To celebrate Martha Stewartâ€™s release from prison, I decided to bake cookies. So while watching CNNâ€™s live coverage of her first day back working at Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia, I put down my koa wood framed 8×10 photo of Martha and brought out the baking pan from my Martha Stewart Everyday Nonstick 5-Piece Baking Set.
Unfortunately, after a horrible brownie baking accident, which involved me not adding any eggs to the brownie mixture and creating the hardest baked goods ever, Iâ€™ve stopped baking things from scratch.
Besides, when you bake from scratch you have to worry about fractions, and I suck at fractions.
So instead of making the cookies from scratch, I opened up a package of Pillsbury Chocolate Chip Big Deluxe Classics, with which I could bake a dozen cookies. I know Martha would kill me if she found out I wasnâ€™t going to bake these cookies from scratch. After all, Iâ€™m sure she learned how to kill in prison.
I wonder if sheâ€™ll teach us how to kill on a future episode of Martha Stewart Living.
By the way, did you see how hot Martha looks now? Damn! Total MILF!
If I was in the kitchen with her and I had a wooden spoon in my hands, I would totally spank her ass with it. If only I was under house arrest with her. Sigh.
Wait, was that too much information for you? Sorry.
Anyway, after washing my hands and drying them using the hand towel from my Martha Stewart Everyday 5-Star Egyptian Cotton Basketweave Towel Set I placed the twelve cookie dough rounds on top of the ungreased baking pan, leaving them about two inches apart from each other.
Then I placed the baking pan into the oven, which was preheated at 350 degrees fahrenheit. Fifteen minutes later, I had cookies that even Martha would be proud of, if she didnâ€™t know they werenâ€™t made from scratch.
After letting them cool for a few minutes, I grabbed one of the smaller plates from my Martha Stewart Everyday Classic White 16-Piece Ceramic Dinnerware Set so that I wouldnâ€™t get crumbs all over the place as I ate my freshly baked cookies, while Martha talked about her experiences in prison.
Oh, these cookies were good. Every bite had some chocolate goodness. I guess it helped that along with the regular semi-sweet and milk chocolate chips, there were also mini, semi-sweet Hersheyâ€™s Kisses added to the cookie dough. It basically was an orgy of chocolate.
After eating half a cookie, I realized I was missing something very important…MILF…I mean, milk.
So I pulled out from the cupboard one of the glasses from my Martha Stewart Everyday 12-Piece Butterfly Glassware Set and poured myself some milk, so that I could dunk the warm cookies into it.
Oh, Martha would be so proud!
When I was done, I put the rest of the cookies in one of the square 5-cup food containers from my Martha Stewart Everyday 48-Piece Airtight Food Container Set, so that I may enjoy the cookies later on.
Overall, these Pillsbury Chocolate Chip Big Deluxe Classics were very good. Or as Martha would say, â€œItâ€™s a good thing.â€
Item: Pillsbury Chocolate Chip Big Deluxe Classics
Purchase Price: $3.50 (on sale)
Rating: 4 out of 5
Pros: Quick. Easy to bake. Big cookies. Martha Stewart is a total MILF.
Cons: Martha is still under house arrest. I suck at baking things from scratch.