REVIEW: Post Hostess Twinkies Cereal

Post Hostess Twinkies Cereal

What is Post Hostess Twinkies Cereal?

Why it’s the Hostess cake themed cereal you all knew was coming.

How is it?

We all knew this was coming, correct?

You’re probably wondering why Post and Hostess (who should call these collaborations, “Postess”) didn’t lead with this flavor out of the gate? Twinkies are arguably Hostess’ most famous branded product. How did Donettes and Honey Buns get a jump on them?

Well, maybe it’s because the concept of this cereal translation lacks any creativity whatsoever.

Post Hostess Twinkies Cereal In Bowl

They basically made little colorless Twinkie-shaped cereal pieces and gave them a vague vanilla, caramelly flavor. It’s good – extremely reminiscent of vanilla-based cereals you’ve probably had – but does it taste like a cream-filled sponge cake?

Ehhhhh, sure? Maybe? Kinda, I guess?

The real stumbling block here is that they didn’t go the Pop-Tarts/Krave/Fillows route and fill the cereal pieces with cream! We’re talking about the most famous cream-filled cake of all time! Where’s the cream?!

Is there anything else you need to know?

I think Postess may have invented a new cereal technology.

Post Hostess Twinkies Cereal In Milk

The Twinkies cereal pieces have a powdery coating that make them impervious to the typical cereal sog. I wolfed down an entire bowl and the pieces tasted the same from the first bite to the last. It may have been my Joey Chestnutian speed, but I was still pretty impressed they retained their texture and flavor. The milk never picked up any flavor whatsoever, either.

Conclusion:

These are fine, but feel like a retread flavor without much creativity. The best comparison I can recall would be the Superman cereal that General Mills released to coincide with Batman v. Superman. I dug those more than the movie.

I can also happily say these, “>like Honey Buns, had an aftertaste flavor that reminded me of my favorite cereal – Oh’s.

Post Hostess Twinkies Cereal Back of Box

So, they’re worth a shot, but as far as delivering on the Twinkie promise, I’d say they’re a copout. I can’t get over the fact this isn’t a filled cereal. It makes me wary of the Postess flavors (Cupcake, Snowballs, etc.) that are probably coming down the pike.

Purchased Price: $3.98
Size: 19 oz. box
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 Cup) 180 calories, 7 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 135 milligrams of sodium, 29 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 16 grams of sugar, and 1 gram of protein.

REVIEW: Hostess Limited Edition Moonberry Twinkies

Hostess Limited Edition Moonberry Twinkies

What are Hostess Limited Edition Moonberry Twinkies?

Just in time for the 50th anniversary of Neil Armstrong’s first steps on the moon, Buzz Aldrin’s second steps, and Michael Collins achieving humanity’s greatest dream of getting as far away from other people as possible, Hostess has released Moonberry Twinkies.

How are they?

Hostess Limited Edition Moonberry Twinkies Cake

Everyone wants to know what a moonberry is and, more importantly, what do they taste like? I open the single-serving package and give the dark blue cake a sniff. It has a fruity scent, and as I bite into the Twinkie, it tastes vaguely red. They’re good because red candies are always my favorite. Be it Starbursts, gummies, or those strawberry-shaped hard candies; red candies are always the best.

Hostess Limited Edition Moonberry Twinkies Filling

The filling isn’t colored but seems to be where the fruit flavor is located. On the other hand, the colored cake seems to be the same vanilla cake as regular Twinkies.

There’s not a huge difference between these and standard-issue Twinkies. They’re good, but not, if you’ll excuse me, “out of this world.”

Is there anything else you need to know?

It seems like Hostess is stretching a bit to brand these with a moon theme. They say the dark blue color is supposed to look like the night sky, but I don’t buy it. Twinkie the Kid is not equipped for space travel. First, he’s a kid and so has not undergone the rigorous training needed to assure mission success. Second, he’s a pastry. I’ve gotten off track, but my point is Twinkies and the moon aren’t naturally associated with each other. So it’ll take more than a fictitious berry to convince me that Hostess isn’t simply trying to cash-in on the 50th anniversary of Apollo 11 with as little work as possible. It’s a shame because there are some excellent moon-adjacent desserts out there ready to be Twinkified.

Here’s three of them:

  • Banana filled with vanilla coating (think Moon Pie)
  • Red Velvet with cream (moon)cheese filling
  • Blue Moon Ice Cream flavored

Those are free, Hostess. I just ask for a free box when you bring them to market. Make it two boxes if you decide to go with Blue Moon ice cream flavored one because that would be amazing.

Conclusion:

Moonberry Twinkies may be a lazily-themed quick cash grab, but they’re tasty if you’re looking for a fruity alternative to your usual filled snack cake.

Purchased Price: $2.50
Size: 2 cakes (77g)
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (2 Twinkies) 270 calories, 9 grams of fat, 4 grams of saturated fat, 35 milligrams of cholesterol, 370 milligrams of sodium, 47 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 31 grams of sugar (including 31 grams of added sugar), and 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Hostess Limited Edition Peppermint Twinkies

Hostess Limited Edition Peppermint Twinkies

Who’s got a bandana that’s long and white? Twinkie’s got a bandana that’s long and white!

Who’s got a creme that’s mint instead? Twinkie’s got a creme that’s mint instead!

Mint instead, cake of red,

Bandana that’s white, winter delight,

Must be Twinkie, must be Twinkie, must be Twinkie, Twinkie Mint!

When I open up a package of these Hostess Peppermint Twinkies, I smell two distinct scents.

The first is a minty, Christmassy scent. For some reason, it reminds me of the first few hours after school on the last day before holiday break, eating the requisite candy cane they gave us at the school sing-along.

The second is the familiar odor of Twinkie sponge cake. If you’ve ever had a Twinkie, you know what I’m talking about. If you’ve never had a Twinkie, it doesn’t matter, because you don’t exist anyway.

The Twinkies are described as “peppermint cake with creamy filling,” but I wonder if they got it backwards, and it’s supposed to be “peppermint creamy filling with cake.” When I try to isolate the components, I don’t detect any peppermint in the red-colored cake, but I do in the filling. Some weird kind of cross-contamination of flavors, maybe?

But maybe it’s in both because when I eat the cake like a normal person, it’s mintier than either part on its own. The textures are what you’d expect -— a soft, spongy cake with a light, airy filling. The minty flavor gives the humble Twinkie a nice festive upgrade. It’s not as minty as a mint-thusiast like me would like, but it works, and I suspect that even mint-averse folks could get on board with this candy-cane-esque cake.

Hostess Limited Edition Peppermint Twinkies 2

Considering that it’s a Twinkie, I have no complaints. It’s not a gourmet, decadent dessert, but it never claimed to be. It just claimed to be a limited edition suitable for the month of December (or November, apparently). I like this better than last year’s White Peppermint Twinkies or last spring’s Shamrock CupCakes.

Remember that episode of The Simpsons where Homer wanted to gain weight so he could go on disability? Dr. Nick advised him to eat from the neglected food groups: “Remember, if you’re not sure about something, rub it against a piece of paper. If the paper turns clear, it’s your window to weight gain.” Well, I got that greasy spot on my paper towel. So if you’ve been asked to play Santa Claus at your office Christmas party, these Twinkies are a tasty way to become your new jolly self.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 cakes – 230 calories, 70 calories from fat, 8 grams of fat, 4 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 35 milligrams of cholesterol, 340 milligrams of sodium, 44 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 30 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $3.99
Size: 13.58 oz. box/10 cakes
Purchased at: Dick’s Market
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Nothing to complain about. Might appeal to people who don’t like mint. Festive upgrade to a classic standby. Coining the term “mint-thusiast.”
Cons: Not as minty as some would like. Leaves grease stains. The beginning of holiday weight gain.

REVIEW: Limited Edition Cotton Candy Twinkies

Limited Edition Cotton Candy Twinkies

I have a sinking suspicion someone from Hostess got drunk at a carnival and had way too much fun with some cute carnies. I envision the deep fried Twinkie stand being manned by a fun young lass who dared the Hostess rep to create the ultimate ode to her and her young child, who was cradling a big wispy whirly stack of cotton candy. Trying to win over her affection he made a promise then and there to put something exclusively on Walmart shelves that would honor her forever, and in that moment, the Cotton Candy Twinkie was born.

Or something like that.

Limited Edition Cotton Candy Twinkies 2

Pulling out my first cellophane beauty from its cardboard carnival house it’s no surprise that I’m greeted with a lovely smear of grease on the clear plastic, like the Twinkie was desperately trying to escape its factory sealed prison the entire time it was inside.

Releasing the ‘twink from captivity I’m immediately hit with a distinct cotton candy smell, and I’m impressed that I got such a strong aroma even before breaking into the cake. Unfortunately my hands are now already uncomfortably slimy and I’m not even eating bacon. Sigh.

Limited Edition Cotton Candy Twinkies 3

Biting into the cotton concoction is when the fun really begins. The outside sponge cake is the same as always – greasy and mediocre and has my mouth feeling the same as if my shoulders were endlessly shrugging. The bright pink cream filling legitimately tastes like cotton candy and what I imagine poison tastes like.

What starts as a distinct artificial cotton candy flavor that reminds me of one of my favorite ice creams growing up gradually transforms and finishes with a nagging, astringent, and harsh food dye flavor that is downright bad.

The sweet cotton candy flavor is there, and the texture is represented through the general creamy fluffiness of filling, but everything gets completely washed out by the aftertaste, which lingers and resides over second or third bites – if you can make it that far. The taste is so strong it reminds me of trying to eat something sweet immediately after brushing my teeth, and my mouth and mind join forces to let out one resounding NO.

Limited Edition Cotton Candy Twinkies 4

Simply put, these are not enjoyable to eat – at all. I’ll give props where props are due to Hostess for actually getting cotton candy flavor into the Twinkie, but if that flavor comes with a side dose of cringe-inducing astringency I will pass, and pass hard.

I’m starting to wonder if the people creating these products are even tasting them before they hit the shelves or if they just assume that everyone who consumes these will be high, drunk, or broken. Steer clear of these unless you legitimately like punishing your tastebuds like some sick twisted S&M carnival-themed eating game.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 cakes – 260 calories, 70 calories from fat, 8 grams of fat, 4 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 35 milligrams of cholesterol, 340 milligrams of sodium, 44 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 31 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $2.50
Size: 13.59 oz./10 pack
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 3 out of 10
Pros: Uhhh…they actually taste like cotton candy? Momentarily? A pretty blue box? I’m reaching here.
Cons: Awful astringent poison-esque aftertaste. Usual mediocre greasy Twinkie cake. I had to buy ten of them.

REVIEW: Hostess Chocodile Fudge Covered Twinkies (2017)

Hostess Chocodile Fudge Covered Twinkies  2017

The following conversations were taped on a recorded line, for quality assurance purposes.

August 2014

Hostess Operator: Hostess Bakery, how may I help you?

Me: Howdy, can I speak to Twinkie the Kid?

Hostess Operator: Twinkie the who?

Me: Twinkie the Kid — you know, oblong yellow guy, rosy dimples, wears a cowboy hat, a fierce opponents of pantalones.

Hostess Operator: Oh, so you want to order of Twinkies? Which flavor? May I suggest our Chocodile Twinkies? I can guarantee you won’t be disappointed.

Me: That’s the absolute last thing I want. Have you tried those things? I’ve had M&M’s that are bigger, and definitely more chocolaty. What’s the shell made out of anyway? I’m fairly sure the black crayons I ate in preschool had a better texture than whatever y’all are pumping into those.

Hostess Operator: I’m sorry you’re disappointed, sir.

Me: Well I’m sorry you’re sorry I’m disappointed.

Hostess Operator: What does that even mean?

Me: No idea. Can I just talk to The Kid?

Hostess Operator: I’m sorry, sir, but he’s currently at 73rd Annual Prepackaged Snack Cake Convention. We’ll pass on your comments.

MeBu—

Hostess Operator: Goodbye!

April 2017

Hostess Operator: Hostess Bakery, how may I direct your call?

Me: Hey, yeah, can I speak to Twinkie the Kid? I’ve got an urgent question.

Hostess Operator: Twinkie the who?

Me: Really, were going to do this again?

Hostess Operator: Oh, I remember you! You’re the one who said he’d rather eat crayons than our Chocodile Twinkies.

Me: Technically, I’d rather eat neither, but sure, we can go with that. But speaking about those Chocodile Fudge Covered Twinkies.

Hostess Operator: Still crap?

Me: No, much better. Actually, they’re really kind of good, although I admit that box with the melted chocolate being drizzled over the Twinkie is a tad bit deceptive.

Hostess Operator: Call it advertising liberty.

Hostess Chocodile Fudge Covered Twinkies  2017 2

Me: Sure. But like I said, pretty good. The chocolate shell actually tastes like chocolate. Now I’m not talking fancy chocolate you’d buy for your wife on Valentine’s Day, but definitely the kind of chocolate you pick up at the dollar store and put in your 4-year-olds Easter basket.

Hostess Operator: So you’re saying it doesn’t taste like wax?

Me: Oh yeah, not at all. I mean it’s still incredibly sweet. But since they’re bigger, one or two definitely kills a snack cake craving.

Hostess Operator: And the Twinkie cake and crème?

Hostess Chocodile Fudge Covered Twinkies  2017 3

Me: Oh yeah, I almost forgot. That’s really the best part; since the shell doesn’t ruin the essence of the Twinkie, it actually serves as a kind of shield that helps preserves the fluffy cake inside. And let me tell you, when you can line up fluffy cake, crispy chocolate shell, and Twinkie crème, and do it all without any funky aftertastes or waxy crayon texture, then you’ve got a product I’ll keep buying.

Hostess Operator: Sounds like you won’t need to be talking to Twinkie the Kid after all.

Me: Oh, no. I still need to ask him why he never wears pants.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 cake – 210 calories, 80 calories from fat, 9 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 15 milligrams of cholesterol, 190 milligrams of sodium, 32 grams of carbohydrates, 0 gram of dietary fiber, 24 grams of sugar, and 1 gram of protein..)

Purchased Price: $2.98
Size: 8-pack
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Preservation of Twinkie “essence.” Improved texture and taste in the chocolate (excuse me: ‘fudge’) shell. Bigger than the 2014 Chocodiles.
Cons: Not exactly Ghirardelli. The proverbial cloying taste of Twinkie shell. Awesome source of saturated fat. Horrible customer service.

REVIEW: Hostess Twinkies Frozen Dairy Dessert Cone

Hostess Twinkies Frozen Dairy Dessert Cone

Earlier this year Hostess turned their iconic crinkle-wrapped sponge cake into an ice cream. As good as that was, let’s be honest, it needed a bowl AND a spoon, which is so much more effort than snack cake annihilation should require.

Suffer no more America, we now have before us the Twinkies Frozen Dairy Dessert Cone. No utensils, no dishwashing, and hell, if you play your cards right you could even use the wrapper as a napkin to get the creamy fiesta off of your face. This latest and greatest piece of American innovation combines golden sponge cake crumbles and creamy frozen dairy dessert all packaged in the classic ready-to-devour sugar cone.

Hostess Twinkies Frozen Dairy Dessert Cone 4

The initial bites are delicious and very reminiscent of the Twinkie ice cream tub that was decked out with sponge cake pieces swimming in a pool of creamy, almost greasy cake ice cream. The top of the cone is the only part of the dessert that has the cake, which imparts not only added texture but a bunch more flavor as well. The cake combined with the fluffy yellow “ice cream” is fun and very much like eating the much loved (or hated) snack cake.

Hostess Twinkies Frozen Dairy Dessert Cone 5

Beneath the initial layer of yellow fluff is a layer of white fluff, which is noticeably less flavorful and exciting than the way the cone started. It’s hard to tell if the lack of flavor is due to a different profile within the cream itself or the absence of cake, but it’s no less much less intriguing to the tongue.

The next layer is yellow, but it coincides with the top of the cone which also has a thin layer of chocolate inside. So there’s an extra crunch and chocolate flavor that accompanies the frozen dairy, which makes it a more exciting chew. And, like all good Nestle cones, this one finishes with a piece of chocolate wedged in the bottom, which puts an exclamation mark of “YUM” on the very last bite.

Hostess Twinkies Frozen Dairy Dessert Cone 3

This cone is good. From top to bottom it’s fluffy, sweet, and whimsical like something from an ice cream truck, albeit not the highest quality. The use of frozen dairy as opposed to real ice cream gives it a much lighter feel, both in your hand and on the palate than the usual Drumstick. It also makes scarfing more than one of these a pretty reasonable task.

Hopefully, Hostess can figure out how to put the Twinkie into pill form so I can just sit back, relax, and pop them ‘twinks on the low.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 cone – 220 calories, 80 calories from fat, 9 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, grams of trans fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 75 milligrams of sodium, 33 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 21 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein..)

Purchased Price: $3.99
Size: 4-pack
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: No need for utensils. Instant ice cream injection. Fun sponge cake pieces. Chocolate at the bottom of the cone.
Cons: White frozen dairy may lack flavor. Needs more cake pieces.