REVIEW: Wheaties Fuel

Wheaties Fuel looks like bird feed.

Fortunately, it doesn’t taste like bird feed and it doesn’t make me molt or want to poop on a parked car’s windshield, despite containing 20 percent of my daily recommended intake of fiber per serving.

Like all Wheaties cereal boxes, you’ll find an athlete, who probably doesn’t eat the stuff on a regular basis, gracing the cover of the Wheaties Fuel box. Five athletes have their own Wheaties Fuel box: Indianapolis Colts quarterback Peyton Manning; Boston Celtics power forward Kevin Garnett; St. Louis Cardinals first baseman Albert Pujols; some dude I’ve never heard of who can out run, swim and bike me; and some guy I probably would’ve never heard of if he wasn’t raised in Hawaii.

Just like the cereal itself, the athletes’ faces on the front of the box are kind of freaky looking. Each athlete looks like they’re holding a flashlight under their face so they can tell ghost stories.

The cereal is made up of lightly sweetened crunchy whole wheat flakes and crisp rice with real honey and cinnamon. Yes, it does sound significantly better than what original Wheaties is made of, which I believe is the depressing combination of bran, cardboard, Nickelback lyrics and whatever makes babies cry. The wheat flakes in Wheaties Fuel aren’t like regular Wheaties, instead they’re tiny, and the crisp rice aren’t airy like Rice Krispies, instead they’re dense.

The pieces of cereal might be small, but they pack a vitamin and mineral punch. A serving is like a Flintstones vitamin, containing vitamin A, vitamin C, calcium, iron, vitamin D, vitamin E and a few others. It’s also like an energy drink since it contains 100 percent of your daily recommended intake of vitamin B1, vitamin B2, vitamin B3, vitamin B6 and vitamin B12.

It has a nice cinnamon flavor that makes it taste almost like a kid’s cereal instead of one meant for athletes, but it isn’t too sweet. Because it’s a dense cereal, it’s quite crunchy and lasts awhile in milk. It’s so tasty that if I were a world-class athlete, instead of some dude who writes product reviews in his underwear, I’d rather have my scary face printed on a box of Wheaties Fuel than on regular Wheaties.

(Nutrition Facts – 3/4 cup w/o milk – 210 calories, 3 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1 gram of polyunsaturated fat, 1.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 150 milligrams of sodium, 120 milligrams of potassium, 46 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of fiber, 14 grams of sugar, 27 grams of other carbohydrates, 3 grams of protein and a whole lot of vitamins and minerals.)

Item: Wheaties Fuel
Price: $4.98
Size: 17.1 ounces
Purchased at: The Blue Vest Superstore
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Tasty cinnamon flavor that tastes almost like a kid’s cereal. Doesn’t taste like regular Wheaties. Loaded with B vitamins. Stays crunchy in milk. Five grams of fiber per serving. My knowledge of mainstream sports stars.
Cons: Looks like bird food. Comes in a small box. Athletes’ faces on the box look like they’re telling ghost stories. The image of me writing reviews in my underwear. Original Wheaties. Birds pooping on my car windshield. My knowledge of non-mainstream sports stars.

12 thoughts on “REVIEW: Wheaties Fuel

  1. Pooping on a windshield sounds rather complicated; I’m glad this stuff didn’t give you the urge. Sounds pretty tasty, though; I’m out of cereal so I may have to give this a try.

  2. Hmmm? And here I thought it was the same ‘old Wheaties in a cooler box.

    And now you reminded me of the birds that took a crap all over my back deck. Time to powerwash those bastards…and the deck too.

  3. That Peyton Manning will endorse or appear for just about any product. He’s EVERYWHERE. I think the only reason he hasn’t been in a Tampax commercial is because the Tampax folks haven’t gotten around to asking him yet.

  4. First thing I thought of when reading this review…

    “Its texture is a joy to me,
    It’s just as smooth as silk.
    It makes my little whiskers twitch;
    It stays crunchy, even in milk!”

    (Ren & Stimpy for you youngins)

  5. wow… 3 grams of protein and 5 grams of fiber in 210 calories? you’re better off eating fruit loops and popping a cheap multivitamin.

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