Despite what others think, I can also be sensitive. Reminding me of the destruction of the SDF-1 in Robotech, I shed a few tears next to my wife when Crimson Typhoon and Cherno Alpha ate it big time in Pacific Rim. I admit I also cried a tiny bit when I reacquainted myself with Buckaroo Banzai’s synth engulfed end credits. I can hum that song all day.

So sue me. I am not invulnerable to the charms of nostalgia. I have a fucking soul too.

Does the salty smell of fresh popcorn not invoke memories of carefree Saturday matinees at the cinema? It’s hard to deny the sight of lightning bugs doesn’t drum up images of summery things like Italian ice cups served with wooden spoons that threatened to leave splinters in your mouth.

Root beer floats harken back to a time of childhood innocence. The memories of Daddy teaching you how to ride that bicycle without training wheels. Yelling and screaming lovingly about how stupid you are as the neighbors peer through the curtains, hoping to not get caught. Those were some damn good times.

I suppose the Oreo creates the same feelings for me. As a child, I dipped them in milk after learning another lesson (like most latchkey children do) from television. Me love you long time TV.

Oreo have released so many varieties that they are becoming the Beanie Babies of cookies. After the fruit punch ones, I kind of hit the wall real hard. As much as I love the different flavors, I began to get Oreo-fatigue and pined for a normal Oreo.

Yet, the Root Beer Float Oreo grabbed my interest as they sat there next to the lemon one and above the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup version and right beside the mint chocolate variety. After ripping open the package, a deep buttery smell emanated elegantly. A faint, but playfully “fizzy” sweet and herby scent of root beer followed.

However, the Oreo filled with the promise of creamy and frothy root beer float dreams decided to kick my balls to the tune of the Benny Hill theme song. I was at best, disappointed. At worst, I wanted to chase harmless rabbits and their cutesy little noses with the gas-powered lawn mower.

Tasting the cream filling alone yielded a familiar, sweet, but not strong root beer flavor. Actually on subsequent licks, the root beer taste was so light that it barely registered. It could be that each cookie I dissected apart Hannibal-style revealed an almost 80 percent cream to 20 percent root beer flavor ratio.

When I ate the cookie whole, the buttery nuttiness from the Oreo overwhelmed any root beer taste. Strangely, I did experience a ghostly menthol-like “coolness” when I swallowed. It could be from whatever flavoring effect Nabisco pumped in to replicate the carbonization of a root beer. Although, I wished they would have amped up the root beer taste instead.

Dipping them in milk doesn’t help. Dipping them in store bought chocolate milk makes it worse. In fact, dipping them in bourbon is criminal and left me sullen because I ruined a tumbler of Maker’s 46.

There are positives. They are not as sweet as some Oreo flavor (looking at you Watermelon and Berry Burst Ice Cream). Additionally, they appear to be more readily available, at least in my area, so everyone can join in and be sad chasing rabbits.

I know that root beer is one of the trickier flavors to emulate and I have to give credit to Nabisco for at least attempting this. If anything, I admire their tenacity to not back down on trying unconventional flavor choices. (Where’s my blueberry version dammit?)

I’m conflicted because Root Beer Float Oreo cookies do not taste awful. But if you’re expecting them to taste like the beloved soda float, they suck at it.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 cookies – 140 calories, 7 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 80 milligrams of sodium, 15 milligrams of potassium, 20 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 12 grams of sugars, and less than 1 gram of protein.)

Item: Nabisco Limited Edition Root Beer Float Oreo Cookies
Purchased Price: $2.99
Size: 12.2 oz. package
Purchased at: Publix
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: They are not overwhelmingly sweet. Typing “Crimson Typhoon” in my review. The Golden Oreo is buttery and rich. The music in Benny Hill.
Cons: The root beer flavor is very weak. Trying not to type “Root Beer Floats? More like Root Beer Flats!” in my review (GONG!) The Golden Oreo overpowers any root beer flavor. Cherno Alpha biting it so soon. The music in Benny Hinn.

I’d be lying if I told you I haven’t been more than a little hesitant about some of Oreo’s most recent flavors.

As America’s favorite cookie continues to test its boundaries, you are bound to get some exciting, albeit hellishly unnerving, flavor combinations. While the new Reese’s Oreo leans more towards chocolatey and ready to be dipped in milk, flavors like the pungent Fruit Punch represent some of Oreo’s more interesting varieties that, let’s just say, might not be compatible with Oreo’s signature companion beverage (to each his own, though). In that same vein we are introduced to Nabisco’s newest flavor, the summer-ready Limeade Oreo.

I always get excited to see what summer flavors companies will go for. Unlike fall standbys of pumpkin, candy corn, and caramel apple, as well as the winter classics of gingerbread, egg nog, and sugar cookie, summer, much like spring, is often a bit harder to place flavor-wise. As a Rhode Islander who knows his summer season—shout out to the beaches of the Ocean State—I highly doubt that Oreo will start making such summery flavors as clambake, corn-on-the-cob, or beer. However, a limeade flavor is certainly a welcomed refreshment.

And let me tell you, in all the ways a cookie can be, and as weird as it might be to say, Limeade Oreo is indeed refreshing. The green creme, which is a brighter shade than Nickelodeon Slime, is tasty enough to take the edge off of the summer heat.

Let me just stop for a second and say, to anyone who has ever seen those commercials claiming the proper way to eat an Oreo is to remove the top cookie, take a big slobbering lick of the creme, reassemble, and then continue eating as you would any regular cookie, I choose not to eat Oreo cookies the “proper” way. Maybe once or twice during my “experimental phase” early in college, but never happily…or soberly. There is something about eating an Oreo that has never made me wish I had just protected it from being eaten by a seventh grade bully with a penchant for snatching up others’ snacks.

I say all this because that creme in the middle of the Limeade Oreo is so good that I found myself enthusiastically eating that bright green paste off of each Oreo like it was Nutella on a day when I was feeling sad. Despite the collective tendency to confuse lemon and lime flavors, this Oreo variety did a great job of matching an actual lime’s sweeter, less sour taste. Although a small part of me wishes the cookies used were the traditional chocolate ones, Oreo’s Golden wafers allow the emphasis to remain on that fantastic lime creme. 

Unfortunately for me, I suffer from what I like to call “Double Stuf Syndrome.” Like many, I have chosen the noble Double Stuf as my default Oreo, making all regular-stuffed Oreo cookies seem under-stuffed. Just like with drug use, my body now craves higher levels of that creme, which, unlike “cream,” lacks dairy and (hopefully) the sexual innuendo when combined with the end of this sentence, for maximum satisfaction. If they ever make a Double Stuf version of this cookie I might actually die, but until then, Limeade Oreo is a damn fine summer treat that I would absolutely buy again. Keep the bizarre flavors coming Oreo!

(Nutrition Facts – 2 cookies – 140 calories, 60 calories from fat, 7 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, less 0mg cholesterol, 80 milligrams of sodium, 20 grams of carbohydrates, 12 grams of sugar, and less than 1 gram of protein.)

Item: Nabisco Limited Edition Limeade Oreo Cookies
Purchased Price: $3.00 (on sale)
Size: 12.2 oz.
Purchased at: Stop & Shop
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Great summertime vibe. Creme tastes fantastically like real limeade. “Creme” not “Cream.”
Cons: “Double Stuf Syndrome”. Only available for a limited time. Oreo not having a beer flavor.

I consider myself a fairly sensible person. Rarely, if ever, would I find it acceptable to physically bust a move and moonwalk in a Safeway grocery store, much less break out in operatic chorus just to praise a prepackaged cookie. A fresh-baked cookie? Maybe it deserves a short interlude mumbled under my breath, but a prepackaged cookie is a different story entirely. My friends, that is just nonsensical.

Yet that’s exactly what I felt compelled to do after discovering the new Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup Oreo cookies. Do I regret it? Abso-freaking-lutly. Would I do it again? You better believe it.

I have a confession to make. I had somewhat given up on flavored Oreos. Last summer’s Strawberries ‘n Crème and Banana Split flavors pushed me to accept mediocrity on a three month limited edition release cycle, while recent shelf spotting of Watermelon and Fruit Punch have caused me to lose faith in Nabisco’s strategic vision. I don’t know about you, but when I sign up for a sandwich cookie—Oreo or otherwise—I’m signing up for some variation of chocolate or vanilla. If I wanted Watermelon, dammit I would eat a freaking Watermelon.

In any event, the news that Oreo had teamed up with Reese’s to make the long overdue peanut butter and chocolate crème (excuse me, chocolate “flavored” crème) sandwich cookie rekindled a hope in me that Nabisco remembered they were in the business of making cookies and not flavored water enhancers. That hope was momentarily dashed when on their long awaited release date I checked no less than four grocery stores to no avail, only finally coming in contact with the Reese’s Oreo cookies just as my blood sugar reached perilously low levels.

You might have assumed this excitement was sure to leave me crashing in the unavoidable realization that the Reese’s Oreo cookies couldn’t possibly be as good as they’d sound. You’d be making an ass out of you and me, though, because Reese’s Oreo are everything any tried and true Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup lover would want.

The chocolate crème has a fudgy consistency tasting of more intense milk chocolaty flavor than standard chocolate Oreo crème, while the peanut butter has that trademarked salty and slightly gritty Reese’s flavor that balances its darker counterpart so perfectly. Twisted from their bases, the crème fillings might be a disappointment, but when eaten together and in conjunction with the exceptionally crunchy cocoa wafer, the fillings transform into a taste which is unabashedly Reese’s Cup in every sense of the title. Sweet and balanced with a deep, slightly salty flavor on the backend, there’s multiple intensities of chocolate dancing harmoniously with the exceptional, but not overpowering, peanut butter flavor. It is, to use the most precise representation of the English language available to our understanding, quite delectable.

I suppose I could bemoan the filling’s complete reluctance to twist cleanly, or its slightly askew orientation in between the wafers. But really, why draw attention away from the most excellent representation of a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup this side of a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. Dare I say, the exceptional cocoa taste and trademark crunch of the cookie actually makes the Reese’s Oreo superior to a Reese’s Cup in some ways, providing a completely new and exciting textural component to a time-tested flavor. And you know what? That fact alone provides plenty of reason for even a sensible person to celebrate in the most obnoxious of ways.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 cookies – 130 calories, 5 grams of fat, 1 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 115 milligrams of sodium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, 12 grams of sugar, less than 1 grams of fiber, and 1 grams of protein..)

Item: Nabisco Limited Edition Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup Oreo Cookies
Purchased Price: $2.98
Size: 12.2 oz package
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: Almost uncanny replication of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup flavor. Fudgy chocolate. Salty-sweet peanut butter. Perfect sandwich cookie bite. Finally, an Oreo that doesn’t sound like a popsicle flavor. Lowest calorie flavored Oreos.
Cons: Filling has Leaning Tower of Pisa effect. Messier to eat than standard Oreos. Being off-key in a crowded Safeway.