “garlic crusted” made me believe it would be more prominent.

Popeyes Freddy Fazbear Deluxe Box Cheesy Wads

Oh, as you can see, my Cheesy Bites were a cheesy mess. Obviously, something went wrong in the kitchen with my order, and instead of Cheesy Bites, I got Cheesy Wads (feel free to use that fast food companies). But whatever happened didn’t affect their flavor. Besides, it came with a side of marinara, which masked the breading’s seasoning, making them taste even more like standard mozzarella sticks.

Popeyes Freddy Fazbear Deluxe Box marinara sauce

Popeyes Freddy Fazbear Deluxe Box Cupcake Cup

The meal’s most colorful part was the Cupcake Cup, a moist strawberry-flavored cake topped with sweet pink icing, which would’ve been great to promote the Barbie movie. The cake is chilled, and it’s probably the highlight of the Freddy Fazbear Deluxe Box. Despite the thick layer of icing, I didn’t find the dessert overly sweet. The strawberry flavor in the dense cake was artificial, but still quite delicious. However, my wife thought it was too artificial.

To recap, the Cheesy Bites were mid, the chicken tenders had an underwhelming garlic parmesan flavor, and I can really only recommend the Cupcake Cup. So while not as lame as I am, Popeyes’ Freddy Fazbear Deluxe Box was disappointing.

Purchased Price: $16.99*
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: Garlic Cheesy Bites – 620 calories, 50 grams of fat, 24 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 120 milligrams of cholesterol, 1120 milligrams of sodium, 19 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 2 grams of sugar, and 24 grams of protein. 3Pc Garlic Parmesan Classic Tenders – 390 calories, 20 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 65 milligrams of cholesterol, 1590 milligrams of sodium, 20 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and 34 grams of protein. Cupcake Cup – 370 calories, 12 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat (that can’t be right), 0 grams of trans fat, 50 milligrams of cholesterol, 260 milligrams of sodium, 60 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 29 grams of sugar, and 3 grams of protein.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

REVIEW: Starbucks Cinnamon Pull-Apart

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Starbucks Cinnamon Pull-Apart closeup

Starbucks may be synonymous with coffee, but the chain isn’t exactly known for its less drinkable menu options. With the holidays in full swing, the java giant is trying to change that perception with offerings like the Cinnamon Pull-Apart, which is basically a product that’s half croissant and half mini-cinnamon rolls fused together. In essence, it’s a monkey bread pastry in a fancy little sleeve.

Starbucks Cinnamon Pull-Apart pulled apart

The Pull-Apart itself is kind of hard to describe. Or at least harder to describe than I anticipated. To the untrained eye, it might be confused for a slightly larger muffin than normal. It’s not until you’re actually holding it in your hand that you realize the item is actually multiple baked goods in one package, and even then, you may not immediately recognize it as a cinnamon roll-like comestible. Of course, the scent is unmistakable — it may not look like a regular old cinnamon roll, but it definitely smells like one.

Starbucks Cinnamon Pull-Apart closer up

As for the taste, it’s a lot of good and a few minor quibbles. For starters, it’s a pretty hefty little croissant, with a nice speckling of sugar and a hearty smattering of streusel — which you might know by its less artistic culinary namesake, “crumb topping.” My Pull-Apart had about five, maybe five-and-a-half little croissant balls wedged together, and I was actually surprised by how filling the seemingly lightweight snack was. This thing has some weight to it, so if you’re eating it as a post-breakfast tide-me-over, don’t be surprised if it wipes out the need for lunch altogether. It’s hearty stuff, especially when you pair it with a venti dark roast with four protein shots and extra oat milk.

Starbucks Cinnamon Pull-Apart single part pulled

There’s not that much variation between fast food cinnamon rolls (and let’s be real, they can call these things whatever they want, they’re still cinnamon rolls), and I’d contend that this is one of the better ones I’ve tried from a big-name, national brand. Obviously, it’s not as good as something you’d get from a “real” bakery, but it’s pretty respectable stuff all the same. It nails just the right balance between crispy and chewy, which has always been the Achilles’ heel of similar products. It’s got a lot of flavor without being too overwhelming, which makes it a solid choice for a (relatively) low-calorie fast food snack.

As for the product’s biggest downside, let me sum it up in one word: frosting. Or more accurately, the lack of frosting. I can understand why Starbucks would’ve taken a “healthier” approach with these things, but if you’re buying cinnamon rolls from a drive-thru window, you don’t just expect adequate amounts of icing, you demand it. The lack of dipping sauce here is just unconscionable — especially with so many holiday tie-in flavors to take advantage of this time of year.

And yes, I know that monkey bread is traditionally served sans frosting. But if you’re gonna sell a baked good with “cinnamon” in its name, be prepared for customers to inevitably compare it to a cinnamon roll.

The Pull-Apart is good, perhaps even better than I expected. But it’s nothing you haven’t tried before. The concept’s got promise, though — a PSL glaze on these things would be awesome.

Purchased Price: $3.25
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 300 calories — 13 grams of total fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 35 mg of cholesterol, 350 mg of sodium, 38 grams of total carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 13 grams of sugar, and 6 grams of protein

REVIEW: Wendy’s Snickerdoodle Cookie Frosty Fusion

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Wendy's Snickerdoodle Cookie Frosty Fusion sign

What better way to celebrate the chilly holidays than with a cold, refreshing treat? While that may be a controversial statement to those who think frozen desserts are only for when it’s hot outside, my love for ice cream knows no winter break. That’s why I was thrilled to hear that Wendy’s has released a new limited-edition Snickerdoodle Cookie Frosty, a flavor that balances the chilliness of the beloved dairy dessert with the cozy, toasty vibe of the classic cinnamon-sugar cookie.

Wendy's Snickerdoodle Cookie Frosty Fusion cup

Wendy's Snickerdoodle Cookie Frosty Fusion top

Anyone who is overwhelmed by choices might want to sit this one out, because on top of selecting either chocolate or vanilla for your ice cream base, this Frosty also requires you to pick from two additional options: the Swirl, which is more of a loose pile of soft serve and snickerdoodle sauce (try saying that five times fast!), and the Fusion, which doesn’t just throw on cookie pieces but blends them in, making the whole treat more dense and Blizzard-esque. I’m well-acquainted with this difference because I ordered a Fusion but the Wendy’s employee originally made me a Swirl; frankly, either one sounded delicious, so I was prepared to just happily accept my fate, but then he realized his mistake with a charmingly enormous Kevin-from-Home-Alone “OH NO” face and, a few moments later, my Frosty was looking a lot more compact and cookie-y.

Wendy's Snickerdoodle Cookie Frosty Fusion cookies

The first thing I noticed was that the cookie pieces (which ranged in size from what I’d describe as “bits” to what were undeniably “chunks”) were way crunchier than I had expected. I’d assumed that they either would have been from a cakier soft-baked cookie or would have just become soggy in the ice cream, so the crispness was a pleasant surprise.

I chose the vanilla base, and I liked how the plainer flavor emphasized the ice cream’s creaminess in contrast to those cookie pieces. The thick swirls of snickerdoodle sauce added extra, slightly caramel-tinged sweetness without being too over-the-top. While each on its own was fairly simple, the combination of these three elements felt—and tasted—downright decadent.

Wendy's Snickerdoodle Cookie Frosty Fusion syrup

Each ingredient had a distinct flavor, but they mixed well. I particularly appreciated the dynamic drama of the eating experience—some bites were creamy and others more cookie-filled, certain spoonfuls let the sauce shine, and then there were meltier mouthfuls… though I had expected to consume my Frosty ravenously, the smorgasbord of different tastes and textures encouraged me to slow down and be more mindful of each separation sensation, which was stimulating and satisfying.

Whether you’re a Swirler or a Fusionist, the Snickerdoodle Frosty is a luxurious treat. While you may not be able to use it to warm up after playing in the snow or leave it by the fireplace for Santa, its high-quality execution of an appealing premise still makes it a gift I’d love to find under my Christmas tree.

Purchased Price: $4.99

Size: Medium

Rating: 9 out of 10

Nutrition Facts: 580 calories, 16 grams of fat, 50 milligrams of cholesterol, 440 milligrams of sodium, 96 grams of carbohydrates, 76 grams of sugar, and 13 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Taco Bell Mountain Dew Baja Blast Pie

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Taco Bell Mountain Dew Baja Blast Pie box

Fast food really isn’t about food. Really, it’s more like an edible form of pop culture. And nothing demonstrates that more than the existence of the co-branded Taco Bell Mountain Dew Baja Blast Pie.

It’s a 2,500-calorie-plus novelty dessert that nearly tips the scales at two pounds when it’s still in the box. It’s not really marketed as something you eat as much as it is an experience. That’s doubly reinforced by its steep $20 asking price; there may not be a vast market for something like this, but there’s definitely some kind of consumer demand for it. (Just so you know, I could still hear my local TB representative through the drive-thru speaker after I placed my order: “Hey, some [expletive deleted] is actually buying one of these things!”)

Taco Bell Mountain Dew Baja Blast Pie top

I’ve got a feeling people are going to pick these up just for the packaging alone. And to be fair, it is pretty cool looking. I can easily see the boxes fetching a pretty penny on eBay in about ten years.

But what about the pie itself? Well, all in all … it isn’t bad.

Taco Bell Mountain Dew Baja Blast Pie teal color

Probably the first thing you’ll notice about the pie is its rich teal color. It’s not quite the same color as the beverage it’s named after, but it’s pretty close to it. The instructions on the box suggest leaving the pie out to thaw for about four hours, with the explicit recommendation that you don’t microwave it. I can’t think of a reason why you physically couldn’t put it in an oven and bake it, though — but just to play it safe, I took Taco Bell’s advice and patiently waited for my pie to unfreeze itself.

The aroma of the pie is unmistakable. It’s Baja Blast scented, alright, with just a little sherbet ice cream smell in there. Even if you had no idea what the product was supposed to be, if you get a big whiff of it, you should automatically deduce that it’s a Mountain Dew derivative.

The pie has a nice, sturdy Graham cracker crust, with a couple of flourishes of whipped topping encircling it like a halo. It’s obviously not a rush job either, as somebody definitely took their time making the creamy border look as pretty as possible. Aesthetically, it’s a lot nicer than I anticipated.

Taco Bell Mountain Dew Baja Blast Pie slice

Now, the moment of truth: the taste test.

It’s a fairly unusual product, but I guess we all knew that heading into it. With the first couple of bites, all I got was a super tart, key lime pie flavor. But the more I chewed, the more the Baja Blast flavor made itself apparent. Granted, it’s not a perfect one-to-one replication of the Baja Blast taste, but it’s an impressive recreation all the same. The texture and mouthfeel of the pie filling kinda reminded me of a thick sorbet, or maybe an extra chewy gelato. And it syncs up shockingly well with the aforementioned crust and whipped topping. The co-branding gimmick aside, it actually IS a real pie, and a surprisingly pleasant one at that.

Objectively, you can’t tout the pie too much. It’s way too pricey even for a novelty product, and I probably wouldn’t want to eat one of these every week. But overall, I’d consider it an unexpectedly decent fast food dessert item — even if it does open the floodgates for an inevitable wave of cola-flavored comestible imitators.

Purchased Price: $19.99
Size: 30.4 ounces
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: One serving (eight servings per container) — 320 calories, 13 grams of total fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans far, 15 mg of cholesterol, 200 mg of sodium, 46 grams of total carbohydrates, 2 grams of dietary fiber, 32 grams of sugar (including 26 grams of added sugar), and 5 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Dairy Queen Holiday Nog Shake

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Dairy Queen Holiday Nog Shake cup

When ordering the new Dairy Queen Holiday Nog Shake, the initial facial expression the DQ employee gave me was one that I imagine the angels at the Gates of Heaven will give me when they have to tell me I’m not on the list. A grimace that’s part embarrassment and part should-I-tell-him.

After a moment of hemming and hawing, the employee asked me if I was sure I wanted it, since it wasn’t good. Customers complained that it tasted weird or had a light nog flavor. However, the words “it tasted weird” are catnip to me, so, of course, I had to try it.

The seasonal dessert is a nog-flavored shake topped with whipped cream and nutmeg, and it looks as unexciting as any nog. But I don’t expect anything fancy when it comes to DQ’s shakes; they’re all pretty much sauce, soft serve, whipped topping, and a sprinkle of something. If you want texture, get a Blizzard or a Dilly Bar.

Dairy Queen Holiday Nog Shake whipped cream and nutmeg on top

After trying it, with the Dairy Queen worker looking at me and preparing for the worst, I thought it tasted fine. There wasn’t any weirdness, but its nog flavor was noticeably more subdued than what you’d get with light egg nog. However, that might be a good thing, because the standard and light versions of the seasonal beverage can get too rich too quickly. If I drank the same amount of regular egg nog as this shake, I wouldn’t be able to finish it because it would be too much, and my stomach would punish me soon after. However, I had no problem finishing this with its mild flavor.

There’s nothing about Dairy Queen’s Holiday Nog Shake that makes it a must-buy. This time of year, there are a multitude of ways to get the nog flavor in your mouth. Actually, now that I think about it, egg nog-flavored ice creams (and frozen dairy desserts) I’ve gotten from the store have a stronger flavor than this.

Purchased Price: FREE*
Size: Small
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 460 calories, 18 grams of fat, 13 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 40 milligrams of cholesterol, 180 milligrams of sodium, 64 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 56 grams of sugar, and 12 grams of protein.

*The employee was so unsure about whether I’d like this nog-flavored shake that they gave it to me for free. Christmas is early this year! Maybe the worker was Santa Claus?

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