REVIEW: Sonic Blast made with Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups & Peanut Butter Flavor Funnel

Sonic Blast made with Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups & Peanut Butter Flavor Funnel

EXT. SONIC PARKING LOT – DAY

SONIC GUY 1 and SONIC GUY 2 sit in a convertible.

SONIC GUY 1: “I really like these new Sonic Blast Flavor Funnels.”

SONIC GUY 2: “Why are you saying ‘Sonic’ like I don’t know they’re from Sonic? We’re literally at Sonic.”

SONIC GUY 1 smiles uncomfortably.

SONIC GUY 2: “Hold up, didn’t Ben & Jerry’s and Dairy Queen basically just make these?!”

SONIC GUY 1: “Shut up man, they’ll hear you! Don’t ruin the gig! Haha, he’s just joking around, boss.”

FADE OUT.

Those cornballs have been making commercials since 2004!

Sonic the Hedgehog is only 12 years older than those ads. The Seattle Supersonics – who feel like they’ve been gone forever – became the OKC Thunder in 2008! That’s how long these dudes have been shilling for America’s Drive-In.

Sonic Blast made with Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups & Peanut Butter Flavor Funnel 2

If you’ve seen our heroes lately, they’ve probably been promoting Sonic’s new “flavor funnels” because Ben and Jerry made “Cores,” and Dairy Queen made “Royal Blizzards,” and that’s just what competing companies do these days. Anything you can do, I can do the same! The new trend is ice cream companies jamming a thin vein of flavor through their flagship products, and pretending its ground breaking.

Sonic took their already existing “Blasts” and shot everything from caramel to Oreo crème to peanut butter down the middle, because why not?

I chose the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup Blast with the peanut butter flavor funnel, because why not?!

The Blast’s base was vanilla ice cream that was neither offensive nor impressive. It was fine. Bits and pieces of Reese’s cups were blended in, which is never a bad thing.

Sonic Blast made with Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups & Peanut Butter Flavor Funnel 3

Once I choked down the whipped cream I wish wasn’t there, the tan flavor funnel core peaked out in all of its Jules Vernian glory. At first glance it was a sight to behold. Then, I tasted it.

The peanut butter’s texture left a lot to be desired. It was gluey, with a consistency somewhere between syrup and Jif Whips. I don’t know what I was expecting, but I don’t usually like my peanut butter to be wet. It didn’t help that while trying to get a nice balance of ice cream to funnel, I ended up basically eating half the funnel in one bite. Said bite was extremely overpowering, and the tiny bits of chocolate didn’t counterbalance it at all.

Sonic Blast made with Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups & Peanut Butter Flavor Funnel 4

I dug down to see if the funnel reached the bottom of the cup, and it stopped about half way. It was half a funnel! Half of “funnel” is “fun.” That’s not fun!

I only ate about 1/3rd of the Blast, and I’m pretty sure I consumed the entire funnel. Sonic’s website lists the sizes as mini, small, medium and large, but they didn’t even ask, and just gave me the “one size kills all.” It was disgustingly massive.

I paid the over five dollars by card, so I felt bad when the Carhop rolled over and I didn’t have a tip for her on hand. I’d be remised if I didn’t give props to Sonic as well as Venice Beach and old guy hockey leagues for keeping roller blades alive, though.

Look, I’m not gonna say there’s much wrong with vanilla ice cream, weird peanut butter and Reese’s, but this funnel gimmick was completely unnecessary. The Blast sans funnel is probably more satisfying.

To be fair, I only had the one flavor, and you can add as many toppings as you please, so the other flavors might be bigger hits than this one. I may go back for a mini Oreo at some point.

(Nutrition Facts – Large – 1880 calories, 840 calories from fat, 94 grams of total fat, 62 grams of saturated fat, 305 milligrams of cholesterol, 1160 milligrams of sodium, 233 grams of total carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of dietary fiber, 203 grams of sugars, and 27 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $4.39 + $.50 for the Flavor Funnel add-on
Size: Large
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: It’s ice cream and Reese’s. It’s the lazy man’s DQ Blizzard. Sonic Guys making bank. Carhop delivery.
Cons: Weird overpowering peanut butter funnel. Absolutely massive Styrofoam cup. Not enough chocolate bits. Expensive. Look at the nutrition facts for a large. Shawn Kemp and Gary Payton are the REAL Sonic Guys.

REVIEW: Sonic Ultimate Chicken Club Sandwich

Sonic Ultimate Chicken Club Sandwich

In olden times, Sonic was the bee’s knees.

Their cherry limeades were refreshing, you could assault your tater tots with a respectable kind of chili and a delightfully processed cheese-product, and their burgers were served both hot and fresh. (Oh, and the foot long chili-cheese coneys. Man, those things were boss.) The carhops skated their way to your door with a smile, the milkshakes were of out-of-sight, and former teen idol Frankie Avalon was all over their advertising spots imploring you to drive in and stuff your face with nostalgic abandon.

Then everything fell apart.

Frankie left to go do, I don’t know, Frankie Avalon things. The smiling carhops were replaced with an unwholesome blend of surly teens and recent parolees. The food quality —once an oasis of flavor in a sea of grey-meat, limp-French fried fast food inequity — fell off. And then, you know, those two dudes showed up blabbering inanely in their car.

But look, get ready because Sonic is changing the game, you guys. Enter The ULTIMATE CHICKEN CLUB. (All caps mine, and added for emphasis.) I mean, it’s got “ultimate” RIGHT there in the name, so you know it’s legit. In fact, why aren’t you eating one right now?

Well, I’ll tell you why you aren’t: because it’s a swing and a miss.

Now, it’s not a “swing and totally miss, spin in a cartoon circle and fall on your butt” kind of thing. Maybe it’s akin to a foul tip or perhaps a valiant effort on a devastating curveball.

If you’re familiar with the concept of a “club” sandwich, you know what’s going on here — it mostly means someone added bacon and tomatoes. Sometimes there are toothpicks and diagonal cutting involved, but generally not on fast-food chicken sandwiches.

Sonic Ultimate Chicken Club Sandwich Toppings

Anyway, in this case, it was cold black bacon and mealy garbage tomatoes. They rounded out this trip to Terror Town with some inoffensive, but useless, shredded lettuce, a thin, runny mayo (they claim is was black peppercorn mayo, but they’ve given me no reason to take them at their word), a sweaty slice of flavorless cheddar cheese, and a tempura-ish battered chicken breast filet that was as thick as a new package of loose-leaf notebook paper and just as delicious.

This sandwich was, in 13 words, a loose conglomeration of mediocre ingredients melded together in an orgy of disappointment. It tasted like a flavorless collection of toppings atop a bland chicken-block. Your uncle Gary does better at his Memorial Day cookouts, to be sure.

Really, the best thing this sandwich had going for it was the soft, fresh brioche bun, because it’s like that old adage goes, “everything’s better on brioche.”

Sonic Ultimate Chicken Club Sandwich Cross-section

There wasn’t anything new or interesting here, but honestly, that’s fine and it wasn’t the problem. Not every limited time fast food offering needs to reinvent the wheel. Let’s leave the stuffing and cramming and nachofication of America to those zany R&D people at Taco Bell. But in the meantime, you can win a lot of points with a solid chicken club sandwich. If you’re gonna do it, though, do it well. And if the execution leaves so much to be desired, maybe think about canning the “Ultimate” tag.

(Nutrition Facts – 1000 calories, 580 calories from fat, 64 grams of fat, 15 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 gram of trans fat, 100 milligrams of cholesterol, 2070 milligrams of sodium, 65 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of fiber, 12 grams of sugar, 39 grams of protein..)

Purchased Price: $4.79 (sandwich only)
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Sonic
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Respectable brioche. Frankie Avalon. Nostalgia. It’s fairly sizable.
Cons: As tasty as notebook paper. Burnt bacon. Sweat-cheese. 1,000 calories! The two annoying dudes blabbering in the car may have killed Frankie Avalon, we don’t know that they didn’t.

REVIEW: Sonic Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups & Chocolate Waffle Cone Sundae

Sonic Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups & Chocolate Waffle Cone Sundae 1

An ice cream sundae is nothing without its cone. Well, except if it’s in a cup. That’s why Madonna’s cone-bra was so ingenious — it was both cones and cups at the same time. For sanitary reasons, I should probably advise against eating ice cream out of anything that’s been near Madonna’s chest.

For a limited time, Sonic restaurants will be offering the new Waffle Cone Sundae in three flavor combinations: M&M’s Candies & Strawberry, Snickers Bar & Caramel, and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups & Chocolate. If you would like to take a walk on the wild side, you can also choose to customize your Waffle Cone Sundae. Or, if you’re bland, boring, and allergic to fun, you can order a plain vanilla Waffle Cone Sundae, devoid of all toppings, for only a single dollar less.

Me? I stand somewhere in the middle. I enjoy an occasional thrill, but I’m nowhere near crazy enough to try crowd-surfing at a Yo-Yo Ma concert. That’s why I went with a pre-made flavor: the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups & Chocolate Waffle Cone Sundae.

Hmm. Sonic certainly didn’t spare the peanut butter cup topping. As soon as the carhop handed me the ice cream cone, little bits of Reese’s started falling all over the place — probably the reason why he thrust a handful of napkins in my face a few seconds later.

Sonic Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups & Chocolate Waffle Cone Sundae 2

I needed those napkins, too. The waffle cone itself is crisp, yet fragile. On several occasions, a single bite caused large portions of the cone to shatter. I had mistakenly left my Patrick Bateman gloves at home, so I found myself licking frantically to prevent vanilla ice cream from dripping all over my beautiful, bare hands.

Even with such a delicate cone, the ice cream never leaked out of the bottom. This was convenient, as I didn’t want to be burdened with the task of explaining the origin of sticky, white stains on the car seats to my leasing agent.

The flavor of the Waffle Cone Sundae’s vanilla soft serve base is complemented by both the peanut butter cup bits and the chocolate syrup. The first few bites combine the two toppings in perfect proportion, a familiar blend of chocolate and peanut flavors.

Sonic Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups & Chocolate Waffle Cone Sundae 4

Regrettably, the balance doesn’t last for too long, as the top layer of the sundae disappears quickly. What remains is little more than plain vanilla ice cream in a plain waffle cone — a dessert as boring as the Christmas with Colonel Sanders vinyl record. (There was so much potential. The Little Drumstick Boy? The Twelve Days of Chicken? These songs practically write themselves.) To attain a more thorough distribution of flavors, Sonic would have been better off swirling the toppings into the vanilla ice cream base.

I was disappointed to find that the waffle cone seems weakly flavored, smothered by the vanilla ice cream during most bites. As the cone begins to double-up in an overlap toward its bottom, the waffle flavor becomes more apparent, but the cone merely serves as a vessel to hold ice cream for the majority of the sundae.

The most attractive aspect of Sonic’s Waffle Cone Sundae is the price. Ice cream isn’t always cheap in today’s economy, and I definitely don’t want to resort to eating those questionable Walmart ice cream sandwiches whenever I’m craving frozen dairy treats. For just a few cents under three dollars, the Waffle Cone Sundae is a bargain.

Despite all of its flaws, the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups & Chocolate Waffle Cone Sundae remains a satisfying and inexpensive ice cream cone. Both the quantity of toppings and the waffle cone itself were less than ideal, but for the price, its peanut butter and chocolate flavor is sufficient.

On the first day of Chicken,
The Colonel sent to me:
12 pounds of gravy,
11 herbs and spices,
10 tubs of white meat,
9 thighs and drumsticks,
8 buttermilk biscuits,
7 Chicken Littles,
6 wings and sauces,
5 DOUBLE DOOOOOOOWNS!
4 Famous Bowls,
3 Go Cups,
2 pot pies,
and a bucket of Original Recipeeeeee.

(Nutrition Facts – Not available on Sonic website.)

Item: Sonic Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups & Chocolate Waffle Cone Sundae
Purchased Price: $2.89
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Sonic
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Tasty chocolate and peanut butter flavors. Inexpensive. Twelve Days of Chicken.
Cons: Fragile cone. Just plain ice cream after top layer. Forgetting my Patrick Bateman gloves at home.