REVIEW: Stride Sour Patch Kids Gum (Lime and Redberry)

Stride Sour Patch Kids Gum

Over the years, I’ve collected questions for the Sour Patch Kids: What makes a Sour Patch Kid? How do you become so perfectly sour, then sweet? Must you always come in gummy form? Why do you all look like oblong gingerbread men? Are you there, Sour Patch? It’s me, Margaret.

Despite the many unknowns they present, I love those little Sour Patches, munching their gummy innards down until my mouth is raw and I’m left clutching my stomach in sheer, unadulterated sweet/sour bliss. Until recently, I could only enjoy this Sour Patch sensation in gummy form, its sour-sugary grit flitting away in the 15 seconds it takes to dissolve. Way too short. Give me your sour! Your sweet! Put it all in a glycerin gum base! Well, it looks like Sour Patch did just that, cobbling together two new gum flavors that recently struck their territory at my local Target.

The gum has the typical dimension of a piece of regular Stride, which is about the length of a large paperclip. They strike their cubist pose in a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle green and what can only be a super intelligent shade of neon red. Seeing as I admire super intelligent inanimate objects, let’s start with the Redberry, shall we?

Stride Sour Patch Kids Gum Super Intelligent Shade of Red

Sourness brings out my primal competitor. You eat one Warhead. I’ll eat 5. You down 4 Cry Babies. I’ll take 10. A box of Lemonheads is nothing for my resilient tongue. Knowing that Sour Patch Kids are usually medium on the scale of sourness, I went in hoping for a mellow, but still sparky sour experience, but, alas, came out disappointed. Perhaps there’s a sparky jolt of citric acid somewhere in there, but, overall, these pieces feel about as mild as a jellybean, but how does it deliver on the fruit end of things?

While I can’t confirm it, I hypothesize this Redberry is the closest we’ll ever come to a snozberry: there’s a strong kick of maraschino cherry zing, a little sweetness of strawberry, and an echo of raspberry tartness at the tail end. It’s unashamedly “red” flavor with a slightly metallic aftertaste, but, on the whole, it tasted like Cherry ICEE concentrate. A good first showing. If you ever wished cherry Life Savers and strawberry Starbursts had a tectonic collision, this is the gum for you.

Stride Sour Patch Kids Gum Ninja Turtle Green

Avoiding the trend to mutate green-colored candies into green apple flavor (lookin’ at you, Skittles), Sour Patch left their green lime-flavored and, for better or worse, the little citrus fruit is given its due, starting with a peculiar “household cleaner” flavor that is so often found in limes. It’s shockingly astringent at first before mellowing out into a tangy, but still somewhat bitter citrus profile. The bitterness got the best of me. I tried to keep chewing to see if it might open up into lime’s more sugary qualities, but, alas, the household cleaner taste took over and it ended up tasting like gnawing on a Pledge-soaked rubber tire.

However, not all is lost! One of the many joys involved in Sour Patch consumption is combining the gummy flavors together, which got me thinking: what would happen if I combined the two flavors of gum TOGETHER?

Struck by an acute case of Curiosity, I did just that.

Stride Sour Patch Kids Gum The power of their flavors combine!

Chewed together, the flavor’s about as crazy as a 3rd grade diorama, starting off with a shock of bitter sourness from the lime that lasts for a good two minutes until it mellows into a zingy maraschino-cherry with a hint of citrus. Together, they seem to balance one another out, whistling a tune that tastes quite similar to Sonic’s Cherry Limeade if your soda maker tossed in some extra bitter limes.

Fortunately, the flavor and soft chew of Stride lasts for a good 22 minutes of jaw entertainment so you can chew on your Cherry Limeade for an entire episode of Parks and Recreation if you want. Not bad. Not bad at all.

History is marked with times in which inspiration translates into a new and altogether unique phenomenon: floppy disks inspired USB drives. Hamlet inspired The Lion King. Popcorn inspired popcorn ice cream. And now Sour Patch gummies have become chewy, slightly sour gum.

While a bit too bitter and not as puckeringly sour as one could hope, Stride’s Sour Patch Kids gum delivers an okay showing. Their fruit flavor profiles are spot on, if a little too strong, and they’re even sugar-free, which is great if you have plaque concerns, braces, or are looking to expand your intake of sucralose. I don’t necessarily seeing myself buying them again, but if you like strong cherry flavors, the Redberry’s worth the try. The lime is a little too household cleaner-y for me, but, hey, if that’s your thing, no judgments. You ask me, it’s still better than green apple Skittles. Not that I’m holding a grudge or anything.*

*I’m definitely holding a grudge.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 piece – less than 5 calories, 0 calories from fat, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 0 milligrams of sodium, 1 gram of carbohydrates, 0 gram of dietary fiber, 0 grams of sugars, and 0 grams of protein.)

Item: Stride Sour Patch Kids Gum (Lime and Redberry)
Purchased Price: 99 cents each (on sale)
Size: 1 pack/16 pieces
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 2 out of 10 (Lime)
Rating: 5 out of 10 (Redberry)
Pros: Redberry tastes like Cherry ICEE concentrate. Lime eventually takes on more citrus juiciness. Together, they taste like a Cherry Limeade. Sugar-free. Chew time lasts for full half-hour TV show. 3rd grade dioramas.
Cons: Bitter metallic aftertaste. Sourness is mild. Lime started off tasting like a Pledge-soaked rubber tire. My grudge against green apple Skittles. Overused reference to Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret.

REVIEW: Stride iD Spearmint Gum

Stride iD Spearmint

Superego. Ego. Id.

According to the haunting wisps of memory remaining from that Psych. 101 class, a punk named Sigmund Freud proposed that these were the three basic levels of consciousness. The ego and superego were said to be little filters for our subconscious, making logical boundaries around impulses and memories, which is dandy if you want to live a safe, secure life, but, really, where’s the fun in logic?

That’s where the id comes in. The id is like the Elmo that walks around Times Square: it doesn’t make much sense, but it doesn’t have to. That’s why we love it. Theoretically, it exists solely on the drive of spontaneity, impulse, and creativity, and, now Stride’s encouraging us to dance about with that kooky subconscious through “iD,” a gum aimed to encourage folks to embrace their identity. Curious of how this might be achieved through a piece of gum, I sought it out.

First off, this packaging harkens recognition. The container itself is ever-so-slightly thinner than regular Stride gum, which gives it that “We just upgraded your iPod” feel. Despite this trim-n-slim package, you still get the same whopping 14 pieces of gum you would in regular Stride.

Stride iD Spearmint Dancers

And just look at that post-unwrapped cover. It makes me wanna embrace my identity. If a two-dimensional man with a fuzzy hat on his head can embrace his creativity, why shouldn’t I? It made me laugh, and, in a world filled with bats and taxes and canned green beans, more laughter is not only called for, but much needed. Supposedly, each package is equipped with a different little work of art, all depicting equally peculiar, quirky scenarios, so laugh on, gum-chewers.

And, just when you think they’ve thrown in every bit of packaging confetti possible, they throw in a pair of magnets.

Yes, folks, magnets.

Stride on Refrigerator!

This means you could stick your pack of gum to your refrigerator (and I know you’ve always wanted to do that…). But what these magnets do best is keep your little 14 sticks nice and snug as a bug in a rug, snapping the package shut so your gum stays buckled in for the long haul. It baffles me in both its simplicity and its brilliance. I call forth a Nobel Prize nomination for the individual responsible for this.

Stride iD Spearmint Closeup

Upon opening a piece, it seems even the gum embraces its own identity as each piece is equipped with a swirly little design to flash about in its big debut.

Having been predisposed to all of this packaging brilliance, my hopes stood on the Mount Kilimanjaro of peaks with anticipatory delight for the chewing to come, so I unwrapped my minty rectangle and gave it a try and…well…


It started off with a spearmint fling, and then traversed into a peculiar fruity realm that didn’t suit well for my taste buds. No doubt, the flavor lasted for a long time, but the tropical aftertaste didn’t sit well with me. I tried everything to like it.

Chewing it walking.

Chewing it upside-down.

Chewing it before I brushed my teeth.

Chewing it after I brushed my teeth.

I even chewed it while doing deep-breathing yoga exercises in which I visualized myself enjoying the gum, but, alas, I couldn’t get past that peculiar aftertaste.

Then, I read the ingredient list and there it was:

Partially Hydrogenated Coconut Oil.

(Cue the tuba: Bwa, bwa, bwaaaa)

They say the sound of a crumbling heart is soft and slow, and I swear I heard my own shoved into the mortar and pestle as I read that line. While I don’t see it being particularly necessary, I didn’t mind the, “partially hydrogenated,” part too much. No doubt some of my sturdy lifetime favorites involve it (Pop Tarts, Oreos, Pillsbury biscuits, etc.), but I must confess I’m not aboard the coconut-flavored train. I suspect this may be the very culprit foiling my taste buds.

While I didn’t particularly dig the taste tunes played by this Stride, I appreciate what’s going on with the gum as a whole. It’s got a soft chew, lasts for a good 10-15 minutes, and has the coolest packaging this side of Jupiter.

Plus, at the end of the day, my taste buds are driven by my impulses, which are part of my id. In this, I felt this gum accomplished what it set out to do: celebrate the creative elements of the id, and that, to me, calls forth an above-average rating for the new gum.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 piece – less than 5 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 0 milligrams of sodium, 1 gram of carbohydrates, 1 gram of sugar alcohol, and less than 0 grams of protein.)

Other Stride iD Spearmint Gum reviews:
Gum Connoisseur

Item: Stride iD Spearmint Gum
Purchased Price: $1.29
Size: 14 pieces
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Long chewing time. Strong flavor. Swirly designs. Magnets. Laughter. Mount Kilimanjaro. Elmo in Times Square. Tubas.
Cons: Not the best if you don’t like coconut. Partially hydrogenated oil. Haunting memories of Psych. 101. Canned green beans.

REVIEW: Shaun White’s Mintacular Stride Gum

Stride Shaun White Mintacular

Public Service Announcement: a fever is creeping among us.

Its symptoms include staying up far to late with a box of Peanut Butter Crunch, biting at the bit to watch the landing of a back tuck into a needle kick with a full turn, and a spontaneous desire to trade one’s career path for one in a highly competitive world of a sport one has never tried (badminton, bobsledding, competitive handball…the list goes on). Sometimes, these idealistic visions result in actually pursuing said sport for a concentrated period of time. Reports say that attempts by those infected with the fever have resulted in strangers breaking into cartwheels on the sidewalk and poorly executed forehands on multiple tennis courts around the globe.

Yes, Olympic fever is among us and it races through the pulse of six continents (poor Antarctica…) every two-and-a-half years, mercilessly infecting the homes of millions and accounting for 73 percent of all trampoline-related accidents.

If you find yourself experiencing symptoms of Olympic fever, please know there is a cure. It involves a ratio of 87 percent hope, 12 percent time, and 1 percent mint.

Thus, it is with great relief that I find Stride bringing a new minty flavor (sponsored by an Olympian, no less) in our nation’s time of great need.

Stride Shaun White Mintacular Closeup

Mint can do spectacular things. I used to bring a pack of mints in to every standardized test to chew on during breaks between the math and literature sections. It unquestionably provided me with the endurance to fill in all those tiny bubbles and, thus, I credit mint for allowing me to pursue a solid 1/3 of my academic career. Supposedly, there are over 6,700 different species of mint, and Stride is hot on the trail in mint innovation, hoping to bring out the latest and greatest in its new Shaun-White-sponsored “Mintacular” flavor they’re pulling out in a few months.

As evidence by my stash of Costco-sized packs of Stride Spearmint 2.0, I believe that Stride can make a solid piece of gum, but what of this latest sorbitol-and-glycerin-infused innovation?

Stride Shaun White Mintacular Closerup

It’s a pleasant little white rectangle the color of the snow just before you race down the double black diamond at 84 miles per hour.

Now, to the chew test: prefaced with the name, “Mintacular,” I braced myself for a plunge of the sinuses, one of those overwhelming 10-second shocks of peppermint-infused pain that some gums hurtle upon the unsuspecting consumers only to rip the flavor away after 3 chews. I am grateful to announce that a) Mintacular lasts longer than three chews and b) doesn’t pull a merciless chimney sweep on the sinuses. (Thank you, Stride, for sparing my nostrils.)

Quite to my surprise, Mintacular’s mint is quite subtle, holding a similar taste to those little soft dinner mints that grandma would leave out on the counter after dinner. There’s even a bit of a bright (verging on fruity…is that a hint of watermelon?) spark that blends with the mint. If “Level of Mintiness” were on the same scale they use to measure snowboarding slopes, I would say this is an intermediate blue square (or red if one is using the European slope scales). The fruitiness can somewhat mask the mint qualities, which is a bit of a bummer for the mint-lover in my heart.

However, I’m thinking if I were skiing down a mountain, defying physics in sub-zero temperatures, perhaps this more subtle mint might be a good choice as I wouldn’t need a “cold burst of minty freshness” if I’m already clomping around in -2 degrees Fahrenheit weather. For my regular gum-chewing habits, it’s a bit too gentle on mint flavor, but I appreciate it for its unobtrusive nature. It’s quite akin to the experience of looking out on untouched snow as it falls from the sky at 6:00 a.m.

And it lasts a long time without tasting like a car tire. In the spirit of the gum’s Olympic sponsor, I chewed as I watched my Olympic coverage. The taste of this little bugger lasted through a full two gymnastic routines, a commercial break, at least two legs of the running trials, and a personal celebration dance. And fear not, avid chewer, for even after the flavor dwindles away like a cowboy into the sunset, you may chew on as this little noble piece of gum stays soft for a fair amount of time.

I have a fairly high standard of mint and Mintacular proved itself to be a pleasant contender, and, while it may not replace the ol’ reliable Spearmint, if Mintacular sticks around, I’m sure I’ll be chewing it as I witness Shaun White flip something amazing in the halfpipe.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 piece – less than 5 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 0 milligrams of sodium, 1 gram of carbohydrates, 1 gram of sugar alcohol, and less than 0 grams of protein.)

Item: Shaun White’s Mintacular Stride Gum
Purchased Price: $1.00
Size: 1 pack/14 sticks
Purchased at: A new products show
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Long chewing time. Doesn’t get rubbery. Sugar-free. Grandma’s bowl of after-dinner mints. Watching the Olympic Games. Looking out on untouched snow. Imagining yourself as an Olympic snowboarder with the wind whooshing in your face as you dart-and-weave through pines while trying not to crash into Sasquatch.
Cons: Melon flavor muddles the mint a bit too much. Antarctica has never competed in the Olympic Games. Trying to snowboard in -2 degrees Fahrenheit weather. Standardized tests.

REVIEW: Stride Spark Gum (Kinetic Fruit & Kinetic Mint)

Stride Spark Kinetic Fruit

WOOO!!! I am sooooo wired, mofos!

You better not light a match near me right now because I’mma erupt! So I don’t need you Stride Spark and your pitiful 25 percent of my daily intake of vitamins B6 and B12. I don’t care if it comes in two flavors — Kinetic Fruit and Kinetic Mint. You know who’s kinetic right now? I AM! I’mma go run five miles in 30 minutes. BOOM! I’ll be right back.

(30 minutes later)

WOOO!!! I’m back, mofos!

My heart right now is beating like I just shared a mountain of cocaine with Charlie Sheen and a couple of pornstars. How did I get so frickin’ wired? Yo man, I started off my day with a Red Bull, supplemented it with an 8-hour energy shot. Then I supplement the 8-hour energy shots with a couple of sugar-free Red Bulls and some weird, expensive Chinese herbal green tea that has some bits of an animal’s penis in it. I don’t know which animal it is, but my guess is that it’s a cheetah, but it’s more likely a small monkey or cow. After the 8-hour energy shot wears off, I taper off and calm down with a 5-Hour Energy shot, supplementing it with a can of Pepsi Max. By the time it’s three in the morning, I’m ready to go to sleep and start my day again in four hours.

You can’t keep up with me, Stride Spark. WOOO!!!

Twenty-five percent is pocket change to me. To get 25 percent of my daily vitamin B6 and B12, all it need to do is take a quick sippy sip of a 5-Hour Energy, which has 2,000 percent vitamin B6 and 8,333 percent of vitamin B12. WOOO!!! Stride Spark can’t compete with that, even if I chewed on all 14 pieces in the pack at the same time. Heck, I don’t even know how long I need to chew on the gum to get the 25 percent. Actually, I probably do know. Because I chew like a buzzsaw when I’m totally wired, it would probably take me a minute.

Because I’m so wired and get things done quickly, I had some time to give both Stride Spark flavors a spin.

Stride Spark Kinetic Mint

Kinetic Fruit is a little harsh for the first few chews, like I’m chewing on a tropical air freshener, but it gets to something palatable quickly. I’m not sure what artificial and natural fruit flavors they stuck in it, but I do detect a bit of citrus. Kinetic Mint has good, but mild peppermint flavor that makes you wonder if it’s powerful enough to vaporize the stank from your mouth. After chewing on it for a few minutes it begins to have a slight medicinal taste to it, like I’m chewing on a Tums. Both gums were soft from beginning to end and both flavors are decent, although I prefer Kinetic Fruit over Kinetic Mint, but I think the flavor gets muted quicker than other Stride gum I’ve had. This is strange for a Stride gum, which prides itself on being the long lasting gum and usually is.

If you’re a regular drinker of energy products, Stride Spark probably won’t help you, because it didn’t help me. I’m also skeptical about it working for those who aren’t regular consumers of energy products because I don’t think it contains enough B vitamins to give them a boost.

Man, those last few paragraphs were a bit mellow. I think I need a little stimulation. Time for some weird, expensive Chinese herbal green tea that has some bits of a cheetah’s penis in it.

WOOO!!! That’s the stuff!

(Nutrition Facts – 1 piece – less than 5 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of sodium, 1 gram of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, 1 gram of sugar alcohol, 0 grams of protein, 25% vitamin B6, and 25% vitamin B12.)

Other Stride Spark Gum reviews:
Gum Alert

Item: Stride Spark Gum (Kinetic Fruit & Kinetic Mint)
Price: $1.44 each
Size: 14 pieces
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Kinetic Fruit)
Rating: 5 out of 10 (Kinetic Mint)
Pros: Something to chew when you need something to chew. If you don’t get enough B vitamins, it might help. Both have decent flavor, but I prefer Kinetic Fruit over Kinetic Mint. 8-hour energy shots. Running five miles in 30 minutes.
Cons: Doesn’t seem to be as long lasting as other Stride Gums. Won’t provide a boost for those who regularly consume energy products. Not sure if there’s enough B vitamins to provide a boost for others. Kinetic Mint tastes like Tums after chewing on it for a while. Kinetic Fruit tastes like a tropical air freshener during the first couple of chews. Drinking tea made with bits of animal penis. Having to share a mountain of cocaine with Charlie Sheen.

REVIEW: Uber Bubble Stride Gum

I was once left with a case of blue balls because a woman said to me on my college dorm room bed that French kissing me is like French kissing a dog because my tongue just hangs out of my mouth and there’s drool everywhere.

While I did come back with the line, “Well, how would you know what it’s like to French kiss a dog, Ms. Bestiality,” which caused her to storm out of my dorm room and making the blue scrunchy signal for my roommate on the outside door knob meaningless, it did make me wonder if my inability to properly stick my tongue in a woman’s mouth is the reason why I lack the tongue dexterity to spread out a large enough surface area to create a bubble with a piece of chewing gum. Well, it looks like it’s time to test my tongue dysfunction with the Uber Bubble Stride Gum.

Like frat boys who brag about having the sexual prowess of porn stars, Stride Gum proudly claims that it’s extremely long lasting. Unfortunately, one person’s idea of “long lasting” may not equal to another person’s idea of “long lasting.” For example, the frat boy may think three minutes of pleasure is perfect, but the unsatisfied co-ed beneath him probably isn’t happy about the quickie that lasted the same amount of time it takes for her to brush her teeth.

As for the Stride Gum, it took about 20 minutes or so before it lost all flavor and I had the urge to spit it out. While that’s enough time to satisfy a co-ed and then cuddle with her, I like the flavor of the gum I chew to last a little longer than that. In other words, a little more uber.

The Uber Bubble Stride Gum’s initial flavor tasted like, I’m not kidding, the wood of a number two pencil, but after a few seconds it disappears and is replaced with a mellow bubble gum flavor. It’s not as strong as Bazooka Gum, but it’s much better and longer lasting than a piece of gum that came out of a 25-cent machine or a 1986 Topps Baseball wax pack. However, its flavor was nowhere near uber.

While my taste buds don’t think it has an uber bubble gum flavor or is uber lasting, I was hoping I could at least make uber bubbles with a piece (or four) of the Stride Gum, but I was unable to make any bigger than an inch in diameter. I think I was unable to do it because the gum wasn’t soft enough, like Hubba Bubba and Bubblicious, to create a good bubble. And because my dysfunctional tongue still doesn’t have enough dexterity, despite all the French kissing practice I’ve done with my fist.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 piece – less than 5 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of sodium, 1 gram of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, 1 gram of sugar alcohol and 0 grams of protein.)

Item: Uber Bubble Stride Gum
Price: $1.12
Size: 14 pieces
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Mellow bubble gum flavor. Flavor lasts a decent amount of time, but uberer would be better. Better than the gum from a 1986 Topps Baseball wax pack. Sugarfree.
Cons: Can’t make bubbles with one piece. Bubble gum flavor was nowhere near uber. Initial flavor was like a number two pencil. Three minute men. My inability to blow uber bubble gum bubbles. Blue balls.