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Pepsi Ice Cucumber
Apparently, Japan has really huge balls. It has produced some of the most innovative products available, like fuel-efficient hybrid cars; the Nintendo Wii; robotic dogs; vending machines that dispense beer, fried foods, or used schoolgirl panties; and Japanese ads starring American actors who need a quick buck due to their decline in popularity. But, and [...]
Continue reading...Rico’s Salsa De Queso Nacho Cheese Sauce
25 July 2007
I’ll admit that my eating habits are less than stellar. Deplorable, if you will. But I am a man who enjoys blaming all of his shortcomings on everyone but myself, so I will proceed to do so. I have had a distorted view of food since I was a small child. My parents taught me [...]
Continue reading...Glacéau XXX Vitamin Water
22 July 2007
I thought my addiction to clown porn was pretty bad, but my dependency on Glacéau XXX Vitamin Water is worse. It started out innocently when I saw it at the store and wanted to try it out, because I’ll try anything just once. I thought I’d have some fun and then move on. [...]
Continue reading...Fiber One Raisin Bran Clusters
18 July 2007
Eating the new Fiber One Raisin Bran Clusters cereal makes me feel a little more mature, since it doesn’t have either chocolate, marshmallows, or commercials on Nickolodeon. When I eat it in the morning, I close my eyes and imagine myself enjoying it at the dining table while reading the editorial page of my [...]
Continue reading...IKEA Plastic Bag
16 July 2007
Oh, IKEA! Please do not smite me for not buying any of your Swedish-designed furnishings during my last visit by dropping one of your yellow and blue football field-sized stores on top of me! I’m sorry that I didn’t purchase any of your cheap furnishings with names that sound like they were created using random Scrabble letters [...]
Continue reading...Orville Redenbacher’s Real Ranch Shakeables
14 July 2007
When did making microwave popcorn become so complex, like with the Orville Redenbacher’s Real Ranch Shakeables? For years, the instructions for microwave popcorn were simple, just like the steps for using the Ronco Showtime Rotisserie Grill or the video camera used to record your personal sex tape with your spouse, significant other, or some random person [...]
Continue reading...Nissin Thai Peanut Chow Mein
11 July 2007
Ever been so broke that your roommate kicked you out for secretly hoarding his/her Cheese-It crackers in a pillow case next to your bed? What about that patent for that invisible dog leash that you didn’t know was already invented? Are you tearing up right now and violently shaking your head in the mirror as [...]
Continue reading...Hello Readers of The Impulsive Buy
10 July 2007
I never had the chance to properly introduce myself. I’m Ace, the new writer here at The Impulsive Buy. You probably think I came in a mail order package from a gourmet catalog. That’s not exactly true, though I have ended up here through unlikely circumstances. I grew up in in the part of Orange County [...]
Continue reading...PRIZE DRAWING WINNERS ANNOUNCED!!!
10 July 2007
The 18 lucky readers below have each won a pack of Wrigley’s 5 gum. I know. I know. It’s not the most exciting thing to win and if I won a pack of gum I would probably just shrug my shoulders, say “meh,” and move on with my life. But I didn’t win, they did, so they [...]
Continue reading...Bath & Body Works Temptations Iced Tea Twist
8 July 2007
Right now, I want you to close your eyes and imagine me washing my body with the Bath & Body Works Temptations Iced Tea Twist. Do you like what you’re picturing in your mind? If you’re having a hard time thinking of what my lathered up bod looks like, let me help you [...]
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29 July 2007
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