The Shopping Cart #2

The Shopping Cart takes a look at things that I’ve tried, but am too lazy to write a full review for. Consider them mini-reviews. Or lazy-ass-reviews.

What I’m Wearing That Maybe Causing Hell To Freeze Over, But Also May Make Me Look Fabulous

I would not, could not, at the club. I could not, would not, after getting out of the tub. I will not wear it in the form of a shirt. I will not wear it privately in a miniskirt. I will not wear it inside or out. I will not wear it when I’m about. I do not like wearing clothes as pink as spam. I do not like them, Marvo-I-am.

For thirty years of my life, I thought that way about wearing the color pink. I believed that pink was a color that only girls and really preppy Polo-wearing bastards should wear. But after picking up this pink-striped Banana Republic Outlet shirt for $24.99, I’m now beginning to see that pink can be very manly. After all, prime rib is pink…and very manly.

Pink really isn’t so bad. Now that I think about it, I’ve eaten a lot of pink things in my life, like the pink hearts in Lucky Charms, pink cotton candy at a carnival, pink marshmallow Peeps, and other pink things.

So I will wear it at the mall. And I will wear it watching baseball. And I will wear it while in a car. And I will wear it while being rejected at the bar. And I will wear it inside or out. I will wear it when I’m about. I do so like wearing clothes as pink as spam. Thank you! Thank you, Marvo-I-am.

Hmm…I wonder if wearing lavender is in my future now?

What I’m Using In My Hair That Doesn’t Give It That Viagra Stiffness

Every year during Christmas I get free hair care products from my sexy hairstylist. Last Christmas, I received small container of Paul Mitchell’s Tea Tree Grooming Pomade. To be honest, I had no idea what pomade was. It sounded like a pomegranate flavored Gatorade.

I grew up using hair spray, hair gel, and whenever I wanted to look like a 1950s mobster, Brylcreem. My hair product of choice for the past three years to keep my hair stiff is the Viagra-colored Hard Up Hair Gel. I like having my hair stiff because, just like porcupines, I use it to defend myself from predators, like hobos, feral cats, and former Real World cast members who desperately want attention.

Pomade wasn’t designed to give hair a stiff hold, instead it gives it a flexible hold, which I really don’t like since one low ceiling could ruin the messy bed head look that took ten seconds to sculpt in my bathroom mirror. The Tea Tree Grooming Pomade also gave my hair a slight greasy feeling and a weird waxy smell, which is the ultimate woman repelling combo, ahead of missing teeth and a handlebar mustache.

23 thoughts on “The Shopping Cart #2

  1. My hair guy made me try the Tea Tree Paul Mitchell line of products a couple years ago and now I’m addicted to them. The only problem is that while I think the conditioner and shampoo smell “clean and minty,” others have called it “astringenty” and “that sweet hospital floor cleaner smell.” Classy.

  2. you are so right on about the pink shirt!

    and SO WRONG about pomade! pomade was meant for short, spiky asian hair. i should know. so maybe you’re using the wrong kind of pomade.

  3. I used to think it was weird about guys wearing pink too, Marvo. It’s the metrosexual thing to do right now. But I clearly remember seeing Eddie Murphy wear one in that Daddy Day-Care movie, and thinking “If Axel Foley is wearing one, I guess it’s manly now.” I wonder if Sylvester or Ah-nold wear them, too.

    Pomade is a great product, but I hear it’s a bitch to wash out, because of the wax-like consistency. The Paul Mitchell Tea Tree oil shampoo is great, but expensive. You have a nice hairdresser. All mine gave me was a tube of Carmex.

  4. Do you think pomade is a safe alternative to take on airplanes instead of gel?

    On a side note, I was working on some photos from an old Steve McQueen film called The Reivers and in it he wears a lavender floral print shirt … I mean, if Steve McQueen can look manly in that, you can carry off a BR pink shirt.

  5. See, I think the thing that saves it is the pink stripes. It’s not full-on pink, which is less manly. Stripes and oxford-ness keep it safely masculine. Plus girls like the softness of pink. Maybe you won’t get rejected at a bar wearing that shirt! PS – Pomade rocks. I love the stuff. There’s one I used to use in an orange tub that smelled like oranges and made my hair all pretty. The key is to use only a teeny-tiny bit on damp hair and really smoosh it all around. That sounds kind of dirty. I think your blog puts my mind in the gutter.

  6. Chicks don’t just dig the long ball; they also dig guys who are confident enough to wear pink (and a puka shell necklace would make it even hotter). Also, Melanie is right that you put all of our minds in the gutter. Go Marvo!

  7. I must say I do love a man in a pink shirt.
    I’m on the fence about the pomade though.
    And I thoroughly agree about your reviews transporting my mind immediately into the gutter….prehaps I am pre-disposed due to mitigating circumstances though…..hahahaha

  8. Man. The guy puts on a pink shirt, and a hair care product that he doesn’t prefer – and in his comments appear ladies with minds in the gutter. Marvo is my hero.

  9. I’m definitely a pink shirt supporter. In fact, I’m going to purchase one for my boyfriend this week. Now, if I could just find a good no-iron one.

  10. Oh, you’re so stylin’, Marvo. I bet the ladies don’t leave you alone with your pink shirt and your pomade-y hair. But why can’t we see how they look on you?

  11. Being an openly gay man, I gotta say; a review of a pink shirt and a hair product on one day?

    Will you go out with me Marvo, you’re obviously into people like me 🙂

  12. Well, I seem to be in the minority because I don’t dig guys in pink shirts;> It’s not that they can’t look decent enough in the color, but it doesn’t leave me with an impression of masculinity; of course, I have just recently been able to embrace the color for my girlie self.

  13. Yikes! Pink is becoming the new Black, Blue, and Brown! Spare me the support structure and just wear what you! By the way, would you consider wearing Pink Jeans or Pink pants?

  14. Growing up I just used tea tree oil as a disinfectant on wounds. I’m not sure why I’d wanna put it in my hair. Smells…kinda…funky..

  15. Aarika – The Tea Tree Pomade smells like there should be a wick in the middle of it for me to light.

    jenn – I prefer the sticky hair gel that makes me hard. Oh wait, that sounded perverted. I meant to say I prefer hair gel that makes my hair hard. Much better.

    Brie – My hairdresser totally rocks! And hot! And pregnant!

    cybele – I’m afraid to take anything on a plane because of my fear of it getting confiscated, but I don’t think pomade will be okay. It’s kind of gelly.

    Melanie – You know, writing my blog puts my mind in the gutter.

    Kiki – I need to get a puka shell necklace. I wonder if I could find one here on this rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean? 😉

    melis – Hmm…The Impulsive Buy…Putting Products Through the Gutter.

  16. Tickkid – YES!!! I am someone’s hero!

    Abi – I like ironing because it’s therapeutic, except when I’m in a rush in the morning. I also like ironing because I get to touch something curvy and hot.

    Eryn – Ladies probably wouldn’t leave alone the pink shirt and spikey hair, but everything in between they definitely would. 🙁

    cas – I’m flattered, but I’m only into blindfolds, handcuffs, boobies and poontang.

    celebrate woo-woo – Actually, if I wore pink pants, that would totally force me to turn in my masculinity card, along with my testicles.

    Sir Ay – For $100 I would wear a pink tie and cumber-bun to some girl’s prom.

    Robyn – Growing up I used to lick my wounds, since I thought the blood needed to go back into my body. Blood is yucky tasting!

    grins – I think I look good in this pink shirt, but then again, I think I look good with clogs. 😉

  17. I don’t know about clogs but you look kinda cute with a pie tin in your face. And how intersting I would find that out when posting Single of the Week today. :::whistling sorta innocently:::

  18. Hey, Marvo! Grins suggested I come over and look around.

    Oh, man. I don’t know about the pink thing. It’s fine for girls private parts and such but I don’t know about wearing it. Pink has its place, y’see. LOL

    Maybe Luck O’ is right–perhaps if I think of it as Salmon it’d be easier on my mind, Marvo.

  19. grins – …and I look hot with a paper bag over my head.

    Luck O’ the Irish – Actually, I believe salmon is a little bit more orange than pink. The stripes on my shirt are definitely pink.

    Utenzi – Oh wait, they’re supposed to be pink? Um…excuse me, I have to go get checked.

  20. hey :O lord the jezo has pink and lavender shirts! they both look really great! with going out jeans or black pants :3

    but it’s been my observation that all men, no matter what color they are, (my dad is white and my brother is hispanic) look really great in navy blue @_@ so in case you need a color for something inportant, navy blue should be your choice!

  21. bleachedrukia – I have A LOT of blue, so I’ve been trying to get away from that, hence the pink shirt. Hey, I just wanted to let you know that you left the 10,000 comment at TIB. Unfortunately, you don’t win anything. Blame Lord Jezo.

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