REVIEW: Goya Cola Champagne

Written by | September 30, 2009

Topics: 5 Rating, Alcohol, Beverage, Soda

I’ll get straight to the point here: I’m what you’d call a “classy” broad. I enjoy the finer things in life, such as dining at upscale restaurants that aren’t so upscale that they don’t accept coupons; wearing designer clothing that I find irregular or on clearance; and looking at the furniture in the Crate and Barrel catalog.

So when I saw Goya’s Cola Champagne, I said to myself “Ooh la la! Now there is a soft drink for me.” Surely this was to be a superior, top of the line beverage — despite being manufactured by the same company I normally associate with black beans and adobo sauce.

After opening the bottle and letting the cola breathe for a bit, I poured myself a glass. But the ironic thing about Goya Cola Champagne is that it tastes like neither cola nor champagne, but instead like carbonated sugar water with strong notes of bubblegum and hints of orange cough syrup. Actually, I don’t know if that’s “ironic” in the actual definition of ironic sense of the word so much as the Alanis Morrissette song “Ironic” sense of the word. Really, Alanis? You know I love you girl but rain on your wedding day and a fly in your Chardonnay isn’t ironic, it’s fucking unfortunate. Learn the difference.

At any rate, even though the product didn’t taste anything like actual champagne, (not even the five dollar bottles you find on the bottom “shelf of indignity” in the sparkling wine aisle of the grocery store) it wasn’t entirely unpleasant.

It was also very Bazooka Joe-ish on the nose, which added to the bubblegum sensation I got while drinking it. And really, I’m down with other bubblegum flavored products such as bubblegum jelly beans, bubblegum ice cream and, you know, bubblegum itself; so going by those standards it wasn’t too bad. My biggest complaint was that it left my mouth tasting like bubblegum-flavored bile after drinking it. I think “refresco” must be Spanish for “bad aftertaste.”

Overall, while it wasn’t terrible, it wasn’t especially memorable either. So next time I’m in the mood for cola or champagne I’ll probably stick to my usual Coke Zero or champagne with actual alcohol in it, even if I have to resort to the shelf of indignity in the liquor store.

(Nutrition Facts – 12 ounces (1 bottle) – 200 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 60 milligrams of sodium, 47 grams of carbohydrates, 0 gram of fiber, 45 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein and 0% iron.)

Item: Goya Cola Champagne
Price: 2/$1.59
Size: 12 ounces
Purchased at: Supreme Shop ‘N Bag
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Shit that’s bubblegum-flavored. Crate and Barrel furniture. Being a classy broad.
Cons: Bad aftertaste. Rain on your wedding day. Flies in your chardonnay. Having to resort to the shelf of indignity at the liquor store.

21 Comments For This Post I'd Love to Hear Yours!

  1. Marvo says:

    Speaking of mixing alcohol, Coke should just come out with a rum and Coke in a can (or bottle). Let’s just skip the middleman (bartender).

  2. Lane O says:


  3. FatYoli says:

    dear Marvo
    It does exist, but not from the Coca-Cola

  4. amanda says:

    This just sounds disgusting…now I am going tohave to check it out. ha ha

  5. Mallory says:

    I love this!!! But I have a taste for all things funky.

  6. Michael says:

    how ironic…

  7. Chuck says:

    Definitely too weird sounding for me to try. I’ll stick with Diet Dr. Pepper I guess.

  8. Frances says:

    Marvo! If you like bubblegum flavored products you need to try IncaKola. I have it every time we go to Peru. Not sure where else they sell it, or where you can get it in the US… I tried googling it and this is the closest I could find to a website

  9. angry bob says:

    Why does Bazooka Joe wear that eyepatch? Did he have a bubblegum-related accident or is he just trying to be a pirate of some sort?

    Also, Marvo, you lazy bastard – mix your own drinks.

  10. TomHandy says:

    I still maintain that the whole point of that Alanis song is that it’s a song about irony where none of the examples given are actually ironic…. thus making the song itself a pretty perfect description of irony (which turns it from being stupid to being kind of crazily brilliant).

  11. I tried this one time with SchneiderMike from I thought it was absolutely disgusting.

    Now the Goya Ginger Beer is another story…

  12. Neil THE HAMMER says:

    i tried the Goya fruit punch soda and found it to be very good. But this Bubblegum flavored soda sounds maybe not too good I think i will pass.


  13. Lil' C says:

    I’ve tried this and it was disgustingl nasty! I mean it was way to sweet and doesen’t qualify as a cola, they should stick to making the black beans!

  14. Ms. Spanks says:

    Mmmm I love bubblegum, but not in soda form!

  15. Bunny says:

    @ Frances

    I have seen Inca Kola 2 liters sold at smart and final stores.

  16. fartygirl says:

    You better keep writing for this site. I would never try any of the stuff you try, but I love reading about it! <3

  17. Claire says:

    I read this entire post thinking the name of the drink was “CHOLA Champagne”. I am sad it isn’t because I would buy the SHIT out of that stuff!

  18. Fred Bosick says:

    I bought a 2 liter bottle of it the other day and googled for the phrase and came up to this blog. The lady doesn’t drink a lot of pop it seems. This is a kind of creme soda flavor with bite. I’ll peruse the other hits and see if I can figure out more about the stuff.

    Try the Guava flavored sugar wafers by the same company.

  19. Anonymous says:

    Just tried some..They should call it Culo Cola..

  20. Ann says:

    Oh my gosh, you should all try, Goya Malts! It’s so tasty when very chilled!, especially the cola champagne sodas.

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