REVIEW: Aquafina Wild Berry FlavorSplash

Aquafina FlavorSplash

Everyone has these things they have to do everyday. Some people call them routines, some call them habits, some call them quirks, and some call them obsessive-compulsive actions, but everyone has them.

Here are the three things I have to do everyday:

1. Learn something new – It can be a new word, recipe, world capital, sexual position, or way to make a baby cry.

2. Give an offering to one of my celebrity shrines – I usually give ChapStick for my Angelina Jolie shrine, fresh herbs for my Rachael Ray shrine, an Emmy award for my Tina Fey shrine, and for my Winona Ryder shrine, a Saks Fifth Avenue gift card.

3. Drink enough water to make my pee clear – It shows that I’m well hydrated and when I pee, I don’t have to flush the toilet, because it looks like I didn’t do anything.

Some people say if your pee is clear, it shows that you’re healthy, but for me it also prevents other people from pointing fingers at me when they see “I ♥ Ryan Seacrest” written in yellow snow.

So how do you make your pee clear? You do it by drinking lots and lots of water.

They say everyone should drink eight glasses of water a day and I tried that, but drinking just plain old water got boring really quick. So I’ve been trying to mix it up with different types of water and it’s been sometimes successful and other times, like with the Aquafina Sparkling Water, it was a total disaster, like the Titanic sinking or any recent Ben Affleck movie.

You would think from that experience I would’ve learned my lesson with Aquafina water, but apparently I’m a sick masochistic son of a bitch, because I decided to try the zero calorie, zero carbs, and zero sugar Aquafina Wild Berry FlavorSplash.

Yeah, Aquafina! Give it to me, baby! Oh yeah, I like the way you punish my taste buds! Make me grimace, baby! Make me gag, Aquafina!

So what’s the difference between Aquafina FlavorSplash and Aquafina Sparkling?

Aquafina FlavorSplash contains no carbonation and is artificially sweetened with Splenda, while Aquafina Sparkling has carbonation and all-natural flavors, contains no sugars or artificial sweeteners, and tastes so bad that plants would find a way to spit it out.

I thought the FlavorSplash was going to rock my world…in a bad way. However, it turned out to be not bad. It’s got a very light berry taste and it also tastes like someone dumped a couple of packets of Equal into the bottle and mixed it up.

It’s slightly better than regular water, but waaaay better than Aquafina Sparkling. I guess Splenda is good for something else besides pretending to be cocaine.

I thought I found a decent plain water replacement, until I let the half-full bottle (or half-empty for you pessimistic folks) of Aquafina FlavorSplash sit outside of the refrigerator for a few hours. It turns out that it’s like milk, the longer you leave it out of the refrigerator, the better the chances of you spitting it out.

Well as long as it’s chilled I think FlavorSplash is not bad, but then again, I think former MTV VJ Kennedy is a babe.

Item: Aquafina Wild Berry FlavorSplash
Purchase Price: 89 cents
Rating: 3 out of 5
Pros: Not bad. Cheap. Waaay better than Aquafina Sparkling. Zero calories. Zero sugars. Zero carbs. My celebrity shrines. I like punishment.
Cons: Tastes crappy warm. Most Ben Affleck movies.

31 thoughts to “REVIEW: Aquafina Wild Berry FlavorSplash”

  1. *shudders* the thought of aquafina makes me gag. i think they realize how crappy their water is, so they try to add some cheap no-good flavors to make it better.

  2. I think that the water… ehh… I think I had to press reload button 58 times before there was a new review on 🙂 hehe…

    Now, on to the water. I live, as you might know, in Norway. I drink water from the tap. And according to a local laboratory the water coming from my tap is as pure as sterile water. They actually told the last resident of the house to stop making pranks sending them water for testing. There is no water flavoured Fanta in Norway. Maybe they should have thought of that…

  3. Wow.

    VJ Kennedy.

    I haven’t had a reason to think about her in years and years. One of those things you would totally forget for the rest of your life unless someone brought it up like you did. I guess this review touched a special part of my psyche.

    Oh, and the “Yeah, Aquafina! Give it to me, baby! Oh yeah, I like the way you punish my taste buds! Make me grimace, baby! Make me gag, Aquafina!” bit made me think of the violent sex scene in Monster’s Ball. Halle Barre yelling out “MAKE ME FEEL GOOD!”


  4. wow.
    “Drink enough water to make my pee clear”

    i always did hate spring water, flavoured water seems to be a sorry answer for juice. just wondering – pray tell, why this sorry substitute ? more healthy or something ?
    no sarcasm, very serious.

  5. Megan – Only slightly better than regular water.

    macOtto – I’d be afraid to send my tap water in for testing, but then again nothing has erupted from my stomach, so I think it’s fine.

    Lord Jezo – That was my goal with this review, to make it like an episode of I Love the 90s.

    SEV – Sugar makes me bounce off the walls, so the less sugar, the less body armor and Ben Gay I’ll need.

    Webmiztris – I wonder what hot dog vendor spring they would get hot dog flavored water from?

    Chuck – We get very little during the winter on top of dormant volcano. It depends on how wet and how cold the winter is. Although, usually it’s hard to get up to the mountain because they close the road due to high winds. I’ve gone up to play in the snow about five times.

  6. Mmm… sugar free, AND promotes drinking water! I think I like! (being properly hydrated solves SO MANY health issues people can have)

    Have you had the propel from Gatorade? (“lightly flavored” fitness water) So. Yum.

  7. Shouldn’t water have no calories, carbs, sugar, etc etc etc anyway? I thought that’s why people drank it in the first place?

  8. Ya had me wanting to try it until you said “Splenda.” My tummy just does not like Splenda. Or maybe it’s the other way around. Either way, splenda sucks. For me, anyway…

  9. I think all of us that aren’t French can agree that sparkling water sucks. But don’t you think you are being a little hard on the sparkling water? Its not like it has ever hurt a member of your family or anything. …Or has it??

  10. I once lost a beloved pet to sparkling water.

    Ok. Not really.

    But I did lose a few tastebuds once. I CURSE THEE TO HELL SPARKLING WATER! And the French too while I’m at it…

  11. kt – I also read or heard somewhere that if you drink too much water you might pee out important nutrients and minerals. Anyway, I haven’t tried Propel yet, but now that you’ve suggested it, I might try it.

    Lorien – I think having no calories, carbs or sugar are some of the reasons why people drink water, but I think the main reason is because it is really cheap or free.

    Thumper – For your sake I hope this Splenda thing really doesn’t take off. If it makes you feel better, I blackout and break into hives when I eat too much shrimp.

    kevin – The sparkling water bit me, so I’m gonna bite back.

    k@os – I’ve lost many taste buds as well. Fortunately, my taste buds grew back, I wish I could say the same for the brain cells I’ve lost over the years.

  12. Damon – Just remember to keep it chilled and don’t feed it to your dogs when it’s warm, because they will run away and they might never come back.

  13. I don’t like flavored water. It’s like when ice cubes melt in your drink and then you have watery soda or whatever it is you’re drinking. I read in the paper this week that the 8 glasses a day thing is wrong and you should just drink when you’re thirsty unless it’s a very hot and sunny day. And I’m with you on the water left out too long. If it’s not a drink that’s supposed to be warm, then I want it COLD! Wow, that was a long comment, sorry about that.

  14. I named my daughter after VJ Kennedy…I’m sure she’ll be thrilled when she’s old enough to watch some classic MTV episode. Oh, right, the product at hand. Water sucks. I don’t drink it because it’s filled with people leavins. Much like Homer’s toaster. Call me strange {strange} but I don’t like drinking things that people have run through or peed in (can I say pee on Impulsive Buy?). Same with milk…can’t drink anything that comes out of a cows boob. (can I say boob?) I think I just got myself a blog censor.


  15. rfduck – Don’t worry about the long comment. BTW, Happy Birthday!

    Mia – You could also show her clips from the game show Friend or Foe?, which Kennedy is the host of. Or you could lie and tell her she was named after JFK. Just don’t tell her she was named after Ted Kennedy. PEE! BOOB!

  16. you should try Fruit2O. it’s pretty damn good for flavored water. my parents buy 2-3 cases at a time.

  17. As i mentioned in an earlier comment, I accidently bought the Aquafina Lemon flavored water, and nearly gagged. More shades of nasty than I can count. Just the thought of the *berry* flavored turned my stomach. I dont want my water sweet unless it’s Kool-Aid. mmmm…. Mountain Berry Blast. Yeah, I got your berry… I got it RIGHT HERE.

  18. Regarding the 8 glasses of water a day… yeah I had always believed it was true and went around telling everyone so until about a year ago when I read about it on an urban legend site. There is a good one here:

    But, just the other day I saw a commercial by a bottled water company reminding people to drink 8 glasses a day… I guess it’s pretty ingrained.

  19. Thanks for the happy birthday, Marvo! And Mia, after reading the post here on “poo water,” I think it’s safe to say that you CAN say pee and boobs on the impulsive buy!

  20. josh – I’ve been looking for it, but I haven’t seen them anywhere.

    kimdog – Oh Yeah! Sorry, I don’t have a wall I can break through when I say “Oh Yeah!” Also, if the Kool-Aid man was made out of a glass pitcher and Kool-Aid, why doesn’t he shatter when he hits the wall he goes through.

    Bryan – In the past, when I didn’t drink enough water by the end of the day, I would make up for it in one sitting. I wonder if it’s bad to drink too much water?

    another megan – That was a good link to read. Thanks.

    rfduck – “Pee” and “boobs” are PG-13 words, but feel free to use any R-Rated words. I don’t really give a shit.

  21. Chuck – He’s made out of plastic? Damn, he would’ve made a great bong, if he were made out of glass.

  22. This seemed to remind me of ADA (american DIABETIC association) approved Snap2O — Snapple’s flavored water. I only had the citrus water, and that was because I was desperate on a camping trip, but it was NAAAASSTY.

    I steer clear of flavored waters unless they can also be called “juice”.

  23. TheInfamousJ – Snapple has flavored water? Man, they should just stick with regular Snapple, because I tried their energy drink, and it wasn’t very good.

  24. Meredith – A lot of people have been talking about this Fruit20 and how good it is. I must find it.

  25. Kennedy IS a babe.

    And artificial sweeteners SUCK. They suck Satan’s Enormous Omelette. I hate it in just about all forms and names. Splenda, sucralose, Nutrasweet, aspartame, saccharin, blech. The only time I’ll willingly eat artificial sweeteners is li-hing mui (since it’s probably benign compared to what else they put in that.)

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