Reduced Sugar Cocoa Puffs

Where the hell is Sonny? I want to barbeque his orange-feathered ass.

What’s up with this 3/4 less sugar in his Cocoa Puffs?

Doesn’t Sonny realize he’s ruining the lives of grade school children everywhere? Sending them to school without adequate sugar levels is a recipe for failure in the classroom.

I hate to imagine where would I have been without sugary breakfast cereals? I probably wouldn’t have survived grade school. I wouldn’t have paid attention to my teacher, gotten good grades, completed my math worksheets before anyone else, gotten gold stars on my progress chart, become the tetherball king of the playground, or be able to handle the beating I received for being the biggest nerd, geek, dweeb, and dork.

For me, sugar was like steroids. It made me a better student. Sure I was a little “husky,” but I excelled in school and that’s all that really mattered. It’s better to be a smart “husky” kid than a stupid “husky” kid.

For a while the cereal companies had it right by adding more. They were adding more chocolate, more marshmallows, and more rainbow fruity colors.

But now the trend is to have less. So eventually is there also going to be less chocolate, less marshmallows, and less rainbow fruity colors?

Where’s the neural stimulant that kids are going to need to make it through lunch? They can’t drink coffee, because no grade school child can afford Starbucks everyday and I don’t think any of them are willing to risk stunting their growth.

So what else does all this loss of sugar get us?

It gets us Cocoa Puffs that doesn’t turn the milk chocolatey. You heard me. No chocolatey milk.

What’s to blame for this? Splenda, that’s what.

Damn you, Splenda! Damn you!

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. It’s where we all get the energy to make it through work and school. For many adults that energy comes in the form of caffeine. For kids that energy comes in the form of sugar.

With 3/4 less sugar, I don’t think kids are going to go cuckoo over these Reduced Sugar Cocoa Puffs.

Editor’s Note: If you’re an astute Impulsive Buy reader, you may have noticed that today’s review is almost identical to a review we did in September for Froot Loops with 1/3 Less Sugar.

Item: Reduced Sugar Cocoa Puffs
Purchase Price: $2.50 (on sale)
Rating: 2 out of 5
Pros: Chocolate. On sale.
Cons: Reduced taste. Splenda. Doesn’t make chocolate milk anymore. I’m not cuckoo for these Cocoa Puffs. We sort of recycled a review.

10 thoughts to “Reduced Sugar Cocoa Puffs”

  1. Worlds are colliding!!!! This must be the end of the world as we know it!!!! Oh hell…who am I kidding? I eat Cheerios with Equal…lol

  2. NO chocolate milk being made? Why, we oughtta tar and feather Sonny..wait! He already has feathers!
    What is the world coming to? 🙁

  3. Not only do you get no chocolate milk you also get a giant clump of reduced sugar cocoa puffs if you don’t eat them all right away. They clump. Ew.

  4. Um…it helped your math skills, sugar did? So, 75% less = 1/3 less? So, wouldn’t that be, 3/4 less? (If you’re indeed correct, I won’t blush. After all, I failed algebra. Good thing my hubs the math whiz is teaching our kids math, not me.)

    Gotta love the Shizz!

  5. Suzanne – Yeah, it sucks.

    Anne – With the recycled review I’m actually somehow saving the environment. I don’t know how, but I am.

    Aymie’s Mom – Aaah, sugar and Cheerios. I remember eating that until they made Frosted Cheerios.

    Chana – I guess I can go to plan B and eat Reduced Sugar Cocoa Puffs with Nestle Double Chocolate Milk.

    Webmiztris – But dammit, drugs are sooo expensive. 😉

    Jenny – Yeah, I noticed that too. I blame Splenda. Damn you, Splenda! Damn you!

    Mellie – See what happens when I don’t get any sugar. (Note: I made the appropriate changes using a calculator)

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