REVIEW: Pepsi Max Cease Fire

Ever since Pepsi Max was introduced in the United States a few years ago, it’s been my main source of caffeine, since it’s a zero calorie soda that provides me with 115 milligrams of sweet, sweet caffeine per 20 ounce bottle. I’ve consumed a lot of it, so much so that if Pepsi Max was an illegal drug, I would’ve overdosed a long time ago; if it was a prostitute, I would have a burning sensation whenever I pee; and if it was regular Pepsi, I would have diabetes.

Pepsi Max Cease Fire is Pepsi Max with a hint of lime flavor and it’s the first variation of the high-caffeine diet soda in the United States. While the bottle says it has a hint of lime, it turned out to be more than just a smidgen.

It had an uncomfortable amount of lime that masked the cola flavor and made me briefly wonder if I diluted it with water in a bucket and used the solution to mop, could bring some luster to my tile floors? But just like seeing Jason Segal’s penis over and over again in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, I somewhat got used to it.

The zero calorie, lime-flavored soda gets its name because of its claim to soothe the burn from spicy foods. Unfortunately, when I first opened the bottle I didn’t have any spicy foods in the apartment. So instead, I licked my arm several times because many women have said I’m mui caliente. But that didn’t work. Then I quickly remembered, as I pulled my arm hair off of my tongue, that those women didn’t say I was mui caliente, they said I was mui peludo.

So in order to test Pepsi’s claim, I had to walk to the convenience store down the street, while avoiding the temptation to visit the 24-hour massage parlor along the way, and pick up a bag of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos. After building a decent burn from eating half of a 3.25 ounce bag, I took a swig of the Pepsi Max Cease Fire and swished it around in my mouth. While the soda was in my mouth, it did soothe the burn a little, but then again wouldn’t most cool beverages that aren’t hard liquor. After I swallowed, the burn slowly crept back to a point that was only slightly less than what I started at.

So basically Pepsi Max Cease Fire, when it comes to soothing the burn from spicy food, is as effective as trying to put out the Burning Man fire by having one guy with a full bladder pee on it. It’ll help a little, but it won’t come close to putting it out.

(Nutrition Facts – 8 ounces – 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 25 milligrams of sodium, 0 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar and 0 grams of protein.)

(NOTE: More Pepsi Max Cease Fire review goodness from Gigi Reviews and BevReview)

Item: Pepsi Max Cease Fire
Price: $1.25
Size: 2 liters
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: Zero calories. A good amount of caffeine. 24-hour massage parlors. Regular Pepsi Max. Being mui peludo in the winter.
Cons: Uncomfortable amount of lime flavor. Off-putting aftertaste. Doesn’t do a good job of soothing the burn from spicy food. Being mui peludo in the summer.

10 thoughts on “REVIEW: Pepsi Max Cease Fire

  1. In Japan, they only sell Pepsi Nex as a zero calorie drink and it sucks big time. It tastes like it has been mixed with Lemon Pledge. I’m totally off of Pepsi after years of their pathetic offerings here!

  2. Doesn’t sound good at all. The only flavoring to cola that I like is adding vanilla. If I am looking to cool down spicy food, I go with orange sherbet or the “push up” orange ice cream bars..

  3. I used to really like the lemon-flavored Diet Coke for making rum and Diet Cokes with. Unfortunately, they don’t seem to make it anymore…at least, I haven’t seen it in a long time. They do have a lime version that I still spot occasionally but it’s just not as good. Probably just as well, since the last thing I need is a reason to stock up on hard liquor.

  4. @Orchid64: Pepsi has got their hands wrapped tight around my balls, so I won’t be free of them anytime soon. I believe I’m kind of addicted to the stuff.

    @wibia: When it comes to spicy food, I take it like a man. It grows hair on my chest, and if you’ve seen my review of chest waxing, you know I’ve had a lot of spicy food.

    @Ken: I can’t think of many things that go well with lime. But lime juice is an awesome weapon to blind your opponent with when in a bar fight.

    @Dr. Brushy: You’re missing out on the aspartame!

    @Chuck: The lemon or lime diet colas are hard to find, but they do exist, like Santa Claus.

    @Tim: First time — con. Second time — pro. Third and beyond — con or pro, depending on how much you like cock.

  5. i’m drinking some cease fire right now… i don’t find the lime flavor overpowering at all. that’s just me though. i think it’s quite good and much better than the diet coke with lime (which should be called diet coke with scope IMO.. tastes like mouthwash)

  6. They call it something different over here, I think just Pepsi Lime, and if it anything like the diet coke and lime I am steering way clear.
    My fav drink is Pepsi Nex <3 seeing as I am not in Japan atm and can't get any I will drink Pepesi Max like it is going out of fashion.

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