Clorox Toilet Wand

Clorox Toilet Wand

If there’s one thing that makes me attractive to the ladies, it would be the fact that I’m domesticated. I do every chore around the house, like wash dishes, vacuum, take out the trash, mop floors, recycle plastics and glass, wash clothes, iron clothes, dust, clean bathrooms, and polish the stripper pole.

Sexy, right ladies? Sure I don’t have looks, but I know you like the way my dishpan hands feel. I don’t have emotions, but my Pine-Sol and Pledge scent makes me irresistible. I don’t have class, but I know you like how gentle I am hand-washing delicate clothing.

Trying to be sexy by doing chores is hard work and I’m all for ways to make it easier, so a few weeks ago I picked up a Clorox Toilet Wand. I also decided to pick it up because I REALLY needed to replace my five-year old toilet brush.

I could show you what my old toilet brush looked like, but much like people who have had too many botox injections, a picture of it would make you sick. Let’s just say that the brush was originally the color blue and now it’s bluish-gray with black spots.

What attracted me to the Clorox Toilet Wand was the detachable disposable Clorox-soaked brush heads, which allowed me to clean the toilet and then throw away the brush head, before it turned gray or any other color.

To test the Clorox Toilet Wand, I needed to get my toilet dirty. Fortunately, that only takes about three weeks. As you can see on the left side on the picture below, it gets pretty disgusting. (Click pic to get a larger image.) Also, if you look real closely, I think you can see an image of the Virgin Mary.

Because each brush head is soaked in Clorox, no other cleaning products are needed. However, I found that each brush head has enough Clorox for only one cleaning.

As you can see on the right side of the picture below, the Clorox Toilet Wand did a pretty good job of making my toilet clean enough for dogs to drink out of, even under the rim. It didn’t get rid of the hard stains, but a little work with a scouring stick and my not-so-muscular arms will get those out.

Clorox Toilet Wand

After I was done cleaning, I just squeezed the water out of the brush head on the side of the bowl, held the Toilet Wand over the trash can, and slid the blue button to release the brush head into the trash.

This process sort of reminded me of my days in middle school bathrooms with a couple of bullies…BUT I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT! I GOT MY REVENGE!

I was impressed with the Clorox Toilet Wand, it magically cleaned my toilet.

While looking at my reflection in the toilet’s water and saying my new daily affirmation, “I am a man, not a boy,” I began wondering what else the Clorox Toilet Wand could magically do.

Being the poor bastard that I am, I decided to see if I could have money magically appear. However, at first I didn’t know how to go about doing this. Should I use the Harry Potter technique or the Mickey Mouse Fantasia technique? I eventually decided that I would use Harry Potter technique and began thinking of spells.

I thought about it for a bit, then waved the Clorox Toilet Wand in the air, and recited a spell to have money magically appear, “Oprahus Bankaccountus!”

Nothing happened.

“Hiltona Inheritanso!”

Crap, nothing.

Then I thought about trying a different spell and decided to see if the Clorox Toilet Wand could get a not-so-attractive, slightly overweight guy really beautiful women.

“Keithas Richardis!”

Nada.

“Ronus Jeremiaus!”

No dice.

Damn.

Well I guess I should be happy that cleaning my toilet is now easier and less gross with the Clorox Toilet Wand. Too bad it can’t make polishing the stripper pole any easier, because that’s one daunting task.


Item: Clorox Toilet Wand
Purchase Price: $9.99 (on sale)(Toilet Wand + 6 brush heads)
Rating: 4 out of 5
Pros: Detachable disposable Clorox-soaked brush head. Easier to clean under the rim. I am a sexy cleaning machine.
Cons: Brush heads have enough Clorox for only one use. Replacement brush heads are pricey. Doesn’t get rid of hard stains. No magical powers.

29 thoughts to “Clorox Toilet Wand”

  1. OH GOD! THAT IS NASTY! eww eww eww. But the fact that you cleaned it definately wins you points. But here’s a hint: when trying to impress girls with your domesticated qualities, DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT show the before picture to prove just how great you are. The Super T-Shirt Folding Video, acceptable. Before pics of a dirty toilet, not attractive.

  2. You ARE a sexy cleaning machine, Marvo, although I’d be lying if I said that there was something about the marriage of the words ‘toilet’ and ‘wand’ that makes my stomach flip. Wand. It just bothers me.

  3. Megan – So it’s like my pictures of me with hair and without hair. Not very impressive without hair, because my head is slightly deformed.

    Alex – How about Toilet (insert your favorite phallic nickname here)?

  4. Dude — you iron?? And you’re still single???

    This “wand” may do the job, but ka-CHING, it’s pricey. Why not just wipe the inside of the toilet clean with a few dollar bills instead? I’ll take the cheapo cleansing powder with the 99-cent-store toilet brush any day. You can toss the 99-cent store brush every other week or so, and it’s still less expensive than this Clorox product.

  5. Guys who iron – not sexy. Guys who take longer than me to get ready – not sexy. Guys who have really nasty-ass toilets with new life forms growing in them – not sexy.

  6. Suzanne – Wait let me try that. (Waving Toilet Wand and clicking heels together three times) Nope, I didn’t end up in Kansas. I ended up in Hawaii.

    Mellie – I don’t know if your idea will work with me because I like to run things into the ground. I probably wouldn’t toss the 99 cent brush away. I’d make it last for years, until it changed colors or walked away on its own.

    lakitu – If I had an entire wardrobe of polyester clothing, I wouldn’t need to iron.

  7. QC – YES! Now all I need to do is knock out the walls here at my place and replace it with windows so all the women passing by can see me clean.

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