REVIEW: Jones Candy Corn Soda

If Native Americans knew we were going to create a disgusting candy that looks like corn and then make a carbonated beverage that tastes like said candy, they probably wouldn’t have taught the Pilgrims how to grow corn.

Candy corn is the Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt of Halloween treats because they just won’t go away, despite how much people loathe them. Actually, comparing those two no talent attention grabbers to candy corn is rather insulting to the white, orange and yellow candy that has the consistency of wax.

I wonder what’s the appeal of candy corn. I understand the reason why for those who purchase it, because it allows them to give extremely cheap candy to trick or treaters, but I don’t comprehend those who eat it. If I want eat something sweet with the word “corn” in its name, I’ll just consume kettle corn or one of the thousands of products that contain high fructose corn syrup or a chocolate-dipped corn dog.

Like a small catch while fishing, candy corn is one of those things you throw back to the place from where it came. I don’t know about the rest of you, but in my neighborhood, those who would give out candy corn on Halloween would find their front doorsteps littered with candy corn the next morning. Or if we had time, we would spell out the word “cheap ass” using the candy corn.

We did the same thing to those who handed out stacks of pennies, but by the next morning the front doors of those who passed them out were clean because the kids collecting for UNICEF would pick up the loose change.

While I may not enjoy candy corn, the Jones Candy Corn Soda might be the only candy corn product I’ll slightly tolerate, even though it’s urine-colored and doesn’t really taste like candy corn. Its flavor is extremely sweet and its initial flavor is quite off-putting, but once you get past it, it tastes like a cream soda with some spice, which I kind of liked, but it will probably turn off most people. It’s best when extremely chilled and quite nasty when slightly warm.

So if you’ve got some cash to burn and you’re looking to get something special for trick or treaters who stop buy your house this Halloween, might I suggest NOT picking up all the Jones Candy Corn Soda you can find, unless you want the short roly-poly cans thrown at your front door in the middle of the night.

(Nutrition Facts – 8 ounces – 130 calories, 0 grams of fat, 40 milligrams of sodium, 32 grams of carbohydrates, 32 grams of sugar and 0 grams of protein.)

Item: Jones Candy Corn Soda
Price: $2.99 (4-pack)
Size: 8 ounces
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: Doesn’t taste like candy corn. Limited Edition. Uses cane sugar. No high fructose corn syrup. Getting good candy for Halloween.
Cons: Small cans. Urine colored. Initial flavor was off-putting. Tastes like cream soda with a bit of spice. Getting candy corn for Halloween. Getting stacks of pennies for Halloween.

33 thoughts to “REVIEW: Jones Candy Corn Soda”

  1. I would have thought that a picture of candy corn or something similar would be used to design the can……if it wasn’t for the name, one could assume it tastes like werewolf drool.

  2. @Yum Yucky: Don’t you know the only way to slay the Soda Beast is with V8 juice.

    @Orchid64: If you want I can mail you some. We can trade. Candy corn soda for Pepsi Azuki.

    @Erin Brooks: Don’t forget the V8 Juice.

    @WadeCryBabyWalker: I enjoy Kathy Griffin…sometimes. She sort of reminds me of Joan Rivers.

    @Michael: I like the smell of baby powder.

    @Neil THE HAMMER: Who’s going to drink that crap? Sadly, people like me.

    @Rob: It’s fun to throw at people?

    @ripp: Do you like kombucha? If so, that would be the weird food trifecta.

    @Lex: I <3 Jones Cream Soda. I could get fat off of that stuff.

    @Ms Spanks: Jones is creative, they might just make that soda someday.

    @twig: I’m going to have to trust your opinion on that one. 🙂

  3. @angry bob: There are some kids I would give a bucket of candy corn to. Candy corn is the lump of coal of Halloween.

    @TomHandy: There’s something about that combination that makes it taste odd to my taste buds. Maybe it’s too much corn syrup and not enough sugar and honey.

    @Lil’C: Jones Thanksgiving packs are extremely disgusting, but I look forward to them every year.

    @Fat Fudge: You should have just collected all of them. I believe they last forever.

    @Chuck: There are a number of Halloween Jones Soda out right now with festive can designs. The Target I went to had three varieties.

    @twobitme: I like stepping on packing peanuts.

    @Hobo with a shotgun: Some people seem to feel that way. Perhaps they should just come in packs of three or four, instead of the huge 100 counts bags.

    @Damon: That’s what we do. We’re hardcore.

    @J.J.: Now THAT would make a great Jones Soda flavor.

    @ohwow: Too bad candy corn isn’t made from the vegetable, because that would’ve been a lot of serving of veggies.

    @Carol: But if you buy out all the stores, you can have it year round.

    @A.: Isn’t that a given?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *