Jockey Next To Nothing Boxer Brief

Jockey Next To Nothing

In my head, there’s a mental list called, “Things I Do Not Want To Be Caught Doing.”

Some of the things on that list include:

(1) Buying or listening to a Kidz Bop CD.
(2) Saying I love Yanni’s music to impress a girl.
(3) Pretending I’m an underwear model.

The other day, I almost got caught pretending to be an underwear model, because of these Jockey Next To Nothing Boxer Briefs.

Looking at myself in the mirror in my underwear for long periods of time is not something I do, unless I happen to be in my underwear when I’m doing my weekly affirmation, which I say to myself, “I’m a sexy, sexy beast. Yeah, I am. Oh yeah, you like this? I know you do, baby! Uh-huh.”

I couldn’t stop pretending to model underwear because the Jockey Next To Nothing Boxer Brief made me feel sexy, without the weekly affirmation. Of course, they made me feel sexy, but they didn’t make me look sexy. They didn’t magically turn me into Marky Mark, because my abs more closely resemble a keg than a six-pack.

Although I have to admit, my entire upper body may have not looked too good in them, but my ass, albeit a little flat, looked good. It looked so good, that I had to wonder what it looked like if I shook it.

Of course, this meant I needed the appropriate booty-shaking music. The only song on my iPod that could truly fit the bill was Wreckx-N-Effect’s “Rump Shaker.”

While shaking my ass, I liked the way the Jockey Next To Nothing Boxer Brief hugged the curves of my lower body, which was a much different feeling than the boxers I usually wear. It also provided good support of my twig and berries, kind of like tighty-whities, but not too tight and not as white, which means no skidmarks.

One problem I had with the underwear was its name, Next To Nothing, because I can think of a few other things I could wear that are closer to next to nothing, like a thong or a fig leaf. Of course, wearing a thong or a fig leaf are other things I do not want to be caught doing.

Unfortunately, when I went back to the Jockey store to pick up more, I found out that Jockey discontinued the Next To Nothing line, which explained the reason why the price was discounted by over 50 percent.

After I found that out, I wondered, “How will I feel sexy now? Because the effects of those weekly affirmations only lasts for a few minutes.”

Thanks, Jockey.

(Editor’s Note #1: Sure, I could show you what the Jockey Next To Nothing Boxer Brief looks like on me with pictures, but that would be a little too risque and I don’t have clean socks to stuff down my crotch.)

(Editor’s Note #2: Instead I’m going to show you something a little less spicy. An old video of me ripping my shirt off.)

(Editor’s Note #3: Warning video may contain images not suitable for children, or anyone else.)

Item: Jockey Next To Nothing Boxer Brief
Purchase Price: $7.99 (on sale)
Rating: 4 out of 5
Pros: Made my ass look good. Good support of my undercarriage. Made me feel sexy, without affirmations.
Cons: Discontinued. Doesn’t come in a size smaller than medium. Pretending to be an underwear model when you don’t have the body of an underwear model.

32 thoughts to “Jockey Next To Nothing Boxer Brief”

  1. Love your reviews, you keep me smiling! 🙂

    and just in case you were wondering….
    “You ARE a sexy, sexy beast. Yes YOU are! Oh yeah, I like that? You know I do, baby! Uh-huh.”

  2. You mean those things were about $20.00 full price? No wonder they were discontinued. Guys would never pay that much for underwear.

    Also, no fair! You duped me into clicking on the MarkyMark link, knowing full well know I was expecting to see him in the Calvin Klein underwear ad.

  3. awww..
    I was going to say I wanted to see a pic.. then I realised that means a pic of u in nothing but underwear.
    I will not go into further details after that video..

  4. There used to be a rap song called “Shake That Ass” that might have been appropriate for your modeling session. Unfortunately, I don’t know who it’s by. I prefer the BVD brand myself although I have used Jockey in the past.

  5. I have a pair of mens Jockey’s (similar to these, they are microfibered, super soft and silky) and I agree, they make my ass look good too =).

    To all the girls out there, you might want to check the mens dept for great undies (especially the microfiber ones), these boy shorts are perfect for lounging around in and they don’t ride up.

  6. Ayesha97 – Have you seen the video of me stripping? There’s a reason why the lighting is so poor.

    Peggasus – If the underwear came with a bulge pad, I think men would pick them up for $20.

    steyblind – You know, you didn’t have to watch it. I specifically told you what it was, so it didn’t seem like I was tricking you into watching it. It’s your own fault. 🙂

    S – Yeah, you DON’T want to see me in my underwear. Although I do look slightly better in them when I shave off all the hair on my body. I know, bad mental picture.

    Damon – Sorry, but again, you didn’t have to watch it. Like violence on TV and sex in music, all you need to do to avoid it is turn it off.

  7. nat – The thing about products I’m scared of, I’m sure they would make great reviews. So if I happen to get a free Kidz Bop CD, I might listen to it to cleanse my musical palate, but then when I’m done with it, it’s straight back to the speed metal.

    Chuck – I never really liked BVDs, because I have no idea what BVD actually means. I used to think BVD stood for Bridling Venereal Diseases, but that can’t be right.

    akiko – Why is it that when women wear men’s clothing, no one thinks twice about it? But when men wear women’s clothing, we’re call crossdressers?

    kimdog – You could always get him a thong.

  8. You don’t need to use clean socks to stuff down your crotch. Just wrap a cucumber in foil like in This Is Spinal Tap. Then you can do a review on the foil AND the cucumber!

  9. I love the reviews, and this is no exception.

    the video was only the icing on the cake.
    (I do wish sarcasm worked better on the internet)

    You had me laughing like a lunatic! 😀 😀

  10. rfduck – I definitely don’t think people want the image burned on their retinas of me with a cucumber in my underwear.

    akwok – Again, you didn’t have to view it. You knew what it was and yet you still viewed it. It’s your own damn fault.

    kt – At least you didn’t go blind or have your face melt off like other readers.

  11. I don’t know what BVD stands for either, but it sounds a lot better than “Fruit of the Looms.” It’s like, hey, look at me wearing my fruity underwear! At least with Jockey the worst people can think about you is that you have a horse fetish.

  12. Chuck – Or think you’re really small.

    Sarah – ::blush:: Oh wait, you’re not talking about me, are you? 🙁

    Busy Mom – Ewww…No, I’m autographing them and putting them up for auction on eBay.

    averil – It wasn’t that bad. Was it?

  13. Marvo – I liked the video. For real! The review was the icing on the cake.

    Thanks for the smile. 🙂

  14. Keith – Huh?

    Tina – Hmmm, some people liked the video. Maybe I should post the uncut version?

    nat – Don’t you mean, do I have the balls to try those? 😉 I would, if I had a free pair and my balls didn’t shrink when exposed.

  15. priss – I don’t think your husband would like that.

    Tina – On second thought, maybe not. I threw away my prosthetic member.

    Webmiztris – Believe it or not, that was my totally unsexy self.

  16. boxer briefs are extremely sexy. just wish they came in cute prints like boxers. :p regarding the sacfree undies – if my hubby wore those i think i’d “lose them in the laundry”

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